“You acted like it was a secret that others shouldn’t know, but isn’t it too anticlimactic?”
“Anticlimactic?”
“What’s the big deal about tedium? Loss of motivation is an illness many people suffer from. Why did you hide it so tightly as if it were some secret?”
Words were coming out of my mouth on their own with courage from who knows where. But it was also my true feelings. How many people in the world live fulfilling and satisfying lives? Acting as if it were some great secret.
“Did you dislike telling me that much?”
I asked bluntly. This was just venting. Rashanin had no obligation to tell me. Still, I was angry that before my curiosity, knowing that the Bureau was on emergency alert because he had come to Korea, he had pretended it was a secret.
But rather than countering my grumbling, Rashanin strangely contorted his face. An expression as if surprised by something.
“It certainly is strange. I feel reluctant, you see.”
“……?”
Muttering to himself, Rashanin lightly tapped his knee with his fingertips. The man who looked at me yet looked somewhere far away while lost in his own thoughts was serious beyond compare. Silence fell, and though it was awkward this time too, I couldn’t bring myself to speak to Rashanin. I just held my breath and looked at Rashanin.
His face, glowing pale in the moonlight, was frozen without the slightest movement. Even his lips appeared so pale that without lying, it looked like well-carved marble dressed in clothes. Still, what let me know he was a living being was his eyes.
The violet eyes seemingly lost in thought didn’t blink even a few times. Then suddenly life returned to them.
“Your gaze is always directed forward.”
“I’m not afraid of Rashanin-ssi.”
“That’s saying you’re honest and upright. Because you have to be able to be confident in yourself. Yes, I liked that point too. How you’re indifferent yet warm, and your persistent way with words too.”
I couldn’t believe the modifiers coming from Rashanin’s mouth were for me. Moreover, that he liked those points. With an unnecessarily awkward feeling, I raised my glass and sipped the alcohol.
“May I seduce you?”
At the word seduce, I almost spat out the wine I was drinking. I barely managed to swallow the wine and was busy coughing and sputtering, while Rashanin laughed.
“I like you. It’s been a long time since I’ve been interested in a person.”
“Rashanin-ssi?”
“So if I seduce you, won’t you give in?”
My mind went completely blank and I couldn’t grasp what to say to the man smiling attractively.
Why are you seducing me? What are you going to do if I fall for the seduction? How are you going to seduce me? Why seduce a man of the same gender?
“I don’t want to be seduced by a man.”
Squeezing my panicked brain, I could barely manage to say plausible words of refusal. Even having said it on the spur of the moment, I thought I’d done well, but Rashanin tilted his head as if asking what the problem was.
“Is being a man still a problem these days? Half the world is men.”
“Until now I’ve lived liking only women, and I plan to continue living like this.”
“So the problem is that I’m a man, not that you dislike me?”
At the question that seemed to be certain I absolutely wouldn’t dislike him, I frowned slightly. It wasn’t that I disliked him, but that he was a man and that he was a vampire were all problems. Unable to say it, I was wondering whether to stand up or not, when the eyes of Rashanin looking at me deepened softly.
This is…… Different from earlier, the man’s atmosphere changed completely. His beautiful eyes remained the same, but as if I’d been enchanted, I couldn’t tear my gaze away while Rashanin rose from his chair and approached me, and even when he bent at the waist in front of me to meet my eye level.
“You said you didn’t dislike the kiss. So.”
Starting with a kiss, Rashanin whispered as he grasped both armrests of the chair with his hands and leaned in with a posture that trapped me. I knew what the man who had come close would do, but I couldn’t avoid it or close my eyes.
Only when our lips met could I finally close my eyes. My heart felt like it would burst from the tension that prevented even breathing.
“Is it unpleasant?”
After tasting just slightly and separating our lips, I could feel Rashanin’s breath right on my cheek. I didn’t want to look at him, but my eyes opened on their own. I saw the beautiful man smiling right before my eyes. Rather than unpleasant, it was straining my heart in various ways.
“Your heart is beating too seriously. Don’t be nervous. I won’t devour you.”
When his large hand lightly pressed on my heart, my body jumped like a fish out of water. I only thought in my head that I should kick away from this spot and leave, but my body wouldn’t move as my will intended. No, looking into those gray eyes, even that will weakened.
“Why…… Why am I like this?”
“You question reasons too much.”
Rashanin, who had pressed firmly on my chest, whispered while lightly sucking on my lower lip.
“I seduced you. So you can’t escape.”
Rashanin licked my earlobe. I trembled at the wet and hot feeling. Because I averted my gaze, my mind barely returned, but the situation was one where twisting my body wasn’t easy because of the arm embracing my waist and the weight pressed cunningly.
“Come to me. I’ll grant you supreme pleasure.”
Rashanin’s tongue, who had declared without hesitation that he would give pleasure, penetrated into my mouth. Unable to decide to bite the lips sucking my tongue, I grabbed tightly the arm embracing my waist and put in force to push away. Still, Rashanin didn’t budge as if he were solid stone. Rather, he came deep into my mouth so I couldn’t regain my senses and ravaged the mucous membrane. The endlessly continuing kiss where I couldn’t take the initiative and could only receive went on.
My heart beat to the point that hot heat spread throughout my body. I thought this wasn’t right, that it was crazy, but still my body trembled at the tingling sensation I felt after a long time. When Rashanin’s hand that had been groping my back stroked the inside of my thigh, a moan flowed from my mouth unbidden.
“Admit it. That you’ve fallen for my seduction.”
The voice ringing in my ear was horrifyingly attractive. This was troublesome. Down there was becoming full. If I got erect like this, it would become a ridiculous sight. When was the last time I kissed properly? Was I such a human weak to pleasure? Had stress accumulated? What am I doing dealing with a male bastard?
I was having all sorts of thoughts in my dizziness when Rashanin’s hand grasped my member together with my pants, and my mind snapped clear as if cold water had been poured on me. Unconsciously I swung my arm and hit Rashanin’s face with my elbow.
Seeming to have hit properly, after a dull sound, Rashanin stopped kissing and straightened his body. Stroking his temple, Rashanin was frowning deeply.
I glared at Rashanin while catching my disheveled breath.
“Too obstinate.”
“Rashanin-ssi.”
“Until now, gender has never been a problem.”
Rashanin’s confidence had basis. His beauty standing out in the moonlight transcended gender and more. Enough to shake in an instant the wall of sexual orientation established for 30 years.
Our gazes entangled briefly in midair. The man’s gray eyes looking at me didn’t hide a male’s desire. He was a predator, and if he put his mind to it, he could easily bite my throat. He could press me down with force and take me. No matter how much I screamed and struggled, I wouldn’t be able to escape.
The moment I realized that, I shuddered.
“Don’t be afraid. Until the word yes comes from your mouth, I won’t force anything.”
The suppressed voice was like a vow to himself. Rashanin slowly lowered his head and lightly kissed my frozen cheek.
“Isn’t it enough that I want you?”
“……?!”
“I want to touch you. I want to hold you.”
The somehow parched voice rang along my skin. My heart stung as if electrocuted.
“If you dislike it, push me away.”
Rashanin attempted a kiss again. Unlike before, his tongue that penetrated into my mouth extremely slowly delicately touched the roof of my mouth.
But I didn’t respond to his kiss.
“Obstinate. Really.”
Rashanin’s eyes, having separated our lips, had already returned to violet. He folded his eyes and smiled faintly.
For a moment I was entranced.
“Go back. To your room. Or else this time, no matter what happens, I won’t stop.”
As if Rashanin’s words were a spell, I put strength into my legs and rose from my seat. With staggering steps, I crossed Rashanin’s room and returned to my own.
The moment I closed and locked the door, my legs gave out and I collapsed on the spot. It wasn’t because I was obstinate, as Rashanin said, that I didn’t respond to his kiss. It was because I was entranced. But I didn’t want to admit that fact.
“This is crazy.”
My heart pounded as if it would burst and my head was dizzy. After rubbing my face roughly, I swept my eyes once around the living room attached to my room. I could see various sizes of liquor bottles lined up in a small storage cabinet.
I decided I would drink every bit of alcohol there was.
* * *
The bell kept ringing.
And not just once, but for the fourth time. The bastard who kept calling because I wasn’t answering the phone was a really, really clueless bastard. If I’m not answering, he should think there’s a reason for it. Fuck. I woke up with a scowl because of the continuously ringing bell.
No matter how tired and exhausted I was, since my job was what it was, I had to check the caller anyway. But my head was ringing boom boom boom like it was being hit with a drumstick striking a large drum.
