Moreover, it was strange that even now when I recalled it, I didn’t feel disgusted. No matter how out of it I was. Did I fall for his handsome face?
The soft touch that had been on my cheek and lips came to mind. I’d been absorbed mindlessly without any thought. The sensation of the hot tongue that had explored the erogenous zone of my palate was dizzy……
“No, no, no.”
Unable to handle the memory, I grabbed my head and rolled around on the bed. I wanted to just say I caused trouble while drunk, but that wouldn’t work out as I pleased.
It’s nothing. Just a mistake. It’s nothing, Unhyuk-ah. The world doesn’t change just because you kissed a man once. It’s just a mistake, just drinking and going along with the atmosphere.
Persuading myself like that, I stared blankly up at the dark ceiling. At school and in the military, hanging around with guys, you end up seeing a lot of strange things even if you don’t want to. Especially when drinking sessions get long, you often see unseemly sights. Someone cries looking for not an ex-girlfriend but a dead cat, and there are guys who strip off their clothes saying it’s hot and dance. When spirits are high, it was often the case to grab anyone sitting next to you and kiss them.
So it’s nothing. Besides, Rashanin was just trying to comfort me. Still, remembering Rashanin’s face contorting at the end made me feel upset for no reason. Who should be the one getting angry? If you were going to do that, you might as well not have done it at all.
Resenting him like that cleared my head a bit. If Rashanin said something later, I could just say it was his fault and be done with it.
Making a groaning sound like ‘oh dear,’ I sat up from my spot. The goshiwon room I was seeing after 2 weeks somehow looked narrow. Having enjoyed luxury in a spacious hotel room, I wondered how I’d lived in such a cramped place. Narrow, dark, and there was even a smell that wasn’t quite fresh. Still, this place was more familiar for now.
Pressing down on my head throbbing with a hangover, I got up from my seat. A friend had died, alcohol smell came from my yawning mouth, my head hurt from the hangover, and though I was tormented by a shocking memory that wouldn’t fade, I had to move.
Thinking I should at least brush my teeth, I walked staggering and opened the door, when my little toe hit the corner.
“Ugh.”
Holding back tears just barely, I thought to myself.
I wish I’d win the lottery and go far away. Damn it.
*
Yesterday’s misfortune continued today. As I left the goshiwon and headed to the bus stop, two middle-aged men suddenly blocked my way on the street. Both had faces I’d never seen before. One was short and stocky, and the other had a long face that resembled a weasel. The unusual thing was that they were both wearing shabby suits. Just looking at them, they looked like thugs or gangsters.
“Lee Unhyuk-ssi?”
Because the short stocky one called my name out of the blue, I tensed up consciously. Although I was a secret agent in name only, I was always aware that unexpected situations could occur.
“Who are you?”
The stocky one who had asked my name grinned broadly, showing his teeth.
“I know your mother.”
“Pardon?”
“The story’s a bit long—should we go somewhere else instead of here? Hm?”
“Just say it here.”
“Don’t be scared. Well, there’s nothing I can’t say here. I don’t know if you know, but there’s a problem with your mother.”
From the way he spoke and acted, he didn’t seem like an ordinary man. No, I had a feeling. Still, I pretended not to know and asked.
“What kind of problem?”
“Your mom has some money she needs to pay back, but the interest is overdue.”
“How much?”
“Exactly ten million won. Last month’s interest is overdue.”
This must be the settlement money from that traffic accident.
“How much is the principal?”
“430 million.”
“Damn it.”
A curse came out automatically at the debt that was bigger than I thought. What on earth had caused such a large debt? Moreover, the stocky one in front of me who hadn’t even revealed his name looked exactly like a loan shark. If it’s 430 million, the annual interest alone would easily exceed 100 million.
“You should pay it back, right?”
“Why should I pay it?”
“Because your mother isn’t paying.”
“Mother has money.”
“Well… If she had that money, I wouldn’t have come looking like this.”
My teeth ground automatically. Where on earth had she spent all that money? I roughly swept my aching head. I finally understood why my stepmother had been calling like crazy.
“I don’t have the ability to pay that money back. And since I’ve severed ties with her, I have no obligation to pay either.”
“I know. I also know you have about 200 million in debt. And that you’re living in that goshiwon cubicle over there.”
“…!!”
“Don’t be too surprised, this is basic stuff.”
Come to think of it, it was strange that the stocky one had been waiting in front of the goshiwon.
“Then… were you waiting here?”
“You know you came to the goshiwon for the first time in a week.”
The stocky one, grinning and showing his yellow teeth, had clearly been waiting for me here for days. I felt a chill for no reason.
“So you definitely have no intention of paying, right? Hm?”
The stocky one asked my intention once more. I nodded my head. I had neither the money nor the obligation.
“I don’t.”
“Well, then that’s fine.”
Unlike the prejudice I usually had about loan sharks, the stocky one waved his hand as if it was nothing and turned around. The weasel who had been standing behind the stocky one without saying a word was the same. Is this the end? What about threats? What about assault? I looked around. The area around the goshiwon was as leisurely and dirty as any usual weekend.
I hurriedly called out to the stocky one.
“Excuse me, I have something to ask.”
“Hm? Why?”
The stocky one, who had been walking slowly, stopped and glanced back.
“Is this the end?”
“Why? Are you going to pay the money?”
“No, that’s not it.”
“I obviously know there’s no place for money to come from, so what. I should just look for other methods. Right?”
Saying that, the stocky one paid no attention to me and went on his way again. I wondered if there were loan sharks like that in the world. I stood there in a daze until the stocky one and the weasel turned the corner and disappeared.
How many incidents keep bursting out?
They had obediently gone back knowing there was no place for money to come from, but still, a loan shark was a loan shark. I couldn’t be relieved.
I sighed in despair and then held my head. I couldn’t understand where she had spent the insurance money and deposits that there was no money left.
If loan sharks were coming to find her, this wasn’t a problem I could pretend not to know about, saying my stepmother should handle it herself. I picked up my phone and swallowed a sigh. I had desperately tried not to answer her calls, but I never dreamed I would be the one calling first like this.
I was getting sick of having to realize anew the fact that family was not family but a burden.
*
Standing in front of the black gate of a two-story detached house made of red brick, I took a long breath, but my mood didn’t improve.
When I asked why she had incurred loan shark debt, my stepmother wouldn’t tell me. Rather, unable to overcome my stepmother’s hysteria asking why I was interrogating her about that, I just hung up.
Still, I felt like I needed to know what had happened, so after returning from the funeral hall, I stood in front of the house like this. Even though I had steeled my mind, standing in front of the door made my chest feel stuffy.
My father was a head of household who didn’t care much about his family. He left all household matters to my stepmother. There was almost no point of contact with my busy father, and from a certain point, our relationship was bad due to my stepmother’s instigation. Rather, my father looked at me strangely for not getting along with my stepmother and siblings.
At least thanks to doing well in my studies, I became a proud son. Even more so when I entered Korea’s top university. But that was the end. When I started living alone after graduating from college, my father thought he had fulfilled his role by paying the deposit for my jeonse contract.
Just as I had no love for my family, I had no attachment to the house. During college, I lived in a dormitory. After graduation, I immediately got a job and lived alone. And I only visited home on holidays or my father’s birthday. It was only once or twice a year. Even that stopped completely after my father passed away.
I was able to give up everything because I thought the best thing for each other was not to see each other’s faces. But family as a name held me back like this.
If only I could cut it off cleanly, without regret, in one stroke.
I took another long breath and pressed the doorbell.
*
“What brings oppa here?”
