“If you’re a trait individual, it’s natural to be stimulated by and attracted to pheromones. Rather, if there had been no reaction, we would have had to worry more. The fact that you can’t feel pheromones right now is probably inconvenient, but… if you had properly experienced your first manifestation, today would have progressed naturally too. After that, you adapt according to your own cycle.”
“I see……”
It wasn’t a situation to be relieved just because he was recessive and taking medication. Muyoung had no memory at all of controlling pheromones and being mindful of others’ pheromones from right after manifestation until now. It was because of the imprint. Then, for a comfortable life going forward, he would have to learn everything one by one again and find ways to control it.
Perhaps his thoughts reached the point that Lim Hyunsu, who might not have foreseen this situation, had said to gradually reduce the suppressants and watch the situation for that reason. Muyoung’s current state was sensitive enough that heat could come unexpectedly, so he had urged caution to be as careful as possible. He had said to watch as reducing the suppressants would cause changes in the cycle to the point where Muyoung would inevitably notice.
Well, who would have thought someone could attack him by pouring out pheromones? Even he who experienced it was this dumbfounded.
“In your current state, there doesn’t seem to be much to worry about…… Is there anywhere uncomfortable?”
“No, not at all. I’m fine now. It’s just that it seems like something happened to CEO-nim because of me, and you were called here too, so……”
“As for me, I thought CEO Han did something wrong, but if that’s not the case, then it’s fortunate for me too, so you don’t need to feel sorry. You don’t need to feel that way toward CEO Han either. The person who made your cycle come like this should be the one who’s sorry.”
“There’s no way CEO-nim would do that…… Still, thank you for saying so.”
Having nothing to say in response, he just let out a laugh and lowered his head. Just then, as if the IV administration had finished, Kim Youngseok rose. He personally organized the needle and IV line, and a small bandage was attached where the needle had been. When he pressed down on the coin-like bandage with his thumb as instructed, a weak pain arose. He’d had a body with almost no minor ailments to the point of hardly going to the hospital, yet he never knew he’d end up lying in a hotel receiving a doctor, beyond even needing a hospital.
“I heard that if you’d both lost reason because of pheromones, Lee Muyoung-ssi would have been in danger. Still, I think it’s fortunate it ended at this much. If there’s anywhere uncomfortable later, come find me. I don’t know about others, but I heard you’re someone CEO Han cherishes, so I should take care of you.”
“Ah……”
“He’s quite stubborn, so Lee Muyoung-ssi might have a hard time though.”
At the words tossed out like a joke, Muyoung laughed along dimly. He removed his finger that had been pressing for a while and clumsily rubbed around the bandage. To have someone come all the way here at this late hour, he would have had to contact them quite urgently. Judging from Kim Youngseok’s attitude of casually calling him CEO Han, they seemed to be quite close. Even while following with his eyes the hands clearing away the empty IV pack and miscellaneous items, Muyoung’s face flushed red with embarrassment.
“CEO Han will explain things well on his own tomorrow, so don’t worry. Right now, the patient isn’t CEO Han but Lee Muyoung-ssi. I’ll be going now, so rest well.”
“Yes, thank you so much.”
Kim Youngseok, who had waved his hands saying it was fine to Muyoung who was awkwardly trying to get up to greet him, looked around the room once as if checking whether he’d gathered all the things he brought. He seemed to be checking if he’d forgotten anything.
“Then I’ll see you again later.”
Since he was blocked from even getting out of bed, Muyoung, who could only silently offer a greeting, could finally breathe only after hearing the sound of the door closing in the distance.
The room was quite spacious, more than expected. Compared to the accommodation he stayed at for filming, it seemed several times larger. Looking beside the bed, he also saw a shopping bag containing easy-to-change clothes and underwear that had been brought at some point. Even though Dowon himself must have been out of it, whether he had someone do it or not, Muyoung didn’t dislike the meticulousness of taking care of even these things.
Moving his body slowly, he stepped out of bed. How he had entered this place still didn’t clearly come to mind. Only the heat to the point of not being able to breathe properly and the sensation of relying on and trying not to be separated from one person alone remained.
Though it was a blurred memory, he also recalled that it wasn’t much different from when he first manifested. Back then, young and clumsy, it had been harder and more confusing. But even that memory was actually only his own sensation, so it was hard to be certain. The in-between moments when he was busy tangled with and coveting someone he liked were even cut off in his memory.
After that, he received checkups and spent time with his imprinted partner, so he’d never gone to the point of losing his mind to pheromones. Moreover, too much time had passed to remember each and every first manifestation symptom.
Moving his steps, he approached the window and placed his bottom on a nearby stool. He turned his gaze to the night view visible through the curtains. The empty streets showed only a few cars passing by quickly. Not much time had passed since he fell asleep and opened his eyes.
The pain of the heat cycle that suddenly struck without even recognizing the time and place had subsided considerably, perhaps thanks to the suppressants he carried and the IV administered while he slept. There was still a feeling of weak tingling under his skin, but even this seemed like it would disappear after sleeping through the night.
It seemed similar to when he’d alleviated symptoms with suppressants during past cycle periods. It was also a time when he foolishly endured without realizing the fact that Jinho was getting farther and farther away.
Coming to the present, all that effort became futile. With emotions now faded, whether Yu Jinho got married or went around with someone else, such things didn’t even make him angry. However, Muyoung’s face heated up at the misunderstanding and petty venom Dowon received by being lumped together with him by being with Muyoung.
Wondering if he had yearned so desperately and poured out his entire heart over such a person. They say you don’t know a person’s inside until you properly experience it, but there couldn’t have been no signs during all that long time together. Every moment, wasn’t he just thinking as he pleased and trapped in the dream called first love, enduring alone?
Muyoung found himself most pathetic. Today’s incident of not even knowing heat was coming because of a person who had passed by was absurd, and he felt ashamed toward Dowon who must have run around trying to handle him when he wasn’t in his right mind. How foolish he must have looked in Yu Jinho’s eyes, standing there blankly without even feeling pheromones until reaching that state—counting the pathetic things was endless.
At the same time, he thought it was fortunate Dowon hadn’t seen that spectacle. Even more so since he’d revealed his foolish choice after spilling everything about the past, though not completely.
Staring blankly out the window, Muyoung thought he might have had too much fantasy about a relationship to the degree of imprinting. Even with Yu Jinho alone, it had been something he thought was a mistake.
He didn’t think he’d loved alone and clung alone for all the past seven years. Probably Jinho had changed little by little. The reason he hadn’t noticed that change was because of the imprint between them. That served to blind Muyoung’s eyes. After that, his body became unwell altogether, so on top of being full of inconveniences and having nowhere to resent since it was his own wrong choice, it was even frustrating. Though it’s all passed now.
Facing his shabby and timid self as is was painful. The reason he couldn’t be completely cold to Yu Jinho until the end was because there existed a moment when he accepted him, and he felt sorry for himself who had devoted his sincerity entirely to that person. Though it took a long time and the ending was a mess, he knew well that even that was something Muyoung himself had to experience.
At the end of continuing thoughts, now he also felt that if he hadn’t experienced it, he wouldn’t have been able to meet Dowon, so he wondered if it was too convenient a conclusion. When was it? When he stopped counting the predetermined number of meetings.
‘When you come to your senses, be sure to leave a message.’
Before sleeping, he thought he should send Dowon a text before going to bed. That the doctor explained things well so he could avoid panicking, and that his condition wasn’t bad, better than expected.
And he had to ask if he was really okay. No matter how endurable it was, unless he heard it from Dowon himself, he was worried. If the pheromones remaining in the room were very weak, then it probably hadn’t progressed much, but he couldn’t be certain as someone who wasn’t an alpha and wasn’t functioning properly as an omega either.
He felt a bit regretful that he was in a state where he couldn’t feel pheromones. Half the thought that if he could have noticed right away, he could have at least not caused trouble for Dowon, and half the honest greed that if the cycle had come unexpectedly but was a natural phenomenon as expected, he could have met it with Dowon in a prepared state and not have to be alone like this. It was also the reason why, while worrying about Dowon who would be alone now, he suddenly felt the urge to go to him.
Muyoung, who rose from the stool he’d been sitting on, carefully closed the curtains. There was no need to be crushed in advance by thoughts that would be resolved after making contact, falling asleep, waking up, and talking with Dowon. It was just a night when he was particularly curious about the thoughts of Dowon, who would be alone like himself in a not-far place.
# Chapter 7
Black Flower
After confirming Muyoung had closed his eyes, Dowon came out of the room and took a deep breath. Cold sweat kept flowing down his back because of a headache severe enough to make his temples feel stiff and suddenly risen body temperature. From the moment he felt the pheromones, he knew there would be some effect on him, but he never imagined it would be this difficult to control.
“CEO-nim, here.”
“What about Dr. Kim?”
“He said he’ll be here soon. Probably… he’ll arrive in about 10 minutes.”
Min Jeongryul, who had been waiting outside the door with suppressants prepared, approached closer. When meeting Muyoung, he hadn’t bothered bringing a secretary along, but today the situation was different. The hand extended held a card key to another room. The room number was one floor above the room where Muyoung was staying.
“Was this all there was?”
“The same floor seemed unsafe, so I prepared a different floor. Shall I change it?”
“No, it’s fine. Let’s go. Right now it’s a bit harder than I thought.”
Even while gripping the card key in his hand, Dowon’s furrowed brow didn’t smooth out. He at least knew he was making the right judgment. Realistically, he also needed to quickly move his steps and be isolated in a room himself. But the complaint gripping the back of his head wouldn’t subside. Of course, the reason was.
“I didn’t know it would be this dangerous.”
