“Wonha?”
“Huh? Uh, um… the art studio, you mean?”
“Yeah.”
Wonha now had a somewhat complicated expression. At the answer that wouldn’t come easily, Sangho felt anxiety suddenly rise in his heart. Until now, Wonha had continuously urged him to come live in his art studio. He’d thought Wonha would naturally be happy and say okay, but this was a strange reaction.
“Uh, well… what about Kyungoh?”
At the vaguely deflecting tone, Sangho blinked. He was trying to manage his expression, but it felt like a rock had dropped with a thud in his heart. What about Kyungoh. He couldn’t guess what that meant.
“F-for now, wouldn’t it be better to stay here until the competition is over?”
“B-but…”
“I, I’m okay with you being with Kyungoh, hyung.”
“He, he keeps, touching my body…”
“Hyung.”
Wham. At Sangho who stammered, Wonha made a pained expression and hugged Sangho tightly.
“Just a little… let’s stay here longer. I’ll find a way.”
“…”
It was an embrace that felt like silent pressure. Sangho felt the heart that had been floating cheerfully until just now rolling into a mud pit. You say you like me. But Kyungoh keeps touching my body, and that’s okay? The incomprehensible reaction was confusing. Just a few days ago you were sad that I slept with Kyungoh. You said you’d wait until I made up my mind.
‘He has to get what he wants or he won’t be satisfied. And once he gets it in his hands, he loses interest.’
Suddenly Nam Dohyun’s words came to mind. His heart pounded anxiously.
‘He has complicated views on relationships.’
His head spun and Sangho fell into confusion. What did Nam Dohyun mean? Wonha is so kind and affectionate, so does it mean that if I open my heart, his feelings for me will cool?
‘No. Absolutely not that.’
A desperate feeling rose on its own. He absolutely didn’t want to lose Wonha with his warm embrace and affectionate face, who sent playful smiles when their eyes met. Every time Wonha approached him warmly, Sangho had tried to manage his expression, but his heart would stir and his chest would expand proudly, making him always dizzy. So Sangho quickly embraced Wonha’s nape. He wanted to do whatever Wonha wanted.
“O-okay. I’ll stay longer.”
Sangho said that without asking more.
***
Dawn came again without fail.
Sangho opened his eyes even before the alarm rang and got up from the bed silently. In fact, Sangho had barely slept and just kept his eyes closed. Wonha was deeply asleep, breathing regularly. After looking at Wonha for a moment, Sangho carefully went out and headed to the bathroom.
In the thin body reflected in the bathroom mirror, faint traces that Wonha had made the night before remained. Below that, Kyungoh’s traces from a few days ago showed more clearly. Sangho briefly stroked the faintly reddish bruise on his nape with his fingers, then shook his head and washed his face with cold water.
On the bus heading to Korea University, Sangho leaned his head against the window and stared at the scenery outside. Perhaps the sun rose earlier now, as it was full of bluish light. The dawn streets unexpectedly had many people. Young people exercising in the morning and elderly people picking up cardboard mixed together, meeting and parting. Even in their eyes, the gaunt janitor sitting on the bus would just be one passing person rather than any special connection in life.
“…”
Sangho’s black eyes dropped to the bus floor. The words Wonha said yesterday wouldn’t leave his head. No, actually Wonha hadn’t said much. What about Kyungoh? Let’s stay here a bit longer. That was all. Short and concise but words whose sincerity he couldn’t understand. If he asked a bit more, he could know. Sangho was afraid. What if the meaning of his “I like you” and Wonha’s “I like you” were different?
Even while going up to the dormitory, Sangho worked with a dazed expression. Fortunately, the work of cleaning didn’t require very complicated thinking. Sweep, wipe, separate recyclables. When the trash bag gets full, tie it up and move it to the trash area. Walking around the dawn dormitory briskly, Sangho just worked. Maybe working is better. It’s the weekend starting tomorrow, and he was confused about how to spend the time.
“Ah!”
While wiping the hallway, Sangho ended up dropping the mop handle while cleaning behind the cabinet. When the mop head happened to slip into the space behind the cabinet, the long handle tilted, then slipped completely behind the cabinet. Sangho pressed close against the narrow gap and reached out his hand, but it just barely didn’t reach. He tried pushing the cabinet forward a bit, but it was too heavy and wouldn’t budge. With a troubled expression, he went to the opposite side of the cabinet, but a heavier vending machine was stuck right next to it. Sangho sighed and wandered around the area trying to figure out how to get the fallen mop out.
‘The bottom is a bit off the ground… I think I could crawl in and push it out with my hand.’
The bottom of the cabinet had a gap about a span wide. At this level, he thought he could slip in and come out.
‘I’m screwed.’
Groaning, Sangho wriggled in the narrow gap under the cabinet bottom. Sangho, who crawled inside, succeeded in pulling out the mop stuck in the corner, but in the process of crawling out backward, his clothes seemed to have caught and he got stuck in the gap, unable to move at all. With the feeling of his body being tightly wedged in the narrow gap, Sangho gasped between the dust pit. He’d already been struggling under here for 30 minutes. Perhaps from continuously struggling, his knees were scraped raw and stinging painfully.
“Is anyone there…?”
He tried calling out in a small voice several times, but since it was early morning, there didn’t seem to be anyone passing by. Sangho had the sinking thought that he might die stuck between the cabinet like this. He held back the tears that were about to pop out.
“…What are you doing?”
Just then, Nam Dohyun’s voice came from behind. The gap was too narrow to turn his head and check, but it was definitely Dohyun’s voice. When the startled Sangho fell silent, Nam Dohyun muttered in a tone that said this was pathetic.
“How ridiculous.”
Then the sound of footsteps moved away. Sangho called out to Nam Dohyun in an urgent voice.
“H-help me!”
“What. Weren’t you hiding to slack off?”
“No! I got stuck trying to get the mop out.”
Somehow with a pitiful heart, the answering voice trembled like a goat’s. Even so, anxious that Nam Dohyun might just ignore him and pass by, Sangho spoke again pleadingly.
“Sniff… i-it’s hard.”
“Ha…”
A short sigh was heard and Nam Dohyun approached again.
“I’ll lift it for a moment, so hurry out.”
“Y-yes.”
With a clunk, the space between the cabinet and floor was lifted up. As the narrow space that had been pressing down on his whole body widened, Sangho quickly crawled out from the floor while inhaling the oxygen that had been lacking. Confirming that Sangho had completely come out, Dohyun put the cabinet back down on the floor. Dohyun, who checked the gap in the floor, said with a fed-up expression.
“Geez. How did you crawl into here…”
“Hic… sniff…”
As Sangho, who barely escaped, sat down in place and sniffled, Dohyun closed his mouth after trying to give a rebuke. Sangho was mortally embarrassed to show tears in front of someone, but having escaped from the pressure that had been crushing his whole body and the fear that he might die, he couldn’t hold back the tears bursting out from relief. He quickly wiped his eyes with his clothes and took a deep breath, then bowed to Nam Dohyun.
“Thank you.”
“Wait.”
Nam Dohyun stopped Sangho who was trying to quickly get up and leave. He pointed with his chin at some blood seeping into the blue uniform pants.
“Your knees are all scraped. Put on a bandage before you go.”
Dohyun, who took Sangho to his room, sat Sangho on the empty bed and took out a first aid kit. Sangho sat on the bed he’d slept on last time with his head deeply bowed. He’d inadvertently followed Dohyun, but having shown a strange disgrace and even tears, he couldn’t lift his face from embarrassment.
Meanwhile, Dohyun, who quietly sat at Sangho’s feet, smoothly rolled up the fluttering janitor uniform. When Sangho was startled and drew his legs together, Dohyun said firmly.
“Stay still.”
Before he knew it, under the uniform rolled up halfway to his thighs, Sangho’s pathetically thin thighs and calves were revealed. His knees were completely scraped against the floor and raw red.
Nam Dohyun soaked gauze with saline solution, then carefully wiped the knees mixed with dust and blood. At the stinging feeling, Sangho pressed his lips tightly and curled his toes. Then Dohyun grabbed Sangho’s ankle, placed it on his thigh, and took out red medicine from the medicine bottle. The large hand gripping the slender ankle strangely came up along the calf. It somehow seemed like he was kneading the calf, but Sangho didn’t avoid Dohyun’s touch in case he might spill the medicine.
