# Chapter 67
Seol Jiho is crying.
‘Why is he crying now?’
Yeomin was extremely bewildered.
“I thought about you every day…”
“…”
“Every day I circled around you, holding back even though I wanted to run to you right away…”
Jiho’s long, thick eyebrows became wet with tears. As if he’d seen something he couldn’t bear to watch, Yeomin twisted his hand out of Jiho’s grip.
In front of the sniffling Jiho, Yeomin tried to act even more coldly.
‘Is this the first time I’ve seen Seol Jiho act?’
“Crying won’t help. I’m still suspicious whether your tears are real or fake. So don’t waste your energy.”
At that, Jiho bit his lips as if hurt. He didn’t even try to wipe his tears.
Yeomin scolded Jiho.
“Why did you send Director Ahn to hover around me?”
“Because you told me not to show up at all…”
“If that’s the case, you should have stayed out of sight forever. Why are you showing up now?”
“At first I was afraid you might kill yourself if I appeared, but after seeing how you’ve been doing all this time, I figured you wouldn’t die.”
“What?”
Yeomin was dumbfounded by what came out of Jiho’s mouth.
“You eat regularly, meet with Lee Taeyang, and even got a new part-time job. You don’t seem like someone who would die.”
He hit the mark. Threatening to kill himself had been a bluff.
‘I have an extremely strong will to live, you know? That’s why I agreed to the contract dating with you.’
Having his true feelings exposed, Yeomin changed the subject.
“So. You’re going to ignore what I said and do whatever you want again?”
“I’m sorry.”
Jiho quickly lowered his tail. With eyes wet with tears, he apologized very submissively. He looked ready to lie flat on the ground and beg if Yeomin told him to.
Jiho repeated:
“I’m sorry, hyung…”
Even if he wasn’t the Ian Group’s heir Seol Jiho, those weren’t easy words to come out of the mouth of an adult over twenty.
Yeomin couldn’t remember when he last said he was sorry with his own mouth.
“…I, I did so many wrong things to you, hyung.”
“What did you do wrong?”
“Making you feel bad.”
“How did you make me feel bad?”
Yeomin found himself asking repeatedly. Is he really sorry to me? Are his apologies sincere? He was suspicious.
“Everything I did upset you.”
When saying this, Jiho truly looked repentant. If anything, it was Yeomin who felt flustered.
After all, not everything Jiho did was unpleasant or disliked.
“Hugging you whenever I wanted, bothering you, being jealous… all of it… thinking I wanted you to be completely mine, wishing no one else would be by your side except me…”
Confessions flowed smoothly from Jiho’s lips. Did you prepare this speech?
Yeomin was even more perplexed.
‘You had such thoughts?’
Yeomin finally sighed.
He didn’t know where to begin teaching Jiho, who was watching his expression and trying to gauge his reaction.
“You’re wrong. You still don’t know what you did wrong.”
He had planned to never tell him, but now Joo Yeomin couldn’t stand it anymore.
As Director Ahn said, it felt like they were both being punished as a set. Seol Jiho did something wrong, so why do I have to feel this frustrated too?
So he would just tell him. Get it all out.
“Seol Jiho. You’ve never liked someone before, have you?”
“…”
“No, let me ask again. You’ve never ‘properly’ liked someone before, have you?”
Properly. Normally. Commonly. You’ve never liked someone properly? You’ve never been rejected?
You’ve probably never had to give up, never had to keep feelings buried, never had to wish for someone else’s happiness, have you?
In front of Yeomin, who was already certain, Jiho had the expression of a six-year-old being asked a difficult question.
But even he couldn’t readily deny it.
“Answer me properly. A lot depends on how you answer.”
“…No, I haven’t.”
Jiho admitted.
“You know. You’re my first.”
If that answer felt good, was he slowly going crazy too?
“Did I just give the right answer?”
“About half of it.”
“What are you going to do with me now?”
Yeomin felt pleasure in this situation where someone who could do whatever he wanted was asking what would be done with him and waiting for his verdict.
That blind expression, as if he would jump off right here if Yeomin told him to, was incredibly satisfying. So much that his heart felt like it might burst.
‘I must be crazy too.’
Just like the rainy evening when he picked up Jiho, just like the day he accepted Jiho’s proposal for contract dating, it was a face appealing enough to make him make another reckless choice.
So Yeomin decided to do something crazy again.
“This time, I’ll choose the option for you.”
“Yes.”
“Try liking me. But properly, normally, like ordinary people do.”
“…”
“What? Can’t you do it? If you can’t, then forget it.”
As Yeomin was about to leave mercilessly, Jiho hurriedly grabbed him. Then, cradling the back of Yeomin’s head, Jiho embraced him as if to trap him in his arms.
Yeomin’s vision was instantly blocked. All dark in his embrace. The firmness wrapping around his body felt so familiar after a long time.
‘If confinement feels comfortable… then that’s probably being a pervert? Am I a pervert then?’
To Yeomin in the middle of self-reflection, Jiho confessed.
In a way that couldn’t possibly be calculated, very urgently and disjointedly.
“I like you, hyung. Irrationally, like I’m crazy, abnormally, sometimes pitifully, sometimes cunningly.”
“Your confessions are always too overwhelming.”
“If you like ordinary, I’ll pretend to be ordinary.”
“Instead of pretending, can’t you actually become ordinary?”
“I’ll try. Though I don’t know if that’s possible.”
Yeomin found it amazing. This situation where the word “try” came out of Jiho’s mouth.
What do you like about me? How did you come to like me this much? Questions trailed one after another, but for now, just being held was enough.
Putting aside numerous question marks, Yeomin proposed to Jiho.
“Hey. Seol Jiho.”
“Yes, hyung.”
“Let’s go to my place.”
“…”
“I want to do it with you. Right now.”
Perhaps he had also been longing for Jiho somewhat irrationally and abnormally.
‘I guess I can’t have a normal love either.’
Yeomin decided to accept that desperate fact as well. After all, a normal love with someone like Jiho… would be absolutely impossible. Instead of giving up ‘love,’ he just had to give up ‘normal,’ right?
* * *
The two of them entered Yeomin’s rented room. Though Jiho had eaten, slept, and acted like this was his own home before.
Seeing Jiho being awkward today made Yeomin newly aware of the gap in time that had passed.
“Sit down. I’ll make you some hot chocolate.”
“I thought you would move, hyung.”
“Why? Were you planning to buy that building too?”
At Yeomin’s sharp question, Jiho became quiet. Even now, Yeomin hadn’t been able to question him about the PC bang building incident.
There were so many things he needed to hear from Jiho that it was too much to sort out at once.
Why does this young guy live such a complicated life?
“Since we’re on the topic, let me hear it. Why on earth did you buy the PC bang building? Was it an impulse purchase?”
Yeomin asked as he placed steaming hot chocolate on the low table.
Jiho didn’t answer right away and looked cautious. But the fact that he was hesitating like this meant he knew he did something wrong.
Yeomin felt it was a huge improvement.
“Because I didn’t like you working at the PC bang.”
The answer from Jiho’s mouth matched Yeomin’s expectation exactly.
“So, you did it to stop the PC bang from operating?”
“Yes.”
“Hey! That’s such a poor return on investment. It would’ve been better to send Manager Cha somewhere else.”
Yeomin thought Jiho was too excessive.
‘Hmm. He has a very different thought process than normal. That’s why his conclusions are always extreme. He doesn’t have a safety pin for his actions.’
Could this be fixed even if he tried? Yeomin wasn’t sure if it was something that could be learned through teaching.
Nevertheless,
“Why me?”
He was curious. In fact, this was why he brought Jiho here—to ask this question.
After threatening to kill himself if Jiho showed up, all for this trivial curiosity.
“Why me, I’m asking. There must be a reason it’s me. Is it simply because I was the one who picked you up when you were drunk and asleep? Is that it? Did I just have bad luck?”
Perhaps he wanted to find a reason. A reason for receiving Seol Jiho’s bombarding affection so painfully, excessively, exorbitantly, and dramatically. A reason for having Seol Jiho’s first and only love.
Being deceived, backstabbed… and still being deceived again, backstabbed again…
Yeomin needed a valid reason to endure this intense love, to volunteer for this hardship.
He needed at least one excuse for when he would regret this foolish choice later.
“There is no reason.”
But Jiho was too resolute. It was embarrassing for Yeomin who had asked such a meaningful question.
There is no reason… huh.
“Ah, I see… Right. There isn’t? There never was.”
He was genuinely upset.
“Do you need a reason?”
“Forget it. Just drink that.”
“You were in front of me, hyung.”
Jiho had a serious face. He didn’t seem to be joking.
“You were in front of me, hyung. In the department lounge. Then in the student cafeteria. At drinking parties. In the hallway. You kept catching my eye, hyung.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You, hyung.”
“I don’t remember that.”
They hadn’t even properly spoken to each other. If they exchanged any words, it was just “hello” and “hello.”
Yeomin had also kept his distance from Jiho. The sense of disconnection from being different types of people, the fundamental inferiority complex, the aversion to famous people… etc. There were countless reasons to reject Jiho.
Yet, they still ended up like this.
“I felt it was unfair that I kept noticing you. I thought that next time, I wanted you to find me.”
“Wait… Don’t tell me.”
An unsettling thought crossed Yeomin’s mind.
“So I waited in the alley where you passed by on purpose.”
“That was intentional too?”
Yeomin slammed his fist on the table, making the mug shake. Jiho cowered, watching Yeomin’s infuriated expression.
“I was really drunk then, though…”
“So it wasn’t me picking you up, but me falling into your trap!”
“How can you call an action done with good intentions a ‘trap’?”
“Don’t talk about good intentions. Don’t tell me you even did that kiss on purpose?”
“At that time, your face was so close that I just… It wasn’t what I originally intended.”
“Ha. Haha. Haaa.”
Yeomin couldn’t help but laugh sarcastically.
How nervous he had been then, almost cracking Jiho’s head in shock. He had buried his resentment about losing his first kiss to a drunk person…
‘And now I find out even that was all this guy’s intention?’
Yeomin’s head was spinning.
“What if I had just ignored you and walked past that time?”
“Then I would have been lying in front of your house next.”
“This is completely…”
“What? Are you moved?”
Are you completely insane?
He had thought about patiently teaching Jiho with a generous heart, but now he wondered if he should just get rid of him immediately.
