# Chapter 48
After showering for quite a while, Yeomin carefully observed the two items placed on the bed.
Lubricant. And condoms.
They didn’t look used, so they couldn’t be Director Ahn’s.
‘Or maybe he bought them but never had a chance to use them? Well, whose possessions they are isn’t really important…’
Anyway, he would be using them tonight. It felt really strange.
“Contains natural ingredients for safe use, reduces pain during intercourse, and enhances satisfaction…”
While reading the product description, Yeomin muttered a curse.
Isn’t this crazy? He never thought he would use something like this, and with a man… with Jiho, of all people, not even in his dreams.
‘Am I going to be the bottom? I don’t know how to do it. Is it better than being on top?’
His head was on the verge of overload with such odd thoughts. Yeomin buried his face deep in the blanket.
While he was troubled in various ways, a spine-chilling voice came from the bathroom entrance.
“I’m ready, hyung.”
Coming out without a stitch of clothing and saying that makes you look like a real pervert! Yeomin was horrified.
“Why are you coming out naked?”
“We’re going to get undressed anyway, so why bother putting clothes on? Too troublesome.”
“Ha, this crazy kid…”
“How is it, hyung? Were you doing good simulations?”
“…”
At those words, Yeomin’s head lowered. With his lowered eye level, when confronted with Jiho’s member, he unconsciously swallowed hard.
“Maybe we should just cancel…”
Seeing Yeomin visibly tense, Jiho embraced him with his still-damp body.
It was an intense hug, almost crushing. Jiho’s body emanated a scent. The same body wash smell as his own.
“…”
But the fragrance from Jiho felt more intense. The artificial scent made Yeomin’s mind fuzzy. The current situation was so surreal that it didn’t feel real.
Who would have thought that in his utterly ordinary life, the event of having sex with a man would occur?
Yeomin emphasized until the very end:
“It has to feel good, no matter what. I absolutely hate pain. Okay? Answer me.”
“Why would I hurt you, hyung? Even making you feel good isn’t enough.”
He wanted to believe those words. Foolishly.
Yeomin knew it was an obvious lie, but decided to be completely deceived by Jiho.
Yeomin was a virgin who had never had sex with a man, let alone a woman. But he had heard Taeyang’s stories about his very free-spirited relationships since he was twenty, to the point of exhaustion.
Bells ringing in his ears, baby angels playing trumpets, feeling like floating in space…
Even while listening to those stories back then, he thought it was nonsense. But to think it was all REAL nonsense…
“Ack! Wh-what are you doing!”
Yeomin looked at Jiho with eyes full of terror.
‘What on earth are you trying to do to me?’
Faced with eyes that looked at him like he was a molester, Jiho seemed aggrieved.
“No… you seemed too tense, so I was trying to help you relax. Look. Your shoulders are stiff.”
“Haa, I’m going to close my eyes, so do whatever you want. No… can you just knock me out and wake me up when it’s over?”
Yeomin, usually calm and brave, was actually quite fearful. While he could casually catch cockroaches, sex with Jiho right in his face was… pure horror.
Of course! It’s the first time! Humans are particularly sensitive to pain they’ve never experienced before.
Jiho firmly held both of Yeomin’s cheeks as he tightly closed his eyes. Jiho forcibly lifted Yeomin’s eyelids.
Yeomin whimpered at the absurd behavior.
“I told you to do whatever you want…”
“That won’t do. You need to know who you’re doing this with right now.”
“Haa…”
“It’ll be less scary if you look into my eyes.”
As he said this, Jiho made eye contact with him.
Less scary looking into his eyes? It only made his heart beat faster!
‘At this rate, it might burst soon.’
Jiho’s eyes were so deep and dark that looking into them made Yeomin more anxious than reassured.
Then something entered Yeomin from below. The alien sensation automatically made his face scrunch up.
“Ugh, this feels weird…”
“I feel weird too. I keep getting weird whenever I look at you, hyung.”
“If you’re going to say things like that, just shut up…”
“Can I do more?”
It’s even weirder that he’s asking for permission…
Yeomin had no room for rational judgment right now. Unable to move either way, Yeomin’s stiff thighs, spread as wide as they could go, trembled lightly.
Meanwhile, with Jiho’s weight pressing against him from the front, Yeomin had nowhere to retreat.
So this is what they call being between a rock and a hard place. Jiho asked Yeomin, who was biting his lip:
“Why do you look like you’re about to cry, hyung?”
“…”
“I know you look cute when you cry. Are you trying to excite me?”
“I’m having regrets. Why…”
Suddenly being under a junior from his department, for the first time in his life offering a part of his body and trembling… it made him feel incredibly self-loathing.
But as expected, Jiho was someone who lacked empathy. He didn’t seem to have the luxury to consider Yeomin’s feelings.
“I’ll hear why you decided to do this with me after we’re done. Right now, I’m a bit urgent too.”
Jiho’s member, which he had never touched nor intended to touch, bluntly pressed against Yeomin’s bottom, which Jiho had been kneading just a while ago.
Yeomin squeezed his eyes shut and held his breath. Even in that pitch darkness, there was a voice that was heard clearly:
“Open your eyes, hyung. You need to look at me.”
This guy just wouldn’t leave him alone. Perhaps he lived for the fun of tormenting him.
As Yeomin forcibly opened his eyes to Jiho’s growling, he thought:
Perhaps he was the type of person who chose to suffer. Just when money was coming in and life was getting comfortable, he’s putting his body through hardship again like this?
This must be what they call weaving your own fate with your own hands.
* * *
‘You’re beautiful, hyung. Insanely beautiful. Really.’
Jiho talked a lot throughout the sex. All the while, he kept kissing and sucking all over Yeomin’s face, making it wet all over.
That wasn’t all. Yeomin’s entire body was even wetter. Neck, collarbone, chest, thighs, knees, sides, below the stomach. There wasn’t a place where Jiho’s lips hadn’t touched.
Moreover, below his waist felt numb, as if it wasn’t his own body. The traces of lovemaking left on his body were beyond persistent, almost frightening. Those marks seemed to tell what kind of person Jiho was.
Jiho’s silky hair was disheveled against Yeomin’s chest, which seemed swollen from all the pinching. Yeomin, whose entire body had become sensitive, let out a small, pained sound, “Heut.”
“I thought you would cry, but you managed not to.”
“Did you give me the chance to cry?”
Yeomin muttered with a soul-drained face.
Actually, he almost cried but endured with mental strength. Jiho buried his face in Yeomin’s skin. Like a dog finding its owner.
He truly was a detestable guy.
‘After exhausting me like this all night… is that smirk and those smiling eyes all you have to offer?’
“I don’t think I’ll be able to walk tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll carry you.”
“I don’t think I’ll even be able to go to the bathroom.”
“I’ll help you. Just tell me when you need to go.”
“…Can you move away a bit? Why are you getting hard again?”
“Because you look cute just being still.”
‘Geez… soon he’ll say I’m cute just for breathing.’
Yeomin gave up trying to understand Jiho.
When was the last time someone called him cute? Even his parents hadn’t said that since middle school.
Lately, he had been hearing such words excessively from Jiho.
Is that all?
‘You’re beautiful. So much.’
Jiho also said Yeomin was beautiful,
‘I really like you so much, hyung.’
…He said things like that too.
Yeomin doubted. Seol Jiho? No, Jiwoong’s words that Jiho wouldn’t like anyone.
Lost in thought, Yeomin wondered:
“By the way, why aren’t you asking? You said you’d ask why I agreed to have sex with you after we were done.”
He thought Jiho would ask as soon as he opened his eyes, but for some reason, Jiho was quiet.
But even though Yeomin had laid out the mat for him first, Jiho showed no interest.
“I’m not curious anymore.”
At those words, Yeomin’s heart sank a little.
“…Why?”
“Because the sex with you was too good.”
“…”
“Whatever the reason, whenever, I just want to do it again. So I’d rather not ask.”
The reason was so like Jiho. Yeomin swallowed the words lingering at the corners of his mouth and just nodded.
“…Fine. Do as you please.”
Why did he suggest having sex with Jiho first? He was curious.
‘Wouldn’t I find out through sex? Surely, there would be signs if someone has sex with someone they don’t like.’
He thought he might read the guy’s emotions in some fleeting action, tone, or at least in his eyes…
Had he underestimated Jiho? At least during their time together physically, he was very affectionate, attentive, and at times, he lost his composure and fumbled.
Yeomin silently stared at Jiho’s hand playing with his hand as if it were a toy. Jiho’s sticky gaze questioned him.
Jiho looked at Yeomin with cooler eyes and muttered:
“I want to kiss you again.”
“Just do it. Why do you ask for permission?”
“Because then you’ll be nice to me.”
“…”
“I don’t want you to hate me.”
Those words lingered in Yeomin’s heart. Like the bruises Jiho had left all over during their previous lovemaking.
Even knowing that he’s neither a pretty guy nor a good guy, Yeomin didn’t know how to deal with Jiho who kept acting pretty, good, and affectionate towards him.
‘If he acts pretty, should I just find him pretty? If he acts good, should I praise him, and if he’s affectionate, should I just receive it happily?’
…Maybe he should just try without thinking. It will end someday anyway.
Jiho observed the silent Yeomin.
“You don’t want to?”
“If I say no, will you not do it? I’m the person who has to do what you tell me, right?”
At the deliberately cold words, Jiho fell silent.
‘Joo Yeomin… don’t get sensitive.’
Yeomin corrected himself.
“Okay. Kiss me.”
“You don’t have to force yourself. I don’t like it when you do that.”
“No. I want to too.”
“Really?”
“Yes. While we’re kissing, you stay quiet.”
And actually, I like that when I kiss you, I can’t think of anything else.
Yeomin’s small murmur was swallowed into Jiho’s mouth. Very gently.
