Dowon stared straight into Yeohwi’s eyes and poured out words like sawblades. Just as Yeohwi had done, he too carved up his opponent with language, as if casting a spell on himself.
“Just how long do you think that pathetic little heart of yours will last? Is it really worth consuming yourself so one-sidedly like this? You’re barely twenty years old. How much life have you even lived? What about me is so desperate to you that it’s utterly shallow.”
“……Dowon-ssi.”
“In reality, you’re just a lonely kid with nowhere to lean on, so you’re clinging to me since I’m right in front of you. If you’d married someone else instead of me, wouldn’t you have pledged your loyalty to that person?”
Dowon sneered. His neat lips twisted eerily.
“That’s right…… If Grandfather hadn’t paired you with me but paired you with Do Jinsang instead, you’d be giving all your wealth to Do Jinsang by now and treating me as an enemy. Desperately trying to drag me down.”
“No, I……”
“Can you really be sure that wouldn’t be the case?”
“Dowon-ssi, no……!”
“Well. I wonder.”
Dowon didn’t give Yeohwi a chance to argue back and breathed roughly. The hand gripping and twisting Yeohwi’s arm trembled violently. Even as he spoke, his insides churned.
Dowon had just come from crushing Gye Sanghoon’s hand with a hammer. That bastard was the epitome of a vile bat-like human who clung to whoever benefited him. He had no convictions or loyalty to speak of, a plausible piece of trash who would switch sides at any time to suit the situation.
But Seong Yeohwi before his eyes had endured torture to maintain his loyalty to Dowon. He kept his mouth shut even as his fingernails were pulled out multiple times. That’s why he felt threatened. A bright red alarm blared in one corner of his mind.
This guy is incredible. That unbreakable heart might actually be genuine. He might be different from all those common pig bastards he’d seen until now. And so perhaps, he might end up believing Seong Yeohwi.
A jungle-like life where showing weakness meant being bitten at any moment. Dowon was born into such a fate. He couldn’t outwardly express the void in his chest, and he couldn’t show himself struggling under the weight on his shoulders. To such a person, Seong Yeohwi, who came at him unconditionally, without compensation—or Seong Yeohwi who pretended to—was nothing short of a tremendous threat.
The conflict between distrust and doubt. The fine crack that had formed was already beyond Dowon’s control, and Dowon had just realized that fact.
He felt a hazy anxiety in the embrace that had hotly held and bound him. Therefore, this was a natural defense mechanism.
“You want me to…… allow you?”
Dowon slammed the bathroom wall with a bang.
Until now, he had tried to shake Yeohwi off with harsh words or criticism. Under the pretense that approaching him would put Yeohwi in danger by getting entangled in family affairs. And under the practical reasoning that giving affection to someone like you would only become a weakness. Therefore, he had drawn a firm line from the very beginning and kept guard.
But Seong Yeohwi was utterly hopeless. He was persistent to the core, and approached Dowon through every possible method. He gave away everything he had, racked his brain trying hard, and even ended up hurting himself. And yet he was still like this. Still the same.
He should feel somewhat resentful.
That would be right.
That’s what humans are like, and yet.
He kept acting as if being by Dowon’s side was all that mattered. That fact made Dowon resentful, unbelievable, and as you can see, ultimately unbearable…….
“Then you……”
“……”
“You……”
“……Yes.”
“……”
It felt like being devoured by something.
Yeohwi waited, but no further words came from Dowon’s mouth. Having locked himself away, he stared at Yeohwi with eyes that had become even colder.
In place of his silence, Yeohwi opened his mouth. Surprisingly, his eyes were still burning hot.
“I won’t resent you.”
“……”
“Even if Dowon-ssi plays with me and treats me roughly as you please, sucks out all the sweetness and throws me away, I’ll just think, ‘So that’s how it is, that time has finally come.'”
“……”
“Of course I’ll cling to you a bit. But I’ll try my best not to. Instead of clinging a hundred times, I’ll grit my teeth and hold back, only clinging once in a while. We’re going to divorce anyway. There’s an end predetermined for us.”
It was an unbelievably calm and quiet voice. In a way, it wasn’t like Seong Yeohwi at all.
Slowly raising his head, Yeohwi took a step toward Dowon.
“That’s why you called it playing house.”
And Yeohwi once again threw himself into Dowon’s embrace. There was no hesitation despite the fierce rejection. Like a puzzle piece finding its place, Yeohwi stuck close to Dowon and pressed against him.
“Who thinks playing is real?”
Dowon’s body hardened like stone.
“All of this, it’s all just passing. And like Dowon-ssi said, I’m too young, I don’t know anything about the world, and I think I’m just doing this because I’m lonely.”
“……Stop it.”
Dowon roughly grabbed Yeohwi’s forearm like before.
He had to tear him away. He had to push him away. Strength entered his grip. Dowon’s fingers dug into Yeohwi’s bandages until they turned white.
“Dowon-ssi, please. I’m just so bored.”
“……”
“Really, so…… there’s nothing else to do in this huge house. My hands are injured so I can’t do anything. All day I just agonize over thoughts of Dowon-ssi, that’s why I’m like this.”
“……”
“There’s no need to take it seriously at all. Just like when we only called each other ‘honey’ in words, like when we shared a bed but just lay there physically, it’s really just that and nothing more.”
With just a bit more force, he could have thrown Yeohwi to the floor. And yet Dowon couldn’t move like before. It was as if some tremendous energy had stopped him in his tracks. Because Yeohwi was embracing Dowon so desperately, as if he were a lifeline, crushing himself against him.
“So…… just play with me for a little while.”
“……”
“Playing husband was fun, wasn’t it?”
“……”
“It was really, kind of, ridiculous…… But in its own way, it was okay, wasn’t it?”
Dowon stood there woodenly, held in Yeohwi’s embrace. His figure reflected in the dressing room mirror was pitch black like darkness itself. It was as if a black hole had formed in the air in the shape of a person. And yet the heartbeat of Yeohwi being crushed against his chest was so loud and strong.
“Maybe I’ll get sick of it first and ask for a divorce before Dowon-ssi kicks me out? No, that might really happen. It’s entirely possible. Please watch and see when this Seong Yeohwi bastard will get tired and fall away. That would be really funny, right……?”
“……What’s funny. It’s not funny.”
“I think it’s very funny.”
Dowon clenched his fist tightly and then released it weakly.
Whether it was despair, resignation, or a deep hesitation even he couldn’t understand, a darkness slowly filled his eyes.
“Suck out the sweetness and throw you away……?”
Dowon muttered. Damn it, Seong Yeohwi’s body temperature was too warm.
“You’re telling me to become trash, a bastard who ruins a kid’s life.”
“That’s the role, isn’t it?”
“Playing along with your starved antics and then abandoning you?”
“Exactly. Dowon-ssi plays the bastard husband role, and I play the fool husband role who gives everything—body, heart, and all—and then it ends.”
Yeohwi smiled bitterly. But then he changed his expression, curving his lips into a natural smile. As if he were very happy and delighted. As if it were his transparent true feelings. Even knowing it was nonsense, he set up this playing field like that.
As if he would play spiritedly to his heart’s content, become completely senseless and drunk, and go off somewhere.
“Then that’s everything, right?”
***
The spacious master bedroom was suffocatingly quiet.
In one corner of the bedroom where dark shadows fell, Seong Yeohwi sat on the velvet sofa. His gaze was fixed as if glued to the huge king-size bed placed in the center of the room.
The marital bed that Seong Yeohwi had monopolized alone, that had lost its owner.
The snow-white sheets were pulled taut without a single wrinkle, and the pillows were lined up precisely at sharp angles. He had also neatly laid out a thick goose-down comforter suitable for the season.
While Dowon was washing, Yeohwi had struggled using his bandaged, clumsy hands and elbows to arrange the bed. Of course, there was no certainty that he would come. Even today, he might abandon Yeohwi to sleep alone.
Still, Yeohwi waited.
Like a dog waiting for its owner. Or like a male waiting for his mate. He tidied the nest neatly and held his breath.
