# Chapter 60
Can alcohol be overcome with effort? To match Woosang’s level, it seemed like drinking every day wouldn’t be enough.
I sighed with worry. He took the beer bottle, gulped it down, and returned it to me with only a few sips left.
“When we drink together like this, it’s not so lonely.”
Looking around, everyone was drinking with others. And they all looked quite happy in their own way.
Seeing that I couldn’t grasp what he meant, Woosang added:
“I’m telling you about things I like.”
Things he likes.
I already knew Woosang liked alcohol. But it felt like the first time I’d heard him say it so directly.
“From now on, I thought I might tell you a little about what I like. Well, of course, there aren’t many things.”
I couldn’t readily respond to his words. So I just gave a brief reply: “Okay.”
He always said he would talk about himself, but he had rarely sincerely shared anything. We were both busy hiding from each other, and it was still the same.
Just yesterday, I had told Woosang about my past, but I had no intention of revealing everything. The same went for what had happened while Woosang was away in Berlin.
‘While we’re so busy hiding…’
It was selfish of me to hide things myself yet expect him to reveal everything to me.
My head was spinning, either from the beer or from my thoughts. Then, meeting Woosang’s steady gaze, I downed the remaining beer.
The bottle, which had little left in it, quickly became light and dangled in my hand. Looking at the empty bottle made me feel good. Though it wasn’t a taste I could easily get used to, I thought I could drink this much.
“Not bad, right?”
“I’m not sure.”
I deliberately played it cool. It was fine to have a sip or two together, but I had no intention of drinking together every day. So this much of a gesture should be okay.
As I looked around wondering if I should throw the bottle away, I couldn’t find what I had seen until just now.
“Bring it over here.”
He gestured. But before long, I realized he was heading to a small mart and was alarmed.
“Are we going to drink more?”
“I haven’t even had a drink yet. Teo, you drink water.”
Woosang took the bottle I was holding, handed it to the staff, and came out with another beer in hand. Fortunately, there didn’t seem to be one for me. Sometimes when he acted so impulsively, I had no idea how to behave.
I took the water he bought and drank it. Though it seemed like it had been in a refrigerator, the water only felt lukewarm.
We returned to the riverside and walked around, and before long, Woosang leaned against the bridge railing and stared blankly at the flowing water.
Perhaps because it was evening, there was only a boat docked in the corner that had stopped operating, and nothing else was visible on the river. The black current flowed rapidly, seeming to wash away my thoughts as well.
That’s when Woosang, without taking his eyes off the river, said:
“I know I’m abnormal too.”
His expression and voice, seemingly buried in emotion, made my hair stand on end. Abnormal. It was a word closer to me than “normal.”
But I couldn’t be certain if there was anyone who was completely normal to judge such things. I recalled all the people I had encountered.
More people than expected flashed through my mind.
But among all those people, there wasn’t a single perfect and splendid person like those in novels. Rather, Woosang was the closest to perfection for me.
So the small flaws he had weren’t important factors to me. By that standard, I might be the most abnormal.
“Why do you think that?”
“Are you asking because you genuinely don’t know?”
“……”
After thinking for a while, my curiosity somehow prevailed.
Woosang blinked several times, as if he couldn’t understand my question. He seemed to be gauging if I was genuinely curious.
“It feels like we’re going around in circles.”
If we had met while living ordinary lives, we might have had a longer time facing and cherishing each other. But what could be done when we didn’t know normalcy?
I pondered what answer he might want. It was only difficult for my ignorant self to answer.
“I’m not sure if we’re going around in circles or if we’re going the right way. Since we can’t control relationships, this might be the fastest path.”
“…Yes. That’s right.”
After staying silent for a while, he downed all the beer in his hand and gave me the empty bottle.
“Sometimes, no, often, Teo surprises me.”
“……”
I felt embarrassed for saying something that might have sounded nonsensical to him. But this kind of reaction wasn’t bad either.
After staring at the empty bottle for a while, I slightly shook it, wondering if he wanted to drink more. He shook his head, indicating it was okay.
Woosang’s strangely flushed face made me forget where we were. I lowered my hand that I had unconsciously raised and awkwardly said:
“I’ll go throw it away.”
“…Though I can’t give any answer to Teo yet, maybe someday I’ll find an answer.”
With his low voice and clinging gaze, I pretended not to hear, turned away, and headed to the trash can. It felt like I shouldn’t face him any more right now.
My cheeks were surely as red as Woosang’s by now. Our honesty was always unbearably embarrassing.
After throwing away the bottle, I looked up at the sky. As it was past 8 o’clock, the sun was starting to set, and the streetlights were coming on one by one. But the number of people remaining by the riverside hadn’t decreased; instead, it had increased.
Perhaps because night had fallen, loud music was added, and the beautiful riverside scenery looked strangely messy.
Just then, Woosang, who was still leaning against the railing looking at the river, rubbed his eyes as if he was tired. He seemed to be sleepy too.
‘Where are we going to sleep tonight?’
Somehow, Woosang seemed to want to stay in Berlin for a few more days. That wasn’t bad either. Until recently, I had missed our home in Paris greatly, but now it didn’t matter.
What did it matter where we were?
Judging by my heavy eyelids, I would need to go to sleep as soon as we returned. Even though I had only taken a few sips, the beer still seemed to be swirling around in my body.
My body somehow felt chilly, so I rubbed my arms moderately.
Woosang, viewed from a distance, was the person who fit this street the most. Though he thought of himself as an alien, detached, abnormal person, he was the only one who was dazzling just by standing alone.
It wasn’t just his appearance, but something indefinable. Perhaps something only I knew he possessed.
After watching Woosang for a long time while standing in the same spot, I saw a group of people passing by his side. As people who seemed drunk passed by his side, it somehow looked worrisome.
For a moment, Woosang disappeared from my sight, and when I looked at the same place again, he was nowhere to be seen.
“Huh…?”
I was startled and wondered if I was seeing things, but he really was gone.
I blinked several times and barely moved my numb legs. Just then, I heard the sound of something falling into the water from the riverside.
Splash.
And subsequently, I heard screams from around. But the sound didn’t penetrate me, only dispersing.
After standing in place for a long time, I headed to the bridge, and below, I saw someone had fallen in.
As I looked at it nonchalantly, I recognized that the person who had fallen was Woosang.
But for some reason, my body didn’t move. The fact that he, who had been shimmering in front of me just moments ago, was now sinking down there, didn’t feel real.
A chilly night in the evening. Everything was being buried by the loud music, and everything around seemed abnormal.
People moved hastily. But there, only I stood still, looking at Woosang.
Thud. Someone pushed me. In the situation that had unfolded in an instant, I couldn’t move my body at all.
My vision turned pitch black.
Everything was a blackout.
***
I sat blankly on a hospital chair, waiting for someone. Even though I wasn’t the one who had fallen into the water, my whole body trembled as if it were in pain.
No one paid any attention to me as I trembled. It was natural.
Just then, I felt a familiar presence beside me. It was Bel.
“What on earth happened…?”
“You came?”
Bel, in a disheveled appearance, sighed deeply, holding her forehead as if she had a headache. While I felt sorry for making her rush over in the middle of the night because of us, I also felt relieved.
I felt my sunken heart somewhat returning.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
Just then, Bel put something around my shoulders. It seemed to be the outer garment she had been wearing. I was still cold and my body ached, but the tension had definitely dropped.
Maybe it was because I had talked normally with Woosang all day and enjoyed our time without any problems.
I couldn’t react to the sudden event that had overwhelmed us. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to jump down to the bottom of the bridge right away, and it was also sad that I naturally asked for Bel’s help, using the excuse that it was an unfamiliar city.
“I’m sorry for calling you suddenly. Once I came to the hospital, I realized there’s nothing I can do…”
As I stumbled through my words, even that wasn’t easy.
After silently looking down at me for a while, Bel wordlessly headed to where Woosang was.
Unable to be by his side, I had come out to the lobby and didn’t follow Bel, choosing to stay here instead.
In the past, I would have blamed myself, but now, I didn’t even have time for that.
Staring blankly at the ceiling, I recalled when Woosang had fallen into the water. The railing of the bridge was quite high, and he couldn’t have fallen off by mistake.
And I also remembered how strangely crowded the passersby had been at that time.
I knew them. Regrettably, those familiar people were still watching me.
The quiet lobby somehow became noisy. But when I listened carefully, I realized it wasn’t noise made by people but sounds coming from my mouth.
What might have been moans filled with fear were disturbing my ears.
