# Chapter 105
We passed by Oliver’s house and went inside, but I couldn’t see any familiar scenery.
That was natural. Except for Oliver’s house, there was nothing near the house except this forest, so there was no way there would be any scenery worth noticing.
Then, through the trees, a wide clearing appeared. There was a small tension there that couldn’t be felt until just now.
“……”
My house should have been on that clearing. But all that was visible were the remains of something that had collapsed.
The house where I had stayed in the past seemed to have disappeared long ago.
Woosang, who was following behind, showed no reaction to the scene. Perhaps because of that, I also had no choice but to keep my mouth shut and look around.
Among the collapsed debris, burnt marks were visible here and there. Thinking about it, I seemed to remember setting fire to the storage shed around the time I left the house.
The uncertain memory was confusing my mind, but I didn’t intentionally try to recall it.
I touched the debris scattered near my feet. Having been burnt and left unattended for a long time, the debris crumbled into small pieces.
“…What are you thinking about?”
“……”
Normally, numerous thoughts would have crossed my mind, but now I didn’t have any particular thoughts. Contemplating my response to this unfamiliar feeling I’d never experienced before, I shook my head.
“I don’t have any thoughts at all.”
I honestly conveyed my emotions to him and slowly looked around. The forest, where the familiar things from my memory had disappeared, gave me no emotion at all.
What had I hoped for by coming here? Thinking about it, I seemed to have come here expecting to find traces of my life remaining.
I looked at Woosang with eyes that had been wandering in the air. Unlike his usual self, he was the one with an anxious expression, while I remained as if nothing was wrong.
He always asked about what I was thinking and what emotions I had.
Looking back, I had never asked him such questions.
“What are you thinking about, Woosang?”
“I’m worried that Teo might find this situation difficult.”
My lips tickled at a question I had never asked before, but my insides became unbearably heavy at the answer I heard.
That answer seemed to represent his thoughts. My insides churned. But I held it in and pretended to be calm.
“…I was a bit surprised, but I really don’t mind. I feel rather relieved.”
“……”
“If traces of my life had remained, it might have been harder to bear. But seeing that nothing remains, I think it was good to come.”
“Then that’s a relief, but…”
“Now truly nothing remains.”
The words echoed in the empty air. The forest was quiet yet lonely, as if eavesdropping on our conversation.
As if trying to erase the silence, he rubbed the floor, which was dirty with ashes here and there, with his foot, seeming to search for something.
I couldn’t see the expression of Woosang, who was looking at the ground. I wanted to see his expression.
I approached him casually, as if nothing was wrong, and held his coldly chilled hand. I thought only my hand had become ice-cold, but he was probably tense too, as his hand was unbearably cold.
I moved closer to him, who seemed surprised to look at me.
“All this time, I’ve tried so hard not to leave any traces, and I was scared and afraid of leaving traces on someone.”
Because I had never lived such a life. I forced out the thick words. But Woosang listened intently to my story without averting his gaze, even with my confusing words.
His attitude, which seemed not to miss a single sentence of what I was saying, made the area around my neck unbearably itchy.
“But now it’s different. I want to continue living with the name Woosang has given me, and I want to take what I have now as it is.”
It was burdensome to continue words I had never spoken before. But these were words I could never say if not now.
He had a confused expression. I endured what felt like it would become dizzying as well.
“Once we leave this forest, we’ll truly live our own lives. There’s nothing tying us down anymore. …Is that okay?”
“…Yes.”
A nodding head and an awkward smile appeared on his face. Although his appearance looked awkward and seemed clumsy, I liked all of it.
“Thank you for being with me.”
I wanted to tell him, who had made it possible for me to live as myself, happy words for a lifetime. But this was all I could say right now.
Just then, intense sunlight shone through the trees. The fog, which had seemed like it would never disappear, was gradually fading, and light was filling its place.
It seemed like it was time. The moment had come for us to leave this place and go to where we needed to be.
“Shall we go back now?”
“Is it okay to leave like this?”
“Yes. Let’s go. There’s nothing important for me here anymore.”
Still with an awkward expression, he nodded slowly.
As we slowly retraced our steps, we once again tightly held hands. The hand that had been unbearably cold until just a moment ago was now filled with warm heat.
The sensation of finding lost warmth was now familiar. It was probably a sensation I would often feel from now on.
***
I sat in the passenger seat of the car and looked at the sky. Even Woosang, who had looked so tired just yesterday evening, now wore a relieved expression, as if he had gotten rid of something he had been suffering from for a long time.
For a long time, I opened the window to feel the breeze, and perhaps because of the wind coming through the gaps, my fingertips were very cold.
When I put my hands in my pockets to warm them for a moment, I felt something inside that I had completely forgotten about.
It was the ring I had secretly bought before leaving, without Woosang knowing.
‘…I should have given it to him in the forest earlier.’
I had decided to give it to him when the moment came to be honest, but a sigh escaped involuntarily at the ring that was still in my pocket.
“What’s wrong? Did you forget something?”
“…No, it’s not that.”
Although what I had forgotten was definitely in my pocket, it was useless to regret it now. Even if I went back to that place, there was no way I could say the same words.
“It’s not urgent, so we can go back if you want.”
“No, it’s fine.”
My insides quickly became heavy, but I pretended not to notice and gently closed my eyes. I leaned my body against the backrest, pretending to be tired, and Woosang also focused on driving without saying much.
Taking shallow breaths, I pondered for a long time about when to give this ring.
‘When we return to Montreal, then definitely…’
With a firm resolution, I slightly opened my eyes again and observed Woosang’s profile. I wondered what words I should say when I give this ring to that man who is kinder than anyone and deeply loves me.
Then, the day to give the ring was postponed from the day we returned to Montreal to when we travel to Paris, and then again to after meeting Bel.
‘I’m so pathetic.’
My insides churned at my own indecisiveness. I grabbed and rubbed my stomach, but somehow it felt completely empty.
I glanced at the clock to check how long we had been traveling, and it was already past afternoon.
It had been a long time since my stomach became empty after having a simple breakfast in the morning. Thinking that Woosang must be hungry by now, I quietly looked at him and said:
“Are you not hungry?”
“Hmm, indeed. Then I’ll turn into another city as we go along.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Looking at the passing road sign, there was only about 10 km left to the nearby city. Woosang skillfully drove the car and entered the lane heading towards the city. Not even a few minutes had passed, and already several large buildings were visible right in front of us. It seemed we had entered another city.
Driving around the large city several times, he looked for a place to park. However, despite it being a little past lunchtime, there was no suitable place to park.
“I think we can eat something delicious when we get to Montreal and just have something simple here. Is that okay?”
“Yes, of course.”
Woosang turned the car towards a familiar fast food restaurant visible nearby and parked in a spacious area.
We entered the fast food restaurant, discussed what to eat with Woosang, made a decision, and then slowly ordered from an employee who seemed sleepy.
We placed our order smoothly, and shortly after, our ordered food came out. Though it didn’t seem like we ordered much, I held the bulging bag with both hands full.
“Woosang, could you open the door for me?”
“Yes. Oh, wait. I should also buy water.”
Woosang told me to wait for a moment and took out his wallet, but it seemed empty as he looked at me.
“Teo, do you have any change? I think I left my card in the car.”
“There’s some money left in my left pocket from the tip I gave yesterday. Take it.”
“Okay.”
He reached into my left pocket without hesitation. Left pocket… Thinking about it, that’s where the ring I had forgotten to give him was.
“…!”
I tried to tell him no, but Woosang had already put his hand in the pocket and pulled out the change.
With a clinking sound, a pair of rings rolled on the floor from the pocket.
“……”
“……”
He looked down at the rings and then immediately examined my face. Back to the rings, and then my face.
After examining the rings and my face alternately several times, Woosang picked up the rings that had fallen on the floor and carefully put them back in my pocket.
“…I’ll buy water and come back, so go to the car first.”
“…Okay.”
Ending the awkward conversation, I opened the door with my shoulder alone and headed to the car. The hot food was making my hands warm and starting to heat up my face as well.
If I had known this would happen, I should have given the rings in the forest at any cost. Of course, I knew better than anyone that there was no use regretting it now.
Woosang came out of the store slowly, holding water in his hand. He briefly met my eyes and opened the car door for me.
After getting into the car, we remained silent for a while, then took out the food from the bag, put it in our mouths, and drove towards Montreal.
Woosang, who had been silently eating food, suddenly started laughing out loud.
“…What’s wrong?”
“Are you really asking?”
“……”
After glancing at me, who gave no answer, Woosang muttered in a flat voice as if nothing had happened.
“It’s an absolutely perfect day to start again. Don’t you think?”
At his words, I couldn’t answer and opened the window to cool down my heated cheeks with the refreshing wind.
The cool breeze, the unfamiliar scenery, this strange awkwardness.
Somehow, it reminded me of last summer when I met Woosang. Back then, I also approached him with courage, blushing.
Even my wildly beating heart had the same movement as then. As the days gone by flashed through my mind, even the dizzying memories were turning into very precious ones.
Perhaps the days ahead will be more beautiful than the days gone by. That much is certain.
As I continued these thoughts, it was indeed, as he said, a perfect day to start anew.
<The End>
