“Eong-a…”
Hyung-a, whose face had stiffened for a moment, eventually let out a deep sigh after seeing my expression trembling with fear.
“You know how to deceive adults too, the baby has really grown up a lot.”
“……”
“The kids who cause trouble quietly are the most troublesome.”
While saying that, hyung-a poked the tip of my nose with his fingertip. There was laughter in his eyes, so I could tell that hyung-a wasn’t angry at me or disappointed.
“But you can’t deceive about things like this. You understand, right? When it hurts, you have to tell the adults that it hurts.”
“Yes.”
Hyung-a’s quietly speaking voice was calm and tranquil. It was the moment I was about to let my guard down, thinking he wasn’t angry.
“Then we’ll have to go to the hospital now.”
“…!”
At that moment, my heart dropped. I hated going to the hospital more than anything in the world.
I froze like ice and pondered for a moment. Since the words “we have to go to the hospital” came out, I should have cried and thrown a tantrum like I did in front of Mom and Dad…
“We have to go right now. On weekends, the doctor goes home early.”
“…Yes.”
But I had no choice but to obediently follow hyung-a’s words.
That day, I went straight to the neighborhood orthopedics clinic cradled in hyung-a’s reliable arms.
The medicinal smell and cold air of the hospital that I hated most, the cold room I entered to get X-rays taken, the sound of the machine whirring in front of my eyes, the face of the doctor in white clothes, and many other things…
Even though everything was full of things I hated, I held back without shedding a single tear.
Instead, I tried not to be separated from hyung-a for even a moment, and when I had to let go of his hand even briefly, I held onto hyung-a’s T-shirt so tightly it would wrinkle.
The fact that I spent a while after that with a cast on my arm remained very strongly in my memory.
After that, Jeongwoo hyung-nim, who was already like that, became a complete hero in our house. The fact that he noticed my physical condition that even Mom and Dad didn’t notice, and the fact that he brought me back after completing treatment at the hospital without anyone knowing.
From that day on, Mom and Dad completely trusted and left me in the care of Jeongwoo hyung-nim, whom they already liked for being dependable. When I wouldn’t listen, they often called Jeongwoo hyung-nim, and especially when going to the hospital, they often sought hyung-nim’s help.
Of course, even that was only until I hit ‘puberty.’ First of all, having to go to the hospital with a guardian itself was proof of being a baby.
At some point, I became so uncomfortable being close to hyung-nim for fear my feelings would be discovered, and in addition, I didn’t want him to see me as a baby.
I’m no longer a child, but I still really hate hospitals.
I don’t even know how much time has passed since I started biting my nails in front of the elevator. Actually, the reason I was sensitive this morning was because of the pressure of having to go to the hospital.
After visiting the hospital last time with minor discomfort and hearing news like a bolt from the blue, it was my first day visiting the ophthalmology department.
From when the hospital got closer, my heart started pounding as if it would burst. Now it seemed like I could hear my heartbeat in my ears.
“Excuse me, you’re not getting on, right?”
While I was blinking rapidly, the elevator door moved slowly.
“Ah, I’m sorr…”
Bang. As I bowed in greeting, the door closed coldly. Since it came to this, I immediately turned around and went outside the building.
In the end, I couldn’t even get on the elevator, let alone go to the hospital.
“You don’t blink often, do you? Then it usually gets dry.”
“Yes, I’m a bit like that…”
The reason I first visited the hospital was dry eye syndrome. Usually, I often zoned out blankly. Especially when hyung-nim was nearby, it was always like that.
To prevent my gaze from constantly going to hyung-nim, I developed a habit of always staring at somewhere far away. The chronic dry eye syndrome probably developed because of that too.
Because I knew the exact cause, I visited the hospital more fearlessly. It’s just that recently, the uncomfortable sensation had been a bit more severe.
“…Would you like to look in the mirror?”
I felt uneasy from the moment silence fell. The doctor who had been looking into my eyes handed me a mirror. While doing so, they told me to check by pulling down under my eye, saying there was a part that bulged out.
When I held up the mirror to check, it was true. Along the white of the eye, there was a very small but bulging piece of flesh.
“It would be fortunate if this is a temporary phenomenon, but if it’s a tumor, it could become a big problem. The optic nerve is connected to the brain, and if this really is a tumor, it could even threaten your life…”
It was truly a bolt from the blue.
According to the doctor, if this thing that looked similar to a tumor didn’t disappear when left alone, I might have to go to a big hospital for a biopsy.
They said if the condition didn’t improve after time passed, they would write a referral so I could go to a big hospital.
Since then, I had come in front of the hospital several times, but I was too scared to face the results. I was so scared that even though the hospital was 5 minutes by bus, I walked for 20 minutes every time.
There was a reason I was this scared. No matter how I thought about it, it seemed right that a tumor had formed on my optic nerve.
After receiving the diagnosis, I had been avoiding looking into my eyes, but when I checked my eyes in the mirror this morning, I had no choice but to despair.
The small unidentified swelling in my eye was the same to the naked eye. As the doctor said, even though a month had passed, it hadn’t disappeared.
If I entered the hospital, all that remained was to confirm that I was a terminal patient with a tumor.
“…I should come back in a few more days.”
I knew I was avoiding it, but I couldn’t help it. After checking the time, I quickly ran into the subway station using lecture time as an excuse.
For the three days after that, I didn’t leave my room except when attending lectures.
***
What’s the probability that I, who was definitely terminal, could concentrate during lecture time?
Naturally, it was zero. After running away without even being able to enter the hospital, I kept wandering, unable to overcome my troubled mind. Of course, I attended every single lecture though.
Since Jeongyeon had contacted me after a long time, I was sitting in the very back row, tapping on my phone while avoiding the professor’s eyes.
Jeongyeon also had a similar schedule to me, so right now we were each sitting in our school lecture halls secretly using our phones.
Yoo Jeongyeon
What’s this, you using your phone during lecture time? College is really scary lol
Oh and our hyung keeps staying in Songlim-dong? I really made the right choice applying for the dorm;;;
And there was also a reason the topic happened to be about hyung-nim. I hurriedly asked what I’d been curious about anyway.
Did something happen to Jeongwoo hyung-nim by any chance?
Yoo Jeongyeon
Our hyung? I don’t know
He probably got fired or something
“…Huh?”
It was a sound that popped out because I was so surprised I forgot it was lecture time.
When I looked around, Choi Jihwan, who was sitting in the seat next to me, was looking at me with surprised eyes.
‘Sorry!’
When I said it silently with my mouth, Choi Jihwan chuckled.
Then he narrowed his eyes as if scolding me and clicked his tongue. It was an expression full of mischief. Looking around, it seemed I hadn’t made a very loud sound.
Still, feeling self-conscious, I decided to put down my phone.
Choi Jihwan and I had become close since the last freshman welcome party, so we were hanging out together at school.
While the guy had a body that looked like he should be attending a physical education college rather than English Literature, his behavior was very polite and meticulous.
I originally only kept around beta kids with gentle personalities or friends who were omegas like me.
One thing I realized after coming to college was that I could also be close friends with alphas. Unlike the first impression where he seemed delinquent because of his yellow hair, Choi Jihwan and I had good conversations.
Having bad memories since manifesting as an omega in middle school, I used to get a bit tense whenever I encountered alpha classmates, but now I’d gotten used to it enough not to do that.
The day after being scolded by hyung-nim, as soon as I got to school, I apologized to Choi Jihwan. When I told the guy I would repay the kindness of taking drunk me home for a long time, he very coolly suggested we just eat together.
“By the way, the person who came to pick you up that time, is he your real older brother?”
“Huh? No, he’s not my real older brother.”
Since I’d heard this question a lot before, I was quite used to it, so I answered without any concern.
“I thought so, it seemed like that.”
After that, he didn’t say anything more. I couldn’t tell what exactly those words meant.
