***
Finally Friday. It was the day of the group date.
My thumb wandering over the screen found and pressed a familiar number. A formal greeting, or perhaps a notification. I slowly typed out a sentence somewhere in between.
Hyung-nim, I’m coming home late today. Please eat your meals.
As soon as I pressed the send button, I shoved my phone into the inner pocket of my blue jacket. Normally I would have wanted to check several times to see when the read receipt appeared, but I don’t do that anymore. Anyway, hyung-nim will be busy today too, so there won’t be a reply.
My reflection in the subway window was a sight to behold. My eyes were flushed red from not sleeping well for several days, and I seemed to have lost weight. I suddenly became worried.
“What if Lee Taehyung curses at me for coming out looking like this……”
The meeting place was 7 PM, at a bar in a downtown area not far from school. The Friday night streets were full of noise. When I arrived in front of the bar, a familiar face waved their hand.
“Lee Hajin, over here!”
The first one to spot me was Lee Taehyung. Next to him, I could feel classmates and four unfamiliar faces scanning me with curious eyes.
In our department and most places, since most people were betas, group dates were often organized as male and female. The girls were all betas too, and among the guys, I was the only omega.
“Okay, since it’s awkward, should we start with brief self-introductions?”
I heard that Lee Taehyung, whose goal was to escape being perpetually single within this year, had already gone on three group dates, and as expected, someone with experience seemed different.
Under his lead, introductions began—name, age, department. The repetitive information passed by my ears.
The atmosphere was loosening up faster than expected. I didn’t come to this gathering to find a new relationship. It was just, should I say, a protest against hyung-nim’s indifference for pushing my back telling me to meet people my age too.
Of course, even if I held a protest, hyung-nim wouldn’t know anything, so this was just my own wandering that couldn’t even become a protest.
The awkward atmosphere was ripening quickly as we emptied our glasses. As I quietly sipped my drink, I gradually felt myself getting tipsy.
I was rubbing the water droplets on the glass of water in front of me with my finger.
“But Hajin’s atmosphere is a bit different from what I expected.”
I flinched at the sudden mention of my name and pulled my hand away.
“Huh? Me?”
When I lifted my head, the girl sitting across from me was smiling at me. What was her name again, I think it was Minji.
“Yeah, should I say you look colder than your photo? I thought you’d be more of a cute style originally.”
At the mention of a cold impression, I blinked my eyes. Even someone I’m meeting for the first time can tell. I definitely changed a bit after giving up on hyung-nim.
My profile picture was a photo that Park Seyeon and Han Seoyoung took of me under the cherry blossom tree at school. It was right after returning from the MT, and it was when things were good with hyung-nim, so my expression was much brighter. Of course, not anymore……
“Ah, I don’t mean it in a bad way! I meant you look cooler.”
Minji hurriedly added, as if my expression had darkened for a moment.
“What, cooler?”
Ooooh. Suddenly my classmates burst into playful exclamations, and a moment later, as if it were some kind of rule, everyone clinked their glasses together.
“But have we ever heard Hajin’s ideal type?”
“Come to think of it, we don’t know either. I thought Hajin wasn’t interested in dating, so I was surprised when he said he’d come this time.”
“So what’s your ideal type, Hajin? I think we all just said ours one by one.”
This time too, Minji sitting across from me asked. The noisy table instantly became quiet. Gazes focused on me. I hesitated with the hand holding the water glass.
Ideal type. Only one person’s silhouette came to mind. Tall height, eyes that seemed kind yet indifferent, someone who was cold to everyone but showed me an affectionate gaze. But a cruel person who actually only saw me as a child.
“Someone mature……?”
I summarized all of that in one phrase.
“Do you like older people?”
“N-not necessarily. Actually, I’m not really sure either. I’ve never dated before.”
Instead of replying further, I emptied my glass.
“What, why are you drinking alone. Come on, everyone cheers!”
The alcohol went down my esophagus, but my insides still felt hollow.
***
As the alcohol kicked in, the gathering became even noisier. Everyone was exchanging Instagram IDs, frantically taking selfies with the flash going off.
Of course, I was no exception.
“Hajin-ah, let’s take one too! Look here.”
“I’m uploading this to my story~”
Someone pressed close to my shoulder and thrust a camera at me.
I reflexively made a V sign and pulled up the corners of my mouth to smile.
“Hehe.”
“Guys, doesn’t Hajin seem softer when he’s drunk? I guess he was just shy earlier.”
“No way, Lee Hajin is usually like that. He’s been weird lately. Opening his eyes all strange and not smiling.”
I shook my head as if hearing this for the first time while listening blankly to the conversation. Recently I even heard from friends that I seemed charismatic, so what are they talking about.
“I’m like this now because I’m drunk. My friends said I have charisma.”
“Which friends?”
“Jihwan, Seoyoung, and Seyeon.”
It was a fact I gradually learned after coming to university—I’m the type who doesn’t show being drunk very much. My speech slows down, and I laugh a bit more stupidly?
“Ahh, so Hajin originally has charisma but becomes cute when drunk.”
“No, that’s not it……!”
I tried to explain but gave up. Even I thought what I just said was funny, so I burst out laughing.
“Puhah.”
What’s wrong with me, I kept laughing stupidly.
Is this what group dates are originally like? Even though Choi Jihwan told me to just have fun and relax. Maybe because we gathered as twenty-year-old peers, the group date atmosphere was completely comfortable. Honestly speaking, it didn’t feel like couples would emerge from here.
Everyone followed each other on SNS, took selfies, posted stories, and the kids next to me noisily chatted about watching the same video last night.
It was during that time.
Bzzzzzz-.
The phone I had placed on the table earlier to accept follows vibrated noisily.
Yoo Jeongwoo hyung-nim
Huh?
My heart sank with a thud, then rapidly plummeted. I stared blankly down at the screen.
What’s going on? Should I answer?
I momentarily mulled over whether I hadn’t told hyung-nim that I was going on a group date today. No matter how much I thought about it, I definitely told him. Hyung-nim personally told me to do so too.
I clearly said I’d be coming home late because of the group date……
“Hajin-ah, it’s okay so go answer the phone!”
“Ah, no, it’s okay. I don’t think I need to answer.”
I picked up my phone and pressed the reject button.
Then the vibration in my hand stopped. But in less than a minute, the screen lit up again.
Startled, I rejected it again.
And when the third vibration rang, Lee Taehyung poked my side.
“Hey, the phone keeps ringing, isn’t it urgent?”
“……”
Even though everyone was drunk, their gazes were fixed on me. I let out a short sigh and eventually got up as if surrendering.
“Sorry, I’ll just answer it and come back.”
It seemed I needed to go outside to avoid the noise of the bar.
Hyung-nim hadn’t called me even once recently. Even though hyung-nim has no interest in me, why does he call at times like this?
“What if I misunderstand, hyung-nim is really an idiot.”
While I was coming out of the bar, the call hung up once and was ringing again. With slow hands, I firmly pressed the call button.
If it had been a few months ago when I was unknowingly immersed in sweet dreams, I would have had foolish hope again from this phone call. And then I would have answered the phone cheerfully.
“……Hello.”
But not anymore. I actually know that such hope is the most foolish.
The foolish Lee Hajin no longer exists in this world.
“Where are you.”
Hyung-nim’s voice coming through the phone was pitched lower than usual. I blinked blankly.
This is definitely…… a scolding voice.
Rather than being angry, it was a coldly sunken voice. It was a voice interrogating rather than worrying, the voice he used to sharply scold me when I did something wrong before.
“Lee Hajin. You’re not answering?”
He’s even calling me Lee, Ha, Jin with my surname attached, calling me in three syllables. This is what I hate the most.
“Why do you need to know where I am?”
In an instant, the rebelliousness I had been suppressing surged up.
I didn’t even do anything wrong, so why is he calling me like that. If I have any fault, it’s only the crime of recklessly falling in love with hyung-nim.
I was at this group date I didn’t even want, because hyung-nim told me to go. Hyung-nim really, without even knowing how I feel.
“First answer the question I’m asking. Where are you right now?”
“I’m outside. I told you I had plans today and would be home late. Why?”
It was a curt voice that surprised even myself. Even though I laugh easily when drunk, I wasn’t drunk to that extent yet. Rather, I felt emboldened by the alcohol.
“Who are you with.”
“Of course I’m hanging out with friends. You know who I usually hang out with!”
Of course, today it wasn’t my usual friends but a group date, but today I wasn’t in the mood to report everything one by one like telling Mom and Dad.
It was the first time I felt like I could even win an argument against hyung-nim.
“You……”
Hyung-nim stopped speaking for a moment. Rough breathing came through the receiver.
Normally I would have been restless, worrying first about what I did wrong. Because hyung-nim doesn’t scold me for no reason. But I no longer have any intention of looking good to hyung-nim.
Moreover, whether I’m at a group date or drinking with friends, it doesn’t matter to hyung-nim anyway.
“Hajin-ah, hyung has something to ask you.”
“What is it?”
A considerably long silence passed as if he was catching his breath. And then.
“Did you touch hyung’s wallet?”
In an instant, my breath stopped.
“……”
The moment I heard those words, what was still in the inner pocket of my jacket came to mind.
The condom I had stolen from hyung-nim’s wallet.
“Tell me where you are right now.”
I slowly closed my eyes..
