***
Like an adult. With a joyful heart.
I had definitely resolved to congratulate him like that.
Because all that mattered was that hyung-nim was happy. At the same time, as I entered the office building, I prayed.
“He must be impotent, for sure.”
Jeongyeon wouldn’t have said something like that for no reason. I decided to believe that for the time being.
At least until I arrived in front of the office, I thought I could maintain peace smoothly like this.
Reflected in the entrance glass door, hyung-nim was standing close to a woman with long wavy hair, having a conversation. Only the woman’s back was visible, but I could clearly see hyung-nim’s face as he listened attentively to the story.
The smile hyung-nim made while nodding his head was so sweet. Just like the one he showed me, it was the most wonderful smile in the world.
As if that weren’t enough, the two of them held hands.
The moment I faced that scene, I froze in place. The strength drained from the arm holding the red ginseng box.
I definitely said……
That I would offer my blessing in the very distant future, not right now like this.
My heart cooled down chillingly. All the words I had been using to comfort myself until just now came pouring down to the ground.
Soon after, the woman’s appearance began to become a bit clearer.
Thick black wavy hair, a neat blouse and dress pants, sophisticated shoes that weren’t too high. Even the low, calm mid-to-low tone of her voice that I could faintly hear was steady.
The woman, who appeared to be around the same age as hyung-nim, gave off an atmosphere of an intelligent and mature adult no matter who looked at her.
She suited hyung-nim well.
The moment that thought crossed my mind, I looked down at my own outfit without realizing it.
Jeans and a white hoodie, with a box of red ginseng extract that Mom sent in both hands.
The contrast between a twenty-year-old college student who came to run an errand for his mom and the woman’s proper appearance was too severely stark.
The corners of my mouth drooped down on their own.
“……”
At that moment, my eyes met with hyung-nim’s.
Hyung-nim’s eyes widened, and after nodding to the woman’s words for a moment to wrap up the conversation, he walked toward me. A welcoming smile hung on his face.
“Hajin-ah, what brings you here? I don’t think I got any contact from you.”
But I couldn’t greet that smile with a joyful heart.
“Did you eat well?”
“……”
Hyung-nim, are you going to marry that person? Are you going to use condoms with that person?
I originally didn’t have many words I could say in front of hyung-nim. It hadn’t been long since I started confidently saying what menu I wanted to eat.
So even now, countless question marks surged up to my throat, but not a single one could come out of my mouth.
“Hyung-nim, today…… when are you coming home?”
That was the only question I could barely squeeze out. A safe question, the kind that would be natural for an acquaintance’s younger sibling he was temporarily looking after to ask.
“What should I do, it looks like I’ll be late today too.”
“……Ah.”
My heart sank with a thud. Today too, again.
“It looks like I won’t be able to have dinner together until next week. I’m going crazy too.”
I felt disappointed, but I couldn’t whine about it either. The fact that hyung-nim was busy was something I already knew.
“I’ve been feeling heavy-hearted because I couldn’t keep my promise last time.”
“……”
“Still, it’s nice to see your face like this. It feels like I suddenly received a gift.”
Feeling heavy-hearted? Like receiving a gift? That I came to visit? I glanced up. Hyung-nim had a smile that seemed genuinely relieved.
I avoided hyung-nim’s eyes. As expected, when it comes to hyung-nim, my heart wavers back and forth a dozen times a day.
“R-right. I actually have a real gift.”
Come to think of it, I came here on an errand. I held out the red ginseng extract box I had forgotten about for a moment.
“This, Mom said to give it to hyung-nim. She said it’s good for your health, to drink it together…… but hyung-nim, you drink all of it. You need to stay strong more than I do……”
Hyung-nim readily accepted the box.
“Thank you. It must have been heavy?”
Today especially, hyung-nim looked at my face closely. For me, who was struggling to manage my expression, this was cruel.
“I-it wasn’t that heavy.”
“Still, you must have had a hard time coming all the way here. I’ll contact Imo to thank her too.”
Even so, he had an expression as if something was bothering him, but he didn’t say anything in particular.
“Th-then, I’ll head home first.”
“It’s a shame to send you off like this…… Should I go down with you? I’ll call you a taxi at least.”
Hyung-nim let out a shallow sigh as he spoke.
“If it were up to me, I’d want to take you home, but I have an important guest here.”
If he meant a guest, was he talking about that person from earlier?
After being frozen for a moment, I shook my head.
“It’s okay. I can go by myself.”
When hyung-nim goes back into the office now, I thought that the sweet smile he had shown me earlier would turn toward that woman again.
“Hajin……”
“Hyung-nim, I’ll go first.”
As if cutting off his words, I hurriedly turned around.
“D-don’t overwork yourself too much. Make sure to eat your meals too……”
Even though it was a high floor, my steps headed toward the stairs. I turned my body as if fleeing because I didn’t want to see hyung-nim’s face anymore.
I heard hyung-nim’s voice calling me from behind my back, but I never looked back even once.
***
When I returned home, I lay down on the bed as I was.
As I stared blankly at the ceiling, hyung-nim’s face that I encountered while delivering the red ginseng box kept coming to mind, and the image of him with that woman also stubbornly followed along.
When I picked up my phone that had been buzzing since earlier, I saw Yoo Jeongyeon’s name.
Yoo Jeongyeon: Hajin is your Inbyeol account okay these days?
Yoo Jeongyeon: I keep getting logged out lately and it’s pissing me off
Yoo Jeongyeon: Don’t tell me I got hacked??? If that’s real ㅁㅊ
I told him so many times to change his password, who uses passwords like ‘YooJeongyeon1234’ since elementary school?
Normally I would have replied right away, but now I didn’t have the energy to lift even a finger.
“This is all because the red ginseng box was too heavy.”
So I lay there for a while, and then barely got up because I was hungry.
I rummaged through the refrigerator and whipped up some omurice. I made it while diligently following a recipe on my phone, and I was proud because it came out much more delicious than I expected.
It was only after doing the dishes that I suddenly remembered. The assignment I had put off. That assignment that Han Seoyoung said last time would take an incredibly long time.
This time it was a report where I had to choose two British and American literature authors and compare and explore each of them. At first I felt like I would die because I didn’t want to do it, but I soon focused on the assignment.
I don’t know how much time passed. After submitting the assignment, it was already past eleven at night.
“Uaaah.”
When I stretched my stiff body, a groaning sound naturally came out.
Since I hadn’t heard any sound while doing the assignment, it seemed hyung-nim still hadn’t come home. After stretching fully, I went out to the living room.
As expected, the inside of the dimly lit house with only one light on in the kitchen area was quiet.
After drinking a glass of water, I was sitting blankly on the living room sofa when I heard the sound of the front door opening.
“Huh?”
When I lifted my head, I soon saw hyung-nim’s figure. But it was a little different from usual.
Hyung-nim’s necktie was loosely undone. He was holding his jacket draped over one hand, and unlike usual when he always buttons his dress shirt all the way up, several buttons were undone.
It was definitely a more disheveled appearance than usual.
“Hyung-nim, did you drink?”
Hyung-nim came into the living room, and upon discovering me sitting on the sofa, smiled languidly.
“Yeah, Hajin, you’re still awake?”
“Yes……”
It’s not a very disheveled appearance, but still, something’s different.
I felt somewhat dazed. This was the first time in my life seeing hyung-nim drunk. Moreover, hyung-nim approached right next to me. And then……
Thud.
He rested his head on my lap and lay down.
“……!”
I tried to sit up, but I couldn’t move anymore.
“Hy-hyung-nim……”
Right now hyung-nim is using my lap as a pillow. I could feel hyung-nim’s breath. What do I do.
“Mm-hmm.”
Hyung-nim answered with his eyes closed. A faint smell of alcohol wafted over. Mixed with hyung-nim’s characteristic subtle pheromone scent, my head became dizzy.
“Let’s just stay like this for a moment.”
My breath caught. This…… is even more something he’s never done. I didn’t know where to put my hands, so they wandered in the air. My legs couldn’t move at all.
“……Hajin-ah.”
And then, at that moment, hyung-nim’s voice rang out low again.
“Are you mad at hyung?”
“What?”
My wandering hands stopped.
“Hyung-a, no, hyung kept thinking about it……”
“……”
“I can’t think of anything other than not being able to keep my promise that day.”
Hyung-nim’s voice was looser than usual, but it contained sincerity.
“I’ll keep it next time, so please forgive me, okay?”
“……”
“I don’t want to grow distant from Hajin again.”
My heart sank with a thud.
“That’s what hyung is most afraid of, Hajin-ah.”
