I bowed to the employee as well, then put meat in my mouth again.
The pork belly restaurant I imagined was a place with smoke billowing over round drum can tables and the floor glistening with meat grease. That’s how the places I often went to with friends always were.
However, the place I arrived at with hyung-nim was far from the pork belly restaurant I’d imagined. From the entrance, there was a luxurious wooden door, and when I went inside, each table was separated by wooden partitions. Subtle lighting descended from the ceiling, and instead of emotional ballads, piano melodies played.
Moreover, the staff grilled the meat directly for us. Not only that, they even grilled seaweed along with various vegetables.
“Hyung-nim.”
“Yeah?”
Hyung-nim’s gaze had been fixed only on me since earlier. It was a look as if watching something fascinating, but it seemed softer than usual.
“Hyung-nim, do you know the word ‘samsso’ by any chance?”
“Yeah.”
At the unexpected answer, I looked at hyung-nim with slightly surprised eyes. And the gentle gaze hyung-nim had until just now changed slightly.
“Now I see you see me as a total ajusshi.”
“Not total though…?”
Th-then does that mean I see you as just an ajusshi?
Right before hyung-nim’s brow narrowed further, I quickly changed the subject.
“Then have you tried pork belly with soju too, hyung-nim?”
I was just curious. Whether it was because he had to set an example, or because hyung-nim was originally a perfect person, I didn’t know, but I had never seen hyung-nim disheveled from alcohol. Come to think of it, even now he didn’t seem to enjoy drinking much.
“Yeah, I’ve tried it.”
My eyes naturally widened. Somehow I couldn’t quite imagine hyung-nim casually grilling pork belly with friends and enjoying soju.
“Wow, when?”
“When I was young like you.”
“Ah.”
While answering my question, hyung-nim’s eyes took on the same light as before. A gentle, caring, and sweet gaze.
I didn’t want the softened eyes to become sharp again, but my condition right now was different from usual.
“Then…”
The piano melody was nice, and hyung-nim before my eyes was wonderful.
And the meat was delicious, and perhaps because of my ruined hair, I was being a bit unreasonable.
“Hyung-nim, would you like to have a glass of soju with me?”
That’s why I wanted to try saying it.
“I wanted to… drink with hyung-nim too.”
However, at my words, hyung-nim’s gentle gaze changed back to displeased eyes.
Still, it wasn’t something I shouldn’t have said, right? I looked straight into hyung-nim’s eyes.
Hyung-nim stared at me for a long while, thinking about something. And hyung-nim said.
“No.”
A sigh came out naturally. Why on earth?
“Why?”
“Because I have to drive. Hajin, you just drink one glass.”
With hyung-nim about to order alcohol in front of me, I couldn’t quite get rid of my sullen face. But this was because of the situation.
“…Then I won’t drink either.”
“Okay, let’s drink next time.”
I hated the immediate affirmative answer that flew back. Somehow I had a feeling that hyung-nim’s “next time” wouldn’t come easily in the future.
“When is next time?”
If I can’t drink today, will I be able to drink with hyung-nim even once before I die?
“Just in case, I’m telling you. Don’t even dream about drinking until you black out. That’s what I hate the most.”
He was talking about the bucket list from earlier. My rebellious spirit sprouted again.
“Why do you hate me drinking so much, hyung-nim?”
“I don’t hate you drinking. I hate people who can’t control themselves and blame it on alcohol.”
I had never blamed alcohol to hyung-nim. Even asking him to kiss me, though I borrowed the power of alcohol, was done by my own will.
“Everyone should be careful with alcohol. Even more so for kids like you who don’t know how to control it yet.”
“Still, I never blamed alcohol last time.”
At least I could clearly tell that hyung-nim was firm about alcohol.
From now on, I should hide drinking a bit more. With such thoughts, I settled for moistening my throat with cola. I’d also eaten more than five servings of meat, so I was getting full.
“That’s right, it wasn’t because of alcohol for you.”
“…”
“It was because of that strange list, you getting unbridled.”
Hyung-nim had been comparing me to a colt often recently. Those words stuck strangely in my ears, but I was unsure of the exact meaning. Did he see me like an immature middle school adolescent, or as a scoundrel?
“Now I understand why you keep doing things you didn’t do before. At first I thought puberty had hit.”
Looking at it now, it seems it was both.
“Grabbing just anyone and asking them to kiss you, suddenly appearing as a poodle overnight…”
When the poodle talk came up again, my eyes naturally sharpened.
“Since I became an adult, I wanted to try this and that. That’s why I wrote those things too.”
“I know, you can do that. Hajin is an unexpected colt.”
An unexpected colt.
“What your aunt said was exactly right. Quietly causing trouble sometimes. In a way, it’s exactly the same as when you were little.”
“…”
“You were just too quiet all this time, so I didn’t know.”
To hyung-nim, I had recently become an uncontrollable existence, and hyung-nim seemed to have found the answer in my bucket list from earlier.
“That doesn’t mean I’ll condone you causing trouble. I’m still your guardian, and while you live with me, I’ll be faithful to my guardian role.”
Thinking about it again, the fact that hyung-nim saw me as an uncontrollable existence actually felt somewhat thrilling.
“Looking at the first item on the list, I thought I should keep a closer eye on you.”
Moreover, the words about keeping a closer eye sounded like he’d pay more attention to me.
Am I perhaps a pervert? With complicated feelings, I quietly lowered my eyes.
“But originally you didn’t nag much. Until before graduation…”
“Back then you didn’t cause trouble like now. Or you just didn’t get caught.”
Hyung-nim raised his wrist to check the time, and then also checked my chopsticks that I’d put down at some point. I hated the fact that we had to go home now, but there was no meat left to pick up the chopsticks again.
“…Should we go home?”
“Why, don’t want to go home?”
I nodded. I didn’t want to go. It wasn’t like I could always spend time with hyung-nim.
I wanted to continue spending time with hyung-nim like now. I wanted to keep confirming that hyung-nim’s interest remained. I wanted him to consider me a special existence, even just a little.
Otherwise, I might really cause trouble like a child wanting attention.
“Hyung-nim.”
I suddenly had a good idea.
“Can’t you do those things on that bucket list with me?”
“Me?”
“Yes, otherwise I might ask my friends. As you know, I don’t know what might be added in the future…”
I glanced at hyung-nim. As expected, hyung-nim’s brow narrowed more than before.
“This is another unexpected proposal.”
After looking at me for a long while, hyung-nim chuckled.
“I’ll think about it. I’m cautious about contracts that might become troublesome.”
“…”
I sighed inwardly. He’ll think about it. I have to go home hearing just this.
There’s no way hyung-nim would readily agree to something like this.
If I went home like this, it would probably become nothing. I know hyung-nim’s excellent situational handling ability better than anyone.
“Seems like we’ve eaten enough, has your mood improved a bit?”
“…No.”
So I firmly tied my hoodie strings.
“You talked about the poodle thing again just now.”
Although I’d ruined my hair, somehow I felt like I’d found the answer in hyung-nim’s words from just now.
Even if I act a bit selfishly, hyung-nim doesn’t hate me. He still considers me as a younger sibling he needs to protect.
Instead, if I cause a little trouble, hyung-nim keeps a closer eye on me. Until now, I’d been a child who didn’t need to be watched closely.
So I was like a robot vacuum cleaner to hyung-nim.
A robot vacuum cleaner with good performance that doesn’t break down, so you can turn off your attention for a few years.
I might have been gradually realizing since coming to college that remaining an obedient child wasn’t the right answer.
“I don’t want to go home.”
Better to be a poodle that could jump anywhere than a robot vacuum cleaner that runs on its own.
“This is serious, what makes a twenty-year-old feel better?”
“Hmm…”
Even if I looked a bit immature, I wanted to approach hyung-nim, spend time together… I wanted to.
“I want to watch a movie.”
Because perhaps now is the only opportunity I have to be close to hyung-nim.
