# Chapter 44
Jaei’s eyes widened at Doha’s words, his eyelids blinking rapidly. Doha seated Jaei, who was creating a breeze with his eyelashes, on the sofa and turned around. Then he reached for the box placed on the table. These were items he had brought down from apartment 1002 before Jaei arrived. As he was trying to organize them one by one, Jaei, with two large question marks floating above his head, jumped onto Doha’s back.
“What’s this? Something seems strange.”
Jaei muttered while attacking the top of Doha’s head with his short chin. Doha, who had lightly hoisted Jaei onto his back, calmly organized the items, ignoring Jaei’s short chin attacks. From the box, Doha’s hand emerged with medicine bottles and syringes.
“Where did you get these horrible things? I came back because I was afraid you’d keep doing stuff like this.”
Doha grumbled intently while unfolding a standard garbage bag. Jaei had long realized that Doha’s condition was suspicious, but considering that his profession was an actor, he didn’t dismiss his suspicions. Doha spoke while sweeping the disgusting objects into the garbage bag.
“Do you know why I sent that message that night?”
“What message are you talking about? Tell me exactly.”
Jaei asked sharply, his eyes gleaming, not letting go of his suspicion. Doha unhesitatingly provided the answer Jaei was expecting.
“The message saying I would definitely come back so wait for me. That you were my destination.”
The moment the content of that message accurately sprang from Doha’s lips, Jaei began to tremble. However, he still thought that Lee Doha might be acting as if Ryu Doha’s memories were his own because he didn’t want to leave his side. There was also a strong possibility that Doha had checked the messages backed up in the old phone Jaei used to use.
But Doha’s voice that followed completely shattered that possibility.
“That day, you said you didn’t want to hear my voice. Because that was the last thing you said to me. That’s why I sent that message.”
Suddenly, Jaei started gagging and began to convulse weakly on Doha’s back. Doha didn’t put Jaei down from his back, but tenderly kissed the back of Jaei’s hand that was drooping on his shoulder.
“I was afraid that after I died, your last words to me would hurt you countless times. That you’d be trapped in that moment, constantly killing yourself with regret for the rest of your life.”
“Ah… Doha… Doha…”
Jaei, his face turning bright red, desperately called Doha’s name in a voice that sounded like he was about to pass out.
“I had to come back. If you died too, it would be too unfair; I just couldn’t die like that.”
Doha stroked Jaei’s hand as he cried with sounds like a young animal, and shared the sincere feelings he hadn’t fully explained when they parted in his previous life.
“Even before I died, there was only you. Not for a single day, no, not even for a minute did I like someone else.”
“Doha, Doha…”
“Even after being reborn, there was only you. For all my moments.”
This was also the answer to the absolute love that Jaei had poured out to him earlier.
He cried so much that it truly felt like all the moisture in his body had drained away. When Doha held him in his arms and told him the story of how he regained his memories, his throat became parched dry, and with no tears left to flow, he gave a dry cough.
Jaei, with his low threshold for stimulation and weak physical strength, once again approached a state of fainting. He thought that if he lost consciousness, Doha would take him to the hospital again. Having exhausted all energy through his sobbing, it was time to move to the next phase. He relaxed his body and slowly closed his eyes.
However, Doha, who could finally enjoy a true reunion with his lover, would not allow Jaei to faint at this moment. Instructor Ryu Doha, who had returned from hell, forcibly breathed life into the dying Jaei.
“Just hold on a little more, Jaei. Open your eyes. How can you collapse when I’ve completely returned?”
“What?”
“Get up. Let’s play.”
Twelve years ago, the ghost Ryu Doha had also helped Jaei survive in this harsh world in such a severe way. When Jaei struggled to gather strength, Doha grabbed Jaei’s closed eyelids with his hand and forced his eyes open. Jaei, forced to open his eyes when he had used up all his energy reserves, twitched his nostrils.
Right now, before Jaei’s eyes, a new hybrid had been born, with Ryu Doha and Lee Doha merged into one. If he had been Ryu Doha of the same age, he wouldn’t have done such a childish act as forcibly holding open eyelids to look cool in front of Lee Jaei. Even if he had been eight years old.
And if he had been the bright and cute younger man Lee Doha, he couldn’t have dared to play such a prank on a hyung who was seven years older. Therefore, it was clearly Ryu Doha of the same age carrying out the thoughts of the younger Lee Doha without restraint.
After confirming that Jaei had properly opened his eyes on his own, Doha gently embraced him. Then, like soothing a baby, he put a straw in an ionic drink and placed it in Jaei’s mouth while saying:
“Lee Jaei. I nearly lost my mind completely for two months but I endured it. If I hadn’t regained my senses properly, I would have gone mad. I somehow overcame it. So you should endure too. Understand? You can do it.”
Doha patted Jaei’s back to encourage him. Born with a nature that made it difficult to maintain a healthy mind and body, Jaei blinked his large eyes and sipped the ionic drink. Then he whined to his lover who was both the same age and yet younger, younger and yet the same age.
“This is really killing me!”
“If you finish that, I’ll massage your hands and feet. Just keep your eyes open.”
Although Jaei pouted, he did his best to swallow the ionic drink to replenish his body with fluids. Doha took the empty bottle, put chocolate in Jaei’s mouth, laid him comfortably on the sofa, and then diligently massaged his hands and feet.
Jaei tended to get tense easily and often experienced spasms. As a child, Ryu Doha would massage Jaei’s hands and feet whenever he had the chance. And Lee Doha had even taught himself massage techniques, kneading Jaei’s body since his hands were very small.
Soon, Jaei’s stiff hands and feet became soft due to Doha’s strength and body heat. Thanks to this, Jaei regained his energy, put two more chocolates in his mouth, and shyly confessed his feelings while chewing.
“I’m so glad Doha came back. So, so happy.”
Unable to hide his affection, he spoke like a child, wiggling his fingers and toes simultaneously. Doha meticulously kissed each of Jaei’s pink fingernails, giving ten kisses. Then he spoke to Jaei as if giving advice.
“Jaei, as you know better than anyone, liking someone takes a lot of energy. If you don’t have strength, you can’t love. Do you know how diligently I ate meals while having a crush on you? That’s why I grew as tall as a refrigerator.”
“That’s right, I used up all my strength waiting for you, so now I don’t have any left. And I stopped growing taller too.”
Jaei lazily smiled, rubbing his swollen eyes with his dry hand. Doha gently kissed Jaei’s eyelids too, and looked down at him with eyes full of love while saying:
“Now I don’t even know how much I want to do with you and what.”
Doha, who was still young because he had only lived his childhood repeatedly and never experienced life after the age of 20, expressed his no-longer-childish feelings to Jaei, who had become more mature than him. Ryu Doha, who had loved Jaei armed with agape and platonic spirit, was now dead and gone. Not just dead in words, but actually departed from this world.
Right now, Doha’s energy to love Jaei was at its peak. However, he knew that selfishly begging to be loved would burden Jaei. So he was conscientiously suppressing his energy. He just hoped that Jaei would follow his pace to some extent.
Contrary to Doha’s desperate wish, Jaei was a tired working adult who urgently purchased muscle from a trainer by paying money during project preparation periods and frequently ended up in the hospital. With reddened cheeks, Jaei hid his face in extreme embarrassment. However, the place where Jaei hid his face was Doha’s broad and comfortable chest. He buried his face there and took a deep breath.
Doha carefully stroked the fragrant hair of Jaei who was nestled in his arms. The fine strands of hair gently slipped through his fingers. Holding Jaei’s face with both hands and giving two quick kisses on his lips, Doha said with an infinitely innocent face:
“Our physical strength should be similar to like each other, right?”
At Doha’s words, Jaei screamed and repeatedly bumped his head against Doha’s shoulder. After eagerly pounding Doha’s body with his small fists, he wrapped his arms around Doha’s neck and said:
“Okay, I’ll build up my strength. And I want to nag you about just one thing.”
“I really love nagging. Nag me a lot. I’ll do everything Jaei tells me to.”
Doha offered his white, pretty ear to Jaei’s lips. Jaei lightly kissed the back of his ear before saying:
“Nothing has changed. Just as you’ve lived as my younger brother all this time, continue to run only within the fence I’ve set up for you in the future too. You can never go outside it again.”
Doha knew that Jaei had gathered branches, thorns, and wire fences to create a safe enclosure around him over the past decade or so. He remembered how Jaei had been delighted whenever he gained money and fame, saying he could protect Lee Doha more safely. As he reflected on Jaei’s efforts to keep him safe, the thought of the heartache Jaei must have felt in all those moments made him choke up.
Tears welled up in Doha’s large, round eyes. Jaei carefully watched Doha’s pure face, which looked like tears might drop at any moment, secretly turned on his phone camera, and pressed the video record button. Then, at a completely unexpected moment, he pushed the lens forward and tapped Doha’s chin. Round tears rolled down his cheeks in drops.
