# Chapter 41
Who could be the visitor looking for actor Ryu Doha, not high school student Lee Doha? And it was someone Jaei had specially permitted to meet. Doha entered the office filled with curiosity. He bowed deeply at 90 degrees to the employees who hadn’t yet gone home. One of the employees pointed to the conference room.
Soon, Doha met a young man waiting for him in the conference room. A boy in school uniform who appeared to be around his age, though Doha was much taller. They bowed to each other simultaneously as their eyes met.
“Hello. I heard you were looking for me…”
“Ah, yes. I am…”
The student politely greeted him with an innocent voice, then searched his wallet and pulled out a student ID. Doha listened to what he was saying while reading the name written on the student ID.
“My older brother was friends with Lee Jaei hyung. My brother’s name was Ryu Doha. My name is Ryu Seungha.”
Ryu Seungha. That name was written on the student ID. Doha felt a moment of relief and slumped into the chair. Among his 101 hypotheses, he had avoided the worst one he didn’t want to consider. He sincerely did not want to become Jaei’s “younger brother who resembles his dead first love.”
Seungha put his student ID back in his wallet, sat in the seat across from Doha, and said:
“My mom told me to try contacting you just once, so I called the company. But they said to come meet you in person, so that’s why I’m here.”
“I see. Nice to meet you. I already knew about you from Jaei hyung. He told me there was a friend with the same name as me who looked similar.”
Now that Doha knew the other person was Ryu Doha’s brother, he felt they did resemble each other somewhat. Their facial features were arranged similarly, but the other had a relatively ordinary appearance. If judging solely by appearance, Doha felt he was the real one while Seungha seemed more like a Ditto.
Seungha continued:
“You might already know this… but my brother died in an accident a very long time ago.”
“Yes. I heard about that too.”
“So my mom keeps crying whenever she watches TV. She says if our brother had lived to become a high school student, he would look like this. With the same name and then news articles about you joining the company of Jaei hyung who was friends with our brother… Since then, mom has been watching that drama all day. Not eating, just crying.”
“I truly feel terrible about that. I really mean it.”
Doha ended up looking upset as he thought about “Ryu Doha’s mother” whom he had never actually met. He felt sorry for her sitting in front of the TV looking for traces of her dead son in him. He truly felt apologetic. Just as he could never be Jaei’s real first love no matter how much of Ryu Doha’s “something” he was, he could never be her real son either.
Seungha said:
“I’ve only seen my brother a few times in real life. We only had family meals together once or twice a year. So I’ve mostly seen his face in photos. Until I entered elementary school, I looked very much like my brother, so after he died, it was really hard for my mom whenever she looked at me. But as I grew up and my face changed a lot, it stopped being so difficult for her.”
Seungha continued with a slightly embarrassed expression:
“My mom was quite shocked watching my face change. Honestly, I was a bit sad too, but it was a good thing since my mom’s condition improved and everything got better. But now she’s struggling again, watching TV just like back then.”
Doha thought it was fortunate that Seungha, who had experienced the cruelty of puberty and genetic tricks at such a young age, had grown into a boy with an upright and positive character. Though he may not have received genetic blessings, Doha felt great affinity toward Seungha who had grown up well. He politely apologized to him for being a replica of Ryu Doha.
“I’m so sorry. I really am nineteen years old. I’m seven years younger than Jaei hyung… I didn’t lie about my age.”
“I know. There’s no way my brother would have jumped out of his coffin and debuted while lying about his age by seven years. I came here knowing you’re not my brother. I just wanted to confirm it once in person, for my mom’s sake. That’s why she couldn’t come herself, knowing what this would be like.”
“Please tell your mother that if she wants, she can come meet me. If I’m good enough, I’ll be her son instead. I’m good at that.”
“Thank you for saying that. I’ll tell my mom.”
Seungha, who appeared to have received excellent parenting, bowed his head deeply. Before sending him off, Doha, with a slight hope, asked a question:
“When is your birthday?”
“September 2nd.”
“Do you know your brother’s birthday?”
“July 10th. Mom always remembers it. His death anniversary is August 8th.”
For a moment, Doha felt disoriented. Trying to keep his eyes clear, he asked one more question:
“Can you show me a picture of your brother?”
Seungha nodded willingly and opened his mother’s social media connected to his messenger app. Doha carefully examined each photo of young Ryu Doha that Seungha’s mother had posted in her messenger story, visible only to friends. Anyone could see that Ryu Doha was Lee Doha and Lee Doha was Ryu Doha. Even the faint mole on their cheek was in the same position.
While flipping through the photos, Doha’s eyes suddenly widened. There was a picture of Ryu Doha wearing an old gray coat, sneakers, and black gloves. He looked about 7-8 years old. It was definitely the same clothes Doha had been wearing when he spontaneously appeared at Haesung Elementary School’s playground. He urgently asked Seungha:
“Do you have these clothes at home? Or have you seen them when you were younger?”
“No. After my brother died, my mom called me Doha and kept making me wear the clothes he wore when he was young, but I’ve never actually seen these clothes. Mom kept my brother’s belongings very preciously, but she said everything in this picture disappeared. The coat, sneakers, and even the gloves—all gone.”
After meeting with Ryu Seungha, Doha headed home instead of going to the hospital. In the elevator, he pressed the button for the 10th floor, not the 9th. Moments later, he stood in front of apartment 1002. He slowly exhaled and reached for the door lock.
It was the front door that wouldn’t open no matter how many times he had tried entering his birthdate. Now he knew for certain what the password to this apartment was. It wasn’t Hong Duyoung’s birthday in the solar calendar as he had clumsily guessed. He first pressed the four digits of Jaei’s birth year. The year Ryu Doha—who was the same age as Jaei and seven years older than him—was born. Then he added the birthday that had been inputted in his mind: 0710.
“……”
With a beep, the front door opened. Doha finally set foot in apartment 1002. What would be here? And what had Jaei been doing?
The apartment was empty. It was in the exact state as if someone had lived there and just moved out. It was embarrassing to have imagined that Jaei was semi-cohabiting with a lover in apartment 1002. Doha unhurriedly wandered around the apartment, opening each closed door one by one. Except for a single room, there were no signs of use in any room, including the bathroom.
He carefully entered the only space filled with furniture and turned on the fluorescent light. It was in the same position as the room Doha was using in apartment 902. Unlike the other rooms which had been neglected enough for dust to accumulate, only this place showed signs of human touch.
Windows, bed, desk—they were ordinary things that could be seen anywhere, but there was one unusual point. The bed was large enough for two adult men to lie down comfortably, and there were two pillows. Two desks, two chairs. Everything came in pairs. However, it didn’t feel like a secret meeting place for Jaei and a lover.
Though it was an unfamiliar place, from the moment he stepped into the room, his entire body began to ache as if beaten with a club. So he stood still in one place for a while, as if his feet were glued to the floor. He closed his eyes and staggered, feeling like he was being sucked into the floor.
“Ugh…”
When he opened his eyes again, overcoming the dizziness and pain, Doha could define this strange space in a single sentence.
This room is a place where Lee Jaei has done his best to recreate the past exactly as it was.
The bookshelf contained middle school textbooks, notebooks, and photo albums, all arranged in order with matching sizes. The square storage boxes contained numerous letters and notes, neatly and precisely folded and stored.
Doha reached out and picked up one note. On a piece of paper torn from the corner of a textbook was writing in a familiar handwriting. It was Doha’s own handwriting. It was perfectly predictable that the deceased Ryu Doha would have the same handwriting as him.
This was the first trace of Ryu Doha that Lee Doha directly encountered. The one who had shared love with Jaei in the past had, quite obviously, shared a love not unlike Lee Doha’s.
“Jaei, I’ll massage your feet when we get home”
Doha stared at the note with sad eyes. Though it wasn’t a sentence he had written, the scene of when this note was written was forming in his mind as if he had experienced it directly.
Ryu Doha and Lee Jaei, wearing middle school uniforms, sat side by side in a study room preparing for exams. Jaei’s body was stiff with stress after being hurt by a classmate calling him a “fucking loser.” Doha massaged Jaei’s hand with his left hand while writing in the textbook with his right. Then he playfully drew an angel and drew a long arrow pointing toward Jaei.
Maybe, no. That was definitely what happened.
