“Just watching baby eat fills me up. You’re definitely eating better than before. Like with the pasta last time, and with the ramyeon too. You even threw up in front of me once while eating, you know.”
At the words that suddenly hit him, Hwi-gyeom blinked. He quickly traced through the body owner’s memories. He recalled the memory of the day Ha-seok mentioned.
The body owner was especially afraid of Ha-seok. Though he feared Seo-jin and Yi-hyun too, the person he was most nervous about meeting was Ha-seok.
He had thought the agency president and Manager Kim were the scariest people in the world, but Ha-seok was the one who made even them tremble in fear, so how much more so?
As a result, he naturally came to fear Ha-seok. His appearance was already scary, and sometimes he even reeked of blood. Moreover, though his job was said to be a construction company director, you could tell just by looking at the subordinates he brought around that he was still doing illegal work.
To make matters worse, Ha-seok liked to tease the frightened body owner. Once, he deliberately came without wiping off the bloodstains on his face and clothes, roughly had sex in that state, then ordered a ton of food through hotel room service and made him eat.
It was practically torture. The body owner who had been forcing himself to stuff it down eventually vomited everything in front of Ha-seok.
“Food is innocent though. I should eat well while I can. I lost too much weight, it wasn’t good.”
Hwi-gyeom slightly avoided Ha-seok’s eyes. He didn’t want to follow the body owner’s lead and pretend he couldn’t eat. Once in the past, he’d starved for three days and nights. After that day, Hwi-gyeom ate well as long as the food wasn’t spoiled. He hated being hungry most in the world.
Moreover, whether this body had a constitution that didn’t gain weight easily, if he ate even slightly less, the weight would immediately drop, so he had to manage it.
“You chatter away so well too. It’s like you’ve become a completely different person.”
At Ha-seok’s following words, Hwi-gyeom flinched. His slightly relaxed mind tightened. Ha-seok’s eyes looking at him had a faint trace of amusement. Though it seemed like a casually tossed remark, the nuance that seemed to know something gave him goosebumps on his arms.
“……Because I can’t keep living being pushed around.”
He understood why Ha-seok felt a sense of incongruity. Though he was acting docile to match the body owner’s personality, the two people were too different in their attachment to life.
Hwi-gyeom had really wanted to live but died miserably from illness. The body owner would rather die than continue receiving unwanted sponsorship.
It was truly ironic. Because the relationship that had driven the body owner to death approached Hwi-gyeom as an unfamiliar yet interesting stimulation.
He’d lived his whole life hiding his sexual orientation. But here, even staying still, handsome guys of all varieties came and flirted with him on their own.
Moreover, it wasn’t just them using Hwi-gyeom. Hwi-gyeom could also seize what he wanted through them.
Hwi-gyeom put down the ramyeon he’d been eating. Though the soggy ramyeon was regrettable, talking with Ha-seok was more important right now. He met eyes with Ha-seok who had been staring at him intently from earlier.
Eyes so deep you couldn’t know what was inside told him that Ha-seok wasn’t an easy opponent. Even though he acted like a swaggering gangster, he was a director of one of Korea’s top construction companies. He was also a dangerous person whom even the loan shark president couldn’t make a peep against.
“I really want to act properly now. I’m definitely going to pass tomorrow’s audition too. Because it’s work I love.”
The body owner had never said such words to Ha-seok. Since he only trembled in fear whenever they met, there was no way they could have had a conversation. Ha-seok also hadn’t deliberately tried to converse. He just greedily took the body.
“Do you even know how to act? Liking something and being good at it are different. I really like kids. But taking care of kids is hell. Kids burst into tears just looking at me. No matter how kind an expression I make, it’s useless. Kids instinctively know. That there’s a lot of blood on my hands. Even though I look clean on the outside, they feel that I’m dirty.”
Ha-seok held out his hands full of calluses and grinned. His closely trimmed nail shapes were neat. Excluding the calluses, they were long, straight, and pretty hands.
But Hwi-gyeom momentarily saw an illusion of those hands covered in blood. With blood splatters spread on Ha-seok’s cheeks too. It suited him so well it sent chills down his spine.
“I saw our baby acting, you know. There are things you can achieve through effort and things you can’t, and baby is……”
Though Ha-seok trailed off, Hwi-gyeom understood what he wanted to say. Even from his own perspective, the body owner was seriously bad at acting. Should he say that God gave him looks but didn’t give him even a speck of acting ability?
When filming the short film, the body owner’s dialogue tone stayed in one register throughout. Parts that should have been emphasized passed by flatly, and he just read without controlling strength and weakness. Reading from a textbook would probably have been more varied than that.
Not only the voice, but the eyes that should express emotion malfunctioned the moment he stood in front of the camera. When doing sad acting, he only widened his eyes, and when angry, only his voice trembled like a goat’s. When expressing joy, only his mouth smiled while his eyes were completely empty, making the director continuously sigh.
It was bad acting that even looks couldn’t cover. Dialogue doesn’t work, facial acting doesn’t work, eye direction is awkward. He’d practiced acting alone many times, but it only got more serious.
Since the agency president didn’t provide separate acting lessons, the body owner also gave up on everything near the end.
“I don’t like seeing baby upset. Is there a need to deliberately receive criticism from people? If you want to act, let’s film together. As a silent movie. It’s not that baby can’t act, you’re just good at sex, aren’t you?”
At the blunt words, Hwi-gyeom subtly looked around. Fortunately, they’d chosen a spot away from other people.
Seriously, he doesn’t let you let your guard down.
Worried Ha-seok might say something weird again, Hwi-gyeom took out the script hidden inside his hoodie. The script marked ‘Seoul Lonely Night’ already had crumpled corners.
Gripping the script tightly in his hands, Hwi-gyeom looked up at Ha-seok. Though having sex and playing with handsome men was of course enjoyable, he wanted to act.
Hwi-gyeom, who grew up in an orphanage, was faster at giving up on something than coveting it. In such a life, the only thing he had wanted to do was act. What he’d regretted most when dying was never having acted as much as he wanted.
“Can’t you trust me just once?”
Hwi-gyeom looked at Ha-seok with a desperate expression. His lips were trembling slightly. His eyes, moist with melancholy even when staying still, exerted great power at times like this.
Ha-seok’s eyebrows twitched. Seeing that, Hwi-gyeom inwardly smiled in victory.
Not long after entering this body, Hwi-gyeom had once spent all day in front of a mirror. Because he’d wanted to try acting with this face that drew admiration just by looking at it. Before, no matter what acting he did it was only bland, but now it was different.
Hwi-gyeom knew the power of the expression he was currently making. Because even he had felt the desire to give everything when he saw his face in the mirror. Even though it was his face now, he felt that way. Should he say he understood Narcissus who fell for his own appearance and eventually reached death?
“I also can’t…… just keep receiving sponsorship forever.”
He bit his lip slightly and avoided eye contact. His eyes became wet with tears. Just before a teardrop could roll down his cheek, Ha-seok let out a big sigh with a “haah.”
“Is that the script?”
Ha-seok pointed with his chin at the script Hwi-gyeom was preciously holding. Hwi-gyeom, who had wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, nodded.
“Yes. I haven’t been able to read it yet. The president…… didn’t want to give me the script. I received it with difficulty today.”
“Why is that bastard like that?”
Ha-seok’s voice lowered. Even though he wasn’t threatening him, Hwi-gyeom tensed up for a moment.
“……The president doesn’t want me to act either.”
Hwi-gyeom didn’t miss the opportunity and brought up the story about Hong Du-shik. He couldn’t deal with Du-shik on his own strength alone.
Not only was there still a lot of contract time remaining, but he had one more of Hwi-gyeom’s weaknesses. If Hwi-gyeom left his grasp, he was the type to use it without hesitation. If that happened, even if he gained popularity, it would interfere with his acting career.
“But I want to do it.”
Hwi-gyeom’s gaze turned toward Ha-seok as if clinging. Ha-seok stretched out his arm. Momentarily startled, Hwi-gyeom hunched his shoulders. Thinking he’d be hit, he even closed his eyes, then an absurd laugh came back.
“Baby, have I ever hit you? I only have memories of doing service whenever I meet baby, so why are you so scared?”
When he cautiously opened his eyes, Ha-seok was making an aggrieved expression. Ha-seok’s fingertips touched the corner of Hwi-gyeom’s mouth where a scar still remained.
“Does the bastard who left this hit you?”
Though his lips were smiling, his eyes were endlessly cold. The scar remaining on his cheek wriggled frighteningly. Even though he wasn’t angry at him, his heart turned cold.
“N-no.”
Hwi-gyeom shook his head with an expression that clearly said yes to anyone watching. Ha-seok rubbed the inside of his cheek with the tip of his tongue. As he frowned as if displeased, the atmosphere instantly turned vicious. Even the passing breeze felt like it was holding its breath.
“Fuck, where does he get off hitting a kid? President Hong won’t do. How does he manage customers like that?”
Hwi-gyeom bit his lips tightly. If you listened carelessly it seemed like he was worried about him, but Ha-seok was treating him like a prostitute selling his body. Just look at how he expressed sponsors as customers.
