“It’s just……kind of an occupational hazard, I guess.”
“There’s an occupation for being warm?”
“No, that’s not — it’s not like that. I think it just happened from running the shop and raising a kid.”
“Ah, so you’re like that with everyone?”
No matter what he said, it felt like he was being backed into a corner, so Seowoo bit down on his lip. He poured himself some cold water to cool the heat rising to his face, and Hyeon, his expression turning serious, opened his mouth again.
“I went and saw Professor Lee while I was up there.”
“……”
“Don’t make that face. I didn’t talk about your treatment. I only consulted about something that was bothering me personally.”
Seowoo narrowed his eyes. Anyone with a brain would guess and connect the dots. Where in the world was there a person who’d take an ‘asking for a friend’ type of story at face value?
As if reading Seowoo’s thoughts, Hyeon added,
“There’s a clear difference between suspecting something and actually knowing it. Professor Lee isn’t the type of person who’s so hard up that he goes around running his mouth about things he’s only guessing at.”
“That’s true.”
“……Now that I think about it, I’m a little offended. There are plenty of people who want to be involved with me.”
At that, Seowoo neither agreed nor disagreed — he just gave a slight shrug. Hyeon also quickly returned to the original topic.
“Anyway, I came back with a few methods he recommended. Want to hear them?”
“……”
“Of course, it does require the premise that you trust me.”
Seowoo set down his water. He’d been bracing himself in case Hyeon brought up sex again out of nowhere — in which case he would have seriously started worrying about the man’s sanity — but looking at Hyeon’s face, that didn’t seem to be it.
Come to think of it, he still hadn’t heard what Hyeon meant by wanting to ‘find out’ either.
“I’ll hear you out for now.”
“Is there even an option where you don’t trust me? Do you really not know me that well, Seowoo?”
“Honestly, you’re so different from three years ago……”
Only distrust reads on Seowoo’s expression. Hyeon raised one eyebrow in displeasure and replied,
“Do you want to hear just one practical method? Or should I share everything I heard?”
“The latter sounds like it has some really uncomfortable things mixed in — am I right?”
“Just as you’d expect.”
Seowoo crossed his arms defensively. He leaned back deep into the chair and thought for a moment. After an intense internal debate between wanting to know everything and not wanting to be made uncomfortable again, he came to his answer.
“I’ll just hear the one practical method.”
“Really? You don’t want to choose? You won’t regret it?”
Hyeon asked with a teasing smile.
“Absolutely not.”
Seowoo shook his head firmly. Looking at Hyeon’s expression only made him more certain he’d chosen correctly.
“Together——”
Their eyes met as Hyeon opened his mouth. He paused for a moment, his gaze carrying a hint of anticipation.
“——we should try sleeping, apparently.”
“……”
“Share pheromones naturally over a long period without any stimulation, is what he said.”
Seowoo had no idea what his own expression looked like right now. He could only hope it was as neutral as Hyeon’s across from him.
He had actually heard something similar from a doctor before — the advice to share a room, use the same bedding, and get stable rest together. A casual recommendation from a doctor who didn’t know his actual situation, something along the lines of don’t sleep in separate rooms as a couple. That was back in the early days of his condition. And because it was the kind of thing that only worked within the daily life of an ordinary couple, he hadn’t even considered it as an option.
When Seowoo stayed quiet for a long while, Hyeon added,
“I’m confident I can manage it.”
Whether he was talking about sex or sleep, the nonchalant tone was exactly the same. And yet this same person had twisted his face when talking about a first time. Seowoo felt vaguely puzzled and slowly nodded.
“I understand what you’re saying.”
But I’m not so sure I can. No stimulation for an extended period — really.
Hyeon made a low hum in his throat. It sounded entirely too much like he already knew exactly what Seowoo was thinking, so Seowoo quickly added,
“I have family, you know. Staying out overnight just doesn’t sit well with me.”
“The baby can sleep with us.”
Seowoo had been drinking his sikhye when his mouth went dry and a grain of rice nearly shot out through his nose. A sudden image of Dano crashing into the middle of what had been turning into a rather vivid mental picture was enough to throw him completely off. He raised a hand and waved it frantically through the air, and Hyeon tilted his head.
“If the studio’s uncomfortable, we could book a hotel. Or should we take a trip somewhere? Ah, that probably won’t work because of the shop.”
“……”
“Or I could come sleep at your place?”
His heat cycles came without warning, so he’d been living half-soaked in suppressants, and after meeting Hyeon, his pheromones had gone haywire and he’d even passed out. Would this be too great a shock to his body, which was only just beginning to stabilize?
“At my place?”
Knowing only that his condition was something like a pheromone imbalance, Hyeon was practically beaming like a girl looking forward to a sleepover.
“In my opinion, it seems like the easiest path. Better than dozing uncomfortably in a studio chair.”
“……I’ll think about it.”
“Alright then.”
Hyeon picked up his own sikhye. The smiling eyes and upturned lips remained. Seowoo’s head had gone warm in an instant, and he shifted and fidgeted in his seat for no real reason, readjusting his posture.
Sleeping together.
Would that really be……okay?
***
That night, after putting Dano to bed early, Seowoo stood in front of the dresser.
“……What am I even going to wear to sleep.”
He muttered it quietly without thinking, then immediately clamped his mouth shut. No one had heard him, and yet he felt embarrassed all the same. He spun around — Dano was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the world.
One drawer was packed full of pajamas he wore at home. Faded short-sleeved shirts washed so many times the color had drained out of them, shorts covered in little fuzz balls, a pajama top with a crinkled collar. Calling them pajamas was generous — they were little more than rags that had practically become a second skin. Too comfortable to throw away, but——
Absolutely not something he could ever show another person……
Seowoo opened the next drawer and pulled out a slightly more presentable t-shirt. He went through the same motion a few times — take one out, put it back — and before long he realized how ridiculous he must look.
“I’ve lost my mind, for real.”
He muttered a quiet curse, then shoved everything back and closed the drawer.
A hotel would have been easiest. No need to worry about cleaning the house or the bedding. But thinking of Dano, home felt right. It was the most stable and familiar place for a child.
But……
Seowoo slowly turned his head and looked again at the bed where Dano was sleeping.
Too small a bed for three. The old blanket — soft but worn with years of living — and the mattress buried in stuffed animals was nothing to brag about either. The wall was covered in glow-in-the-dark stars Dano had stuck on himself, and the pillow had a large penguin character embroidered across it.
Getting that far in his thoughts, Seowoo dragged a hand slowly down his face.
Hotel or home, Dano this or that. He hadn’t even given an answer yet, and here he was worrying about his pajamas. Not to mention the bed and the bedding.
He was already acting like it was a done deal.
‘I’m confident I can manage it.’
That line of Hyeon’s — it had meant he was confident he wouldn’t get worked up. That even lying side by side in the same bed through the night, even steeped in each other’s pheromones, he’d be able to sleep without any trouble.
“It’s not like I’m an idiot……is he really asking me to believe that.”
They already had a track record, after all.
Just then, the phone he’d tossed carelessly onto the bed lit up.
“……”
He hesitated for a moment over whether to just ignore it, then picked it up and quietly slipped out to the living room. He crouched down beside the sofa and slid the accept button.
“……Hello?”
— Already asleep?
Seowoo steadied his voice. He’d whispered too quietly, even though he wasn’t even in the bedroom anymore.
“Dano goes to bed early.”
— Good kid.
“Are you working?”
A rhythmic sound could be heard from the other end of the line. How did you know? The low voice that came back asking made his ear go tingly. Seowoo picked up the remote, turned on the TV, and brought the volume all the way down to zero. The dim living room flickered to life.
— What are you doing, Seowoo?
“I was just about to go to sleep too.”
— Is that so.
Listening to Hyeon speak, Seowoo flipped through channels and stopped on a movie. The grainy footage that looked at least twenty years old filled the screen. The actor’s figure from behind, set within a precisely composed frame, overlapped with Hyeon’s voice — and it felt as though he were somewhere inside the screen.
— I’ve been wondering — did you quit the art world entirely?
“Yes.”
— That’s a shame. Your eye for things, separate from Suryeon——
“I don’t know about that. It wasn’t something I started of my own will to begin with.”
Late at night, caught off guard by the unexpected question, an unguarded truth slipped right out of him.
— Not at all?
Hardly. Just as he had decided to forget the heat cycle from three years ago, Suryeon too was something he had simply locked away somewhere deep inside.
