“Hey, are you actually not sick anymore?”
“Yeah. For real, feel for yourself.”
Still that same teasing tone. I placed my hand on Chae Jinyeong’s forehead. Thankfully, the fever that had been blazing seemed to have broken entirely — his temperature felt the same as always. Chae Jinyeong stayed still, looking up at me, and leaned his face into my touch.
I’d been worried enough that I’d seriously considered going back to his place to check on him — so actually feeling for myself that he’d gotten better finally let me breathe.
“Chae Jinyeong, why’d you get that sick. Do you have any idea how bored I was without you.”
“Just bored?”
“Hm?”
“Why don’t you say you missed me? I missed you.”
And then he made a sulky face.
I smiled along with him, then sat down on the empty swing beside him and pulled a stack of handouts from my bag.
“Yeah. I missed you.”
I’d been collecting his share for him the whole time, so it had piled up quite a bit.
“So take these first. The notebook is one I put together separately for you.”
Chae Jinyeong looked at the notebook and handouts in my hands, and then the corners of his mouth curled up beautifully. The outer corners of his eyes curved along with it, and he looked genuinely happy.
“What are you smiling at, you idiot.”
“Because I’m happy.”
“Someone was busy worrying about you and getting scolded for it, and here you are with so much to be happy about……”
I’d meant to get on him for not telling anyone he was sick. But seeing that smile of his like this, every bit of that intention just dissolves. I ended up exhaling and laughing helplessly.
Chae Jinyeong looked at my hand, then raised his head.
“Every time you give me something, you always give me one more thing on top of it. Even now. You could’ve just handed these over, but you went and wrote out notes for me too. Because you care about me, because I’m special to you.”
“You are special. What do you think we are to each other.”
“What are we to each other?”
I thought he was about to take the notebook — but then I felt a warmth close around my hand. Chae Jinyeong, gently gripping the back of my hand, looked at me with an expression full of hope. Physical affection had always been the norm between us, so it was familiar — but somehow, today, it really did feel different.
More than usual. The hand stroking the back of mine, the way he was looking at me — it was getting to me for no good reason.
Why is he being like this all of a sudden. Maybe it’s just me being strange because I haven’t seen him in a few days.
I deliberately smiled brightly and pushed the notebook and handouts into Chae Jinyeong’s arms, then said lightly:
“Obviously…… we’re people who’ve grown up together since we were little.”
“That’s so mean. How can you say that? We’re going to get married.”
“I think I raised you wrong somewhere along the way. I let you get away with too much.”
“What’s wrong with pouting a little. You said you’d make me your bride. Yours, Im Yuhan.”
And then he scrunched up the corners of his eyes like he was genuinely displeased. A face he didn’t show anyone else. Whenever I caught glimpses of the way Chae Jinyeong became softer, more varied, only in front of me — a deep satisfaction kept welling up from somewhere in my gut.
As if I’d conceded defeat, I looked at Chae Jinyeong and wrapped my hand around his wrist. I could almost feel his heartbeat thumping beneath my fingers. The moment our eyes met, I pulled the corners of my mouth up.
“Yeah. So, my bride — why were you so sick?”
Chae Jinyeong said nothing and just looked at me. With our gazes still locked, I waited for him to speak. But Chae Jinyeong was studying my face as if hoping I’d say something first. Almost like he was watching for a reaction.
“Why are you looking at me like that.”
“You can’t feel it?”
“Feel what?”
From somewhere not far off came the sound of a dog barking. Chae Jinyeong, who’d been silent, let out a hollow laugh and pressed his other hand — the one I wasn’t holding — against his own forehead. Then he said it quietly.
“I thought I knew…… but you really can’t feel it, can you.”
“Say it in a way I can understand. You’re still sick, aren’t you. I told you we should’ve just gone inside.”
Is he still not well? I thought. Chae Jinyeong said nothing, quietly looking down at my hand, and then held it again. Not interlacing his fingers — just holding it. And then, as if it were nothing, he opened his mouth.
“Yuhan.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m an alpha, apparently.”
At that, all I could do was stare at him.
“It was presentation pain. My secondary gender — it finally came in.”
“What?”
“I’m an alpha.”
Oh.
The shooting star falling overhead burned too brightly — maybe the boast of a wish it had just granted. But I couldn’t offer Chae Jinyeong, who looked strangely hollow, a word of congratulations, or a word of you went through a lot, or any word at all. All I could feel was the inverse — how much tighter my grip on his hand had become.
So Chae Jinyeong…… had become an alpha in those few days.
“Hyung, why are you only coming now? I was waiting so we could order dinner together!”
“I was talking with Jinyeong for a bit.”
“If it’s Jinyeong hyung…… I’ll let it go!”
Im Hanhi nodded with a look of someone who’d accepted a perfectly valid reason. My younger sibling, four years apart, had always been on good terms with Chae Jinyeong. They’d known him since before they could remember, and he’d always played with them well — it would’ve been strange to dislike him. I walked into the living room, gently pressing down on Im Hanhi’s head with my palm as they came to meet me at the entryway, then releasing it.
“Hyung, hyung.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m hungry, can we order chicken? Is there anything you want to eat?”
“Order whatever you feel like. I’m fine.”
“You’re not eating?”
I nodded at my sibling’s surprised face and went into my room. I didn’t have an appetite for some reason. Not because what I’d just heard had been shocking. Truly.
Chae Jinyeong had never once tested as a beta in a secondary gender screening — he’d simply been unpresented. The shock I’d felt the first time I’d read my own presentation notice had been genuinely immense.
Yuhan, did you present?
Looking at a young Chae Jinyeong with his fair complexion and that bright, open smile — I’d had to feel an inexpressible disappointment, and a frustration whose source I couldn’t even begin to identify.
I hadn’t been able to meet the eyes of Chae Jinyeong, who was gazing up at me with hopeful ones.
Why had I ever thought I would be a secondary gender type.
Even then, I had believed I would become an alpha. And if not that, then maybe an omega. And if that were the case, I’d assumed Chae Jinyeong would be the same.
As expected, Yuhan, you’re either alpha or omega……
I’m a beta.
The presentation notice in my hand crumpled from a grip I hadn’t realized I was applying. I still don’t really know what kind of expression I was wearing back then. But I knew at least that I had tried to speak — calmly, as if it were nothing. The tips of my fingers, drained of blood, had gone numb.
Maybe I had been afraid of Chae Jinyeong’s reaction.
Only after a short silence did Chae Jinyeong open his mouth. Just when I was thinking he might be disappointed, he took both of my hands and smiled like he couldn’t see what the problem was.
Then I’ll be a beta too.
Are you stupid? Wanting to be a secondary gender type doesn’t mean you can just become one.
I don’t need anything else. I’ll be the same as you. I’ll become whatever secondary gender you want.
It had felt like a kind of vow. As warmth spread from our joined hands, the disappointment and anxiety that had stained my heart found its way back to steady ground with surprising ease. My cold fingertips grew warm with Chae Jinyeong’s temperature.
So I’m fine with anything. You too.
Looking back on it now, that might have been Chae Jinyeong’s way of comforting me.
