# Chapter 90
### 3-4
For a week, Mo Eunje washed up and left immediately after waking, burying himself in the public library under the pretext of preparing his new work. Even though he knew that avoidance wasn’t the solution and was rather cowardly, he didn’t have the confidence to face Tae Igyeol’s feelings, so the only thing he could do right now was run away.
When the library closed, he would take the books he had checked out and go to a nearby café. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he only went to Tae Igyeol’s house to sleep.
Knowing that Gye Minho had been coming to work every day at the café at the intersection he used to frequent, he moved from one café to another. There was no point in being with Gye Minho just to disturb him while he was working and make him uncomfortable. At a time like this when his mind was troubled, it was better in many ways to be alone, if only to organize his thoughts.
‘But Eunje. My unrequited love doesn’t seem entirely hopeless.’
He couldn’t understand what had suddenly made Tae Igyeol think that way. He didn’t think he had given any reason for Tae Igyeol’s one-sided love to have any chance of success.
After sitting in cafés and consuming only desserts, today he called his mother to coincide with her after-work hours. Despite turning the problem over in his mind all week, this was the only solution he could come up with.
“Oh, Eunje. I haven’t heard from you since Parents’ Day. What’s the occasion? I didn’t even know if my son was still alive.”
Only after hearing Han Seola’s chiding mixed with disappointment did he realize that this was the first time he’d spoken to his mother in a month. Indeed, it had been a very long time, especially since even the family group chat had been quiet lately, suggesting his parents were busy too.
“Sorry. I’ve been completely absorbed in preparing my new work. Though I did end up scrapping it.”
“Why did you scrap it? Didn’t you like how the writing turned out?”
“I didn’t even get to the writing part. I just felt like I took the wrong approach to the subject matter from the beginning, so I scrapped it during preparation.”
“I see. Don’t feel too rushed. Some writers release new works after three or five years. It might be too ambitious to try releasing a new work every year.”
Sometimes his mother could be coldly realistic, and this was exactly one of those times. Mo Eunje had nothing to refute or excuse, so after careful consideration, he brought up his main point.
“Mom, how much budget could you support me with for finding a new place?”
“Why are you suddenly asking about that?”
“Well, Aunt said she’s getting into a big project this month and it’s an emergency at the office. And I feel bad about continuing to impose on Igyeol, so I’m thinking of looking for a different real estate agent.”
“…Did you and Igyeol have a fight?”
He knew this would happen. Despite deliberately bringing up Song Yeonhwa’s busy schedule first, his mother immediately jumped to a plausible real-world explanation.
“Are we children? What would we fight about?”
“Then are you uncomfortable living with Igyeol? He’s not the kind of person to make others uncomfortable…”
“It’s not so much uncomfortable as, well, it’s just not as comfortable as having my own place. I’ve been shutting myself in the study trying to prepare my new work, and Igyeol has been doing all the housework, plus he’s taking care of everything from my meals to small details, and I feel sorry about that.”
His mother knew very well from living with him that during his writing periods, Mo Eunje would focus solely on his novel and everything else in his life would fall apart. So this was a fairly plausible excuse.
“That’s true. When you’re young, that might work, but if a relationship becomes too one-sided, it can’t last long.”
“Yeah. You said that before too, Mom.”
“But Eunje. You’re someone who forgets to eat when you start writing, so actually, Mom would be thankful and less worried if Igyeol takes care of you. Igyeol is caring and attentive, after all.”
“Wow… Mom, that’s really selfish thinking. Did you forget what you said three seconds ago? That if a relationship becomes too one-sided, it can’t last long?”
“Alright. It’s your life, so you should take care of your own affairs.”
Words that had once only sounded disappointing couldn’t be more welcome now. Han Seola told him the amount she had mentioned to Song Yeonhwa. With that budget, if he just moved out of this neighborhood, he could find a good jeonse apartment that met his requirements and have money left over. Until now, he had always tried to live close to Tae Igyeol, but thinking about it again, having some distance might not be a bad thing.
Mo Eunje ended the call with his mother and started reading the book he had borrowed from the library. There was no way the words would register in his mind.
“Dinner?”
“I already ate.”
Even when Mo Eunje came home close to midnight, Tae Igyeol always asked the same question. He could see that Tae Igyeol was feeling stifled, but given that Mo Eunje had used the excuse of working on his new novel, he knew Tae Igyeol wouldn’t make him uncomfortable by prioritizing his own emotions, even if he saw through the excuse. If nothing else, he knew how much Tae Igyeol respected him when he was working. Indeed, since that day, nothing similar had been mentioned. Though to be precise, he hadn’t given any opportunity for conversation by showering and going straight to bed with his eyes closed.
Today too, Mo Eunje headed straight to the bathroom to shower as soon as he returned home. But since he couldn’t continue like this forever, he was planning to start looking for a new place through a different real estate agent the day after tomorrow.
He believed that if he found a place and moved out, even if the relationship became awkward for now, time would resolve it to some extent. For himself, who had always been with Tae Igyeol, time had played the biggest role in erasing the feelings of first love. So Tae Igyeol would need time too.
When he came out after showering, Tae Igyeol was sitting on the bed waiting. Mo Eunje, who had put on a t-shirt and shorts, didn’t hide his fatigue as he crawled right onto the bed and lay down. Come to think of it, he usually just slept in briefs, but for the past few days, he had instinctively been dressing properly for bed.
“What is it? Do you have something to talk about?”
“There’s been no mention of when the ‘Book of the Month’ live broadcast is this month.”
Only then did Mo Eunje realize his mistake. He had been so preoccupied with avoiding talking to Tae Igyeol for the past few days that he had completely forgotten about it. In such situations, speaking normally was essential to avoid causing hurt feelings or misunderstandings, but he had made an error.
“Ah. I was so distracted that I forgot to tell you. Sorry. The live broadcast is tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? My father asked me to come to the company briefly tomorrow morning, so I’ll have to reschedule.”
Tae Igyeol had changed. In the past, Mo Eunje would have had to beg, plead, and use all sorts of aegyo to forcibly drag him along, but not anymore. He seemed to have no intention of hiding anymore, and the reason for his changed behavior was so obvious that it weighed heavily on Mo Eunje’s heart.
“You don’t need to. Tomorrow’s guest is Jiha hyung. We’re planning to have dinner after it’s over.”
“Poet Jang Jiha?”
“Yeah. We arranged to have dinner after the broadcast to discuss my new work preparation. I was planning to go alone this time since I know you don’t like dining with people you don’t know. Sorry for telling you so late.”
“Then I’ll just drive you there tomorrow.”
“No need. Manager Yoon said she’d pick me up at the shop. You’re not my chauffeur, and I’ve been shamelessly making you run errands for me. I should make the agency work for their contract.”
Though he spoke casually and indifferently, he couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable. Tae Igyeol had probably fully understood his intention.
“Eunje.”
“Igyeol, I’m really sorry, but I’m so tired I’m about to pass out. I need to get up early to go to the live broadcast tomorrow, can we talk later?”
“…Alright. Your eyes are drooping. Go ahead and sleep.”
“Thanks.”
After making a flimsy excuse and receiving the consideration he wanted, Mo Eunje felt like a bad person. Knowing what motivated Tae Igyeol’s attempts to suppress his frustration, watch his behavior, and accommodate him as much as possible made him even more uncomfortable. It felt like punishment for selfishly pushing for a different answer after noticing and confirming Tae Igyeol’s feelings on the night of the half-moon.
When he closed his eyes, Tae Igyeol turned on a soft mood light and switched off the ceiling light. When he heard quiet footsteps moving away and the sound of the door closing, he opened his eyes.
Although it was past midnight, sleep wouldn’t come. As Tae Igyeol probably knew, preparing for a new work was just an excuse. His mind was so complicated that far from preparing a new work, he couldn’t think of anything but Tae Igyeol.
As he mulled over the time they had spent together, it was suddenly almost 3 AM again. In the quiet house, he could faintly hear calm footsteps approaching the bedroom. Just as he had done all week, he quickly closed his eyes.
He sensed Tae Igyeol opening the door silently and approaching slowly. Even his faint breathing was noticeable, causing Mo Eunje to hold his breath momentarily. Tae Igyeol, who had been looking down at him, bent over and carefully kissed his forehead. His unnecessary desire had resulted in excessive behavior, and Mo Eunje, not yet ready to confront it, could only pretend to be asleep and ignore it.
“For making it hard on you… I’m sorry.”
The apology, even smaller than a barely audible breath, came through without fail. Tae Igyeol must be suffering too as he apologized. Mo Eunje couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes until Tae Igyeol left again. Tae Igyeol had been sleeping on the living room sofa for a week.
Taking even the bed from him, Mo Eunje’s conscience was completely shot.
He shouldn’t have moved into this house. When he was just coming and going as if he lived there, he hadn’t even considered that something like this could happen. It was supposed to be something that would naturally never happen and should never happen. But living together had made it harder for Tae Igyeol to suppress his feelings too.
How did we end up like this…
His eyes suddenly felt hot, and feeling like he might burst into tears, today he couldn’t open his eyes at all, even after Tae Igyeol had left the bedroom.
