# Chapter 83
Mo Eunje stared with a peculiar look at the broad back that was making roux, then went to the powder room. After thickly applying lip balm to his dried, red, and swollen lips, he took it with him to the kitchen and stood beside Tae Igyeol.
“Look at me.”
“What?”
“I think your lips might crack too because of the changing seasons. Look at me—after being sick, what’s happened to my lips?”
“…”
“You should prevent it early before you end up with sausage lips like mine.”
While nagging in Tae Igyeol’s signature style, Mo Eunje held his chin and applied lip balm to his lips. He thought it might be embarrassing enough that Tae Igyeol would ask for the lip balm to apply it himself, but surprisingly, he remained still, offering his lips without resistance.
This is somewhat awkward…
As he became aware of the piercing gaze, even his breathing grew cautious. Although it was just a habitual action done without thinking, Mo Eunje felt awkward and embarrassed, so he quickly finished and immediately stepped back. To hide his embarrassment, he looked into the pot and changed the subject.
“Wow, the color looks really authentic, just like Grandmother’s. You must have learned it properly. How much longer will it take?”
“…About 30 more minutes.”
“Is there anything I can help with? You can use me as your assistant.”
For some reason, making eye contact with Tae Igyeol felt burdensome, so Mo Eunje deliberately kept his eyes fixed on the pot.
“It’s all done. Now it just needs to simmer well.”
“I see. Then I’ll go get some sunlight for a bit. After being stuck in bed all day, I miss the sun.”
Adding unnecessary awkward words, Mo Eunje left the kitchen almost like he was escaping. He wasn’t sure at what point the density of the air had changed, but Mo Eunje felt a strange pressure as he moved his arms and legs simultaneously like a creaking robot. Even though his fever had dropped and his body temperature was normal, a flush rose from his nape to his earlobes. He needed to organize his thoughts, which had become chaotically confused without context.
When he stepped out onto the rooftop terrace, the sunshine was warm. Mo Eunje pulled out a chair from under the canopy and sat down. As he enjoyed the clear weather in the shade, the unidentifiable pressure weighing on his chest gradually disappeared. It would have been perfect if he had brought a cool drink, but moments ago, he had been too confused by the strange atmosphere and had been in a hurry to escape.
“Ah, I’m being unnecessarily self-conscious…”
Except for Tae Igyeol becoming nicer, everything was the same, and he didn’t understand what the problem was. It wasn’t as if his heart had become unsettled just because he had briefly dug up memories that had been sealed away. That was from so long ago—how could those feelings still remain? They couldn’t possibly remain, and they shouldn’t.
He swore that not once since that summer when he was eighteen had he ever looked at or thought of Tae Igyeol in that way. He’d even dated a few girlfriends, even if those relationships hadn’t lasted long. It was a heart so thoroughly erased by the passage of time that he could joke about it over drinks, saying, “Actually, you were my first love,” as if it were an amusing anecdote.
So what was the problem that made him suddenly become conscious of Tae Igyeol?
Mo Eunje racked his brain intensely, not even realizing that he was fiddling with the circle pendant around his neck. He needed to find the cause of the air that had instantly thickened and gained mass. He had to find that cause and resolve it to maintain the peace and comfort they had always had until now.
‘You said you liked it when I treated you well. I promised to treat you well even when you’re not sick.’
He couldn’t even remember when they had such a conversation. Perhaps as his body weakened, his mind had weakened too, and he had said some nonsense. No, it was true that it felt good when Tae Igyeol treated him well, so it couldn’t be called nonsense, but since Tae Igyeol wasn’t the type to be so compliant that he would do everything Mo Eunje said, something seemed suspicious.
‘If I say I like something, will you do it all for me?’
‘That’s the plan.’
This answer, in particular, felt the most unfamiliar. Of course, he knew that among all people on Earth, he was the one who received the most of Tae Igyeol’s gentle kindness and attentive care. He was also aware that this went beyond what would typically be called a close friendship. But that was because they were like family, having grown up in a special environment, and he and Tae Igyeol were still within the boundaries of friendship.
He couldn’t tell whether the problem was Tae Igyeol, who had become kind and put on an ill-fitting mask of a gentle lamb, or himself, who had suddenly become conscious of trivial acts of kindness. In the midst of unclear speculations, the scale refused to tip to either side.
“Am I going crazy…”
As he uttered these words to himself in self-doubt, there came a dull sound from the glass door connecting to the living room. When he turned his head, he saw Tae Igyeol knocking on the glass, gesturing with his chin for him to come inside. He looked completely normal, no different from usual. He was simply displaying the inherent goodness that had always been there but not shown. So the problem must be with Mo Eunje himself, who had momentarily become conscious of this pure kindness with a distorted perspective.
“Mo Eunje, get yourself together.”
Muttering words that no one else could hear, he went back inside. As the aroma that always filled the air when Grandmother made gumbo permeated his nose, his mouth watered. Mo Eunje went straight to the dining table without delay and took his seat. At Mo Eunje’s place, a soft, fluffy castella with a gentle color had been thoughtfully prepared.
“Thank you for the meal.”
He picked up his spoon with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Tae Igyeol sat across from him, hiding his emotions with an expressionless face, but he seemed to be anticipating Mo Eunje’s reaction, which made Mo Eunje smile slightly. Someone else might not have noticed that Tae Igyeol was subtly harboring expectations. This was a very subtle emotion that only Mo Eunje, who had spent a long time with Tae Igyeol, could detect.
“Oh, it’s delicious! This is incredible—it tastes exactly like the gumbo Grandmother makes. Even if you learned from her, how did you replicate this taste? That’s amazing!”
He couldn’t help but genuinely admire how it tasted exactly like Grandmother’s gumbo. Despite Mo Eunje’s exaggerated reaction, Tae Igyeol maintained his expressionless face as he picked up his spoon, but Mo Eunje could see that he was pleased, even though he tried to hide it. It seemed impossible to ignore the years they had spent together.
That also meant that Tae Igyeol could detect the subtle changes in Mo Eunje’s emotions as well. The perceptive Tae Igyeol would surely notice even the tiniest speck of doubt, invisible to the eye. So he had to stop these unnecessary thoughts and avoid creating situations that might make things awkward between them.
After all they had done to maintain this relationship, he couldn’t let it falter now.
“Grandmother would be so proud if she tasted this. She’d say, ‘What is there that my precious boy can’t do?’ Right? When we visit Grandmother this summer, let’s make this for her. I’ll be your assistant. I keep laughing as I eat—how can it taste exactly the same? Maybe you’ve always had a talent for cooking, but just never did it?”
Mo Eunje had to keep his hands and mouth busy, tearing off pieces of castella with his fingers, spooning up gumbo, and talking all at once. Beyond the taste, he was grateful for the effort and thought, so he lavished praise on Tae Igyeol throughout the meal. Considering the physical time he must have spent traveling all the way to Busan, not to mention the cost he saved, this deserved three or four days of praise, plus at least two more hours of compliments over the phone after parting.
However, when he should have been puffing out his chest with pride and showing off, Tae Igyeol didn’t show any particular reaction. Even after receiving exaggerated praise, he only smiled faintly, eating as if lost in his own thoughts.
“What do you want to eat for dinner? I’ll buy you whatever you want. Oh! Should we call the guys and go eat lamb skewers? Let’s get together to celebrate my recovery and congratulate Gye Minho on his webtoon contract.”
“Yesterday… do you remember?”
Just as Mo Eunje was excitedly chattering away, Tae Igyeol met his eyes directly with an abrupt question. His ash-gray eyes were deeply subdued. Once again, the density of the air suddenly thickened, creating a sense of discomfort. If Mo Eunje could detect it, there was no way Tae Igyeol couldn’t feel it. Though he couldn’t be certain, the current atmosphere was highly likely to be intentional on Tae Igyeol’s part. Mo Eunje tried to ignore the strange dissonance that was creeping into the gaps, while hiding the fact that he had instinctively tensed up.
“Yesterday? Ah, I took more medicine while half-asleep. That turned out to be a brilliant move. Look at me, I’m completely fine now. Taking more medicine and sleeping well brought me back to normal condition.”
“After taking the medicine.”
“After taking the medicine? Um… I think I just passed out right away.”
“…”
Due to the unfamiliarity and strangeness that accompanied the continued eye contact, he avoided Tae Igyeol’s steady gaze while pretending to search his memory. Tae Igyeol’s eyes, which he had always been able to look into comfortably, felt foreign today. They felt as unfamiliar as a stranger’s eyes.
Even after escaping that penetrating gaze, the highly condensed flow of air continued to weigh down and oppress his chest with its persistent heaviness. Sensing that something frightening would happen the moment he showed any sign of this, he deliberately smiled more brightly and raised his voice with an exaggerated expression.
“Why? Did I say something nonsensical? Or was I sleep-talking? Don’t tell me… did I kick you in my sleep? No, that can’t be. I sleep very quietly. If I had bad sleeping habits, you wouldn’t have let me sleep in the bed.”
“…If you don’t remember, forget it.”
As Tae Igyeol withdrew his gaze, the ambiguous discomfort seemed to have been an illusion as the atmosphere loosened. A nervous laugh almost escaped as the tension eased in the softened air. This confirmed that, whatever his intention in asking, Tae Igyeol had deliberately created this atmosphere. Though he felt like he was being unintentionally manipulated, with memories he had completely sealed away resurfacing, resolving his curiosity took priority. He just hoped it wasn’t a major mistake.
