# Chapter 111
## 4-1
As the heartfelt confession was conveyed, their lips carefully overlapped once more. Mo Eunje, who had been dumbfounded, squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the soft sensation. Parents’ relationship or whatever—he wanted to throw everything aside and not care about anything anymore. But when flesh invaded between his parted lips, his mind snapped to attention. He reflexively pushed Tae Igyeol away and covered his own lips with the back of his hand.
“Are you seriously crazy?”
“Every time I see you, I’ve wanted to do this with you.”
“This is…”
Something that only lovers do.
He couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence. Instead of Mo Eunje, who trailed off, Tae Igyeol sighed and revealed his true feelings in a somewhat rough tone.
“When the kids tried to pair us together, I’d watch for your reactions, torturing myself with hope, suffering. I always pulled back, pretending there was nothing, afraid that if you discovered my feelings, things would get awkward between us or we’d drift apart.”
A compressed spring bounces back even higher. The surging feelings that had been suppressed under the pretense of friendship now flooded over, breaking through the futile wall. His eyes flickered with desire.
“But when you come out of the shower wearing only underwear, I don’t know where to put my eyes, and when you lie down using my thigh as a pillow, I recite the national anthem up to the fourth verse over a hundred times in my head to avoid getting an erection. When you roll around on my bed, I want to strip you naked and—”
“Hey! W-wait. No runaway giant allowed!”
Flustered, Mo Eunje reached out and covered Tae Igyeol’s mouth. He was covering his own mouth with the back of his right hand while covering Tae Igyeol’s mouth with his left palm. It seemed ridiculous, but if he didn’t do this, he felt their lips might touch again while he was defenseless.
“Even in a situation like this, you still…”
He hastily withdrew his hand when he felt Igyeol’s lips moving intimately against his palm. Only after hearing the muttered words with a furrowed brow did he realize that he had habitually blurted out a playful remark that didn’t match the atmosphere. Perhaps this was why his mother had nagged him for the first time in ten years about maintaining proper speech and behavior to avoid mistakes.
“Sorry. It’s become a habit, I didn’t mean to…”
With an embarrassed face, he avoided Igyeol’s gaze and slightly lowered his eyes. Then he saw Tae Igyeol’s lips move as if about to say something. Mo Eunje, his mind already in complete disarray, urgently spilled out words to prevent hearing anything more.
“Anyway, stop! Please, just for a moment. I was wrong. So please don’t say anything.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“My head feels like it’s going to explode, so please just be quiet for a moment.”
“I like you, Mo Eunje.”
“Haa, please…”
“I’ve liked you for a long time.”
His heart jolted at the tender confession. This wasn’t a feeling that Mo Eunje could block no matter how desperately he tried. From the moment Tae Igyeol decided to reveal his deeply condensed emotions, Mo Eunje had no choice but to face them helplessly. With nowhere left to hide, nowhere to run, he felt like crying.
“Why are you doing this to me, really…”
“Now that I’ve revealed everything after holding back for so long, we can’t go on like before.”
When those eyes, which he had always considered beautiful, took on a different meaning, it felt as strange as facing a stranger. Mo Eunje was afraid of this situation, but he didn’t show it and tensed his face.
“Then what do you want me to do? Does this mean we’re not friends anymore?”
“Friends? I imagine you naked and rolling around when I look at you—do you think we can still remain just friends?”
“Tae Igyeol.”
“Why don’t I sleep in your bed? Because I’m afraid I might do something to you since imagination alone isn’t enough anymore. That’s why I can’t sleep next to you. Can you still be friends with me knowing that?”
In the face of this desperate plea that concealed nothing, all Mo Eunje could feel was utter despair. The moment their lips deliberately touched, it had already happened. As Tae Igyeol said, now that their lips had touched and he had heard the confession, they were in a situation where going back to how things were before would be difficult. Still, if possible, he wished he could turn back time to ten minutes ago.
“You knew, didn’t you, Eunje? That you were the one I had an unrequited love for.”
“There’s a difference between me guessing on my own and you openly confessing.”
“There’s no difference. I love you, Eunje.”
“You crazy bastard, stop confessing already!”
It was an inappropriate emotion that should not be harbored. The world that Mo Eunje had desperately protected was not only completely shaken but utterly shattered.
The feelings that eighteen-year-old Mo Eunje had suppressed, twenty-six-year-old Tae Igyeol could not—no, would not—suppress. Facing this selfish behavior trying to change the nature of their relationship, Mo Eunje was overwhelmed with a sense of betrayal and anger, but even more than that, sadness. His jolting heart felt as if it had separated from his body, and he was in such excruciating pain that he felt like crying.
“Did you ever really think of me as a friend to begin with?”
“No.”
“…What?”
Mo Eunje’s dark eyes wavered greatly. Before he could organize his chaotic thoughts as his mental state was about to collapse, Tae Igyeol elaborated.
“Since I realized my feelings, I swear I haven’t been your friend even once.”
“Tae Igyeol, you’re betraying me and deceiving our friendship right now.”
“Eunje. From the beginning… I never had a friendship with you to deceive. It became love more than 10 years ago, and I don’t even remember the friendship I once had with you.”
Mo Eunje squeezed his eyes shut. In the darkness, the faces of grandmother, grandfather, Tae Hyunseok, Song Yeonhwa, Tae Iden, Mo Yeongwoo, and Han Seola passed by in succession. He might be able to face his own parents, but he felt suffocated at the thought of facing Igyeol’s family. That’s why, even if he could listen to everything else Tae Igyeol said, this was the one thing he couldn’t compromise on. It was cosmically impossible. Mo Eunje’s defense mechanism activated. He slowly opened his eyes and laughed emptily.
“You’re not in your right mind. I’ll pretend what just happened never happened, so cool your head. You seem to be seriously misunderstanding something.”
“You’ve pretended not to know for long enough. You know what I mean. How long are you going to keep avoiding this?”
“Fuck, is our 26-year friendship a joke to you? Or am I just that easy? Are you in your right mind? Was it me? Are you saying I’m the one you’ve liked for over 10 years? If this is a joke, it’s going too far. Stop, please.”
He tried avoiding, pleading, and getting angry. But Tae Igyeol, who had clearly picked today to make his move, didn’t change his attitude at all.
“Mo Eunje. You might not feel the same way about me, but even so… don’t denounce and belittle my sincerity.”
Unable to bear looking at his eyes that were stained with hurt, Mo Eunje dropped his gaze. He realized he had been unconsciously touching his necklace pendant and quietly lowered his hand. Even knowing he had no right to deny Tae Igyeol’s feelings, he didn’t feel like apologizing.
“Sigh… You’ll probably be uncomfortable being with me today, so I’ll leave.”
Tae Igyeol sighed and roughly ran his uninjured left hand through his hair. It was past midnight, and Tae Igyeol was a patient.
“Where would you go? This is your house. If anyone should leave, it’s me.”
“Don’t talk nonsense. How could I let you go out at this hour?”
“You’re the one talking nonsense. Where do you think you’re going with that arm, sweating like that?”
There are all sorts of ways to turn a person inside out. Mo Eunje felt like he was going crazy from frustration. If Tae Igyeol hadn’t been injured, he would have grabbed him by the collar and punched him once for talking such nonsense. But seemingly unaware of the seriousness, Tae Igyeol smiled slightly and met his eyes affectionately.
Mo Eunje had known for a long time that those cool eyes with light pigmentation only held warmth and affection when directed at him.
“See? Even now, you’re worried about me first. Is this appropriate for just friends? Anyone can see we’re not just friends. You even said it yourself—we’re in a quasi-relationship.”
“Why bring that up now? That was a joke. Were you unable to recognize jokes?”
“It was only a joke to you. It was never a joke to me.”
“…Right, I was wrong. I shouldn’t have made such jokes. I’m the one who deserves to die.”
He had dug his own grave. It wasn’t just once or twice that he had made similar jokes, so there was no room for excuses. The more he talked with Tae Igyeol, the more he felt suffocated. It was overwhelming to face his gaze that clearly showed what he wanted.
“Haah… You’re right, we probably need to spend some time apart. Being too close can be confusing. I’ll leave.”
As soon as Mo Eunje gathered his resolve and stood up, Tae Igyeol grabbed his wrist. The small contacts that he had made without any meaning now felt burdensome. Just as he was trying to twist and pull his wrist free, Tae Igyeol held on with even greater force.
“Let go.”
“Eunje. Not even once…”
“…”
“Truly, not even for a single moment, have you ever liked me differently?”
His body froze as if it were completely bound by the desperate voice.
