Bertram hyung, who had asked me that, rose from his chair and stepped toward me as he continued.
“The ceremony isn’t far off. Don’t go stirring up talk.”
“Why? Were you ever someone who cared about what people said?”
Absolutely not. You’ve never cared one bit about what others think, and you’ve always lived exactly as you pleased.
Hyung’s brow creased, and he looked down at me as though I were something bothersome. He stayed silent for a moment, then shifted his gaze past me, turned away, and said,
“Right. Do whatever you want.”
And with that, he walked out of the room. I stood still, listening to the sound of the door closing behind me.
It was the first time a conversation between us had ended like this. It was the first time Bertram hyung and I had ever fought.
After it was over, my mind felt a little numb.
Is it that worrying — the thought that I might not become Earl?
I was angry. Hurt. My chest felt tight. And at the same time, my nose stung, and tears welled up slightly. I felt suffocated, and all I could think was that I wanted to get out of this situation as fast as possible.
I stood there for a while, just letting out unsteady breaths, then raised my arm to rub my face and made myself move.
I sat on the bed, took a deep breath, and firmly settled the plan in my mind.
I will get out of here soon. No matter what.
And so the ceremony drew near, and the preparations for it proceeded without a hitch.
After the first fight with Bertram hyung, I sulked for a few days before going back to greeting him with a smile, just as I always had. When I did, he treated me as though nothing had ever happened.
Perhaps because of that, hyung had seemed to be in a good mood lately. His plans were going smoothly, after all.
Dim-witted Rowell would never go against what Bertram hyung says. I had worked hard to make him think that. He wouldn’t be able to imagine what I was scheming behind the scenes. Of course not — Bertram hyung had no interest in me.
“Shouldn’t your bloodline be mixed in as well?”
As I was heading outside to go to the plaza for an art lesson, I heard voices coming from inside my father’s study.
It was my father’s voice. He seemed to be speaking with Bertram hyung. I hesitated briefly, then stepped back and leaned in to listen.
“You could bring in a decent child, but I was thinking — what if you took a mistress, had a child, and then later brought that child into the family under the pretense of adoption?”
“Hmm.”
I heard my father’s words and my face twisted. He was saying something truly shocking.
My father continued.
“I want your bloodline to carry on my line.”
“I’ll consider it.”
I thought there was nothing left that could shock me further — but then this happened. Their plans were expanding without limit. Truly, I could not begin to fathom how deeply my father admired the Kildun family.
Bertram hyung’s words — I’ll consider it — carved into my chest.
I chewed on my wretchedness once more, clenched my fist, and walked out of the house in long, heavy strides. Then I stopped, moved to the side, and leaned against the outer wall. I ground my teeth and let the rage simmer inside me.
Not long after, the door opened and someone came out. Bertram hyung’s silver hair caught my eye.
I pushed off the wall and walked toward him.
“Hyung, are you heading out?”
At that, Bertram hyung turned to look at me. He answered, expressionless.
“Yeah.”
“I’m heading out too — I’ll walk you to the gate.”
I said it with a deliberate smile, eyes creasing. Bertram hyung said nothing in particular and simply began walking, and I fell into step beside him.
The thoughts crowding my mind made every step feel heavy.
We walked for a while like that, and just before passing through the front gate, I opened my mouth.
“Actually, hyung — I overheard you and Father talking.”
At that, Bertram hyung shifted his gaze to look down at me. I was curious how he would react, knowing I had stumbled upon their secret conversation. Though I decided I would only bring up what I had heard today.
I kept my expression pleasant as I continued, acting simple — performing someone without a care in the world.
“What are you planning to do, hyung? Are you going to take a mistress?”
“Nothing’s been decided yet. It’s not even something to think about at this stage.”
“Is that so?”
Hyung answered calmly. He didn’t seem particularly concerned about hiding it. Holding back the surge rising in my chest, I pressed my lips together and then spoke again.
“I’ve been wondering what it’ll be like once you’re married. Have you ever imagined it, hyung?”
“I have.”
“What do you think it’ll be like?”
We passed through the front gate and came to the place where we would part ways and go in different directions. Bertram hyung looked at me and spoke in a flat, dry tone.
“I’d wake you up in the morning, we’d eat together, and after a day of work, when night came, I’d fall asleep listening to you ramble on.”
The words that came out of Bertram hyung’s mouth were nothing like what I had expected. They were completely at odds with the plans I knew him to have.
He sounded almost like someone genuinely looking forward to getting married. Even though he was anything but.
Hearing those words, something heavy settled over my chest, pressing it tight. The best kind of life I had once dreamed of and what hyung had just described — they were uncannily similar.
It was as if his words painted themselves into a picture before my eyes. The me inside that picture was smiling. Truly happy.
What’s his intention behind saying something like that? What is he trying to do…. Is he lying on purpose so I won’t suspect anything?
Bertram hyung had always been someone who didn’t know how to lie — but it seemed that, for the sake of this plan, he had learned.
Surely, surely those words weren’t sincere.
My emotions were now so tangled and twisted that I didn’t even know how to sort through them — I had become utterly conflicted.
I stood there, blinking quietly, then parted my lips.
“Would that… be a good thing for you, hyung?”
“Good or not doesn’t come into it — it’s something I’ve always taken for granted. I can’t imagine a life without you. You’ve spent your whole life following me around.”
“Ha….”
A laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it. It wasn’t a laugh born of anything positive. It was closer to a hollow, empty one. The Bertram hyung who had been whispering secrets with my father and the Bertram hyung standing before me now were saying things so completely different it was as though they were two different people.
And yet you’re the one who’s going to send me far, far away.
What was real? Probably the fact that I was being deceived — that was real.
And yet, even so, there was something I wanted to ask this false version of Bertram hyung.
“Hyung.”
I drew in a trembling breath and looked up at him. Then, slowly, I parted my lips and spoke.
“Is there truly no way for you and me to feel the same way about each other?”
“Impossible.”
“…I suppose so.”
“Don’t expect that from me — it’s a waste of time.”
I closed my mouth and nodded. With hyung saying it so plainly, there was nothing more to think about.
“Why have you been overthinking things lately? Wasn’t it fine that I can’t feel emotions?”
Bertram hyung said it with a faint furrow of his brow. I could tell he was puzzled.
I thought it was fine. But it wasn’t. Because I didn’t know that you — someone without emotions — were capable of hurting me like this.
I reached for the answer that the past version of me would have given — not the me I was now.
With the brightest smile I could manage.
“It’s fine. Even if you don’t love me, hyung, it’s true that I’m the person closest to you. That’s enough for me.”
I shaped my expression carefully and smiled, open and easy.
“I’m looking forward to the wedding — it’s a moment I’ve dreamed of my whole life.”
The moment I finished speaking, Bertram hyung’s hand came to rest atop my head. It lingered there briefly, grazing my hair, then fell away.
I looked up at him in surprise. It seemed like the corners of Bertram hyung’s mouth had lifted ever so slightly. But then he turned his head, and I couldn’t see anymore.
It was such a fleeting moment that I couldn’t tell whether I had seen it correctly or not.
And just like that, hyung walked away, leaving my side.
The distance growing between us felt like the gap between the two of us.
I stood rooted to the spot for a moment, then gathered myself and moved my feet toward the art classroom. With each step I took, I felt my emotions slowly sinking down, settling somewhere deep.
The anger over my father and hyung conspiring about taking a mistress swelled again, and I decided that I would go to Edgar right away and talk to him.
To tell him that I had made up my mind — that I would use the magic on the day of the wedding, at the venue itself.
Today, my emotions were relatively calm. Some days I woke to sadness, others to anger, others wrapped in worry and dread — but today felt more like a quiet, even surface with just a small ember of anger resting on top.
Today was, in fact, the day of the wedding.
Bertram hyung seemed to be in very good spirits. His expression was as blank as ever, but you could tell if you looked closely. His brows were lifted ever so slightly.
If he weren’t in a good mood, there was no way he’d be greeting the guests without letting his irritation show.
“Congratulations, Sir Rowell.”
I heard Edgar’s words and looked up at him with a bittersweet smile. If what my mother had told me was correct, I would still be able to speak with Edgar even after using the magic. But this — facing him like this — would be the last time.
I had kept asking him up until the day before, but Edgar told me his feelings hadn’t changed about offering up his body.
Filled with guilt, I had struggled to find words, before finally offering him my sincere thanks.
“Thank you, truly, Edgar.”
At that, Edgar gave a small, quiet laugh and said,
“See you in a bit.”
“Yes….”
“Don’t hesitate. Not even for a second.”
Those were the last words Edgar murmured, barely above a whisper, and I gave a small nod. After that, Edgar gave my shoulder two encouraging taps with his hand and walked into the venue.
As the guests began making their way inside, a hush settled over the space outside.
The ceremony would begin soon.
I stood outside the great doors of the hall — filled now with all the guests — at Bertram hyung’s side, steadying my breath.
“Is everything going according to plan?”
I asked Bertram hyung abruptly, still staring straight ahead. I felt him turn his head to look at me. He was quiet for a moment, as though weighing my question, and then answered a beat later.
“Yeah.”
Only for a little while longer.
I said it to myself and clenched my fist. When I thought about what I was about to do — the enormity of it — my heart pounded hard.
I fidgeted with my sweaty hands, then turned my head to look up at Bertram hyung, and opened my mouth.
“Hyung.”
The moment he turned to look at me, I said words I had never once said aloud before.
Like finishing overdue homework.
“I love you.”
And then I curved my lips into a smile.
They were words I had kept tucked safely inside, too precious to let out yet — afraid of how hyung might react. A feeling I had cherished quietly, belonging only to me.
I had imagined the moment I would say these words many times over — but unlike anything I had pictured, the words slipped out lightly, collided with the air, and scattered almost instantly.
They held no meaning at all.
Bertram hyung, who had been watching me in silence, answered soon after.
“I know.”
And it seemed — just barely — that he smiled.
Of course he was pleased. He was about to get everything he wanted.
Having gone this far, having said even this — hyung wouldn’t suspect a thing in this moment. That was what I needed.
I was simply going to become a tragic figure who dropped dead without warning on his wedding day.
And just like that, without a trace, I would vanish from hyung’s side.
