4.
Four buses moved together. Turns out, the department president over there was high school classmates with our department president. It seemed they’d formed a joint location alliance just to please themselves. It wasn’t Cheon Jaerim’s doing. I was the only innocent one getting caught in the crossfire. As we got off the bus, white pension houses with pretty red roofs lined up everywhere. I could see Cheon Jaerim stretching as he got off the bus last. I grabbed my luggage that burst out from the side of the bus and moved to the assigned pension.
They were yelling from all sides that there would be a barbecue party soon. At this rate, they’d definitely stick together for the drinking session too. Almost all the miscellaneous tasks fell to the freshmen. All I did was pick at the fruit and snacks that the juniors brought over. Just sitting still made me feel self-conscious and restless. When I got up and went into the kitchen, the kids who’d been busily moving around acted noticeably uncomfortable. I’d never acted like an old fart before, so I couldn’t really understand why they were so uncomfortable around me. Seeing me standing there awkwardly, a classmate who’d just returned to school this semester patted my shoulder, saying that staying put was helping.
When you live in groups, you meet various types of people. People who are quiet but have the magic to draw others toward them. People who remain invisible to the end. If I had to categorize, the former is Cheon Jaerim, and the latter is me. People acted like they were desperate to become friends with Cheon Jaerim. Even with the same tendencies, the branches we extend are different. First of all, group life itself just doesn’t suit me. Perhaps the life at the orphanage brought me disgust.
Cheon Jaerim was grilling meat in front of the fire pit. When the meat was well-cooked, he’d bring it to the table. I sat at the long vinyl-covered table waiting for the meat to come up. Those who sat down first started to fill up. Once I was somewhat full, I received the tongs. Grilling meat wasn’t as easy as I thought. Smoke kept getting into my eyes. Give them here. Cheon Jaerim snatched the tongs away.
“Make me wraps instead.”
“Here?”
“No one’s paying attention.”
Everyone was too busy digging their chopsticks into their plates. When I came to my senses, I was placing meat on lettuce leaves.
“No garlic.”
Cheon Jaerim frowned as he watched me dip garlic in ssamjang and place it on top. I put the grilled garlic dipped in ssamjang into my own mouth. Then I held up the rolled lettuce wrap. Cheon Jaerim stuffed the wrap into his mouth until his cheek was full and chewed.
“Don’t eat garlic.”
“……”
“It tastes like garlic when we kiss.”
***
Whenever people go on MT trips, they go wild. They rampage like colts with sharp needles stuck in their hooves. Here too, there are always specific people who handle the aftermath. People who don’t like alcohol make a fuss, read the room, and escape. People who like alcohol act like old department heads at companies who pour out all their grievances and vow to start fresh tomorrow.
We drew lots to make seats. Six people sat in circles and played games. Two circles survived until the end. The circle I was in and the circle Cheon Jaerim belonged to overlapped like a Venn diagram. A slightly larger circle was formed and we arranged the seats more spaciously. The rest were dragged away and shoved into empty rooms. There were no restrictions. The person who survived to the end would get to use the bed in the best room—this was already announced on the bus.
The department president drags a guy who passed out face-down to the middle room. Through the slightly open door, I can see the saturated interior. I wonder if they can even breathe properly. It wouldn’t be strange if one of them died from lack of oxygen while sleeping.
“Should we play finger folding?”
The game started.
“My last kiss was a week ago!”
If I told the truth, I should fold my finger, but if I did that, I’d become someone who goes around kissing people without even having a lover. No matter how open our country has become, it would cause gossip. Cheon Jaerim was fiercely watching my hand. But before my dilemma ended, time ran out. Cheon Jaerim’s fingers changed to three. As more people’s fingers folded, the circle became chaotic. I could see everyone pretending not to notice even when I used obvious tricks. They knew it wouldn’t be fun if I got caught. Their target was Cheon Jaerim. People united in purpose focused on one spot. Got him. Finally, Cheon Jaerim’s pinky bent and folded.
“We’ll ask questions, so if it’s difficult, drink this, or you have to answer.”
A mug was placed in front of Cheon Jaerim. They called it somaek, but judging by the clear concentration, it looked like more than half was soju. That mug was about the same size as the largest size from the coffee shop a junior girl frequented, so the amount was enormous. Moreover, salad sprouts floated on top as decoration, which was nauseating just to look at. I could see the remaining kids whispering and gathering opinions. Cheon Jaerim waited for his question with a bored expression.
“When was your last sex? You have to answer using the six principles.”
Are they really curious about that? The quality was low, incredibly low. Cheon Jaerim made an expression that said he knew this would happen. Instead, it was as if I’d received the question—my throat started to dry up. When Cheon Jaerim made a thoughtful expression, everyone leaned forward expectantly. There was no reason for Cheon Jaerim to drink that enormous amount in the mug instead of answering.
“Hmm……”
“Ah! Wait!”
“Why?”
“I’ll give you cues one by one like a three-line poem!”
“Okay.”
“When!”
“This morning.”
Gasps of “huh” came from all sides. Rather than voiced sounds, they were sounds merged with air. At the same time, I bit my tongue. As I covered my mouth and coughed, a glass of water came from beside me.
“This guy’s no joke. You’re surprised too, right, sunbae?”
“Where!”
“At my place.”
“What!”
“Do I have to say it with my own mouth?”
“This bastard, this……”
Another guy jumped in.
“How!”
Instead of answering immediately, Cheon Jaerim made a thoughtful expression.
“How? There’s not really a ‘how.'”
“Why.”
“I woke up and they were next to me.”
“How many times did you do it?”
I was disgusted by the other bastards who felt admiration for that kind of thing. They’re as starry-eyed as kids who just put on doboks looking at a sixth-grade hyung wearing a black belt. Even though there wasn’t a single clue that would remind anyone of me, I fidgeted my butt like someone who urgently needed to pee. Blood must be flowing from my bitten tongue. The fishy taste was stronger than the smell of rotten fish. I couldn’t focus on the noise around me. The whole time Cheon Jaerim spoke, he stared at me intensely, so my entire body stung. Well. I don’t really count while doing it.
The pension fell into darkness. I closed the door and came in. The space that had been noisy from day to night became quiet. Luckily, the bed was mine. This place has a closet and a wall-mounted TV. Actually, even if we all slept here together, it wouldn’t be uncomfortable, but the guys with high fair-play spirit said a win is a win and pushed me into this room.
“Hurry up.”
Of course, Cheon Jaerim was with me too. Because Cheon Jaerim also survived until the end. He pat-patted the spot next to him. His face was clean, as if he’d just washed it. I climbed onto the bed and lay down quietly. As soon as I lay down, Cheon Jaerim sluggishly crawled up my body.
“…Not here!”
“Shhh.”
Cheon Jaerim raised his index finger and brought it to his lips. Even small noises echoed loudly in this space. Cheon Jaerim pulled up my top and stuck his head right inside it. His round head bulged up over the clothes.
“Why didn’t you fold your finger earlier when they said to fold if you have a lover?”
“Hey, stop, ugh!”
“Why didn’t you fold it?”
Cheon Jaerim’s voice echoed from inside the clothes like a muffled sound. I grabbed the crown of his head covered by the t-shirt and pulled down. But the soft yet firm head didn’t budge at all. Meanwhile, Cheon Jaerim bit my nipple with a crunch, demanding an answer. I covered my mouth with the hand that had been pushing him down.
“You don’t have a lover but you have sex regularly. Right?”
“Hng……!”
“So am I a fuckbuddy?”
Cheon Jaerim stuck his head out from under the loose t-shirt. Since the t-shirt had a wide neckline, it was enough for him to pull his head out. I met eyes colder than the winter sea. I shook my head while covering my mouth. I hoped he’d stop here. Cheon Jaerim slipped out from under the clothes like a shedding snake. Then he put his hand between our overlapping lower bodies and grabbed my balls.
“Tell me. Am I your fuckbuddy?”
“No, no!”
“Then what am I?”
He kneaded my balls as he urged me.
“If not a fuckbuddy, what? A sponsor? Am I hyung’s sponsor?”
“No. It’s not like that… please, Jaerim… get down first.”
“If not that either, a sex toy? Something to stick it in when your hole gets itchy?”
I pleaded. I cried out with my eyes. I met his eyes, saying it wasn’t like that. But it didn’t work.
“I’m hurt. So I want to do it.”
Cheon Jaerim laid his head on my chest as if asking to be petted. For a moment, I wondered if Cheon Jaerim was drunk. His forceful attitude remained, but there was a docile energy flowing somewhere. I obediently started stroking his hair to soothe him.
“Not now… really. Later, let’s do it later.”
“When is later?”
“When we go home……”
“……”
“Let’s do it when we go home. At my place.”
“My place?”
“Yeah, my place.”
The moment I said “my,” I felt like the chunk of meat I ate for dinner would come up in one lump. However, situations more disgraceful than vomiting up chunks of meat could happen at any time. I coaxed him while raising the corners of my mouth that wouldn’t even be visible in the darkness. Then, like a lie, something amazing happened. The grip on my balls loosened and his hand slipped out of my pants. And Cheon Jaerim got down from on top of me. The face looking at me was full of drowsiness.
“Promise.”
“Yeah.”
As soon as the pinky was released, Cheon Jaerim fell asleep. I was able to close my eyes only very late.
