However, happiness only stays for a very short while. The Ferris wheel started shaking violently left and right with a jolt. Creaking, the shaking Ferris wheel showed no sign of stopping. The long lock rattled and unlocked itself. Wind blows in through the square door. I pulled my lips away and clutched Cheon Jaerim. Cheon Jaerim also seemed tense, as his Adam’s apple shakes.
“I had a bad feeling! I said this looked old!”
I wanted to go back and erase my choice of choosing the Ferris wheel.
Cheon Jaerim whispered softly in my ear.
“It’s okay. You’ll wake up soon.”
We were able to step on solid ground safely. Our lives were saved, but I was completely down. You’ll wake up soon. It’s a dream that will be forgotten soon. Here, I couldn’t find bad memories even if I tried. After playing with Cheon Jaerim, I had a premonition that there would be a home to return to. I felt like there would be a welcoming mother and a reliable father. I didn’t want to lose this place. I wanted to hold onto it. So this is what an ordinary life is like.
The scene changed again.
Inside the dim room, cigarette smoke is thick. The space like a raccoon burrow made my prayers murky. I came in closing the door while coughing. The people in the room don’t cast a glance at me who suddenly appeared. Cheon Jaerim is sitting in the middle of a long table. The atmosphere of Cheon Jaerim who was just playing with me is somehow different. The freshness and greenness I felt from him don’t exist, and it’s a face full of ennui.
I looked at my outfit. It’s worlds apart from Cheon Jaerim and the people around him. I was wearing an old checkered shirt. It even smelled musty as if picked up from an old clothes collection bin. I was utterly embarrassed by the fact that I came to find Cheon Jaerim in this outfit. I wondered if I should quietly leave. If I go out this door, it will have changed to a different location. I just came to the wrong one among several doors. The next room will be okay. However, before I could leave, my name being called made me freeze like a statue.
“Are you still seeing Kim Sunjo?”
“Ah- just.”
“That’s impressive. How many years has it been?”
“It’s comfortable.”
“What is?”
“Doesn’t get pregnant, obedient… Where else is there insurance like this?”
My eyes meet with Cheon Jaerim’s. Is this the same kid who shyly shared lips with me in the Ferris wheel just now? A collapse phenomenon arrives. I pinched my thigh. It doesn’t hurt. Right, this is a dream, a dream. There’s nothing to be scared of. But if the dream is the opposite, all the romantic scenes that have happened so far become false. I didn’t want to erase those. Anger builds up in my body. I screamed loudly. The people who had been treating me like an invisible person looked at me.
“Are you serious?”
My voice full of moisture trembled heavily. Cheon Jaerim said ‘Yeah.’ It didn’t stop there. He sucked on the cigarette filter held between his fingers and exhaled smoke in a donut shape. The small, round smoke floated up with a puff.
“What are you doing? Eat. It’s what you like.”
Keke. I hear a mocking laugh. Even though I had become a spectacle to people like a performing bear, Cheon Jaerim didn’t care. The guy picking his ear hole seemed to find this entire situation bothersome. Cheon Jaerim knew exactly what I was screaming about. The guy with his legs crossed tilted his head crookedly and opened his mouth again.
“Hey, I even carry around a keychain that doesn’t rust.”
“Keychain?”
I couldn’t stand it. I jumped onto the table. As I stepped, plates slid and fell to the floor. I hear crunching sounds under my shoes. I rushed at Cheon Jaerim as is.
“Why are you suddenly like this……?”
This dream must remain beautiful. It mustn’t be ruined.
Cheon Jaerim’s mouth rips wide open. He cackles and laughs as if amused. Tears run down Cheon Jaerim’s face. He’s not the one shedding them. It was me shedding them. Plop, Cheon Jaerim wipes away the liquid that fell as if it’s dirty. Hey, wipe it off. At those words, I rubbed my face on my arm without any valve. Still, I couldn’t stop what kept flowing down.
The face of Cheon Jaerim looking at my crying face also gradually relaxes. I prayed that today was April Fool’s Day. I prayed that Cheon Jaerim would shout ‘Surprise!’ and say it was a hidden camera. I had even more expectations because Cheon Jaerim’s hand wiping my face was no different from before.
“Don’t cry. It makes me soft-hearted.”
It seemed like the harsh cigarette smell was rubbing off where Cheon Jaerim’s hand passed. Cheon Jaerim examined me this way and that with eyes devoid of any emotion. He was clearly mocking me.
I raised the hand that had grabbed Cheon Jaerim’s collar. I catch his pounding pulse. I squeezed tightly with force. The solid neck quickly turned red and climbed up to Cheon Jaerim’s face. I strangled more fiercely. I put strength into each finger joint. However, it was insufficient to cut off Cheon Jaerim’s breath. I need something stronger. I grabbed the long fork on the table. The fork was sharp and pointed like a spear. If anyone snatches my weapon away, I plan to stab their neck first.
However, no one around me stops me. When I look around, I see all white walls. Only Cheon Jaerim that I was holding and the sharp fork moved to this place. Cheon Jaerim, who had turned bright red, opened his mouth.
“I told you, there’s an end.”
Right, there’s an end. If I wake up from here, this will all end too. Cheon Jaerim couldn’t open his eyes properly due to the tears I was shedding. I raised the fork that had become as large as a real spear high and stabbed it into my thigh. Red blood like a tomato spurted up like a fountain and covered me.
I was running cutting through the wind.
“Did you wake up?”
I checked the thigh I’d stabbed with the fork. Nothing wrong. I checked Cheon Jaerim’s complexion. No problem. I really intended to kill Cheon Jaerim who felt ennui toward me. The sensation of the blood vessel I touched is still vivid in my hand. My vision changes swiftly like in the dream. Dozens of trees pass by like arrows, and the sky covered overhead. We were…….
“If you’re hungry, eat the sandwich in the back. We’ve almost arrived though……”
Heading toward the ocean.
“…How long did I sleep?”
Cheon Jaerim lightly taps the steering wheel with his finger. When I check the time, it’s not much different from the last time I saw it.
“About fifteen minutes?”
Cheon Jaerim checked the navigation and turned the steering wheel. It felt like at least 5 years had passed in the dream, but it was only about 15 minutes. The dream gifted me heaven and hell. There was no answer I was looking for in the first place. I wandered for a long time searching for an invisible answer.
“Look outside.”
Cheon Jaerim’s hand wraps around the back of my head and turns it toward him. Beyond the window where Cheon Jaerim sits, I see an ocean as lustrous as pearls. My hair shaking like a mane greeted the ocean instead of me. The speed of the car carrying us increases even more. Vroom. I don’t know if what I hear in my ears is the car’s engine sound or the wind sound. The blue ocean passed by like a mirage. Soon the vast ocean will welcome us. Cheon Jaerim and I were pushed forward so much we couldn’t look back.
“That’s the last tunnel.”
Cheon Jaerim shouted looking at the dark tunnel right ahead. The lightning-like wind shattered Cheon Jaerim’s voice into pieces.
“Should we go straight to the ocean?”
A sharp ocean-colored light caught on Cheon Jaerim’s fingertips. The light pouring down from the sky touching the blue ocean was more dazzling than usual and made my brow furrow. Therefore, beyond the tunnel, the swaying of the trees looked as if a person was waving their hand. That form made me fall into the illusion that someone was waiting for ‘me’ there.
“…Yeah, let’s do that.”
Ah, I might really go blind.
The ecstatic movement approached me like a tidal wave.
