As soon as I was startled, laughter burst out from below.
‘Sunjo oppa is surprisingly clumsy.’
It seemed to have been on until just now, so some heat remained. Feeling my face redden, I wiped the dust on my hands. I also blew and shook off the dust on the light. When I turned the tightly stuck light, it made a creaking, spine-chilling sound. Unlike my determined heart, the result was disastrous. Colorful electric wires I’d never seen before unfolded before my eyes. Last time there weren’t wires like this…
I was flustered by the increasingly multiplying wires. That flusteredness was liberated when the department room door suddenly opened. I sent a look to my classmate in midair asking for help, and my classmate naturally climbed onto the desk where I was standing. My classmate fitted the fluorescent light in the time it had taken me to stand on the table and find my balance. The kids who’d been eagerly waiting for the light to turn on applauded. I quickly came down like a person who shouldn’t be in that position.
Recalling that time, I told Cheon Jaerim I had no confidence in work that used my body.
“Unexpected.”
Another time was during high school sports day.
Kids who didn’t participate in main events had to enter events that just needed to fill the number of people. Usually it was either the cheering squad or group jump rope. It was work where you entered the cheering squad and stood holding a placard, or handed water or Pocari Sweat to incoming athletes. In other words, it was just sitting in the stands zoning out. But unfortunately, I was put into group jump rope. It was groundless speculation that I’d be agile because I was thin. I tried to express my refusal as much as possible, but I consented to the PE captain’s face that looked like it would explode soon.
It would be okay if I at least turned the rope, but the two tallest guys took the ropes on both sides, so I had to jump. Group jump rope, where you had to enter all at once with the right timing, repeatedly ended in failure because of me. Voices steeped in heat came from here and there. My throat burned with anxiety. The white t-shirt I wore under my gym clothes was already soaked with sweat. The pressure of having to start over from the beginning because of me weighed down my shoulders hotter than the sun. When I jumped in again, the rope raised dust and stopped. In the end, the PE captain, unable to watch any longer, erased my name from the group jump rope list. I almost cheered right then and there.
“Still, if you learn it, there’ll be a place to use it later. If you feel like it later, I’ll teach you.”
I said I understood, but I had no intention whatsoever of learning something like swimming.
On days I went to tutoring, I deliberately skipped lunch. If I dirtied my stomach with convenience store food, that was sacrilege. I wanted to eat lots of delicious things. When I opened the door and entered, the entrance was full of shoes. The living room where calm music always flowed was nowhere to be found. It was noisy and chaotic.
“Friends suddenly came over. Sorry.”
Cheon Jaerim grabbed my wrist with a not-at-all-sorry expression. My shoes came off and I went inside.
“Wh-why me?”
I’d planned to just turn around saying ‘see you next time.’ But Cheon Jaerim, one step ahead, took me in front of the guests. Unavoidably holding workbooks because they were packed full with major textbooks, I couldn’t shake him off either. When I appeared in the noisy living room, the loud situation subsided momentarily. A large table that you’d only see at a head family’s house was spread out. On top of it were delivery foods different from usual. The doorbell rang, as if more food had just arrived.
“Your tutor?”
“Yeah.”
“Hello.”
While I was hesitating, a spot was made. Cheon Jaerim sat next to me and brought an empty glass. I could see the person sitting on the outermost side going to get the delivery food. When I sat blankly and received an empty glass, a shower of questions poured from around me. The guy who fiddled with my hair saying it had good texture shut his mouth after getting hit on the back of his hand by Cheon Jaerim. The attention focused on me was pushed aside by the chicken that had just arrived. Cheon Jaerim waved his hands at friends crowding toward me and poured my portion of beer into a cold glass.
“Hey, pour more from the one at the bottom.”
Various types of bottled beer bundles came up onto the table. A large draft beer machine sat squarely in the center of the table. These young kids drink quite a variety. I sipped the mildest peach-flavored soju. A friendly-looking kid had pushed it all in front of me saying ‘girls like this kind of thing.’
Like friends meeting after a long time, conversation topics continued in various directions. I quietly and steadfastly demolished the food while listening to stories I didn’t even know. The alcohol I drank after a long time was also sweet like honey. Cheon Jaerim talked to me intermittently so I wouldn’t feel awkward. But I hoped Cheon Jaerim would turn his attention away from me. Because the more Cheon Jaerim spoke to me, the more gazes gathered this way. I planned to quietly demolish the food and leave. However, drinking alcohol like water, it flowed somewhat differently from my plan.
One person positioned in the center of the table raised their glass.
“The person who loses the game has to down this in one shot.”
It was a high-low mix with cola at the very bottom. At that proposal, everyone raised their voices and made a fuss like spectators cheering at the Olympics. Those voices clumped together in one place and turned into a humming sound. I was included in that too. Later, even I participated in the game, singing strange tunes.
“Is it fun?”
“Yeah!”
I burst out laughing watching the guy who’d been caught five times in a row down it in one shot while drawing the character 川 on his forehead. When alcohol went in, my voice went up a tone higher than usual and I felt good. It wasn’t just me. When alcohol entered everyone heartily, they were casual like close friends. I squeezed in among them.
“Wow, noona’s good at this. As expected, college students are different.”
“Aren’t you all college students too?”
“Yes. Well… but we mostly just eat ignorantly.”
“It gets fun as you do it. Freshmen do this a lot, this kind of thing.”
“Freshmen?”
“Kids who just entered college! New students!”
I explained things Cheon Jaerim asked about curiously in somewhat excessive detail. I even gestured while making two or three words out of what could be one word. If someone had seen, it would have looked like a family entertainment show. After all the cola for the high-low mix was exhausted, I could see kids lying dead like laundry scattered everywhere. Fat cola bottles that you’d sell at a mart rolled around. I hopped around between them like crossing stepping stones. How ridiculous I must look right now was something to think about later.
I came into the bathroom, lowered the toilet lid, and plopped down. The urine I’d been holding went down refreshingly. My head tilted back on its own. I could see a wavy pattern on the bathroom ceiling. Even expensive, nice houses can’t avoid mold! I wanted to run out and tell Cheon Jaerim. ‘Mold grew because of moisture!’ First, I had to wash my hands. My vision spinning round and round was nauseating. I cooled my hands in cold water, and when I brought them to my cheeks, it felt like my hands would cook.
When I went outside, there was an empty seat.
“Where did everyone go?”
An arm wrapped around my shoulder. Cheon Jaerim supported me as I staggered.
“I’m about to send them off now. It’s ten o’clock.”
“Already?”
As expected, playing is the most fun thing in the world. I started babbling this and that. I heard ticklish laughter in my ears. Come to think of it, I’m not someone who would drink alcohol so freely at a place like this… It was as if I’d been possessed by something. Was it from when Cheon Jaerim pulled my wrist and sat me in the seat next to him?
“Playing is the most fun for me too.”
“Right? I want to play and eat for the rest of my life too.”
“You want to play and eat for the rest of your life?”
“Yeah.”
“Should I make that happen for you?”
“How?”
“Then go into the room for a bit. I’ll wake the kids up, send them off, and let you know.”
I staggered like someone still drunk on a dream. When the arm supporting my body disappeared, I lost my balance.
“Wh-whoa, careful.”
Cheon Jaerim helped me stand straight. Then he took my hand and placed it somewhere. It was the doorknob of the room where I tutored Cheon Jaerim.
“Stay in there.”
“Okay…”
I entered the room alone. The living room had its door open for ventilation so cold air came in, but the room was warm. I went forward, spinning round and round as if dancing. I left clear handprints on the glass display case full of assembled toys. Soon after, I headed toward the wide-open sliding door. Because the fluffy bed was flapping its wings saying ‘Come here, I’ll embrace you warmly.’ Barely managing to keep from tumbling forward, I was pulled to the bed like a magnet. And I rubbed my head all over the white bed that would sink down with a poof when I lay on it.
Like a goose butt, a goose butt…
The blanket was white like snow falling from the sky. Is this what it would feel like to jump off an airplane and fall onto clouds? No, this is a goose butt. Covered in feathers. As soon as I concluded this was a fat, fluffy goose butt, drowsiness came rushing over me. It was too late to go home with a clear mind. I hummed, adding lyrics like ‘goose butt, goose butt’ to the musical scale I’d sung during the drinking game, and thought. I’m supposed to be a woman here… I shouldn’t pass out like this at a man’s house…
“You seem to be in a good mood.”
“Huh?”
As soon as I regained consciousness, the song cut off abruptly.
The climax is coming soon though…
My body, lying horizontally on the bed, turned and was dragged to the center. The blanket I’d been gripping in my hand also stretched out. How wide and deeply sinking this blanket is… If I enter inside this, I think I could hide.
“Why is this a goose butt?”
“Goose butt? It’s big and fluffy.”
“Hyung’s cheeks are fluffy too.”
“Huh?”
“I’m saying hyung is fluffy too. Fluffy fluffy.”
Through my eyelids that wouldn’t open well, I could see Cheon Jaerim’s face faintly. I squinted one eye trying to recover my vision. To do that, it seemed I needed to rub my eyes for a moment. When I raised my hand to rub my eyes, an obstacle blocked between me and my eyes.
“I can’t see well…”
“It’s okay.”
I was reassured by the words that it was okay. Then I turned my body and lay facing forward. My face was still hot from the alcohol. When I lifted the corner of the blanket, a cool sensation began to spread. I didn’t notice my pants belt loosening while I rubbed my face on that blanket as if washing it. I dismissed the clinking sound of the buckle as sound coming from something like a radio. When the jeans that had been stuck to my thighs went down and the slightly long-hemmed shirt rode up, I regained consciousness for just a very brief moment.
“What are you doing?”
“You said playing is the most fun.”
“Y-yeah… That’s right. I want to live a little more comfortably too…”
“I’ll make it that way for you.”
Cheon Jaerim touched my shirt very naturally, like when he circled English passages. It’s not polite to take off clothes in front of others… It was confusing, like Tinkerbell sprinkling magic powder everywhere before my eyes.
“Hands up.”
“Haands uup…”
How much did I drink today? Usually when I eat with pork belly, I drink about two bottles of soju with one degree lower alcohol content. But today with bomb shots, bottled beer, and the peach soju I nibbled at, it seemed to be about four or five bottles. Oh, I set a new record. I heard the sound of my navy cardigan with lots of fuzz gently settling down.
