Even a mouse hole gets its day in the sun. Sungjin thought that if he ever had his day in the sun, it would be right now.
Under dazzling lights, there were plenty of blind spots perfectly suited for young people to carry out intimate touches, and while the youth enjoyed DJing and partying half-naked, Sungjin was stuck to the wall like a barnacle, sipping the vodka in his hand while observing the people passing by.
It’s okay. I wasn’t stopped when I came in either, I’m someone who’s allowed to be here. Fiddling with the entry confirmation strap on his wrist over and over while looking around nervously, that’s when his eyes met with a man sitting at the bar table across from him, setting down his glass with a bored expression.
The distance was far so he couldn’t see clearly, but the man looked tall with a good body. His leg length in particular was unrealistic. Befitting the purpose of the venue, he wore swim shorts and beach wear left open, fully revealing his abs and chest. He stared intently at Sungjin, then returned the glass he was holding to the bartender and stood up. Then he slowly walked over as if he had business with Sungjin.
He’s interested in me, right? Sungjin muttered to himself several times, trying not to make a stupid expression. He’s not coming over to pick a fight asking why someone like me is here, is he?
Hotel Serenity’s After Night Pool Party attracted free-spirited young people with various preferences. He’d heard that it was very common here for men to catch each other’s eyes or bodies and go up to a room together.
That was precisely why Sungjin had come here today.
Yoon Sungjin, a healthy young man who had just graduated from university, had never been to a place like this in his life. Naturally. Because up until this age, he had always lived as that “gloomy kid” whose existence was barely noticed.
Sungjin realized from a young age that his preferences were a little different from other boys. Born into an ordinary household that was neither poor nor particularly wealthy, raised through the regular education system like everyone else, from the moment he developed a sense of self, he loved beautiful things. To be precise, he loved combining and arranging things that weren’t bland and had distinctive character according to his preferences.
When other kids showed interest in breaking things rather than building them, in robot toys rather than dollhouse sets, Sungjin acted the opposite. He only learned later that what Sungjin was really interested in wasn’t the dolls, but the furniture and houses that came with those dolls. And so, after entering elementary school, Sungjin’s only hobby became saving up his allowance to collect animal dolls that came with furniture parts.
Wearing thick glasses from a young age due to severe myopia, being taller than other kids, and having an introverted personality meant being an outcast in class wasn’t a big problem. After all, I’m not as lively or proactive as other kids anyway. He spent each day thinking about the gift set with dozens of furniture pieces he’d seen in a commercial the night before.
Then one day, an incident finally occurred. Third grade of elementary school, a time when children begin to become more perceptive. A girl in his class brought to school a doll that was released in a bundle with the sofa parts Sungjin really wanted.
He shouldn’t have, but Sungjin, a publicly acknowledged “loser” with no talent for interacting with people, made the biggest mistake of his life. Not only did he recite the doll’s label number in front of the girl, but he also passionately went on and on about how special the sofa that came with that doll was and which parts it matched well with. It was the result of believing without doubt that she would naturally like “Animals Family” at the same level as he did.
And the response he got in return was sharp.
“You’re… disgusting. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
The other kids had the same reaction. Overnight, Sungjin became “that kid who’s gloomy and has gross tastes too.” He realized that day. People hate me. When I open my mouth, when I step forward in front of others, everyone feels uncomfortable.
For more than 10 years after that, Sungjin lived trying to erase any sign of his presence. He originally wanted to go to art school, but due to his parents’ opposition, he couldn’t even properly bring it up and entered the architecture department instead.
But it was okay. Because now, no one thought it was strange even if he looked at landscapes he wanted and beautifully completed architecture all day long.
Living colorless, odorless, tasteless, like someone who existed but didn’t—he went to the military and graduated from university with decent grades, and finally Sungjin hit a wall. Am I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life? Hiding what I like, living without ever dating even once? A life where people avoid me, ridicule me, and mock me the moment they see me?
He knew. He knew that the side that ignores people based on appearance and attitude alone is wrong. But if things continued this way, his life would go on without a single thing changing.
I don’t want to live like this! With firm determination, Sungjin scraped together the money he’d earned from tutoring and part-time jobs during university and embarked on his first and last challenge of his life.
He went to the gym every day, something he thought he’d never do even if he died, built up his physique and body. With the help of advanced medical technology, he finally overcame his myopia and took off his glasses. For the first time, he paid expensive money to have his hair done by a designer whose cut alone cost tens of thousands of won. After the dyeing was finished, Sungjin couldn’t believe what the designer said.
“As expected, now that you’ve got the visuals, just touching up the length brings out your features. Are you perhaps a celebrity?”
He tried to deny it, saying not to lie, that there’s a limit to flattery, but when Sungjin met his own eyes in the mirror, he couldn’t help but be surprised.
The scrawny, gloomy anchovy had disappeared, and an attractive handsome man who even he found appealing had taken his place. It was the first moment he learned that he resembled his parents, after only hearing “those parents are so good-looking, but why is their son…?”
The moment he returned home and almost got kicked out by his parents asking how a stranger knew their password, Sungjin successfully verified his identity and made a decision.
From now on, I absolutely won’t live like before. When someone makes a joke, he’ll naturally return it. He’ll step forward first in difficult situations and get along well with others. He’ll go out and have fun like everyone else, pay attention to his style, and live like a completely different person.
And so, the first thing he challenged was going to a club party, a social gathering for adults where only people with attractive appearances could enter.
First, he wanted to confirm whether his appearance was acceptable to others, and he wanted to lose his virginity before getting any older. In the midst of that, women were too scary to deal with, so men were more comfortable.
Thus, using a graduation trip as an excuse, he came all the way to this place where they said men could easily hook up with each other.
This is a foreign country, and no one here knows me. In this place full of attractive people, I’m completely ending my loser life today and going back to Korea! With such ambitious aspirations, he finally entered but was intimidated by the blatant atmosphere and just stuck to the wall—when the other party approached him first.
Don’t do anything weird. I have to hold back from asking things like who my favorite architect is, whether I have a preferred interior style, or if I like Gaudí.
I can’t ask if they know Montaner or Viollet-le-Duc either. I can’t ask what they think about Bauhaus style either.
The moment he desperately calmed his pounding heart, the other party asked first.
<Are you alone?>
He looked even more handsome up close. He had a sharp cat-like appearance with very long eye tails. His double eyelids were deep but not burdensome at all. It was fascinating that he felt masculine even though his face was so pretty. With a small head and doll-like features packed tightly together, he looked like a doll crafted with care by an artisan.
Sungjin was unconsciously staring blankly at the man’s face when he suddenly snapped back to his senses.
<Ah, yes.>
Let’s answer as naturally as possible. Maybe because he suddenly became extremely nervous, the alcohol hit him. Is it because I’m looking at something too beautiful? His head felt dizzy.
When Sungjin forced the corners of his mouth into a smile, the man stared at his face and said.
“Are you Korean?”
“Ah.”
At the familiar language flowing from those small, red lips, Sungjin tensed up again. Ah, he’s asking if I’m Korean? I thought there was something different about his appearance from Japanese or Chinese people.
For a moment, Sungjin’s breath caught, wondering if this person might know about his pathetic past, but reminding himself that such a connection was extremely rare on this vast Earth, he answered.
“Yes, that’s right. Are you Korean too?”
Ah, to come all the way here and meet someone from the same country. No, it’s better that he’s Korean than a complete foreigner where even the culture doesn’t match… But what if he outs me in Korea… While all kinds of random thoughts were floating around, the man suddenly proposed.
“Want to go somewhere with fewer people?”
The answer, of course, could only be “yes.”
***
Footnotes
- Montaner: A master architect of 19th century Barcelona
- Viollet-le-Duc: A 19th century French architect who restored Notre-Dame Cathedral
- Bauhaus: A German art school established in the early 20th century
