# Chapter 94
It’s better not to have false hopes from the beginning.
‘But…’
If he hadn’t thought about it at all, it would be one thing.
But once he considered that it might be possible, Suhyun’s suddenly changed behavior all seemed plausible.
‘Honestly, he did change suddenly…’
Suhyun had become affectionate as if there was never a time when he’d disregarded Jiwon.
If one were to give it meaning, that is.
‘Am I just thinking what I want to hear?’
Jiwon frowned and swallowed a sigh.
Hope makes people excited, but the disappointment when it turns out not to be true makes the feeling incomparably greater.
‘It can’t be.’
So it was better to stop thinking about it now.
He knew that.
He knew, but…
“What’s wrong?”
“…Y-Yes?”
“Your face…”
Suhyun reached out his hand toward Jiwon’s face, which had become flushed with heat without him realizing.
“Ah!”
Jiwon instinctively pulled back. Suhyun’s hand, left hanging in the air because of him, looked somewhat awkward.
“Ah, no. No. Um…, it’s nothing. That…”
What was he saying “no” to?
In his urgency, Jiwon made incomprehensible denials even to himself as he rubbed his face.
He had clearly barked up the wrong tree.
Because of his pointlessly active imagination, he was just making his face flush and acting foolishly.
He was concerned about how he must look to Suhyun right now.
‘But was he always this comfortable reaching out to touch my face?’
Even though he knew he was barking up the wrong tree, once his thoughts went in that direction, he started assigning meaning to every small thing.
It was strange, after all.
Suhyun’s nature was kind. But he was someone who was clumsy when it came to expressing it. Not just to Jiwon, but to everyone.
Just because they’d gotten a bit closer, there was no way he would initiate skinship so casually like this. Was it an aftereffect of guiding?
‘Even I naturally leaned on his shoulder…’
Of course, Jiwon was full of personal feelings, but…
‘Really, truly objectively, is it absolutely impossible?’
Having already decided on an answer, Jiwon thought with the intention of asking until that answer emerged.
Meanwhile, his heartbeat was gradually getting faster.
This was also because the expected answer had already been determined.
That it was too soon. That it was absolutely not the case. That he should stop these distracting thoughts, but his expectations only continued to inflate.
“…”
“…”
Jiwon was looking into Suhyun’s eyes. Suhyun was doing the same.
For a moment, the two who had lost their words just stared into each other’s eyes as if exploring each other. The heat on their faces gradually rose, and Jiwon’s heart was thumping loudly.
“Um…, Esper Jungyeom said…”
The one who spoke first after a long pause was Jiwon.
“That my heartbeat, he could hear it clearly.”
Before he was even aware of what he was saying, his lips opened on their own and his voice flowed out.
“…You can hear it too, right, Esper-nim?”
It was a somewhat impulsive question.
When he should be hiding it, he was practically begging Suhyun to listen to his heartbeat.
Suhyun slowly nodded.
“…I can hear it.”
His voice was deeper than usual.
In response, Jiwon’s heart began to beat as if it might burst.
“…Your physical condition, seems, a bit, poor.”
Suhyun was the first to avert his gaze.
He said as he slightly turned his head.
“…I guess so.”
Jiwon nodded obediently. His physical condition being poor was true, after all. With his heartbeat sounding this loud, he couldn’t say he was in good condition.
“But, I’m not sick.”
After weakly biting his lower lip, Jiwon said distinctly, as if engraving it into Suhyun.
What was Suhyun thinking right now?
Had he noticed Jiwon’s feelings that were swollen with expectation and couldn’t be hidden? And was he pretending not to know? Or did he think it was impossible, as Jiwon himself had thought all along?
‘I think it’s right. No, it can’t be. I shouldn’t try to confirm it.’
His mind was confused.
Suhyun’s current reaction, far from discouraging Jiwon, was actually encouraging him.
The expectation that he might be able to hear the answer he wanted if he just took one step forward grew stronger and stronger.
It was a vain delusion. This was all happening because Won Jungyeom had made him think these useless thoughts.
‘It’s all Esper Jungyeom’s fault.’
Jiwon closed his eyes tightly, then opened them, tensing his lips. His lips, which had been firmly closed as he quickly found someone to blame, started to open.
“…That’s unfair.”
Quite impulsively.
“I can’t hear anything at all, but you’ve been hearing everything.”
Suhyun’s gaze, which had been slightly averted, returned to Jiwon.
So what if it was just that.
His heart melted, and it seemed okay to just let his mouth run wild.
“…Just, making me embarrassed, all alone.”
As his gaze lowered, Suhyun’s chest came into view. Jiwon slowly moved his fingertips and raised his gaze.
“Every time we guide… it must have been beating so fast.”
“…”
“You must have thought, strangely.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Jiwon placed his hand on Suhyun’s shoulder. Suhyun didn’t stop Jiwon’s hand, which moved slowly throughout.
“…Then what?”
With his hand still on Suhyun’s firm shoulder, Jiwon asked.
“…”
Suhyun didn’t answer. His brow was somewhat furrowed, but he didn’t look displeased.
Maybe that’s what Jiwon wanted to believe.
“Anyone, could feel that way… I think.”
In the meantime, Suhyun gave an answer.
Unfortunately, he was wrong.
At least not Jiwon. Jiwon swore he only felt this way when he was with Suhyun.
“But that’s not true.”
“…”
“I don’t… always do this.”
It was as good as saying outright that he only did this with Suhyun.
His feelings were already exposed, there was no reason to hesitate anymore.
Jiwon couldn’t bring himself to give up the expectation, which was likely his own delusion. His hand fell from Suhyun’s shoulder and slowly flowed to the left side of his chest.
Thump-thump, the heartbeat was already flowing through his fingertips before he even touched it.
“You…”
When his outstretched hand finally touched Suhyun’s chest, he could vividly feel Suhyun’s heartbeat.
Thump-thump-thump-thump, the sound of it beating strongly.
His mouth went dry at the sound of a heartbeat that didn’t seem much different from his own.
“…Are you like this with everyone?”
No, right? It’s just with me, right?
His eyes, desperately wanting the answer he had predetermined, passionately pursued Suhyun’s eyes.
“…”
Suhyun didn’t answer right away, but Jiwon didn’t feel impatient. Because Suhyun’s heartbeat was getting faster and faster.
In response, his own heart became even more tumultuous. His chest area felt so stiff that he simply couldn’t calm down.
Jiwon swallowed a trembling breath and slowly closed and opened his eyes. His fluttering eyelashes trembled along with it.
Even while showing his reddened face as it was, he couldn’t avoid Suhyun’s gaze.
He didn’t want to miss that gaze, which was settling from confusion and gradually changing as if yearning for him.
“I…”
As Jiwon carefully began to speak, he gripped Suhyun’s other shoulder with his remaining hand.
He hadn’t realized that even his hand was trembling.
“Right now, I’m not… trying to guide you.”
Suhyun didn’t make any negative gesture. He just quietly watched Jiwon.
So, like someone who had lost his mind, Jiwon just walked forward. Because he wanted to, because Suhyun’s attitude seemed like tacit consent.
“You might think I’m crazy, but…”
But as they got close enough to feel each other’s breath, he suddenly became afraid. What if there was no turning back from here? Maybe he shouldn’t have emphasized it wasn’t guiding.
A somewhat late regret welled up.
However…
“Ah…!”
Jiwon couldn’t think any further.
Suhyun, who had been quietly watching all along, pulled Jiwon to him and kissed him.
His lips touched Jiwon’s, feeling as if they might burn, and his heavy hand pulled Jiwon in as if he had been yearning for this for a long time.
Jiwon, who was embraced by Suhyun in one breath, wrapped his arms around Suhyun’s neck and closed his eyes.
A hot tongue invaded his mouth, playing with and conquering every corner from each tooth to the roof of his mouth and his throat.
“Huk…, uh….”
Jiwon’s body, exhaling labored breaths, trembled. As if unable to bear even the brief moment when their lips separated, Suhyun clung to him even more fiercely.
His mind became dazed as their tangled tongues crushed together and saliva flowed in.
“Mmm…. Ah.”
Jiwon gently opened his eyes, which had been closed. It was because he couldn’t believe for a moment that the person he was kissing was really Suhyun.
“Haah….”
But it was clearly Suhyun.
A hot gaze that looked as if it might burst into flames was staring straight at him.
Suhyun was also clearly engraving in his eyes the fact that he was kissing Jiwon.
