# Chapter 88
Dinner was satisfying. Despite a few mistakes, it was an uneventful time.
The thought of wanting to hand over Suhyun’s guiding to another Guide had faded. More urgently, he needed to ensure Suhyun wouldn’t suffer anymore.
By the way, should I meet that Guide once? I’d still like to see what kind of person they are.
“…Guide.”
Just as he was thinking this and crossing the threshold of their front door, Suhyun suddenly grabbed Jiwon’s wrist.
“Yes?”
Jiwon’s eyes widened in surprise, as Suhyun’s touch felt somewhat urgent.
Suhyun kept his eyes downcast with his lips tightly pressed together.
“What’s wrong?”
Whatever he was thinking, his hand holding Jiwon felt hesitant.
Jiwon turned toward Suhyun.
“…There’s something I haven’t said.”
Only then did Suhyun part his lips.
“Uh… what is it?”
His face was quite serious.
What does he mean by something he hasn’t said? Has there been something he’s wanted to say all this time?
“Hmm?”
As Suhyun’s lips moved as if about to speak but didn’t, Jiwon, growing impatient, urged him on. Suhyun’s eyes slowly met Jiwon’s.
“…About what we discussed earlier. I was clearly in the wrong for being rude to you and avoiding you, but you don’t seem to think so.”
“Ah…”
Jiwon sighed and nodded.
He had thought the matter was settled during dinner, but it seemed Suhyun had been holding it in his mind the whole time.
“You’re still worried about that?”
Of course. With Suhyun’s personality, there was no way he would blame Jiwon and just let it go.
Jiwon smiled slightly.
“Whatever it was, it’s already in the past. As long as it doesn’t happen again, isn’t that fine?”
Suhyun shook his head at the question, which implied that he shouldn’t do it again. He didn’t seem convinced.
‘He was always quite stubborn.’
Jiwon shrugged his shoulders and nodded. He did so because no matter how much he said it was okay, Suhyun didn’t seem like he would just let it go.
“…Actually.”
“……”
“I… toward you, Guide…”
As it seemed like he was finally going to explain why he had been avoiding him all this time, Jiwon stood quietly in the entryway.
He had been curious about the reason, after all.
“……”
But even when Jiwon was fully prepared to listen, Suhyun still couldn’t select the words he wanted to say.
I’ve come to like you. I was afraid of that, so I ran away. He couldn’t convey that directly.
He knew that Jiwon cared about him as a human being, beyond his responsibility as a Guide. But that didn’t mean it was okay to pour out his feelings.
It would be better to distance himself for that reason; Jiwon was the type of person who would keep Suhyun by his side, comforting him and saying it was okay. Even worrying that Suhyun’s feelings might get hurt.
He had no intention of revealing his heart, even if he had misjudged. It would be a burden to Jiwon anyway.
“At that time, I was particularly wary of kind people.”
Jiwon patiently waited for Suhyun, who took a long time choosing his words. Thanks to that, Suhyun was able to carefully present another plausible reason that masked his real feelings.
“…Perhaps I was afraid of losing the freedom I had gained for the first time.”
Suhyun briefly explained the act he had put on with his parents. He thought it would make it easier for Jiwon to understand.
They had appeared happy and were kinder than anyone. Their insides were completely rotten, but no one knew. They lived wearing masks all the time to maintain that appearance.
“It wasn’t your fault at all, Guide. You were just being kind to me, but suddenly, I felt like I had gone back to before my parents left for America, so I ran away.”
“……”
“That was the only reason. So please don’t blame yourself for my mistake.”
Jiwon quietly listened to his story, delivered in a slow, deliberate manner. Although Suhyun didn’t explain in detail, Jiwon could somewhat understand why he felt like he had gone back to when his parents were around.
Someone who appears kind on the outside but isn’t on the inside. He had overlapped Jiwon with his parents and avoided him.
‘He saw through me too accurately.’
If only Jiwon wasn’t that kind of person. But objectively, Jiwon belonged to the category of people who only act kind on the outside.
So Suhyun had seen through him correctly and ran away.
“…You have quite a good eye for people.”
Jiwon laughed dryly as he answered.
He had been attracted to Suhyun, but even then, he had been wearing a well-crafted mask. That’s why he had been rejected.
Then, was Suhyun staying by his side now because he was practically bare-faced?
“I understand what you mean. That’s possible.”
Suhyun furrowed his brow at Jiwon’s nodding response. Jiwon shrugged.
“Well, you were young, right? Besides, having just escaped your parents’ control, weren’t you more sensitive and fearful?”
You were just protecting yourself by putting up thorns, not wanting to be controlled by others.
“I can understand, and it’s okay. So don’t worry about it.”
By the way, if they wanted to put on an act, they should have done it among themselves. What on earth did they do to a young child?
Anger toward Suhyun’s parents, whom he had never met, gradually rose.
“…Why is everything always okay with you, Guide?”
But Suhyun didn’t give him time to be consumed by anger. He asked as if he couldn’t understand.
“It wasn’t okay for you.”
Jiwon blinked slowly. Guilt filled his face, which seemed to wish Jiwon would get angry instead.
He’s so nice…
How did he manage to grumble at me constantly with such a personality?
“But it is okay.”
Jiwon chuckled.
“Back then, of course it wasn’t okay. But now it is. It’s not like you’re suddenly going to refuse guiding because you don’t like me, right?”
“……”
“What? Are you going to do that again?”
“…No.”
“Then it’s fine.”
Why does the past matter so much? It seemed pointless to dig up old issues and judge right from wrong when it was already challenging enough to focus on what lay ahead.
Of course, he did feel relieved to learn about what Suhyun had experienced and what he thought. Maybe that’s why everything felt more okay now.
“Don’t do that again. If you do, I think I’ll be really hurt this time.”
Jiwon spoke deliberately as he looked at Suhyun.
Then and now are different. If he heard another rejection and Suhyun distanced himself from him again, he didn’t think he would recover so easily this time.
“…That won’t happen.”
Jiwon smiled with satisfaction.
“That’s all I need.”
***
“Haah…”
As soon as he entered his room from the entryway, Jiwon sprawled out on the bed. He hadn’t even properly changed his clothes.
“Ugh…”
Why did his whole body suddenly feel so heavy? Somehow, it felt even more tiring than when he had followed Suhyun into a dungeon.
It seemed that all the tension he had been maintaining while out with Suhyun had released at once, making his body feel very heavy.
In an instant, he didn’t want to move a finger. As if to tease him, his phone vibrated. Jiwon checked the phone screen while still lying face down.
[Did you have fun?]
It was a message from Won Jungyeom.
Jiwon opened the message with a chuckle.
Did they have fun? They had a lot of fun. It was true that despite being tiring, it had been a very satisfying day.
But it felt awkward to express exactly how he felt. He was newly conscious of the fact that Jungyeom had noticed his feelings, just like Wooyeon had.
Jungyeom also knew about the incident with Wooyeon. Was the contrasting reaction because Jungyeom wasn’t directly involved?
[You’re number one when it comes to meddling.]
Jiwon replied stiffly, omitting any words of thanks, and lay down properly on the bed.
He wasn’t in a state to think deeply about anything right now. Jiwon thought he would rest a little with his eyes closed and then take a shower.
But despite closing his eyes, the image of Suhyun in his fresh clothes flickered before him. It was so vivid that it felt like Suhyun was still right in front of him.
‘It seemed like someone was taking pictures.’
Jiwon, recalling Suhyun’s appearance that was different from usual, opened his eyes wide and picked up his phone.
His eyes sparkled as he searched for Suhyun’s name, as if he had never been tired. As Jiwon had expected, several photos of Suhyun taken today had been uploaded.
“Ah, they took good pictures.”
Jiwon’s cheeks bulged with satisfaction at the results. He saved each and every photo to his album. It was fortunate that Suhyun’s day was so well preserved in these photos.
“……”
The seemingly endless scrolling stopped at one spot. It was a photo of Jiwon and Suhyun together.
“I like him…”
Jiwon chuckled. He was looking at Suhyun with a bright smile that could never be artificially created.
“……”
Why did he like Suhyun so much?
He couldn’t understand. He just really liked him and cared for him. When asked for a reason, he simultaneously thought he didn’t know and that there were too many reasons.
The only certainty was that Suhyun had now become an incredibly important person to Jiwon. He wanted to protect him with all his might and make him happy.
There was no need to find a reason when his heart’s desire was so clear. He just needed to fulfill what he wanted.
Having saved all the photos including those of the two of them together, Jiwon tightly gripped his phone and pressed his lips firmly shut.
