# Chapter 66
“Haah…”
As soon as he opened the front door and came in, Jiwon sprawled out on the sofa. His head was throbbing after having a long conversation without any clear answers.
“I don’t know what we should do.”
“There’s nothing certain yet.”
Jiwon nodded at Suhyun’s response. While Won Jungyeom’s suggestion made sense, they concluded they should think more before trying anything recklessly. In the end, nothing had been decided.
Though the situation felt suffocating and bleak, Jiwon couldn’t help but smile as Suhyun approached him with steady steps. Just seeing him made Jiwon smile. Even with important matters at hand, he wanted to forget everything and focus only on Suhyun.
Is this also part of his ability?
“Take my hand.”
Putting aside his idle thoughts, Jiwon extended his hand. Guiding had become a natural part of their daily routine. Suhyun took Jiwon’s hand without hesitation.
‘This feels new somehow.’
Why was this making him feel so sentimental?
It seemed like just yesterday that he was struggling to get Suhyun to accept Guiding, yet now it had become so natural.
Though Suhyun was in a position where he couldn’t refuse Guiding…
“Hmm.”
It didn’t feel like he was accepting it reluctantly anymore. Suhyun, who had been uncomfortable during Guiding before, now seemed at ease.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“I’m fine.”
This wasn’t just Jiwon’s wishful thinking. If Suhyun still disliked Guiding, he wouldn’t respond to each of Jiwon’s questions in such a gentle voice.
Feeling self-conscious about his thoughts, Jiwon unconsciously tightened his grip on Suhyun’s hand. Suhyun must have felt it, but he remained calm. It was both nice and a bit awkward.
‘I’ll definitely protect you.’
‘That should be my line.’
The unusual fluttering in his chest might have been influenced by their brief conversation earlier.
When they heard the news about Riska evolving, Jiwon had been anxious that Suhyun might try to handle it alone again. That firm resolve in Suhyun’s attitude had made Jiwon’s heart incredibly soft.
‘He said he’d protect me.’
Suhyun had said he would protect Jiwon.
He probably meant it as a Guide’s duty, but Jiwon, who liked him, could interpret it more broadly.
At least Jiwon wasn’t offering protection just because Suhyun was an Esper. It was because he liked him and didn’t want him to get hurt.
His fluttering heart arbitrarily concluded that Suhyun might have thought the same way.
As long as these were just his own thoughts, what did it matter if no one found out? Imagination was free, after all.
“Haha…”
A small laugh escaped at his somewhat desperate thoughts. Suhyun looked at Jiwon with curious eyes. Jiwon shook his head as if to say it was nothing.
It felt strange to be laughing alone while indulging in vain fantasies. Especially at a time when they were worried about Riska.
But it didn’t seem to matter right now. After all, the Riska dungeon wasn’t going to appear today.
Even if he tried to think about it, all he could see was Suhyun’s face, so it seemed impossible.
“Guide-nim.”
“Yes?”
Jiwon, who had been staring blankly at Suhyun’s face, was startled by his call and raised his voice.
The first thing he did was check whether the Guiding was proceeding properly. Since Suhyun rarely initiated conversation, Jiwon wanted to make sure nothing was wrong.
Fortunately, the Guiding was going well. Then, was he going to talk about the Riska dungeon? Jiwon, who had been uncharacteristically trying to avoid that topic, gave a bitter smile.
Suhyun was always so diligent.
“Why are you smiling?”
But Suhyun’s question was completely different from what Jiwon had expected.
Jiwon furrowed his brow as he pondered the question. His first thought was that perhaps Suhyun didn’t like his smiling.
“Ah, I don’t mean you shouldn’t smile. I was just curious why you smile even in situations where there’s nothing to smile about.”
Whether because he realized his question could be misinterpreted, or because of Jiwon’s expression, Suhyun quickly added an explanation.
Jiwon’s face relaxed, but he didn’t immediately answer the question.
“Are you curious about that right now?”
Surprisingly, it was hard to believe that Suhyun was curious about him, so Jiwon wanted to confirm that fact first.
Suhyun’s hand, joined with his, fidgeted slightly.
“If you don’t want to answer…”
“No? I definitely want to answer.”
Jiwon quickly shook his head.
Emotions are strange things. He didn’t want to assign meaning to trivial things, yet at some point, that’s exactly what he was doing.
Suhyun had definitely changed. He seemed comfortable by Jiwon’s side. Beyond simply not disliking him, it felt like Jiwon had now moved a little further inside Suhyun’s boundaries.
Jiwon had been grateful just to not be disliked. Now, thinking they had grown closer, his heart lifted without him realizing it.
“Well, um… I smile because it’s comfortable. It’s better to be on the positive side.”
Jiwon wanted to give a sincere answer. He could tell Suhyun anything if he was curious. But he wasn’t sure how to explain it.
His cheerful, smiling personality wasn’t something he was born with. That meant he would have to talk about the past…
“…I realized that not everything can be resolved by getting angry.”
His hesitation about how much to share was brief. He had already revealed his past—which he hadn’t told anyone because he didn’t want Suhyun to enter the dungeon alone—so there was nothing more to hide now.
“In the past, well, before I became a Guide, so a really long time ago. I didn’t smile much then. I was always fighting.”
“…?”
“It’s true. You look like you don’t believe me.”
Jiwon laughed at Suhyun’s candid reaction showing in his expression.
But it really was like that in the past. After being abandoned by his parents, Jiwon grew up in an orphanage. His parents had hidden their whereabouts, so the orphanage was the only place that could take in Jiwon who had nowhere else to go.
He fought a lot there. Strangely, there were many crazy kids who picked fights with Jiwon. He channeled his pain of abandonment and loneliness into fighting them.
His small build wasn’t a problem. He would lunge at them like a dog and cling on until he won. His body was covered in wounds back then.
Looking back, they were probably also buried in the same pain and loneliness as him… But Jiwon was too young to understand their feelings.
“When I was at the orphanage, someone said I was like a mad dog. I literally bit and tore at people when fighting. I just wanted to do that at the time. I guess it was because I was young?”
“Ah…”
Suhyun’s expression darkened slightly at the mention of the orphanage. Seeing him attentively listening to his words gave Jiwon a peculiar feeling. He continued talking without stopping.
“Then one day I realized something. No matter how much I fought, nothing was resolved, and I just got yelled at. If people disliked me, only bad things happened. So wouldn’t it be better to try to be liked instead?”
“……”
“It’s easier to deal with a child who listens well and doesn’t cause trouble than one who’s suspicious of everything.”
It wasn’t a place that understood, cared for, or nurtured a child’s pain. It was a place where well-behaved, docile children received what little affection there was.
“After that, I started behaving well, smiling brightly, and acting cute. And everything was resolved. Without having to fight. The adults who liked me would protect me.”
…Was saying he “acted cute” a bit much?
Jiwon momentarily faltered as Suhyun stared at him.
“I see.”
But Suhyun’s calm response quickly dispelled the brief tension. Jiwon grinned.
“I think since then, I’ve tried to resolve most things with a smile. Hmm… It was the same with people who disliked me. Even if you dislike me, it doesn’t bother me at all. Well, I wanted to appear that way.”
Was that explanation sufficient? Jiwon slowly blinked as he looked at Suhyun.
Then suddenly, he realized that he had acted exactly as he just described toward Suhyun when he was keeping his distance. Jiwon felt momentarily dismayed. He had just revealed his thoughts directly to the person involved.
“Ahem.”
Jiwon cleared his throat to change the atmosphere.
“Anyway, it’s just a habit. I think it’s a better method than getting angry, so I smile without even thinking about it.”
Then he quickly wrapped up the conversation.
“Did that answer your question?”
Suhyun nodded. There was no particular change in his expression. Jiwon tried to convince himself that Suhyun probably hadn’t applied the story to himself.
“That’s good.”
Jiwon laughed, almost sighing. The answer to a simple question had turned out quite lengthy.
