# Chapter 49
“It’s been a while since we had a matching rate test, so it feels a bit strange. Maybe it’s because we did it together?”
Having made the atmosphere in the car uncomfortable, Jiwon berated himself until they were about to arrive at the Association.
He thought that just when their relationship had improved, it might become awkward again because of his mistake.
Jiwon finally came to his senses. What happened had already happened, and it was in the past. Since Suhyun was willing to let it go, he couldn’t keep dwelling on it.
So Jiwon decided to completely forget about that day. Well, memories don’t disappear just because you decide to forget them, but he resolved to cut off his own desire to explain himself.
“Maybe there’s a Guide with a higher matching rate with you now.”
“…I doubt it.”
Jiwon decided to babble nonsense as he usually did. If he acted as he normally would, Suhyun wouldn’t feel uncomfortable either. Of course, some self-censorship was necessary…
Anyway, this was the best Jiwon could do for now.
“Hmm, I wonder if our matching rate has increased?”
Matching rates rarely increase. It could be considered something that almost never happens. But since Suhyun had mentioned feeling something different, it was worth having some expectations.
Even a 1% increase would make their matching rate 90%. That would be cause for celebration.
“Ah, Esper Seo Suhyun, Guide Moon Jiwon. Your test results are ready.”
The employee who had conducted the matching rate test for the two appeared when Jiwon was starting to sweat with subtle anticipation—about 10 minutes after the test.
His cheeks were flushed red, but neither Jiwon nor Suhyun paid much attention to it. Without realizing it, they had become accustomed to people displaying such attitudes.
“First of all, congratulations!”
As soon as the two returned to the examination room, the employee said in a bright voice.
“Your matching rate has increased!”
“…Really?”
Though he had expected it, Jiwon was dumbfounded when he actually heard it had increased.
“Yes! It’s only 1%, but you both know how rare it is for matching rates to increase!”
“Ah….”
Jiwon examined the test paper the employee handed over as if presenting evidence. The 90% matching rate was very clearly written.
Jiwon turned his head toward Suhyun. He also had a somewhat puzzled expression. Despite being the one who had suggested the test, he seemed to have expected it less than Jiwon.
“Now your matching rate is a whole 90%!”
Even though it was only 1%, having the first digit change felt significant. Jiwon flinched involuntarily as he recalled that Suhyun’s wavelength stability had recently risen to 91, but he barely maintained his composure.
“That’s fortunate, isn’t it?”
Jiwon asked casually with a slight smile. Suhyun nodded in response.
In any case, it was good news. The higher the matching rate, the easier guiding becomes. Even a mere 1% difference could sometimes show tremendous results.
Especially since Suhyun frequently enters dangerous dungeons. The fact that his matching rate had increased with Jiwon, his exclusive guide, was extremely hopeful.
“This is only the third time I’ve seen a matching rate increase while working here.”
If only the conversation had ended right there, if only they had returned home with this hopeful news.
Jiwon could have really acted as if nothing had happened that day, maintaining his usual nonchalant attitude. And eventually, he would have forgotten about that day more easily.
“Usually in these cases, the ability users are deeply in love with each other!”
So, if only the employee hadn’t suddenly blurted out such strange words.
“Or one of them is deeply infatuated with the other.”
If only he had just recited the test results professionally and disappeared, Jiwon’s smiling face wouldn’t have lost its expression, and he wouldn’t have frozen, unable to even turn his head toward Suhyun.
It was probably just a joke. But even though Jiwon knew that, he simply couldn’t laugh.
“Um… I was just joking….”
As the previously cheerful employee’s face stiffened with embarrassment, Jiwon could imagine what kind of face Suhyun was making.
Had he noticed? Had he now realized something that even Jiwon himself hadn’t known?
His heart began to race rapidly. The outrageous act he had committed. The anxiety he felt thinking it might cause misunderstandings. The constant worry about how to explain it. Suhyun’s gaze that kept bothering him.
With just one joke from the employee, everything seemed to become clear, as if the final puzzle piece had been put into place.
No. That couldn’t be it.
Jiwon desperately denied it, but that didn’t make the emotions he had been feeling disappear. Rather, the more he denied it, the more it seemed to shake him, telling him not to look away.
Ah, damn it.
Jiwon squeezed his eyes shut.
He swore he didn’t want to realize this fact. Especially not in front of Suhyun, who had always ignored feelings that even Jiwon himself hadn’t recognized.
***
Jiwon had dating experience too. Just once, and the relationship only lasted a month. It was barely enough to even count as dating experience.
Anyway, during that month, Jiwon realized how bothersome human emotions could be. Especially the feeling of liking someone.
It would have been more so because he didn’t properly understand that emotion at the time. All the various wishes his partner had because they liked him were just burdensome and annoying to Jiwon.
Thinking about it now, it was affection and concern directed at him. But at that time, everything was just cumbersome.
Jiwon didn’t even share trivial everyday matters with his partner back then. He couldn’t find a reason why he should. Jiwon even found his partner’s daily stories boring.
Naturally, his partner soon left Jiwon’s side. And Jiwon felt extremely comfortable. His subsequent lack of interest in dating stemmed from the idea that romance was a waste of time, an idea that originated from that experience.
“This is driving me crazy….”
How rude of me.
Jiwon now felt deeply how disrespectful he had been to his partner. Is this how he was paying for hurting his partner back then?
“You reap what you sow….”
The old saying was completely true. Jiwon swallowed a hollow laugh and rubbed his face vigorously.
‘Did he figure it out?’
Suhyun didn’t say anything in response to the employee’s talk about one-sided love.
‘Haha… what a strange joke.’
Only Jiwon had laughed awkwardly. Thinking about it now, it was a very suspicious laugh, but it was the best way to get through the situation.
‘It would have been better if he’d just thought he was hearing nonsense and let it go….’
It would have been better if he hadn’t realized anything even in that moment about the emotion he hadn’t known before. Because it would be troublesome if Suhyun sensed his feelings, which had been defined in an instant.
If it was discovered… it would be difficult to maintain a smooth relationship.
“And the timing, of all things….”
If it hadn’t been for that day when they not only pressed their lips together but also clung to each other thoroughly and he encouraged Suhyun, he could have pretended not to know more naturally.
No, he might not have realized his own feelings at all and just moved on.
But Jiwon still remembered that day vividly. And also how much he had craved Suhyun.
“……”
Should he bite his tongue even now?
After suffering with his face buried in his hands, Jiwon finally calmed down and glared at the innocent wall.
As long as Suhyun doesn’t make an issue of it, no problems will arise.
This was the best Jiwon could hope for in the current situation.
Even if he had realized Jiwon’s feelings, if he just pretended not to know… then at least there wouldn’t be any problem with guiding…
“There would be.”
Having failed in his attempt to force a positive mindset, Jiwon flopped onto the bed. It was fortunate that Suhyun wasn’t home right now. Because there was no one to hear him if he ranted loudly.
‘Is he already avoiding me?’
The gloomy speculation gave him a headache. He wondered whether Suhyun had gone out for something that had never happened before, or if he had left out of discomfort after realizing Jiwon’s feelings.
“Haah….”
He felt like he was aging with all the sighs that kept coming out. Amidst that, a feeling of indignation also arose slightly.
I mean, who told him to be so great? Although it was only once, Jiwon’s dating partner had been a woman.
Even though Suhyun was an Esper who craved guiding, Jiwon would gasp in shock whenever he saw male Espers who seemed to lust after him. It was disconcerting that such feelings could arise between two men.
It’s strange, isn’t it? From the first time they met, even embracing Suhyun didn’t feel odd at all. He thought he had rushed in without hesitation due to the mix of admiration and surprise he felt for Suhyun at the time, along with a sense of responsibility to provide guiding.
“Was it fine from the beginning?”
Looking back now, it seems like Suhyun was fine from the beginning.
The strange attraction, the waiting for him, the desire to keep taking care of Suhyun despite being mistreated, instead of throwing him aside, using the excuse that there were no guides with high matching rates—all because he had unconsciously carried Suhyun in his heart.
‘Then when exactly did I start liking him?’
It doesn’t make sense that he had liked him from before. At first… it was definitely not that kind of feeling. It seems like after making the exclusive contract, as they gradually got closer…
“…What does it matter when it started?”
Jiwon shook his head vigorously. It was a completely useless act.
What he needed to worry about now was whether he had shown enough signs for Suhyun to notice, whether Suhyun would try to avoid him because of it, whether they could still do guiding smoothly in the future, and whether he could pretend nothing had changed.
‘That’s a lot to worry about.’
Counting them one by one, a hollow laugh escaped.
“Ah, I’m really going to lose my mind….”
Well, how did I end up in this situation?
What nice thing did he do that made me like him?
It was truly the most unfair thing.
