# Chapter 40
But Jiwon knew he wasn’t alright.
At that moment, Suhyun took a step back. Jiwon immediately moved to follow him but was blocked by a transparent wall that had appeared without his notice.
Jiwon knocked on the wall with surprised eyes. Suhyun was still calmly looking at him.
“…What are you doing?”
Transparent walls had been raised all around. Jiwon was trapped inside them. Suhyun had confined Jiwon.
“I asked what you’re doing.”
Despite Jiwon’s bewildered questioning, Suhyun remained unmoved. He took another step back and said:
“I’m glad that Guide-nim is alive.”
“Esper-nim Suhyun. I asked what you’re doing right now.”
“But there’s no guarantee the same thing won’t happen twice, is there?”
At his words, Jiwon opened his mouth as if dumbfounded, then frowned and asked:
“Don’t tell me you’re planning to leave me confined here and go alone?”
Unfortunately, Suhyun nodded.
“That’s the plan.”
“Why do you think I came in here?”
Jiwon had entered this dungeon to prevent Suhyun from going wild. But now he was confining him and saying he’d go alone? It was nonsense.
“Thanks to Guide-nim, I survived, but even so, I think it’s dangerous for Guide-nim to continue entering dungeons.”
“……”
“…I was complacent. I believed I could protect you despite everything.”
Suhyun had actually protected Jiwon. He had quickly regained his senses even after becoming a threat.
“I was arrogant. I can’t protect Guide-nim and might even kill you instead.”
Yes, Jiwon understood that Suhyun was very shocked. But this approach was very wrong.
“Anyway… I survived, didn’t I?”
Jiwon said with a grimace, as if frustrated.
“…Yes, fortunately.”
Suhyun nodded readily, but he didn’t seem to have any intention of removing the wall that confined Jiwon.
“But my thoughts remain the same. I can’t be certain the same thing won’t happen again. So I’ll go alone.”
“Hah….”
Jiwon let out a long sigh. It was utterly frustrating.
“And what if you go wild? Either way, we’ll end up dead, won’t we? Can you be certain everything will be fine?”
His tone became sharp without him realizing it.
“And what certainty did Guide-nim have when you followed me?”
But at Suhyun’s counter-question, Jiwon immediately hesitated. It was because he had followed solely out of a desire not to send Suhyun alone, without any certainty.
“My being controlled and trying to enter the dungeon was an unforeseen accident. But Guide-nim probably wasn’t being controlled. Guide-nim had a choice.”
Suhyun continued speaking as if he knew without Jiwon answering. It was nonsense.
Choice? Jiwon had no choice. He couldn’t let Suhyun go alone.
“If I didn’t force Guide-nim to come along against your will, then you had a choice.”
But Suhyun was resolute. Jiwon shook his head as if frustrated.
“No, that wasn’t a choice. Because if Esper-nim went in alone, you would die. I’d forgotten what was wrong, not knowing what was strange. You’re going to go alone because of something like that?”
“Isn’t it more than ‘something like that’?”
Jiwon raised his voice somewhat, but Suhyun didn’t mind at all. Instead, his face grew increasingly cold. It felt as if the surrounding temperature had suddenly dropped.
“An Esper killed Guides. Guide-nim deduced this much. Yet you say you didn’t even think I could kill Guide-nim. Isn’t that too dangerous?”
“……”
“Guide-nim is always like this. You follow me to protect me because I’m dangerous, but you don’t properly look after your own safety. You brush off things that could be threats.”
“……”
“Why do you do that? Does Guide-nim not care at all if you die?”
Suhyun sighed as if disheartened and continued:
“Do I have to show you in this way that I’m a monster who could kill Guide-nim?”
Jiwon flinched at the word “monster.” It was a word he had never thought about when looking at him. However, Suhyun seemed to have no hesitation in referring to himself as a monster.
“The fact that I could kill an innocent person regardless of my reason is a horrifying thought even as a hypothetical.”
The reason could be understood from his additional words.
“I need time to prepare mentally. I also need time to remind myself not to do such things. But… this time I had no such opportunity, and I came to my senses while strangling Guide-nim.”
“……”
“At the very least, I wanted to know when and in what situations I become a monster. It doesn’t mean I can control myself, but even so…”
Jiwon finally realized that the target of Suhyun’s anger was not himself, but Suhyun himself.
After discovering that he was afraid, Jiwon had been angry at the thought that Suhyun might confine him and leave alone. But Suhyun had confined him as his best effort to avoid repeating the same mistake.
He wanted to protect Jiwon even like this. Because if he didn’t, he felt like he might really kill him this time.
Suhyun needed time to think in advance about actions he might take.
But Jiwon had brushed off situations where he might be in danger and only thought about Suhyun’s safety. He had focused solely on protecting his life.
He hadn’t even thought to consider the shock and fear Suhyun would feel when it happened.
It was an incredibly naive approach.
“…Do you know what the situation was like on the day Esper-nim awakened?”
Jiwon, who had belatedly understood the emotions Suhyun must have felt, spoke in a somewhat calmer tone. Ironically, only now could he properly see Suhyun’s unsteadily wavering eyes.
“Espers tend to release power when they awaken. Even if it’s not quite going wild, that power is at a level ordinary people cannot withstand. Well, that’s why people who enter places where immediate response is not possible must undergo wavelength testing. But… unfortunately, that testing wasn’t properly done when Esper-nim was leaving the country.”
It was a breathtaking situation even in retrospect. And it was something he absolutely never wanted to experience twice.
“I happened to be at the airport on my first long vacation? Then I received a call. An Esper had awakened on a plane right now, and since I was the closest Guide, I should rush over and guide them. They said they would send all nearby Espers, so I should go first and wait.”
Thinking about it, the long vacation became non-existent. He felt newly aggrieved.
“Believing that, I rushed over, but they said the Espers were delayed. The plane was crashing, and somehow I was all alone. How could I, a Guide, stop a crashing plane? I thought, ‘I’m definitely going to die.’ I cursed the Association so much then…”
Suhyun seemed not to understand why Jiwon was rambling on. But since he didn’t interrupt or turn away, Jiwon continued speaking nonchalantly.
“But the plane didn’t crash, didn’t hit anything, and landed properly. It was quite skewed, but still… Anyway, shortly after, a thick steel door opened and Esper-nim came out.”
“……”
“At that moment, I thought.”
Jiwon murmured, reminiscing about that time.
“That this Esper is a very strong person who wouldn’t let people die.”
It really was true. Watching Suhyun, who somehow maintained his reason amidst a chaotic wavelength and informed people of their safety, Jiwon had genuinely admired him and even felt reverence.
“You asked me earlier what certainty I had when I followed Esper-nim, right?”
The answer is simple.
“I was certain that Esper Seo Suhyun wouldn’t let me die.”
Because Suhyun would absolutely not let him die. Even if he had known in advance that something like this would happen, Jiwon would have still followed Suhyun.
It wasn’t that he believed he could do something with his guiding. What Jiwon believed in was only Suhyun. Even if he might be entranced momentarily, he was someone who would eventually come to his senses.
“I’ll believe you this time too. I’ll keep believing. So, don’t leave me behind and go. I want to be by your side.”
