Seonwoo mulled over Yoonjo’s question as he briefly fussed with the blanket.
Why Yeosu? Within a short timeframe, Yeosu was the only place where a perfect change of scenery could be achieved. Even that was only possible because the bridge had been completed.
If Seonwoo had suggested going on a trip for several days, Yoonjo would have refused. Yoonjo felt he needed to spend the long hours of his short vacation with his grandparents. So Seonwoo didn’t have many options. After much deliberation, he asked his manager Woojin to rent a pension in Yeosu and prepared things like a game console and barbecue in advance.
Seonwoo’s hunch turned into certainty when he saw Yoonjo mutter about wanting to come with his grandparents and ask about cuts of meat throughout the entire barbecue. If he had made a different choice, Yoonjo would probably have been stomping his feet in distress, not knowing what to do.
‘That would be troublesome…’
Taking a deep breath, he deliberately erased the hypothetical scenario from his mind. Instead, he slowly reflected on the day he’d spent with Yoonjo. The first thing that came to mind was Yoonjo watching the movie. Whatever was so entertaining, he’d been concentrating so hard….
“Did you enjoy the movie we watched today?”
“Actually, I like comedy more than romance, and noir more than comedy.”
A brief rustling sound was heard. Thanks to the moonlight pouring through the window, Yoonjo’s movements were clearly visible. Before he knew it, Yoonjo had turned his body and was looking at Seonwoo.
“It was fun because the person I was watching it with was you, hyung.”
Suddenly his fingertips tingled. Without realizing it, Seonwoo slowly curled his fingers. Yoonjo, who had drawn a bit closer, placed his hand over Seonwoo’s. Seonwoo, who had remained still without pushing him away, suddenly asked.
“Do you want me to act again?”
“Whether you act or not is up to what you want to do, hyung. But, hyung. I wish you would do it again.”
“…You don’t even know why I quit. It could be because I never want to set foot on that path again, or it could be because I wanted to stop acting.”
Yoonjo, who had been quietly listening to Seonwoo’s words, moved a little closer and then sneakily reached out his hand, subtly embracing Seonwoo’s waist. Seonwoo’s characteristic scent enveloped Yoonjo’s entire body.
“That’s right. You might hate it that much, or maybe you just don’t want to do it anymore.”
Yoonjo cautiously raised his eyes upward. Seonwoo wasn’t looking at Yoonjo. He just seemed to be thinking about something, his gaze fixed toward the window. Yoonjo continued speaking with his cheek pressed against Seonwoo’s thigh.
“The thing you read every night, that’s a script, isn’t it?”
“……”
“I wasn’t trying to look at it…. You know, that night we drank together? I woke up briefly to sober up and found out. I was curious what you were reading every night… and it was a script. I didn’t look at it in detail or anything…. But every single one was tattered at the end. Doesn’t that mean you’ve read them a lot?”
It was that night when he’d woken up thirsty. Fumbling around, Yoonjo had squirmed up from his spot to properly see the hard thing his fingertips touched. Thanks to the streetlight, it wasn’t difficult to distinguish the objects around him. What was stacked on the nightstand beside the blanket was a pile of books. The book on top had “The World of the Villain” written on it. That was also the last film Seonwoo had appeared in.
When he turned the first page with the playwright’s and director’s names written on it, the next page was densely filled with writing. Stories written down one by one in neat handwriting were comments about acting.
Only then did Yoonjo realize that what Seonwoo had been reading every night were scripts.
Yoonjo, who hugged Seonwoo a bit more tightly, wriggled around so his legs wouldn’t be uncomfortable, then crawled up onto Seonwoo’s chest. His cheek pressed slightly against the chest, but Yoonjo didn’t seem to mind.
“You might really hate it. Or… you might have quit because you couldn’t even stand the sight of it. But if that were the case, wouldn’t you have cleared it all away so it wouldn’t even catch your eye?”
“……”
“I don’t know why you read scripts every night, hyung. But you know, when you’re reading them? Right here—at the corner of your mouth.”
Yoonjo raised his hand and lightly tapped the corner of Seonwoo’s lips, then smiled, crinkling his eyes.
“There was a smile. Doesn’t that mean you still love acting and like being an actor? Still, well….”
Yoonjo yawned lightly, then drowsily closed his eyes as if being consumed by Seonwoo’s body heat.
“You don’t have to be an actor anymore. People do various things as they live. But before you completely let go… I hope you don’t leave any regrets.”
Yoonjo briefly opened his eyes and grinned sheepishly, then closed his eyelids again. He kept yawning, seeming quite sleepy.
“It’s still something you like, so it’d be a waste to just let it slip away. When you can catch it, it should stay by your side….”
His breathing gradually became regular, making it seem as if he’d really fallen asleep. Seonwoo looked at the ceiling for a moment, then shifted his gaze to Yoonjo’s hair.
“…Yoonjo-ya.”
There was no response to the call. Seonwoo confirmed that Yoonjo’s eyelids were twitching once in a while, then lowered his hand a bit. Moving slowly down his back, he whispered to Yoonjo, who was now holding still, even forgetting to breathe.
“You have to breathe, Ji Yoonjo.”
“Kuul….”
“Don’t pretend to be asleep. I know you’re not sleeping.”
He tried to push Yoonjo aside, but he wouldn’t budge. As clear evidence that anyone could see he wasn’t asleep, his embracing arm was full of strength. Seonwoo, who had been trying to separate Yoonjo in that state, soon gave up. He just moved his half-leaning body slightly and lay down.
After remaining still for a while, Seonwoo gradually noticed the strength leaving Yoonjo’s arms. Now his breathing became natural, as if he’d really fallen asleep. Seonwoo briefly considered separating Yoonjo, then gave up. Instead, he let out a deep sigh.
In fact, he hadn’t thought at all that Yoonjo would know about the scripts. Because of that, he couldn’t make any response to the words that came unexpectedly.
“Lingering attachment….”
If he were to name the feeling of holding onto the past that he couldn’t completely let go of and that kept flickering, lingering attachment would be right. That’s why he kept reading and rereading the scripts of the films and dramas he’d appeared in.
When he closed his eyes, the old days still came to mind. But now, what right did he have to act and stand in front of a screen? It was just laughable how he kept hesitating when he had no courage.
‘You don’t have to be an actor.’
It was the first time he’d heard such words. What most people wanted from Ki Seonwoo was a ‘comeback.’ Not to hide away as if dead like this. But Yoonjo was different. He’d easily said what Seonwoo had always wanted to hear but no one had ever said.
“Still… something I like….”
Was being an actor, being a celebrity, really something Ki Seonwoo wanted to do? He wasn’t certain, but wasn’t it something he’d miss?
Thoughts continued in a chain, but they didn’t lead to any particular answer.
“Uung….”
Seonwoo, who had been quietly reflecting on their conversation, briefly held his breath when Yoonjo tossed and turned. After wriggling a few times to find a comfortable position, Yoonjo soon exhaled deep breaths. Only then could Seonwoo release his held breath.
The presence pressing heavily on his chest felt oddly new. Seonwoo carefully stroked the back of Yoonjo’s head. Because it was cut short, a characteristic prickly sensation touched his fingertips.
Seonwoo, who had been rubbing that spot for a long while, closed his eyes while feeling the body heat of Yoonjo in his arms. The sound of breathing, the sound of waves constantly crashing somewhere far away.
It was a moment that didn’t seem to have any sense of reality at all.
It felt like it would be a night where he could sleep deeply for the first time in a while.
Seonwoo slowly opened his eyes to the strong sunlight that seemed to pierce his eyes. Perhaps because he hadn’t fully woken up, his mind was hazy. After lying still for a long time, Seonwoo got up.
Something felt strangely empty. Only then did he notice that Yoonjo, who had been on top of him all night, was gone. He wondered where the kid with an injured leg had gone. As he was looking around here and there in the house, he hurriedly opened the front door at the sound of conversation coming from outside.
In the yard was Yoonjo talking with a neighborhood elder. Whatever was so funny, he kept laughing and moving his mouth. The elder also chimed in with Yoonjo’s words and laughed together for quite a while. Then, when the elder said something, Yoonjo turned his head.
“Hyung! You’re up?”
Sunlight scattered generously toward Yoonjo. The sparkling, breaking light was as warm as Yoonjo’s smile. Seonwoo, who had been looking at that face as if enchanted, let out a hollow laugh without realizing it.
“Weren’t you tired? You drove for such a long time yesterday. It seemed like you went to bed late at night too.”
Before he knew it, Yoonjo had approached right in front of Seonwoo. There was no sign of the crutches anywhere, as if he hadn’t used them in the first place. Seonwoo reached out his hand to Yoonjo, who was standing with one foot raised. When his eye level suddenly changed, Yoonjo made a flustered face before sticking out his lips.
“Isn’t it too reckless to do this so carelessly?”
“You did it before too. You carried me on your back and left me under the tree as you pleased.”
“Just please don’t drop me. I don’t want to get stuck in the ground and become a pretty flower blooming in the asphalt.”
While saying that, Yoonjo tightly embraced Seonwoo’s neck. It was a very natural movement, like a snake sliding over a wall. At Yoonjo’s shameless behavior, Seonwoo let out a small laugh and responded.
“‘Pretty’ comes out so naturally.”
“You said I was pretty, hyung. Oh wait, no. Did you say handsome…. Anyway, not anymore?”
Toward Seonwoo who was entering the house without responding, Yoonjo urged for an answer. At the prodding that seemed determined to hear a response no matter what, Seonwoo replied.
“Rather than pretty and handsome, let’s go with cute.”
“Uh…! I heard that’s what they say. The best compliment you can give to someone who’s neither pretty nor handsome.”
As if about to sulk, a deep furrow formed between Yoonjo’s brows. Seonwoo sat Yoonjo properly on the sofa and smoothed his brow with his thumb.
“You’re not a friend though.”
“Then boyfriend?”
Yoonjo’s eyes sparkled as he brought both hands under his chin. He made a flower holder pose and an expectant face, but unfortunately, Seonwoo remained silent until they left the accommodation. Only Yoonjo was frustrated.
