The moment he saw it, it felt like all the blood drained from the top of his head to his toes.
It was an object he couldn’t forget even if he tried. That’s because he’d been using it since middle school. Under the pretext of improving academic achievement, his father had installed that small home camera on Yumyeong’s desk. Then he monitored how much time he spent at his desk each day and how much break time he took.
His father controlled him in that way. It was an efficient method of understanding his child inside and out without having a conversation even while living in the same house. As a middle schooler, Yumyeong hadn’t even thought to dislike it. A child who had thirsted for parental approval since childhood had only hoped that his father would be satisfied watching him on the screen.
“Why is that there…”
At that moment, the home camera’s green light blinked through the thin scarf and soon changed to red. The home camera only records while it detects motion. The fact that the screen recording stopped only after covering it with the scarf meant exactly that.
Then what on earth had been recorded there?
How would last night’s scene of himself and Hakyoung have looked from that angle?
Did Mother see it?
What did we do yesterday?
“Yumyeong-ah.”
That was all Mother said after a long while. Yumyeong was so terrified he couldn’t bring himself to meet his mother’s eyes.
With him unable to say anything with his head bowed, Mother continued in a calm voice.
“Your father doesn’t know yet.”
“…”
“I came here as soon as he left for work. I’m the only one who saw the recording.”
Yumyeong slowly raised his head. Mother’s under-eyes were shadowed as if she hadn’t slept last night.
He could picture Mother checking in puzzlement after learning that a new scene had been recorded in the empty new house, a place with no furniture or people. After seeing himself and Hakyoung, she must have tossed and turned all night troubled about what on earth this was, then rushed here as soon as Father left the house.
“As you know, the maximum capacity is about two or three days, so if you record over it again, you can overwrite the previous footage.”
He bit hard on the inside of his bloodless lips while thinking. Yesterday’s scene of himself and Hakyoung—no matter who saw it, they probably wouldn’t look like ordinary friends. Mother’s expression proved that.
“Until then, I’ll somehow distract your father’s attention…”
The rest didn’t continue, but Yumyeong understood what Mother was saying.
Which meant last night’s scene had to be erased.
“Yumyeong-ah… We’re not perfect parents either, but.”
“…”
“You shouldn’t give your father’s irresponsibility any justification.”
Mother’s voice, which had started as a reprimand, was now shaking with emotion. Embracing Mother who hugged him tightly, Yumyeong stared into space.
The furniture-less pure white wall was so surreal. Mother was crying and hitting his back—*thump, thump*. The place she hit didn’t hurt at all. He just felt numb.
After a long while, Mother asked again in a subdued voice after her tears had subsided.
“Yumyeong-ah. Do you like men?”
“…”
“Since when? Have you always been like that?”
While embracing Mother, Yumyeong opened his mouth with difficulty.
As if someone was choking his throat, his voice wouldn’t come out well.
“No… I don’t like men.”
“…”
“I was just confused for a moment.”
***
At that time, Hakyoung was sitting blankly in a pavilion near the officetel, killing time.
Because he came out of the house so suddenly, he hadn’t brought his phone or wallet. He thought about walking around the neighborhood, but it bothered him to go far in just the white cotton t-shirt and training pants he’d slept in last night. To make matters worse, it suddenly started pouring rain, so he was forced to be trapped in the pavilion.
Come to think of it, since there was no way for Yumyeong to contact him after Mother left, Hakyoung decided to sit where he could see the entrance and just wait. When he was bored, he sometimes counted the floors and looked at the window he assumed was Yumyeong’s house.
Though he couldn’t see anything, thinking that Yumyeong was inside that square window made his face naturally relax. Yumyeong’s face and voice from last night were still vivid as if drawn.
He said my face was his type.
Also, that I’m kind and careful…
Yumyeong’s face as he answered whatever he was asked had been very serious, unlike himself.
Of course, the best of all was the moment he smiled brightly saying ‘I like you too.’
Saying that with that face is cheating.
“Haah…”
Recalling last night’s confession exchange again made his heart feel like it would burst, so Hakyoung covered his mouth with both hands and bent forward.
That situation never got old no matter how many times he replayed it. The problem was that each time he imagined it, his expression wouldn’t stay controlled due to excessive fluttering.
Feeling like he might end up grinning foolishly by himself, Hakyoung kept suppressing his joy to manage his expression.
Since Yumyeong said he liked his face, to hold onto that heart, he needed to manage his appearance and expression well until the end.
“Whew…”
Taking a deep breath, Hakyoung sat back calmly in an upright posture. Though it was a face that hadn’t even washed, his back was straight.
*Swoosh—* Water quickly pooled on the ground where the torrential rain poured down.
Looking at the puddle, Hakyoung felt a bit regretful.
They were supposed to go on a date later and also go to his house in Yeonhui-dong, but the weather wasn’t cooperating.
Still, today he could finally tell him.
Since their reunion, he had been continuously waiting for when he could confess that he was ‘Yeong.’ If you had forgotten me, I would forget you too—there were times when he tried to grieve alone and make it as if it never happened, but in the end, this day came.
But he couldn’t think of any good way to reveal it. Having dragged time this much, from Yumyeong’s perspective, he might feel deceived beyond shocked. Lacking courage all of a sudden, the method he finally came up with was to take him to his house and show him the bundle of letters Yumyeong had sent as a child.
The more he thought about it, that seemed best.
Then, in front of Yumyeong who realized his identity after seeing the letters, he should say this.
That he still cherished all of his letters and feelings intact.
That his first love was me, and my first love was you.
That we went round and round and fell for each other again.
“Ah.”
Hakyoung suddenly raised his head when he saw a familiar figure emerging from the entrance. She was none other than Yumyeong’s mother.
He wondered if he should greet her on her way out, but she snapped open her black parasol umbrella and passed by with quick steps. The taxi Mother got into instantly left his sight and disappeared into the complex city center.
Thinking he’d see her another time, Hakyoung got up from the pavilion. When he lightly ran to the officetel entrance, just running that short distance soaked his shoulders completely.
Lightly shaking his hair, Hakyoung got on the elevator and immediately looked in the mirror. When he combed back his wet hair with his hand, his clear forehead was revealed and each strand separated along the grain wherever water had touched. Feeling something was awkward, he brought his bangs back down and tousled them, but it looked worse than when he’d swept them back just before. Not knowing what Yumyeong would like, he kept touching his hair until he heard the arrival notification and finally escaped from the mirror.
After approaching the door, Hakyoung pressed the doorbell. Of course, he knew the password too. But it seemed like it would be more special if Yumyeong opened the door for him.
He waited with a fluttering feeling, but strangely, there was no response from inside the door for a long time.
Hakyoung pressed the doorbell once more.
*Click.*
“Uh…”
At that moment, the door suddenly flung open. Before he could reflexively be happy to see Yumyeong’s face revealed through the door gap, something was suddenly thrust forward in front of him.
It was the bag they’d brought from the dormitory.
“Why this?”
Hastily receiving the bag, Hakyoung asked in confusion inwardly. From the weight, it seemed like everything they’d brought had been put back in.
With his head bowed, Yumyeong opened his mouth.
“…Sorry. Something came up. You go back to the dorm first.”
“Suddenly?”
“Yeah. I’ll explain later.”
Then he tried to close the door without warning. Not expecting to be driven out like this, a flustered Hakyoung hurriedly wedged his foot between the door. Yumyeong, startled by that action, yelled out.
“Hey, you’ll get hurt!”
At that moment, Hakyoung saw a strange trace on Yumyeong’s face that he glimpsed in passing. His eyes were tinged red as if he had been crying…
“Did you cry?”
“No.”
“Don’t lie. Your eyes are really red?”
Hakyoung grabbed the wrist of Yumyeong who was trying to retreat. More than the traces around his eyes, from this behavior of trying not to show his face, he definitely had a premonition that something was up.
“Yumyeong-ah, is something wrong?”
“No…”
“Your expression doesn’t look good.”
“Ah… well, *sigh*… something happened at home.”
“Is it serious?”
“Yeah.”
“You can’t tell me?”
This time he just nods without words. Hakyoung stared at him like that and opened his mouth.
“Then you don’t have to tell me anything, so can’t I just stay by your side?”
“…”
“I’ll just stay next to you.”
At those carefully uttered words, Yumyeong suddenly bowed his head deeply. Though he didn’t say anything, Hakyoung could tell just from his breathing that he was firmly holding back surging emotions.
Why is he like this?
Though puzzled, Hakyoung didn’t press him about what he didn’t want to talk about.
Instead,
“Come here. I’ll hug you.”
He said, extending his arms.
“Ugh…”
Yumyeong bit his lips hard, showing an attitude as if refusing. However, when he gently pulled his shoulders, his body didn’t resist and came along easily. Hakyoung silently hugged Yumyeong and gently patted him.
