Finally alone, Yumyeong looked back several times. Only after realizing no one was following him did his pace slow down.
‘That bastard’s been strangely trying to control me lately.’
He wasn’t sure if “control” was the right word, but Hakyoung followed him around like a surveillance shadow wherever he went. He tried to be understanding since the guy didn’t have many friends, but it was quite annoying.
Come to think of it, it seemed to have started after he told him “I like you.” Back then, Hakyoung didn’t even pretend to be moved, but apparently it pleased him because he’d been persistently clinging ever since… Especially when Yumyeong talked to someone or acted friendly with them, Hakyoung would watch carefully and later ask who they were and how they’d become close.
‘If he wants to get close to other people, he should make an effort himself.’
Yumyeong grumbled as he walked, his speculation completely off the mark.
Shortly after, he arrived at the administrative office located on the first floor of the west building. The first floor had no classrooms, and it was located in the deepest part of the west building, so after the administrative staff left for the day, hardly anyone came by.
Going this way, he could leave school without being noticed by others.
Yumyeong, who arrived first, leaned against the door at the end of the corridor.
Bird songs came through the slightly open window. Outside, tall trees and bushes grew thickly, and even though the first floor received sunlight, it somehow felt gloomy.
Yumyeong gazed outside while rubbing his tired brow.
There was still no reply to the text he’d sent earlier. He felt anxious not knowing whether she’d come or not.
Before long, footsteps began echoing from the distant corridor.
Yumyeong jerked his head up, holding onto a thread of hope.
And after a moment, the one who appeared there was Heeun.
“Ah… Hi.”
Yumyeong smiled gently. He’d thought it would be awkward meeting alone, but he was grateful she came, and a smile naturally formed on his face.
Heeun approached and stood in front of Yumyeong. With a 20-centimeter height difference, she had to look all the way up.
“Let’s go out. Want to walk a bit?”
“Okay.”
When Yumyeong opened the door, Heeun walked out first through the gap. Though it was the same school, beneath the trees that had become lush with the changing season, it felt like a different place.
Heeun was the first to speak.
“Why did you call me?”
“Um… Is the reason you didn’t come to the club today because of me?”
“No? It’s not…”
Bewilderment showed on Heeun’s face. That expression held no sign of lying or hiding anything. Yumyeong cleared his throat and asked additionally.
“Oh, really? I thought you were feeling awkward because of me…”
“Isn’t that way too self-absorbed?”
Heeun smiled faintly, but it didn’t sound like a joke. Yumyeong felt a bit wronged.
“But it’s true that you avoided me. Until now you didn’t say a word to me and treated me like I was invisible. Of course I’d think it was because of me.”
“So you wanted things to be exactly the same after confessing?”
“I got rejected anyway, and we’re not even dating… what’s changed?”
Then Heeun made an incredulous expression and immediately retorted.
“If you confess to a friend, of course the friendship gets shaken! The moment you cross that line, things can’t be the same as before.”
At those words, Yumyeong silently shut his mouth. He’d never thought of it that way.
Heeun let out a shallow sigh and continued.
“Anyway, now I know for sure. You can’t distinguish between friendship and love.”
“But I really wanted to date… I was sincere about wanting to try going out with you.”
“The problem is it wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t me.”
Since there were doubts he had about himself too, Yumyeong couldn’t answer rashly.
If he were to date, he’d thought he wanted to be with someone lonely. While saying he liked someone, he was really just looking for the person who seemed most lonely, someone who seemed similar to himself.
Admitting this left a bitter taste in his mouth.
“Sorry. I was wrong. I messed everything up…”
“You don’t need to apologize though…”
“Then what do we need to do to go back to being friends like before?”
At Yumyeong’s honest wish, Heeun smiled as if conceding defeat.
“Take back the confession?”
“Yeah, I must have been crazy. To lose this precious friendship… Let’s pretend that never happened.”
Hearing that tragic voice, Heeun laughed while scolding him.
“That’s ridiculous. How can something like that become like it never happened? This is why I didn’t date you. I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Yeah, you’re totally right.”
Yumyeong readily agreed. Heeun made a sound of exasperation and reached out to bonk Yumyeong on the head with her fist, not hard enough to hurt. Rather than feeling hurt in his pride, Yumyeong brought his head closer so the short Heeun could hit him comfortably.
“So you won’t avoid me anymore?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ll come to the astronomy club meetings too?”
“Ah, about that. I think I might be going back to the broadcasting club.”
Heeun then explained the situation.
Apparently, the circumstances that led to Heeun being kicked out of the broadcasting club in the first place were very unfair. The broadcasting club was also a place where seniors bullied juniors under the guise of maintaining discipline, and if they couldn’t endure it, they’d be weeded out—this behavior was rampant. If anyone showed even a bit of dissatisfaction, they’d be whipped with words about how actual broadcasting stations were even harder.
When Heeun became a second-year, she rebelled against the atmosphere that had existed until then and protected the juniors, which got her on the third-years’ bad side. In that respect, she was a friend exactly like Yumyeong.
The problem was that afterward, she became the target of several seniors. They aimed at Heeun, nitpicking about things like being habitually late or having personal conversations during broadcasts, framing her and driving her out of the broadcasting club.
“Actually, I was so frustrated that I consulted with the supervising teacher. Fortunately they helped, and with the teacher attending, we held a full meeting…”
“Did it end well?”
“Yeah, I’m going back.”
“That’s really great.”
Yumyeong smiled broadly. It was a smile welling up from sincerity.
“Just because you’re going back doesn’t mean the people who bullied you will change overnight. Don’t ever lose.”
“Of course not.”
And so the two exchanged encouragement. Yumyeong felt greatly relieved that they’d returned to being friendly like before. He felt like he’d almost permanently ruined their relationship with a moment’s confession and patted his chest in relief.
“I should go.”
“Yeah… Go ahead. When we see each other tomorrow, don’t treat me like I’m invisible.”
“Were you that hurt?”
“Of course.”
When Yumyeong grumbled, Heeun laughed. After a moment, she left a brief “I’m going” and departed.
As her small figure disappeared into the school, Yumyeong leaned back against a tree trunk. Then he looked up at the sky and let out a deep sigh.
“Hahhh.”
Love and friendship.
Friendship and love.
After Heeun left, a gentle whirlwind swirled in Yumyeong’s heart.
He’d thought love was the next stage after friendship, but apparently not. Love betrays friendship, they say.
Even for Yumyeong, who was still only eighteen, there was a vague fantasy that the emotion called love would somehow be more intense. When he asked himself whether what he felt for Heeun was that kind of emotion, it was still ambiguous.
He felt sorry toward the person who had perceptively recognized and rejected feelings he himself didn’t even know he had.
“Ugh.”
Shaking his head and tousling his hair, Yumyeong pushed off the tree and started walking.
“Euhk.”
But he hadn’t even taken two steps before running into Hakyoung, who’d been waiting for him behind the tree. ‘He followed me after all!’ Inwardly he was shocked, but he wasn’t very surprised.
Yumyeong sharply snapped.
“You stalker bastard.”
“I came because I thought you might be crying after getting rejected.”
“Why would I? No, but how did you… how did you know who I was meeting?”
“You got rejected here before too.”
“…”
“I guess it’s a habit. Whenever you want to have a secret conversation, you always come here.”
Caw, caw. The familiar crow flew overhead.
Unable to deny it, Yumyeong clicked his tongue sharply.
He could hear Hakyoung silently following from behind. The two walked beneath the shadows of the plants like strangers.
Yumyeong was the first to speak.
“Hey, Mr. Pure Love.”
“…?”
“How exactly do you become certain of love?”
“What are you suddenly talking about?”
“How did you know for certain that you liked Sunmin?”
“…”
When no answer came from Hakyoung, Yumyeong looked back to find him wearing a complicated and troubled expression, as if confronted with the most important task in the entire world.
Withdrawing his gaze, Yumyeong opened his mouth.
“I thought that a really good friend could be the best lover.”
“…”
“I thought that if you planted friendship in the ground, watered it, and gave it light to grow it well, it could bear the fruit called love. That you’d fall in love with someone you could laugh with often, who made you not lonely, who made your heart comfortable… So I’d decided that if I ever got married to someone in the really distant future, I’d want to do it with a really close friend. Is this wrong?”
“It’s not wrong, but how would you explain cases where people who were mortal enemies suddenly fall for each other?”
“That’s what I’m saying.”
Yumyeong let out a long sigh. Perhaps the premise itself was wrong.
Emotions might be seeds.
Like nameless roses whose color you don’t know until they bloom. Friendship and love—these are different ‘species’ from the start. Then with whom and what seeds should one plant and make bloom to see the true nature of love?
He didn’t know the answer, but somehow it felt like that time was far, far away, which troubled Yumyeong’s heart.
***
Daytime temperatures continued to rise day after day. From trees that had put out light green new shoots, green leaves burst forth with explosive vitality. In between, hydrangeas bloomed and withered, and again the wisteria on the benches began to cast shade.
On a clear early summer day without rain, the astronomy club’s first practical day approached.
Despite Hakyoung’s efforts in preparing a detailed schedule and even a short lecture for beginners for this day, the only person who showed up on the actual day was Yumyeong.
