“Do you think the two of them are having a good conversation?”
At Wootae’s worried voice, Seonghyeok shrugged his shoulders.
“Well… I think they’re doing fine, aren’t they? Haesung is also…”
Seonghyeok, who was about to speak, held his breath. He couldn’t quite grasp whether it was okay to just blurt this out.
Seeing Seonghyeok rolling his eyes around, unable to continue his words, Wootae let out a deep sigh.
And he was the first to open his mouth.
“…To be honest.”
Wootae, who had been gulping down beer, set his beer glass down with a thud!
Soon, as if he had made up his mind, he spoke with his eyes full of strength.
“I’m worried Dohyeong will get hurt again. Jung Haesung-ssi should have done this once or twice already.”
At his resolute voice, Seonghyeok opened and closed his mouth, then swallowed his dry saliva. The feeling of it going down his throat felt heavy.
He fiddled with his beer glass, contemplating. Should he say it or not? After pondering for a while, he opened his mouth as if spitting it out.
“Haesung is also regretting it.”
“What?”
As if it was a completely unexpected answer, Wootae’s eyes widened.
Regret from Jung Haesung. It was a story that was hard to believe.
Wait, but didn’t he say it seemed like he had someone he liked?
“That guy is also… regretting it. Everything he did to Dohyeong, everything he said. All of it.”
“No, wait a minute.”
Wootae shook his head, interrupting Seonghyeok’s words.
No matter how many times he heard it, it didn’t make sense—it was confusing.
“Jung Haesung-ssi said it seemed like he liked someone else, didn’t he?”
He had definitely heard it from Dohyeong like that.
But he regrets it? He regrets everything he did to Dohyeong, everything he said, his entire past?
“What do you mean by that?”
What was even more surprising was that Seonghyeok also asked back in surprise at Wootae’s words.
At Seonghyeok’s bewildered expression, as if asking how that could even make sense, Wootae was also dumbfounded.
“Who does Jung Haesung like? That guy?”
Ha! Seonghyeok, who had scoffed, shook his head. That’s nonsense, he muttered to himself as he stabbed a piece of chicken in front of him with his fork.
“Well, I suppose you could say he likes someone. Kim Dohyeong.”
“…What?”
“I don’t know where you heard that story, but it’s not true. That guy Haesung, ever since this project started, he’s only been talking about Dohyeong.”
“Talking about him means… don’t tell me.”
“Yes. Probably directly connected to his regret.”
At Seonghyeok’s answer, Wootae covered his mouth with one hand in surprise.
What exactly did Dohyeong see to judge Haesung’s feelings like that?
No, more than that, what was the reason Haesung suddenly started regretting things?
Even though it was an intriguing situation, his worry came first. He ruminated on his persistent concerns about whether Dohyeong would get hurt again, silently wetting his throat with beer.
***
After crying for a while, he felt his heart lighten a little.
But he didn’t want to show his swollen eyes. Dohyeong, who had his head down, dabbed at the area around his eyes with the wet tissue Haesung handed him.
“Are you still crying?”
“…No.”
“Then why won’t you lift your head?”
He’s always so quick to catch things like this. At Haesung’s subtle question, Dohyeong, who had been contemplating for a moment, spat out a word with difficulty.
“…I don’t want to.”
“Don’t want to what?”
“I don’t want to show you my swollen eyes.”
“As if I haven’t seen them once or twice?”
Again, he felt stung for no reason.
“It’s okay.”
At the words that followed, the tip of his nose tingled.
Since it already burst out once anyway, bursting out a second time wasn’t difficult.
Unable to hold back the stubbornness that welled up for no reason, he glanced at Haesung and said,
“Why are you being nice to me, hyung?”
He seemed flustered by the unexpected question. Haesung, who had reached out to touch Dohyeong’s hair, flinched and froze in place.
“Huh?”
“…It’s not me.”
What does that mean? Haesung’s widened eyes were shaking helplessly.
“The person you like, hyung.”
And at the answer that followed, he felt completely deflated.
What is he talking about—all kinds of thoughts came to his mind.
“I have someone I like?”
In the end, he found himself asking back instead.
“Other than you?”
When he asked again in confusion, Dohyeong’s eyes, facing Haesung, widened even more.
“Why am I coming up?”
“Because it’s you, that’s why you’re coming up. Who else would come up?”
The conversation was going in circles. Dohyeong and Haesung, who had been staring at each other blankly, just blinked their eyes without saying anything.
After a moment of silence, Haesung burst out laughing as if he found it absurd.
“We both know our conversation isn’t working at all, right?”
“…It seems so.”
“Tell me in detail from the beginning. What are you talking about? There’s no one who knows better than me who I like.”
Haesung’s much softer appearance was unfamiliar.
When was the last time he saw him like this? After he became an adult, since entering the entertainment industry, it seemed like he hadn’t seen it.
The bridge of his nose tingled again. Feeling like he was going to cry, he hurriedly averted his gaze and clasped his own hands together.
“…Last time, when I was filming with Im Hakyung-ssi.”
At the mention of Im Hakyung, Haesung’s brow furrowed.
“Dohyeong, I’m sorry, but…”
Was he telling him not to talk about that?
Was he saying not to judge hastily since they were still getting to know each other?
All sorts of thoughts came to him. When Dohyeong carefully lifted his head to look at Haesung, he realized.
“…I don’t know who that is.”
That this was sincere.
He could tell just by looking at Haesung’s furrowed brow, deeply troubled as if in agony.
“…Who was that?”
Dohyeong, who had been opening and closing his mouth, let out a short “Ah.”
It would be funny to be happy at a time like this. No, rather, should he be embarrassed?
He had naturally thought Haesung liked Hakyung, but Haesung didn’t even know who he was.
It was obvious that he had misunderstood.
After ruminating on his thoughts for a moment, Dohyeong took out his phone, opened his SNS screen, and showed it to Haesung.
“Here… this person.”
And he tapped on the photo where Hakyung had tagged him.
“The person who’s coming out as your classmate, hyung.”
“…Ah, this person.”
It seemed like he remembered after seeing the face. It was a bad habit not to remember someone if they weren’t important.
Even though it was something Dohyeong or Seonghyeok said every time, in the end, he forgot like this.
“Right. The day I filmed with this person.”
With the story returning to square one, Dohyeong felt his ears getting hot.
How should he say this? Was it really okay to say this? He tried hard to control his complicated mind and opened his mouth with difficulty.
“Hyung…”
He was quite troubled about what words to continue with.
But if he wanted to know the truth, he should also hear Haesung’s story.
In the end, he opened his mouth and started talking as if squeezing it out.
While conveying the stories he had heard from Hakyung at the time, he kept watching Haesung’s reaction.
After sitting beside him and hearing all of Dohyeong’s story, Haesung ran his hand through his hair and let out an empty laugh.
“Jung Haesung has become a toothless tiger.”
“…Then.”
“No.”
Haesung shook his head, speaking resolutely.
“Why would you believe something like that? You could have known just by asking.”
“How could I ask?”
He was at a complete loss for words. It was a short but weighty answer that he couldn’t find a rebuttal for.
“To someone I broke up with, someone I said let’s become people who cheer for each other’s futures. Now I’m… probably nothing to you, hyung.”
Dohyeong’s eyes, revealing his reasons one by one, seemed to be completely wet with moisture.
Was it his imagination? Or was he seeing it correctly?
He had only intended to think about it, but his body moved on its own.
He reached out his hand, grabbed one side of Dohyeong’s face, and turned it toward him. So he would face him, so he couldn’t avoid their meeting gazes.
“That you would be nothing to me.”
“……”
There must be more words to follow, but at that one sentence that was bluntly spoken, one corner of his heart ached.
He tried to grab and remove Haesung’s hand, but at the words that followed, strength entered his grip instead.
“Did you want the opposite to be true?”
Haesung silently stared at Dohyeong, who was facing him.
His widening eyes, his lips moving in confusion, the strength felt at his fingertips when he was like that. Even his wavering breath.
While capturing each and every one of them in his eyes, he spoke the next words with difficulty.
“I’m not… mistaken, am I?”
His breath suddenly caught.
He ended up admitting here that he couldn’t escape from Jung Haesung.
Because he was feeling from Jung Haesung the fluttering he hadn’t felt from Yuchan, the resonance of emotions.
Because his heart was pounding as if it would burst at his single word, single look, single breath.
“Or.”
Dohyeong swallowed. Just as he was about to say something, at Haesung’s voice that followed, fine tremors ran through his entire body.
“Is this a part where I’m allowed to misunderstand?”
At that moment, it felt like his mind snapped awake.
What he had acknowledged and realized was a separate matter.
Setting aside him accepting it, he also had to agree.
Why was Haesung acting like this toward him, why was he asking if it was okay to misunderstand? A clear reason was needed.
“Hyung, you have something left to answer.”
“…Answer?”
A single surge of courage that suddenly sprang up moved Dohyeong.
“Why you’re being nice to me. That you said the person you like is me… what that means.”
Haesung was flustered by that question. He thought he had let it slide, but it seemed he had heard it properly.
He pondered where to start from, how to explain it well, but.
There was only one answer that came to mind. To speak honestly.
His current feelings and why he ended up saying such things to Dohyeong.
“I think I realized it only after time had passed.”
Sincerity that he had never properly conveyed always tended to become lengthy.
He hoped that the words pouring out would be properly conveyed, but at times like this, he became a person clumsy with words.
“How much I had taken for granted the things you did for me.”
“……”
“How much I trampled on with the words ‘it’s for your sake.'”
Dohyeong lowered his head.
He wanted to hear it, but he couldn’t.
He had to hear it, but he couldn’t bring himself to.
In case he got caught up in that whirlpool of emotions again and struggled. He tightly clasped his own hands.
So he wouldn’t be swept away by the waves or fall into an abyss whose depth he couldn’t know.
“So… you regretted it?”
“No, that’s just one of the reasons. The real reason is something else.”
Then what is it? He looked at Haesung with eyes full of questions.
Seeing that he was looking forward to the answer, Kim Dohyeong still had a long way to go.
He keenly realized how futile his previous efforts to escape from Jung Haesung had been.
“I’ve never let you go.”
Dohyeong bit down hard on his lower lip.
Could his answer be called regret? Or was it…
“Not even once did I ever hold onto you. If I had held on tightly, you wouldn’t have left my side. To think I believed I let someone go when I never even held onto them. It’s ridiculous. It’s arrogant.”
A bitter smile hung on Haesung’s lips.
Every time he heard the words ‘you’re the one who let go,’ he ruminated on countless thoughts.
He also thought he had let Dohyeong go, but at some point, he realized.
That he didn’t let him go—he had never held onto him in the first place.
“Even though I never held on, the past where I thought of it as if I had given up… I regretted it to death.”
Was it sincere? Was this really something he could believe?
“Can you believe me?”
It would be good if he could say yes right away, but.
Dohyeong couldn’t say anything. He just stared blankly at Haesung, then hurriedly averted his eyes.
He didn’t want to speak incoherently, but in this situation, the words he had only ruminated on in his thoughts popped out.
“How can I believe you?”
