And absurdly, with that comfort, all the fear disappeared.
Because Chae Jinyeong wasn’t disappointed. Because Chae Jinyeong didn’t let himself seem regretful.
So absurdly, all this time, I had been quietly assuming without realizing it — that Chae Jinyeong’s unpresented secondary gender would be beta, the same as mine.
That he too would end up in the same place as me.
I stood in the middle of my room and looked out the window. Even with stars out, it was still nothing but dark.
Chae Jinyeong — the one I had always believed I needed to protect forever, the one I’d thought of as no different from a younger sibling.
My Chae Jinyeong.
“Chae Jinyeong…… is an alpha.”
It was something I hadn’t even thought about since presenting as a beta myself. Even when Lee Seono turned out to be an alpha, I hadn’t felt it as something particularly different. But hearing that Chae Jinyeong was an alpha…… why hadn’t I been able to say a single word.
Only belatedly did I pick up my phone and send a short message.
[Congrats on your presentation]
[I think I forgot to say that earlier]
[lol you know how I feel right?]
I watched the 1 disappear in an instant and let out a hollow laugh. It wasn’t like he’d been staring at his phone this whole time.
“At least be slow to check something like this, you idiot……”
I turned the screen off before a reply could come and buried myself in bed. Soon the screen lit up with what was unmistakably an alert from Chae Jinyeong. But somehow, right now, it was hard to respond easily. I could only find it absurd — the way I was acting like someone who’d just been rejected.
Even though we were nothing more than friends.
“For real? I heard Chae Jinyeong presented as an alpha.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes, another alpha friend added to the roster!”
I nodded in Lee Seono’s direction. He’d been hovering all day since Chae Jinyeong came back to school, and the moment Chae Jinyeong got called away by the teacher, he came straight to me.
“If you want to ask, why not just ask Chae Jinyeong directly.”
“Because that guy glues himself to you and just rolls his eyes around and acts like he didn’t hear — obviously!”
I found myself reluctantly agreeing with Lee Seono’s logic. Whenever Chae Jinyeong didn’t want to answer something or couldn’t be bothered, he’d roll his eyes and play dumb. And then he’d always bury his face in my shoulder.
On top of that, the Chae Jinyeong who’d shown up after four days away had come back as an alpha — that was more than enough to talk about. I was a beta, so I wouldn’t know — but people of other secondary genders would naturally have picked up on the pheromones.
What did Chae Jinyeong’s pheromones feel like.
Knowing I’d never find that out left a strangely bitter taste in my mouth. Not like I hadn’t known that for all nineteen years of my life.
“But…… hey, Yuhan, listen.”
“What.”
“You’re a beta so you wouldn’t know, right?”
Lee Seono laughed awkwardly and watched me for a reaction. I looked at him with the corners of my mouth raised.
“Right. What is it I’m not supposed to know?”
“It’s fine if you can’t feel it, but……”
Something in my chest felt stifled for no reason.
“Feel what, exactly.”
“Like — can you not pick up on Chae Jinyeong’s pheromones! No matter how you look at it, this is definitely his pheromones and it’s no joke……!”
Lee Seono clicked his tongue with a look of pure discomfort. I glanced out the window waiting for Chae Jinyeong, who still hadn’t come back, then turned toward Lee Seono.
Pheromones…… I was curious.
“How would I smell Chae Jinyeong’s pheromones. I can’t even pick up on yours, and you’re right next to me.”
But I’d never had the chance to smell Chae Jinyeong’s pheromones. That was something only alphas and omegas could sense. Which made it all the more disappointing — the realization that there were things about Chae Jinyeong I’d never get to know.
That night I held a sick Chae Jinyeong in my arms and slept — had his pheromones been coming off him even then? If they were that strong, could I have caught even a hint of them?
But that night too, I hadn’t caught anything. Even last night, when I’d met Chae Jinyeong alone — all that was left with me wasn’t pheromones, just anguish.
And in the end I arrived at a conclusion: even if Chae Jinyeong had become an alpha, as long as we were friends, nothing about the way I saw him would change.
“No but Yuhan, the thing is……”
Lee Seono hesitated. I nodded for him to keep going. At that moment the back door swung open and Chae Jinyeong walked in. It felt like the air stopped — all eyes drawn to him at once.
Strange feeling.
Chae Jinyeong walked right over, nudged Lee Seono aside from where he’d been sitting next to me, and slotted himself into the gap.
“There are so many open seats!”
“Yeah. But I’m here now.”
And with that he sat down next to me like it was the most natural thing in the world. Chae Jinyeong pulled my shoulder toward him out of habit. Naturally, my shoulder came to rest against his. The warmth spreading from where we touched gave me a sense of calm that was almost strange — even the restlessness I’d been feeling without quite knowing why.
“What did the teacher want?”
“Secondary gender stuff. There are omegas in the class too, so apparently I need to be mindful.”
With class assignments factored around secondary gender, it made sense the school would have to pay attention to Chae Jinyeong, whose designation had been decided so suddenly.
I’d been staring at his face without realizing, and Chae Jinyeong tilted up the corners of his mouth as if to ask what I was looking at. His expression softening like that — it was nice to see. Just like when he was little, Chae Jinyeong looked more radiant when he smiled.
“Im Yuhan’s dog as ever. The difference between how he acts with his owner versus everyone else, honestly.”
Lee Seono grumbled at the sight. Chae Jinyeong didn’t seem bothered in the slightest — if anything, he looked pleased about it. Which meant the only one actually irritated was me.
“Lee Seono.”
Chae Jinyeong spoke up at that moment, in a gentle voice.
“Yes. Yuhan’s puppy, confirmed.”
“Hey.”
“I’m your dog, aren’t I.”
“You’re really……”
“Woof.”
He said it with a smile like he wasn’t the least bit bothered, so I reached over and ruffled his hair with my fingertips. Same as always, Chae Jinyeong tilted his head down slightly, as if inviting me to keep going. Looking at him like this, I could at least start to understand why everyone called him my dog.
The moment Chae Jinyeong gave a small laugh, Lee Seono pointed at me.
“It’s definitely these pheromones. Chae Jinyeong, you — toward Im Yuhan……!”
“Hmm, Seono.”
Chae Jinyeong turned to look at Lee Seono and smiled with an exceptionally pretty face, and Lee Seono instantly clamped his mouth shut as if holding his breath.
“I what?”
“Go on. Yuhan says he’s curious.”
“Now that…… Chae Jinyeong’s here too, let’s just go eat lunch. I’m starving! Ha, haha!”
Lee Seono shot to his feet and bolted out the back door with a going ahead. I stared blankly at the back door at the sudden move, then shifted my gaze to Chae Jinyeong. True to form, the moment our eyes met, Chae Jinyeong dropped his head onto my shoulder.
Lee Seono had always been impulsive enough to leave you speechless — I figured he was probably already lining up at the cafeteria. I got up from my seat to follow after him.
“Come on, let’s go. Lee Seono’ll be waiting.”
Chae Jinyeong just looked at me in silence.
“Yuhan.”
“Yes, Jinyeong, what is it.”
“Hold my hand.”
