# Chapter 77
“Kadilen!”
I ran toward him with all my strength. Only after grabbing his arms with a bright smile did I realize I hadn’t observed proper etiquette. As I suddenly looked around self-consciously, Kadilen embraced me affectionately. His loving hand carefully stroked my hair.
“Why do you come running so excitedly?”
I was out of breath from running straight here without stopping. But it wasn’t a suffocating breath; it was a pleasantly flowing, vibrant respiration.
“I have good news.”
I paused briefly for dramatic effect. However, before he could urge me for the delayed answer, I couldn’t hold back and blurted it out.
“Jiman has given permission! He says I can visit Arzel’s castle!”
It was my misconception to think he would smile as brightly and be as happy as I was. Kadilen’s eyebrows quietly rose. I couldn’t easily adapt to the changed atmosphere and shook his arms several times. After a long while with no congratulatory response, the smile gradually faded from my face.
“Are you not pleased?”
“I’m worried.”
“I thought you would be fine with it as long as Jiman gave permission.”
He let out a short groan. His face showed he didn’t know how to explain, which made me feel a bit upset. I felt like a childish kid throwing a tantrum. If there was anything unfair, it was that it wasn’t really such a dangerous journey. Theoretically, at least. What Jiman had worried about wasn’t that Arzel’s castle itself was a threatening space, but that it was too far away for me to receive prompt medical attention if needed.
“How did you turn him around?”
Seeing him mutter as if talking to himself, it seemed Kadilen’s previous rejection wasn’t simply because of Jiman. He shook his head repeatedly, then suddenly narrowed his eyes.
“Did you smile at him like you just did to me?”
“…What do you mean?”
“If you persuaded him with such a face, it would make sense…”
I burst into laughter again at his rather serious remark. Kadilen looked at me with an I-told-you-so expression. Well, he wasn’t exactly wrong. Jiman and I were indeed in a very good mood, and we were both laughing freely. But that wasn’t the important part… I thought I was ruined because I kept laughing when I needed to firmly express my opinion. It was a mistake to think I could make logical judgments in front of him in the first place. I shook my head to gather my thoughts. Seeing me compose myself, Kadilen’s face hardened. He seemed tense about what I would say next.
“Devan will accompany me throughout. You know he has the ability to move instantly, right?”
“I know.”
“So there’s nothing to worry about. If an emergency arises, we’ll return to the palace immediately.”
“But being constantly attached to someone else doesn’t reassure me either.”
I opened my mouth boldly but was immediately at a loss for words. Kadilen stared at me with an incredulous expression. He didn’t even offer a smile, as if he were serious.
“Are you refusing because of jealousy?”
“Isn’t that reason enough?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
I frowned. Thanks to that, Kadilen quickly recovered his scattered smile. A soft, low laugh naturally wrapped around the air. Regardless, I held onto his arms with both hands.
“Please answer me seriously. Can I really not go?”
“Why are you so eager to go?”
Thinking this was my chance to appeal my desperation, I hurriedly composed my expression. After organizing my thoughts, I calmly looked into Kadilen’s eyes. And carefully chose my words.
“I feel like this is truly the final stage now. I have a feeling that if we just get through this, everything will be resolved well. Anyway, if I don’t go this time, we won’t be able to accomplish our plan to persuade Arzel. Because I’m the only one who can persuade him. Since Arzel won’t come to the palace himself, I need to go to him. And I also want to make sure that Luan really doesn’t know about his betrayal.”
It’s not like I was genuinely eager to walk into Arzel’s castle of my own accord. I couldn’t say there was absolutely no dangerous situation. There might not be any immediate danger, but once I started persuading Arzel…
I hoped he would accept my proposal right away as we expected, but there was no way to know in advance what his reaction would be. Still, I wasn’t filled with anxiety. To be honest, I was confident deep down. I had successfully proceeded with things while deceiving Luan and Arzel so far. This strategy wasn’t much different from before. If no strange variables arose, we would finally see the end of this long journey. I wanted to face that quickly. Since it was our only plan anyway, I wanted to confront him as soon as possible. I wanted to end everything quickly and spend an ordinary daily life.
Perhaps my urging had some effect, as Kadilen let out a dissatisfied groan. He seemed very uncomfortable with sending me. But he clearly seemed to understand my opinion, especially the part about me being the only one who could persuade Arzel.
“When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow. Devan will go first to check the situation, then come back for me.”
“…Alright.”
He answered quietly. I put my ear close to his lips to hear a clear answer.
“Please speak louder. You said it’s alright, correct?”
“Yes, I said it’s alright. And being this close like this is also nice.”
Kadilen playfully embraced me. Although worry hadn’t completely disappeared from his face, I responded to his embrace with satisfaction. Kadilen teasingly messed up my hair as he read the signs of victory in my tight embrace. I couldn’t help but smile, knowing my tangled hair would look ridiculous. I was happy that he seemed to trust me, albeit reluctantly, and also incredibly joyful thinking that this situation would end if I just held out a little longer.
“I went for a walk with Jiman and Rio.”
“Ah, that’s where you won him over. Even Jiman couldn’t resist the cool breeze, I see.”
After glaring at him sighing, I continued.
“And I heard what he wants to do.”
“What he wants to do?”
“When this situation ends well… Jiman plans to leave to research medicinal herbs. It’s been his long-time dream.”
Kadilen’s expression changed. We had never talked about the distant future. What had always held us back was the past, always the past. It took such a long time to clear misunderstandings and understand each other, so it was only right that we spend at least that much future together. I reached out and lightly brushed his cheek. When my fingertips, moving slowly as if appreciating, touched the corner of his eye, I told him the answer I had confessed to Jiman.
“I said I want to live. I want to live properly, happily. I also said I would love diligently.”
Now my fingers were touching his hair that had fallen on his forehead. The slightly curved silver hair received the white lighting placed around and shone magnificently. When I lowered my gaze that wouldn’t easily detach and faced him, my world became perfectly his. Intense black eyes contrasting with his snow-white face were looking at me completely.
I thought about how easy it was to love him. It was so easy to love someone so beautiful. So easy that no other choice came to mind.
“My answer is the same as yours, Ludin.”
And he loved me.
It was an absurd thing, but it was true. Kadilen looked at me with eyes exactly like mine. He approached me with a heart just like mine.
“I promise with my entire life.”
“…”
“Everything is yours. There is not a single thing of mine that I haven’t given to you.”
He whispered gently. A perfect sincerity. A perfect gift. I forgot even to breathe and rushed to him.
* * *
I wanted to stay together longer, but unfortunately, Kadilen had a tight royal schedule remaining. He had to detach himself from me before the chamberlain’s barrage of nagging began. I hurriedly brushed off his clothes when I discovered they were all wrinkled. But Kadilen didn’t seem concerned about appearing undignified to his ministers, focusing instead on taking in the sight of me until the very last moment.
“You must stay with me until Devan comes to get you.”
“I understand. Please go now.”
“That’s the condition. Only then will I let you go.”
“You’re late!”
In the end, I was the one who dragged him to the door. Kadilen left the room with a tearful face. As soon as he went out into the corridor, I heard his voice calmly receiving greetings from passing ministers. It made me laugh a little because it was a completely different tone from his childlike regretful appearance just moments before.
About five minutes later, I also got up to pack my things. I planned to move diligently myself, thinking of Kadilen who would have just gone in to attend to state affairs. Before leaving, I looked back at where I had been sitting. The desk was messily scattered because I had been leaning on it. With one hand roughly organizing the sprawled documents, I fixed my attire with the other.
And when I turned my gaze back to the organized desk, something caught my attention.
A paper with a large, antique royal emblem.
My hand unconsciously reached for the carefully pressed handwriting. The high-quality paper that someone had neatly wrapped had lost its adhesion and was half unfolded. The letters, written smoothly without a hint of smearing, curved magnificently as if representing the importance of the document. I read the words written on that paper. Short, difficult-to-pronounce words were strung together like a poem. After staring blankly for a while, I realized the identity of the document. The title written at the top looked like an excessively sharp needle.
What I was looking at was a list of candidates for the position of queen.
