# Chapter 43
Kadilen was truly suspicious. I looked at Jiman pleadingly for help, but he too was surprised and could only stare at Kadilen without saying anything. Rio, who didn’t fully understand the situation, appeared as a relief pitcher as always, and once again small talk continued. That is, until the court attendant arrived, complaining about his predicament and appealing about the problems caused by the king’s absence.
“Everyone has many complaints because you keep disappearing like this.”
“I’ll go soon.”
It wasn’t a matter significant enough to rush over while postponing official duties. Did he really postpone a meeting to come tell me about spilling water on documents? And was the reason because I wanted to hear such stories? As I stared at Kadilen in bewilderment, I could feel the court attendant’s piercing gaze. Rio innocently asked.
“What are you going to do?”
“I need to decide on something, child.”
After giving a casual answer, Kadilen was about to get up when another question held him back. A child’s curiosity could never be suppressed with such a flimsy answer.
“What do you need to decide?”
Despite the court attendant standing there, waving his hand urgently as if to say “just answer briefly and let’s go,” Kadilen smiled and answered the child’s question with care. He seemed secretly pleased to have an excuse not to leave the room.
“Remember when you said you felt sorry for people without medicine when they were sick? I’m planning to distribute medicinal herbs for free to help them. I’m going to build a structure to serve that purpose.”
Rio’s exclamation followed. Jiman, who had been listening quietly, gently turned the child around and gave him a task before he could ask another question. Kadilen, who was about to leave, glanced at me briefly. I awkwardly met his gaze. Even though this whole situation still felt perplexing, Kadilen’s words resonated deeply with me.
This was exactly why I had been determined to save him. I was curious about what he would have accomplished if he had survived and gained power. I firmly believed it would have been the right direction. And Kadilen as king remained unwavering even now. The tip of his sword always pointed in the right direction.
“That’s a good thing…”
When I muttered this, Kadilen’s face flushed red once again. He approached with awkward steps and pulled the blanket up for me. It was an unfamiliar kindness for both the giver and the receiver. He carefully checked my gaze as if measuring something. I didn’t avoid him and looked straight back at him. In the end, it was Kadilen who averted his eyes first. He reluctantly turned toward the court attendant, who had begun clearing his throat after silent urging.
Until Rio returned from his errand, I remained immersed in Kadilen’s final words. All sorts of old emotions seemed to swirl around me once again. Even though I had perfect faith that the country would be better if Kadilen became king, directly facing this reality felt somehow different. The fact that the result appeared before my very eyes as a person like Rio who comforted me made my heart even more unsettled.
“The banquet hall has become even prettier! You’ll go tomorrow, right?”
Rio’s question stretched out a bit, almost like a whine. Jiman cautioned him, and the child sat down sadly with drooping eyes. I teased Rio by pretending to think it over and taking my time, but eventually nodded. Rio jumped up and ran to me.
“I’m so excited! I was really curious about it.”
“Did you want to go that badly?”
Rio’s head moved up and down frantically. The child was talking about tomorrow’s banquet. Since Kadilen didn’t often hold large events at the palace, this would be Rio’s first festival. Though it was supposedly to celebrate a bountiful harvest, it was likely arranged because there had been no proper formal event since his coronation, giving regional nobles no reason to visit the palace. I had been hesitant to go for various reasons, but if Rio wanted to, I really wanted to attend.
Looking at the already excited child, I thought my decision to go was the right one. Rio, with his bright smile, snuggled into my arms looking adorable. From a distance, Jiman looked at me worriedly.
“Will you be alright?”
My position in the palace was more precarious than anyone else’s. I remained in the palace as a living prince of the previous royal family, yet also for having greatly contributed to Kadilen’s rebellion. I was well aware of the hunting dogs waiting to pounce at any weakness. But I could just hide well, enjoy some music and food with Rio, and then return. There were also many people I didn’t want to encounter again. Devan, and Wimu…
Kadilen often visited my room stubbornly, but my relationships with those two were becoming increasingly awkward. Wimu hadn’t faced me even once since the day he knelt before Kadilen to make his request. The same went for Devan. Considering our last conversation, no kind of meeting seemed appropriate. Rio was now happily rolling around on the blanket, burying his face in it.
“It’s fine. I’ll just go briefly.”
There was no point in being scared either. For the child’s sake, I steeled my resolve.
* * *
The banquet hall was teeming with nobles holding their noses high. But everyone seemed out of place, as if floating. The nobles who had adorned themselves expecting Zendal’s festival were busy grumbling after seeing Kadilen’s modest taste. It was a frugal celebration with only a few flower decorations and existing sculptures as ornaments—not much to see or eat. The nobles wandering among them looked awkward like misaligned pictures, with slightly hunched backs from carrying too many heavy jewels.
Without flashy hair ornaments or belts, Rio and I were actually more conspicuous. I tried to hide behind pillars and walk only where there were no people, but in a festival with so little to see, people-watching was the main entertainment. Voices that didn’t even try to lower their volume clung to me like hooks as I passed by.
“They say the king frequently visits Ludin’s room.”
“He was said to be sick, but he looks healthy to me.”
When voices grew a little deeper in one place, I moved to another direction, holding Rio’s hand to avoid people. Without a single jewel, Rio shone the brightest here. He looked at everything as if seeing it for the first time, in amazement. It was lovely to see his small eyes darting about, observing objects. Occasionally, he would grab random people and ask unexpected questions. Unlike the always kind Kadilen or Jiman, adults who didn’t hide their annoyed expressions when dismissing him didn’t seem to affect Rio much.
But when the commotion around us subsided and the owner of the throne appeared, I too pulled Rio along to hide in a corner. Kadilen ascended to that place where everyone looked up to him with unhurried, calm steps. It was the place where Zendal once sat and looked at me with disappointed eyes. Even with the same power, there was no trace of ambition in Kadilen’s appearance. It was the difference between one for whom power is everything and one for whom it’s merely a tool.
His speech was concise. The subtly extended, leisurely pauses between each word made everyone focus completely on his speech. Before long, everyone was listening attentively to each and every word from Kadilen, forgetting even to breathe. I suppressed my laughter watching Rio, whose lips protruded in concentration. Now the king’s speech was down to its final sentence.
“Thus I shall build a better kingdom by changing what is rough and erasing sharp boundaries.”
“But shouldn’t the royal family be set right first?”
Everyone quickly turned their heads toward the source of the voice. Everyone widened their eyes to identify who had thrown a large rock into Kadilen’s speech, which had been flowing like a gentle stream. Soon, a man with platinum blonde hair neatly styled stepped forward and raised his voice.
“The royal family currently has no heir. When a master leaves his seat with tempting food, it’s natural for flies to gather.”
At first glance, it sounded like concern for state affairs, but coming from this person, it was different. There was only one person described with platinum blonde hair in Zendal’s kingdom. Arzel, a general from the last country to resist before the five nations were unified, and the one who would later threaten Prince Luan’s life. His words clearly revealed the purpose of this banquet. The nobles were desperately trying to make their daughters the queen.
Even to this man who stared at the throne with aggressive eyes, Kadilen didn’t spare his gentle smile. The tension increased as their gazes met. After a moment of silence, when the sound of someone swallowing echoed loudly across the banquet hall, Kadilen spoke softly.
“Are you saying I might die soon?”
At this direct statement, several nobles bowed their heads. The quick-witted ones hastily stepped back from Arzel. Before a fight too big, everyone withdraws to protect their own interests. But Arzel concealed his embarrassment and opened his mouth once more.
“Of course not. You misunderstand. I was just wondering if there was someone you had in mind for the position beside you…”
Behind Arzel’s tactical retreat, the shrewd gazes of nobles with daughters exchanged glances. Kadilen was silent for a moment, feeling countless unspoken requests along with the greedy question. And his first glance was directed at me, standing hunched behind a large pillar. It seemed like an unconscious reaction, as he quickly withdrew his gaze, but the nobles who were paying attention to Kadilen wouldn’t have missed it.
I gripped Rio’s hand tightly to ignore the hostile gazes falling here and there. After gathering his gaze, Kadilen calmly answered the question.
“That’s a premature question. Flies are already gathering even though I haven’t left my seat.”
Arzel opened his mouth to say something more, but Kadilen lightly ignored him and turned around. At his gesture, the banquet hall was once again filled with music. Several nobles quickly attached themselves behind Kadilen as he descended from the platform. I watched Arzel, but he only stiffened his face slightly without making any further sound.
Other nobles were now looking at me. They seemed bothered by the brief glance Kadilen had given me. I too was perplexed, not knowing the reason, but it could have been simply coincidental. Afraid of any malicious questions, I tried to hurriedly leave the room with Rio. But he suddenly ran forward as if having discovered something. I frantically grabbed Rio’s arm as he rushed forward, but the child asked me for permission with a flushed face.
“Can I just look at that once?”
Looking at what Rio was pointing to in the distance, there was a small collection of water tanks. Since he had lived in the forest before living in the palace, he might naturally find aquatic creatures fascinating. After promising to meet outside the banquet hall immediately after his sightseeing, I let the child go. While Rio was exploring, I planned to leave this place first and wait for him.
However, as soon as Rio disappeared through the crowd, the banquet hall suddenly darkened. The music grew louder and people began to move in pairs. Rio had completely vanished into the crowd that had changed its formation as if by agreement. I took a deep breath. Trying to move toward the window and pull back the curtain was not an easy task.
As soon as I became conscious of the darkness, thoughts that were hard to shake off inevitably came to me. Shaking my head, I tried to recall the stories Rio had told me. Although my symptoms had improved a lot, my heart was still beating madly. When my legs weakened and I stretched out my arm to support myself, a hot hand strongly gripped my finger joints. By the time I turned my head to see who it was, my powerless body was already pressed against his chest.
“Are you alright?”
I didn’t need to see his face. Devan’s voice was the most familiar sound I could hear in the darkness. As I panicked and tried to flee, he held me almost like an embrace and whispered something into my ear through the loud music.
“What?… I can’t hear. Let go of this.”
With my vision blocked by Devan’s body, the darkness felt even thicker. Being trapped in darkness with him felt like being trapped in the hell I once called home. No matter how madly I struggled to break free from him, Devan didn’t give up and continuously whispered softly.
“You can relax. Just move like this.”
Finally understanding what he said, I looked into Devan’s eyes, not knowing what he meant. With a sad face, he held my hand tightly and was moving slowly from side to side. When he repeated the same movement countless times as if to reassure me, I realized what this movement meant.
Devan was dancing with me. Everyone around us was dancing in the darkness. The music that had sounded like tearing noise was now producing a sweet melody to a steady beat, and Devan naturally guided my body according to that regular flow. His hot hand wrapped around my waist.
“It’s simple. I promise not to move differently.”
He whispered to me again and again to relax. His voice was tender, as if soothing a crying child. As the repeated movement continued, my body swaying to the beat began to feel familiar. Now his whispering turned to quietly counting numbers. I moved slowly according to that rhythm. As I came to know what movement would follow the next beat, my fear gradually subsided.
Absently, I checked Devan’s face. Half-hidden by the shadows created by the dim lighting, it was painfully hardened as if enduring something. Even with an expression that looked like he might cry, when our eyes met, he gave me that smile he always wore.
“It would be greedy of me to hope you’d remember darkness like this. But still…”
His hot hand became damp with cold sweat. I had never seen Devan so tense before. The ease he had painfully created crumbled miserably before a single phrase of music ended. His voice trembled precariously.
“Just that we danced slowly… so you could remember it that way…”
He closed his eyes. Looking at Devan’s face filled with agony, I slowly stepped in rhythm. While the heavy melody flowed through the darkness, he kept his eyes closed the entire time. As if trying to completely understand the darkness that had been like a curse he had given to me.
