# Chapter 39
The palace had become much simpler than when I last visited. The trophies and decorations that had displayed the royal family’s power along every corridor had been removed, giving it a more modest appearance. It felt strange that the sunlight penetrating through the glass windows no longer touched taxidermied animals or gory paintings. The space that had felt enormous and magnificent yet simultaneously empty now contained plain decorations that harmonized with nature. It was a choice that suited him.
This was the first time I was facing Kadilen as a monarch. It had taken this long just to move beyond the position of a criminal. Now our statuses had been reversed. I, who was once royalty, had to bow my head to him and use honorifics. I had to express gratitude that the one I had placed so high was now sitting on the throne looking down at me. I deliberately ignored the peculiar feeling that filled my chest along with tension.
As we entered the new building, I saw a chamberlain standing guard with the royal guards. He bowed politely upon noticing Jiman and me entering. Jiman hurriedly approached him and whispered urgently, as if afraid someone might hear.
“I’d like to see His Majesty for a moment.”
“I haven’t received any notification. What is your business?”
“I cannot tell you that, but it’s urgent. Just inform His Majesty for now.”
“A grand council is in progress. I will inquire after the schedule has ended.”
“When will the meeting end?”
“It has just begun.”
“Can you at least relay a message?”
Jiman anxiously stroked the corner of his mouth. The chamberlain, after briefly assessing the situation, finally nodded reluctantly.
“Don’t expect much.”
He looked back and forth between Jiman and me, then opened the door and entered the room. Sounds leaked through the slightly open door. It was the voices of ministers discussing state affairs.
“Jiman, I think it might be better to speak next time…”
“No. It’s right to tell him as soon as possible. This way, he can steer the discussion in our favor during the meeting. We must inform him before the nobles know. Perhaps some already do.”
I stopped trying to dissuade him after his firm response. The chamberlain who had disappeared inside reappeared with a curious expression and relayed the king’s message.
“He says to come in.”
“What about the meeting?”
“He ordered everyone to leave.”
He glanced at me with an interesting expression. I ignored his gaze and followed Jiman into the room. Ministers and nobles were grumbling as they left the meeting hall that had been canceled as soon as it began. Their eyes met mine. Some promptly gave proper greetings, while others stared at me with their heads held stiffly high. Whatever their reactions, all faces were new to me, so I just stood there awkwardly waiting for my turn.
It was disconcerting to have disrupted what seemed to be a significant meeting, but what Jiman had said earlier made sense. If any of them knew about Luan’s survival and were hiding it, they might handle matters to their own advantage. Even though all of Zendal’s remaining forces had been purged, one couldn’t predict how opinions might align if it became known that the previous heir was still alive.
The meeting hall quickly emptied. Wimu and Devan had also been called, so they would arrive soon. I wanted to secure Jiman’s safety in the presence of trustworthy people. Only after watching the backs of all the departing people did I turn my head. My eyes naturally went to the throne placed on the dais.
The place where the highest power in this land resided. Kadilen was looking at me from there.
His posture was completely facing me, as if he had been maintaining his gaze for a while. He had cut his silver hair, which he usually kept long, revealing his cool eyes. Even dressed in gold-decorated royal garments, his calmly subdued atmosphere remained the same. Though attendants were busily organizing the surroundings, Kadilen’s black eyes were fixed only on me.
I should probably bow my head to him now, but I couldn’t move, as if frozen. It was Jiman who shielded me from behind and offered greetings first.
“I present myself before Your Majesty.”
My vision being blocked somewhat restored my senses. This was no time to be spacing out. I emerged from Jiman’s shelter and bowed my head before Kadilen. Fearing I might not be able to say everything I needed to if I looked into his eyes, I just stared at the floor.
“Your Majesty, I’ve come with something to report.”
There was no response. I swallowed once nervously and spoke again.
“It’s regarding Luan.”
In the deathly quiet room, even the sound of my heartbeat was audible. Unable to guess Kadilen’s intentions due to his silence, I carefully chose my words.
“When I was imprisoned, his servant came to me, saying Luan had survived. The royal family, as well as Jiman and Devan, are in danger.”
After finishing my words, I waited for a response, but silence continued for a long time. No matter how thoroughly Kadilen had eliminated Zendal’s remnant forces, he couldn’t remain this calm at such news. Disappointment washed over my frozen heart. If there was no reaction to such a significant matter, there was only one reason. Was Kadilen still distrusting me? Even after everything that had happened.
“I understand you may not easily believe me… I heard Your Majesty personally confirmed the corpse…”
“…”
“But it’s the truth. Please believe me.”
The plea to believe me turned into an arrow that pierced me instead. It was miserable that I still had to beg for his trust. My hand unconsciously went to my tight chest. Seeing my posture falter, Jiman hastily approached and supported my body.
“Why do you refuse meals every time?”
“Pardon?”
Instead of the expected answer, Kadilen presented an unexpected question. Surprised, I forgot my resolve and looked up at him. Though he asked calmly, his eyes looking down at me seemed somehow angry.
“After showing your face so rarely, is that the first thing you say?”
“Please believe me, I implore you.”
“Shouldn’t you be angry? You’re not even asking for compensation through official positions or gold and silver treasures.”
“I will die soon. What use would such things be to me?”
“Die, you say…”
He buried his face in his large hands. No one dared to speak. I held Jiman’s hand and stared straight at Kadilen.
“If you would grant me compensation, promise to protect Jiman from Luan.”
“Ludin!”
Though Jiman called out painfully, I didn’t stop speaking.
“He’s a talent too valuable to be tied to the palace. Help him to travel the world and research medicinal herbs.”
Kadilen’s hand, which had been covering his face, slowly fell into the air. His gaunt face, half bowed, revealed an emotion I couldn’t identify. He opened his eyes that had been tightly closed and asked in a low voice.
“What conversation did you have with the person Luan sent?”
“…”
It was the most difficult question to answer. If I told the truth here, it would reveal that the medicine to treat my illness was in Luan’s hands. Perhaps my life here might be extended regardless of my wishes. I composed myself and delivered the prepared answer.
“He was angry knowing my betrayal. Since it was after I had already received a death sentence, there were no separate threats.”
Cold sweat ran down with stomach pain. I tapped my solar plexus, enduring the pain. I examined Kadilen’s face to read his intentions, but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking at all. However, I wasn’t the only one observing the other intently. Kadilen, who had been staring at me piercingly, opened his mouth softly.
“That’s a lie.”
“It’s the truth.”
“If you don’t tell me the facts, I can’t promise anything either.”
He said firmly. I bit my lip, pondering. There was no way for me to save Jiman with my own power. Nor could I continue lying to Kadilen, who could read emotions. Initially, not showing my cards would be the best, but even if the existence of the medicine became known and they brought it to me, I could simply not take it. Even if they forced me to take it… there were still ways to die. It would be a great wound to Jiman. But if there was truly no other way…
The pain filling my stomach worsened. After hesitating, I squeezed my eyes shut and told the truth.
“The one who gave me this illness is Luan. He wanted to use the cure to make me his spy. He said he would give me medicine to cure my disease if I stuck close to Your Majesty and extracted useful information.”
Jiman grabbed my arm in surprise. Unable to face his expression demanding an explanation, I lowered my head. What broke the brief silence that followed was Kadilen’s unexpected response.
“I’ll give you whatever information. Go get the medicine.”
“What did you say?”
“Or I’ll capture him myself and get it for you. I promise.”
“…No.”
The words came out before I could even think.
“You said you would protect Jiman if I told the truth. My duty is done.”
I hurriedly bowed and turned my back on Kadilen. Bile rose up as my stomach burned. I felt like I might collapse at any moment, but I didn’t want to show weakness here. As I moved to leave the room, a sound of something heavily hitting the solid marble floor echoed.
“You mustn’t allow it, Your Majesty. Please capture Luan and extract the medicine.”
It was Wimu. He was kneeling with a trembling body. I wondered how long he had been in the room. Wimu’s voice, directed toward Kadilen, cracked dryly as he knelt.
“When have I ever made a request of Your Majesty? Please save him.”
It was my life. Even if it was merely a dream, even if it was just substituting for someone else’s, I wanted to believe that I had the right to decide what to do with this life somehow. I wouldn’t really be alive even if I lived. The desire to end everything was desperate. If I couldn’t even leave naturally with the illness I already had, it felt too unfair. I turned around again, gritting my teeth and glaring at Kadilen. In any case, he had nothing to gain from my survival.
Kadilen, who had been quietly receiving my angry gaze, slowly rose from his seat. As he walked toward me from the throne, it felt as distant as if he were walking a thousand miles. With each slow step he took toward me, I unconsciously backed away. Regardless, Kadilen finally stood before me and brushed aside my hair covering my forehead, persistently locking eyes with me. Only up close could I see that his pupils were trembling endlessly.
“Do you truly… wish to die?”
Kadilen asked quietly. At this moment, I wasn’t even afraid of hurting Jiman. I answered without hesitation.
“Yes.”
I pushed his hand away and turned around. Though my waist kept bending due to the abdominal pain, I supported my body with effort and walked away with large strides. Having turned my back on everyone, it was fortunate that I couldn’t see anyone’s expression. But that was only temporary, as Devan was standing there, leaning against the door with his arms crossed, looking at me.
His black eyes shone brightly.
“You’re truly insane, Ludin.”
