Library visitors were usually at their peak during the hottest or coldest days of the year, or during school breaks.
On the flip side, when the weather was perfect for outings or during golden holidays ideal for trips, there tended to be fewer people than one might expect.
Thanks to that, today — a Saturday with lovely weather — saw fewer visitors than usual. The library interior was so quiet it made me wonder if everyone had gone out to enjoy the day.
Of course, that didn’t mean my workload decreased any, so I sat at the desk writing the user report for the last quarter to pass the time.
At first, it wasn’t easy to handle loan duties at the desk while simultaneously working on other tasks. I’ve gotten used to it by now, but in the beginning I couldn’t focus on my work because I never knew when or what kind of visitor might walk in.
Honestly, even now, I’m still unusually sensitive to the sound of footsteps approaching the desk.
“Oh, so you’re the one on shift today, Yun-su?”
Around 10:55 in the morning, I sensed someone nearby.
When I reflexively rose from my seat, a smile full of warmth spread across her face. She lightly patted my shoulder and continued.
“You’re working hard on a Saturday. But starting now, I’ll be suffering right alongside you.”
The person working with me today was Senior Staff Member Seo-young. Deputy Ye-jin was also friendly and approachable, but we didn’t tend to have many personal conversations. With Senior Staff Member Seo-young, however, I’d often find myself chatting about utterly pointless things before I even realized it.
Well, that’s putting it nicely — to put it another way, she was simply very interested in people by nature, which could be a bit draining at times.
“I think coming in on Saturdays is the hardest. Sunday shifts are tiring too, but at least you get Monday off. But Saturday means your day off isn’t the next day, so it hits differently.”
“That’s true.”
We kept our voices low in consideration of the library setting, our conversation flowing in quiet murmurs. It was mostly Senior Staff Member Seo-young asking something while I answered.
“You know that art program you planned, Yun-su? There were quite a few applicants — how did you come up with something like that?”
“……It was nothing, really. I just slightly modified something Deputy Ye-jin had planned last year.”
I scratched my cheek awkwardly, genuinely embarrassed. It wasn’t false modesty — that was simply the truth. I had only tweaked the details based on an existing program, so there was nothing to be praised for.
But Senior Staff Member Seo-young seemed to think differently, tilting her head.
“Still, it’s not easy for a guy to plan something that delicate. Fields like art aren’t even something most men would think of in the first place.”
“Ah, I did a little art when I was younger. It was brief, but I think that’s probably why it came to me.”
“Really? That makes sense. I always thought you had a certain delicate quality to you for a guy — so you did art.”
As Senior Staff Member Seo-young praised me with enough enthusiasm that she looked ready to clap, I felt even more awkward. It wasn’t anything worth bragging to others about, so I quickly waved it off.
“……I wasn’t particularly talented. I was preparing for the arts high school entrance exam, but I failed and eventually quit.”
That was truly all there was to it. On the day I went to take the practical exam for the arts high school, I felt it in my bones — I had been a frog in a well.
Thanks to that, I hadn’t even been able to properly finish assignments I would have normally completed with ease, and I slipped out of the exam hall as if fleeing.
The result was naturally a rejection, and I vaguely ended up enrolling in a high school close to home.
I did say I hadn’t been able to perform at my usual level, but honestly, I couldn’t guarantee the outcome would have been any different even if I had given it my all. I was the owner of a rather lacking talent.
“Well, entrance exams aren’t everything in life. High school entrance exams even less so.”
Senior Staff Member Seo-young offered her comfort in an easy, light tone. I responded with a casual, “I suppose so.”
She was right. At the time I bombed the exam, I had been devastated as if the world were crumbling — but looking back now, it was merely a tiny fragment of a long life.
Failing the arts high school entrance exam hadn’t ruined my life. If anything, I’d safely gotten into a different high school afterward and was living well enough now, wasn’t I?
If I’d gotten into the arts high school back then, I never would have met Cha Jae-woo.
Whether that was fortunate or unfortunate had become difficult to say now, but at least during my high school years, Cha Jae-woo had made things enjoyable. The fact that I used to occasionally think it was a good thing I hadn’t gotten in said it all.
“But how did you get into art in the first place? Did you like drawing from a young age?”
“Not particularly — my mother was a painter.”
“Oh my, really?”
When Senior Staff Member Seo-young widened her eyes with genuine surprise, I immediately regretted having let it slip.
It belatedly occurred to me that she didn’t have the most airtight lips. Within a few days, everyone working at the library might know.
The fact that my mother had been a painter wasn’t some grand secret, but it wasn’t exactly a cheerful topic to go around sharing with just anyone either.
“May I ask what kind of paintings she did?”
“Hmm, she only worked briefly when I was young. I don’t really know the details myself.”
“Is that so? What a shame.”
Thankfully, once I deflected vaguely enough, Senior Staff Member Seo-young seemed to lose interest and moved on to another topic without pressing further.
“Oh right, Yun-su. Have you gotten close with Jae-woo? You two look like you’re around the same age.”
The subject had shifted to Cha Jae-woo before I knew it. It was genuinely remarkable how many different topics could flow through a single conversation in such a short span of time. I offered a mild smile and nodded.
“Yes. We’re both guys and close in age, so it’s natural.”
“Right, I figured as much.”
It suddenly crossed my mind that tomorrow was the day Cha Jae-woo and I had planned to go out. Even though today was the day before our plans, Cha Jae-woo still hadn’t said much of anything. That probably meant it was somewhere that didn’t require any particular preparation.
I had been too busy from weekdays through today — Saturday — to even think to ask. By the time I got off work and came home, it was all I could do to eat, wash up, and fall asleep.
“Get close with Jae-woo. There aren’t many men among the library staff, after all, so you must get lonely too, Yun-su.”
“I will.”
I nodded compliantly. Either way, once the agreed-upon three months were up, Cha Jae-woo would no longer be at the library.
He was someone who valued his own career more than his own life from the start, so perhaps he’d even quit before the three months were up.
***
On the day of the outing with Cha Jae-woo, I grabbed my car keys just in case as I headed out. Even on the day itself, I hadn’t been told where we were going.
Cha Jae-woo naturally followed as I made my way to the parking lot.
Doesn’t seem like the destination is nearby. Thinking that, I started the engine, and Cha Jae-woo typed an address into the navigation.
Just looking at the address, it felt vaguely like a neighborhood I knew — but it wasn’t familiar enough that I could immediately say, ah, that place.
Still, now that I was already in the car, I’d find out once we got there. I hadn’t bothered asking, but Cha Jae-woo, eyes fixed out the window, muttered in a nonchalant tone.
“You’re not asking anything.”
“……”
“Not that curious?”
“Well, I’ll find out when we get there.”
I shrugged with a small laugh, then out of habit reached toward the drink holder — only to find nothing there. I remembered, belatedly, that I’d forgotten to buy something to drink for the ride.
“There’s a bag of candy in the glove compartment on your side — could you grab it for me?”
The distance wasn’t so great that I couldn’t bear it, but it was still better to have something in my mouth to fend off drowsiness while driving. That was why I always kept a bag of hard candy in the car.
While I kept my eyes on the road, focused on driving, I heard a rustling sound — Cha Jae-woo must have pulled out the candy from the drawer.
I extended one hand to receive it, intending to set the bag on the center console, when along with the candy bag, I felt Cha Jae-woo’s firm hand.
It was a fleeting touch that happened as Cha Jae-woo passed the bag to me — but caught off guard by the unexpected warmth, I reflexively swatted his hand away.
Smack — with a sound sharply mortifying in its clarity, the candy bag dropped to the passenger side floor. A deathlike silence filled the quiet car, and somehow, I broke out in a cold sweat.
Flustered, I nearly slammed the brakes for a moment before I managed to collect myself. Outwardly keeping a calm front, I continued driving and offered an apology with my mouth.
“Sorry. I was just startled.”
“……”
“I’ll eat some when it’s in the middle — just leave it there.”
Cha Jae-woo was quiet for a moment. He simply picked up the bag from the floor and set it down on the center console between the driver and passenger seats.
To Cha Jae-woo right now, I might seem like I was overreacting. When we were friends, we did what guys typically do — draping an arm around each other’s shoulders for a laugh, jabbing each other for no reason — casual physical contact was as common as eating a meal.
But we could no longer be the way we used to be.
That’s what it’s like being exes. Unlike Cha Jae-woo, who didn’t know anything, the time I had spent with him as lovers was longer than the time we had spent as friends.
Of course, there were things I would have to come to terms with now.
We had agreed to live together for three months, so I’d need to start practicing treating Cha Jae-woo not as a lover, but as a friend.
That was also a path toward protecting myself. Living with an old lover you’d already parted from would hurt far less than — no, would hurt more than living with a longtime friend.
Today’s outing might just be the starting point of that.
