Digging up that time makes my life far too complicated. There was too much bitterness, sadness, and loneliness all tangled up together. Of course, he knew that looking away wasn’t the answer.
But Seowoo had chosen Dano as his reality, and having crossed over to this life, he had decided to give it everything he had. The past he’d left behind there was nothing more than something secondary now.
— Would you refuse if I commissioned you again? How about this time we try doing it with my resolve lending you a hand.
“……”
— That stings. You not answering.
Seowoo couldn’t find the words to reply. Why bring up Gallery Suryeon all of a sudden. He thought for a moment, then remembered that Lee Hyeon was working on a series continuation following his exhibition from three years ago.
“Back when I used to handle your paintings.”
— …….
“It was good.”
Lee Hyeon, who had been listening to Seowoo quietly, let out a small, gentle laugh.
— It hurts that you said that in the past tense.
The moment he set down that small, unembellished piece of honest feeling — no more, no less — Seowoo felt, for some reason, a little lighter. It was strange, too, that the past Lee Hyeon brought up didn’t sting.
Seowoo talked with Lee Hyeon as he climbed onto the sofa and lay on his side. The call went on longer than he’d expected. The man who had suddenly brought up things from three years ago would then, just as abruptly, start talking about the weather, letting the conversation drift without any particular thread.
The living room filled with the silent images on the TV screen and Lee Hyeon’s voice. Without realizing it, Seowoo had loosened up — he stretched his legs out long and shifted into a more comfortable position. The phone resting against his ear was growing warm and toasty.
“There’s something I’m curious about too.”
— What is it.
“Why do you care so much. About my treatment, I mean.”
— Ah.
“And what it is you want to confirm…… I’m curious about that too.”
Under normal circumstances, he would have weighed it back and forth until it never came out at all. Was it because the sofa was too comfortable? When the actor on the TV screen slowly turned his head and smiled, Lee Hyeon came to mind for no particular reason. Seowoo blinked slowly. Suddenly, it felt like it wouldn’t matter even if he didn’t get an answer.
— Were you thinking about sleeping with me?
“……”
— I didn’t think you would be. But you really are on my mind.
It was a foul move. He’d dodged around the question again. Seowoo found it absurd — and yet ended up laughing along anyway.
— I was deliberately avoiding that subject to give you time to think. But if you want to talk about it, there’s nothing to be done.
“……”
— Do you remember when we first ran into each other again in front of the hospital?
“……”
— Actually, I……
Thud. The phone slipped from Seowoo’s cheek, grazed the edge of the sofa, and fell to the floor. A dull sound rang briefly through the quiet living room. Lee Hyeon’s voice continued to flow from the other end for a long moment — and then the line went dead.
* * *
“Daddy, Daddy, wake up, wake uppy.”
Pat pat pat pat. A small hand tapping his cheek brought Seowoo’s eyes open. He immediately scrunched his face against the bright light stabbing at his eyes, and Dano scrunched his nose right back, leaning in close to press his lips against Seowoo’s cheek.
Smmmmack. He received a kiss that left a generous smear of drool, and as he pushed himself upright, the room was blindingly bright on all sides. Seowoo checked the time by reflex and let out a groan.
“Oh…… Dano. We’re going to be late.”
“I’m hungryyyy.”
“Sorry, I’ll get you something quick. Just wait a little.”
Seowoo shot up and stood for a moment in the living room, pulling his thoughts together. He could see the traces of Dano having woken up long before him and playing alone, and the phone lying sprawled on the floor beneath the sofa. He picked it up — the battery wasn’t dead, and the alarm had rung itself out fully.
Despite having slept crumpled on the sofa, he felt remarkably refreshed from the deep sleep. He checked his call log — there was a record of a call lasting one hour and forty-six minutes.
“……”
It’s not like his voice is a pheromone or anything.
Seowoo gave his face a quick dry wash, plugged the phone into the charger, and headed to the kitchen. He needed to sort out Dano’s breakfast first.
He set out a balanced meal on the toddler tray — a portion of rice, a meat side dish, the spinach doenjang soup he’d made the day before, and stir-fried anchovies — while he himself made do with a single sip of juice for his own breakfast. While Dano ate, he darted off, washed up, and came back to begin getting him ready to go out.
As he put shoes on the child’s feet and the two of them stepped out through the front door together, Seowoo found himself thinking back to the end of last night’s conversation.
What was it he’d been saying at the end……?
Lee Hyeon’s voice had been so unreasonably soothing that only a soft, blurred afterimage remained — like the smudged edge of a landscape painting rubbed away.
* * *
On the first day he went up to Seoul, Lee Hyeon had stopped by his parents’ home first of all. It was also the day of the monthly family dinner, and he needed to calm down his mother, who had reached her limit.
The family members gathered in the dining room, talking warmly among themselves, all widened their eyes in surprise as Lee Hyeon pushed open the door and walked in.
“Oh my, Hyeon!”
Go Eunyeong sprang up from her seat and welcomed him. His eldest brother’s couple, his second eldest brother’s couple, and Lee Hyeon’s father, President Lee Giseok — the long dining table already had all the family members assembled.
Even though dinner was well underway, not one of them showed any sign of displeasure. Lee Hyeon’s seat had also been prepared in advance, as though it had been waiting for him. His second eldest brother patted the chair and called out — Youngest, get over here, it’s been ages! — in a warm, cheerful voice.
“I came because I have something to say.”
Lee Hyeon sat down and launched straight into it. Without Seowoo’s pheromones, he couldn’t even taste food — a lavish spread in front of him meant nothing worth looking at.
It was, frankly, brazen and rude to barge in mid-meal like that. But the family reacted as though this was hardly the first or second time, nodding and giving him looks that said go ahead. President Lee Giseok kept slicing his meat as he responded.
“I can more or less guess what Hyeon has to say…… Go on then. And you — brace yourself.”
With all eyes on him, Lee Hyeon let out a short sigh.
“Please cancel the arrangement that was set up. And the plan to naturally bring us together at Grandfather’s birthday party — take that out of the plans too. If that’s not possible, I won’t be attending the birthday either.”
Before Lee Hyeon had even finished speaking, President Lee Giseok was already rolling his eyes sideways to gauge his wife’s reaction.
“Ahem.”
Seeing Go Eunyeong’s expression harden, he cleared his throat and put on a deliberately stern voice.
“Do you not think of how embarrassed your mother will be in front of Minister Ryu’s wife? How many times have you already stood them up — and now you want to act like it never happened? How do you think they’ll look at your mother after that? Are you going to make her grovel, too? If you were going to do this, you should have given a firm refusal from the very start.”
The other family members’ gazes swept in turn over President Lee Giseok, Go Eunyeong, and Lee Hyeon. Every one of them was clearly racking their brains over where to step in to soften the atmosphere.
“Enough. Well…… I’m the one who pushed for it. Can’t be helped.”
But Go Eunyeong raised the white flag first, without even attempting to fight. She had always been endlessly soft when it came to her youngest son. Lee Hyeon was uncomfortable seeing his mother’s deflated face.
“I’m sorry. I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“This child……”
Go Eunyeong shot him a look of elegant reproach. Because it sounded to her like he was saying there would never be any arranged meetings ever again.
Just then, the second eldest brother, who had been watching the situation quietly, spoke up.
“Oh, by the way, Hyeon. I heard that our uncle wants to give Grandfather a painting as a birthday gift. He said he wanted to ask your opinion.”
“Why would he ask me.”
“Well — he doesn’t trust his own eye, I suppose?”
At that, Lee Hyeon couldn’t help but let out a small, dry laugh. Doesn’t trust his eye, indeed. Thinking about what Director Lee Wooseok had done in his greed for Seowoo, the man was second to none not just in taste but in shameless desire.
It was his second eldest brother’s flat, matter-of-fact delivery that actually got a rise out of Go Eunyeong.
“Jun — you heard that and just came home without saying a word? Your brother is an artist — and at Grandfather’s birthday, he’s going to give someone else’s painting as a gift?”
“Come on, Mom. What does it matter whose grandson it is when you’re collecting paintings.”
“How can it not matter, it’s his birthday. And if your uncle gives a painting as a gift, Grandfather will naturally put pressure on Hyeon. He already goes on and on every year about wanting to receive a painting from his grandson……”
Lee Hyeon, who had been listening quietly, raised a hand to hold his mother back.
“It’s fine. That’s enough.”
“No — what is your uncle’s problem lately? Does the man have no sense of how things look?”
Watching his mother, who was now genuinely worked up, Lee Hyeon found himself thinking back to something three years ago. It was right around this time that he had stepped in — out of character for himself — and turned the whole thing over after learning the full story of Director Lee Wooseok’s takeover of Gallery Suryeon and his marriage plans. He had publicly humiliated him right in the middle of Grandfather’s birthday party, so his memory of it was perfectly clear.
“He has every reason to resent me. I made him lose face badly back then, because of me.”
Go Eunyeong immediately furrowed her brow.
“Why are you still holding on to that. What humiliation — some middle-aged man with three children of his own was trying to bring a young person young enough to be his child into his home, and you put a stop to it. He should be grateful, if anything.”
She gave a shudder as though the whole thing disgusted her, and President Lee Giseok, mortified by his younger brother’s disgraceful behavior, could only drain his glass of water in stewing silence.
