[March 10th]
I resumed teaching Lenox taekwondo. I don’t know how much stamina he’s built up during the break, but he’s absolutely flying around. As expected of a kid’s energy levels.
[March 13th]
Blanc isn’t showing up again. Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since I’ve had a headache, but it feels strangely noticeable. I hate myself for immediately thinking that one kiss could solve this.
Saying we’ll meet soon, saying he’ll stay by my side. I was stupid to hold onto those honeyed words.
[March 17th]
I’ve become able to use sword aura. It’s welcome news. Except for the part where I nearly destroyed one wall of the training ground after failing to control my mana. Everyone looked at me like I was a natural disaster.
……Therefore, we decided to conduct outdoor training for a while. It was for the safety of everyone else, including Lenox.
It’s fortunate that the weather is warming up.
[March 20th]
Strangely, my ‘Chaos Meter’ keeps getting reduced. I get the feeling that the consumption rate is growing larger as spring approaches.
‘Multiple existences have realized that you are different from their expectations.’ When did I even start using this body? At this point, I wish they’d just accept me as I am.
After investigating in various ways to find the exact cause, I was told that the territory residents are moved by the fact that we made it through winter safely. They say they’re happy because their quality of life has improved thanks to having a good lord.
It was a result worth all the hardship. If even one more person is living well, that’s truly a good thing.
But please, be moved just a little bit. I really want to stop getting these damn nosebleeds now.
[April 1st]
The ground is thawing. It’s not quite full spring yet, but I can feel the warm season gradually approaching.
Since this is my first spring in the North, it’s busy in a different sense than winter. It started with ordering them to plant the potatoes we received through the Sting Trading Company.
Perhaps the predetermined famine and starvation might arrive this year. After all, it seems the content of <Pavane for a Dead Princess> is progressing faster than I expected. So I can’t rule out the possibility that this year’s entire potato harvest might fail.
But we still have to plant them. It’s foolish to fail to properly do today’s work because you’re worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. And I also know that the best course isn’t to avoid misfortune, but to face it, fight it, and overcome it.
Of course, I’m not a god or a savior. There will be more people I can’t save than people I can save.
But I still think I should do what I can.
[April 5th]
The disposition of the fox—though Lenox would definitely dislike it if I called it that, saying it’s an unfeeling expression, but anyway—is on hold.
It’s partly because I don’t want to get attached, but also because I still don’t feel at ease about releasing it in the North. If the safest place is by my side, then there’s no need to send it away, is there? Above all, Lenox also likes the fox.
So I told Albert to research what’s needed when raising a fox. I figured that even if the fur color is different, compiling cases of similar foxes should produce usable reference material.
Then Albert brought back the materials that very evening. No, it went beyond materials. It was so perfectly organized that he’d even bound it like a book.
When I asked how it was done so suspiciously fast, he said he’d prepared it in advance because he thought I’d ask for it someday.
……The brothers are both sharp as a pair. It’s convenient from my position of using them, but sometimes it feels like they can see right through to my insides.
I guess what’s good is good.
[April 10th]
Blanc, you damn bastard. Just how precious is your face that it’s this hard to meet you?
If you schemed to make me want to kiss you as soon as we meet, then you’ve succeeded. Because right now, my head is completely filled with thoughts of your smug face.
Just you wait. I’ll kiss you until your lips swell up and burst.
[April 11th]
There was an attack.
[April 14th]
It wasn’t some half-assed attempt like the one who snuck into my room before. This was an assassin trained to the extreme, and they clearly infiltrated after thoroughly calculating even the possibility of failure.
The assassin secretly climbed up to the castle rampart and shot an arrow, and as soon as they confirmed they hadn’t killed me, they took poison and committed suicide. There were no personal belongings, and we couldn’t identify them either.
Coincidentally, I was injured in the same shoulder as last time. Somehow it feels like scars keep accumulating on my body.
I thought Lenox, who was nearby, would be so shocked he’d cry, but the little guy was unexpectedly calm. He even stepped forward to treat me. His skill at wrapping bandages has gotten a bit more efficient.
I should feel proud when the kid shows such a mature side, but I couldn’t. I felt bad that because of my situation, which has no peaceful days in any respect, the young child seems to be forced to grow up too quickly.
I just want… for the comfortable days of your life to last even one day longer……
The neatly continuing record came to an abrupt stop. The slightly lifted pen nib trembled. It was because the hand, arm, and even shoulder holding the quill pen were shaking.
“……This isn’t easy.”
It was the aftereffect of the attack from a few days ago. Of all things, the injured shoulder had to be the right one—what bad luck.
Of course, calling this injury itself unlucky is misleading. What the assassin was really aiming for wasn’t something like a shoulder. It was fortunate that I wasn’t pierced through the heart or forehead, and it only ended up at this level because I detected the attack immediately and drew up my mana to minimize the impact as much as possible.
Only after confirming that the trembling in my hand had subsided did I scribble down a question on the blank paper.
Who’s behind this?
Could it be Viscount Kalt again like last time? Hmm. I don’t think so. I felt that he wasn’t stupid enough to do the same failed thing twice. Above all, it didn’t seem like the sole survivor of an exterminated household would have hired more such assassins.
Then who?
Could it be the Crown Prince who once put poison in my drink? Or the Emperor who wants to safely pass the throne to his son? Pro-Crown Prince faction nobles who want to curry favor with those two? Or if not that, someone who holds a grudge against Imperial Consort Betius?
Befitting the role of being the worst villain in the story, I truly had many enemies. Even living like a decent person for about a season couldn’t change that, it seemed.
What kind of life is this where people try to kill you when you live like a scoundrel, and you bleed and faint when you live virtuously? I don’t even have a clue where to file a complaint about this kind of life.
……Let’s stop lamenting over things that won’t change. The more I dwell on it, the more newly aggrieved I’ll feel.
The important thing is that being near me is dangerous. Arrows have no eyes, and what narrowly missed might not be my shoulder but could pierce the person next to me. Even if not that, someone could get hurt just for being someone precious to me.
If that’s the case, then as expected.
“Leave this place when spring comes.”
The white ears occupying one corner of the desk perked up. As if understanding the words were directed at it, the fox lifted its head.
When it opened its tightly closed eyes, black and clear pupils were revealed. Was it my imagination? For just a moment, they seemed to be a different color.
—Kyiing.
“According to this book, a fox your size can be considered an adult. You’re fully grown and even clever, so you won’t be harmed wherever you go.”
—Kking. Kyiiing.
“……It’s dangerous to stay by my side. That means I don’t know when, who, or how someone might try to harm me again.”
Getting hurt because of sins you didn’t commit is too cruel. Though I spoke with such feelings, the fox only cried pitifully.
—Kyiiiing……
Don’t weaken. You mustn’t weaken.
My judgment that there was no need to send it away was based on when my side was the safest. If that basic premise was broken, my thinking had to change as well.
So this time, I had to reach an amicable agreement with this creature and ensure it could live in a safer world.
“There’s no choice, is there? Unless you’re someone who can take care of yourself……”
Then the whimpering sound abruptly stopped, and a soft voice answered.
—Someone who can take care of themselves.
Huh?
—Then will you take me in?
……The fox I picked up has started speaking human language.
