As usual, Baek Sang-eun tossed out words that were unclear whether they were respectful or informal and started pressing some buttons. A loud engine sound was heard, and the boat moved forward vigorously.
Go Seok-jun clenched his fists with the single-minded determination not to act like an idiot again. Fortunately, the wheelhouse had partitions, giving a sense of stability.
Baek Sang-eun, who had been turning the wheel this way and that to change direction, suddenly stopped the boat at a certain point. The roaring engine sound instantly became quiet. All around was complete darkness. Only the work lights left on Baek Sang-eun’s boat were bright.
The captain of this boat set up a chair and table on the deck while leaving Go Seok-jun in the wheelhouse. His movements were quick and without any superfluity. It meant he was that accustomed to it.
Baek Sang-eun, who had dusted off the dust, gestured as if telling him to come out, then soon withdrew his hand and came into the wheelhouse. He smelled of the sea.
“Huh? Want to stay here? Your face has turned pale white.”
“No. I can go out.”
“Then hold my hand. It rocks a bit.”
There was no choice but to take the hand he offered. Go Seok-jun’s hand went completely into his rough, hot hand. Though he’d talked about a baby out of habit, he gripped that baby’s hand tightly. Whether baby or elderly, it didn’t matter. Because he desperately needed someone’s body heat.
“Are you okay? Seasickness?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. I don’t think I get seasick. Thank you.”
“Oh dear.”
As soon as the words ended, the boat lurched once from a high wave, and naturally his legs lost strength. At the same time as his knees buckled, the arm holding his hand was pulled sharply. Go Seok-jun’s heart beat rapidly again.
His parents’ deaths, the image of himself riding a bicycle in the yard, Grandmother’s bare feet running out—such memories inadvertently came to mind and dug into the spaces between his heartbeats. His nauseated stomach and trembling body didn’t calm down easily.
The emptiness of the sea where no sound could be heard except for the waves slapping against the boat. Were my parents this afraid too? Go Seok-jun, thirty years later, now empathized with his parents’ terror.
What if the boat capsizes? What if we suddenly meet rough waves? What if house-sized waves swallow the boat?
Unlike Go Seok-jun’s dizzy insides, the sea was calm, and moonlight was pouring over the quiet sea. The wind was at most a breeze enough to tickle the cheeks. There was no sign of rough waves coming, but Go Seok-jun was already out of his mind. Because to him, the middle of the sea was the same as the middle of death.
“S-Sang-eun, Sang-eun-ah.”
With nothing to hold onto, he hugged Baek Sang-eun’s waist tightly. His body stiffened rigidly inside his arms. Thump thump. The sound of Baek Sang-eun’s regularly pounding heartbeat was unusually loud. He couldn’t tell if this was the sound coming from his own body or from the other’s body.
“It’s okay.”
Baek Sang-eun, who had slightly separated their bodies, tilted his head to meet his eyes. Like before, only Go Seok-jun was fully contained in his pitch-black eyes.
Baek Sang-eun made his hand into a pincer shape and grabbed the lips trembling like an aspen in the wind. Even at this ill-mannered act, Go Seok-jun couldn’t say any words starting with ‘you little brat.’ Rather, just as he was thinking it would be better if pincers held him, the fingers fell from his lips. His body trembled finely again.
“Really, it’s okay.”
Their faces were so close that even the breath Baek Sang-eun exhaled with a chuckle touched him. Go Seok-jun focused as much as possible on the eyes he met with instead of the pitch-black sea spread out behind Baek Sang-eun.
“Mmph!”
Out of the blue, their lips pressed together. His cheeks tickled from the hot breath through the nose. Go Seok-jun couldn’t even blink his wide-open eyes. Then Baek Sang-eun covered Go Seok-jun’s eyes with his palm to close them and blocked both ears. All senses were cut off.
What is this kid doing right now? Why the sudden lip headbutt? The fear that had been overwhelming him in this absurd situation slowly dispersed. In the place where the fear disappeared, only questions filled up.
I should push him away, but he just couldn’t do it. Because he didn’t have the confidence to stand alone on the swaying boat. Because he needed even a feeble connection.
The guy had clumsily smashed his lips together so hard their touching noses were completely crushed. His breath was blocked because it was difficult to breathe properly from being held for who knows how long. Nevertheless, Go Seok-jun, held tightly by Baek Sang-eun, felt relieved. Enough to have idle thoughts like he’s gotten old enough to live a bit better, but how old is he that he hasn’t even kissed? Then Baek Sang-eun tilted his head slightly.
Thanks to the obliquely bent head, an angle good for kissing was created. As if realizing something, a small sigh of “Ahh” continued without completely separating their lips.
As their lips overlapped, a gap split open. The weakest mucous membrane in the human body was exposed completely. A part that Go Seok-jun didn’t particularly need to show Baek Sang-eun.
Something hotter than palms, hotter than lips, pushed into Go Seok-jun. That lump of flesh full of moisture made wet sounds. On the calm sea where even the sound of waves couldn’t be heard, Go Seok-jun was helplessly subjected to a man’s kiss. And to an act so clumsy it was embarrassing to even call it a kiss.
The arm that had been wrapped around his shoulder had at some point wrapped around his waist, and his body was pulled close. Baek Sang-eun seemed to have no idea what to do inside someone else’s mouth. Though he boldly pushed his tongue in, when tongue overlapped with tongue, he flinched as if startled.
Compared to his bold physical movements, his tongue work was passive. Not knowing how to move his tongue, he only rubbed. Perhaps that’s why Go Seok-jun also meekly left Baek Sang-eun alone. Because it wasn’t arousing at all. Because it seemed like just a way to soothe him trembling in fear.
Kissing between men was unimaginable. If any man kissed him, he’d vaguely thought he would immediately vomit and then gargle about ten times. Go Seok-jun was such an ordinary man.
But now was not the time to vomit. The only support Go Seok-jun could cling to was Baek Sang-eun. He couldn’t let go of that only support standing firm without a shred of wavering even on the boat. Let’s vomit all at once later.
“Hah, Sang-eun-ah.”
“Yes, Uncle.”
When he pulled their lips apart, Baek Sang-eun pressed their foreheads together and cupped his jaw with one hand. Unlike him who was panting with ragged breath, Baek Sang-eun had a relaxed breathing. He furrowed his brow at the face grinning while meeting his eyes.
“Are you crazy?”
While he hesitated, their lips attached again. Baek Sang-eun bit Go Seok-jun’s lips as if nibbling and eating them, bit by bit. As if savoring something very precious.
The original Go Seok-jun would never have stayed still. The situation made Go Seok-jun like this. Letting a boy like a nephew suck his tongue, stroke his cheeks, and stir around inside his mouth. Can I make the excuse that it’s because of extreme fear? Is that really okay? While saying I should die and acting crazy, is it that I actually want to live so much, even while doing this?
Though angry, Go Seok-jun was completely immersed in this abnormal act. The sensation of not being alone in the vast ocean but being with someone to share body heat with, the stability that he therefore wouldn’t die—it subdued Go Seok-jun’s anxiety. His heart, which had been turbulent with fear, anxiety, and questions, gradually stabilized.
“Haah, hah.”
It was also for that reason that he grabbed the waist of Baek Sang-eun, who eventually stepped back first. Baek Sang-eun lowered his eyes downward to meet Go Seok-jun’s gaze, then wiped his lips with the back of his hand. With eyes that were sinister yet glistening, as if he would devour Go Seok-jun completely.
“Bring some salt water. So I can disinfect.”
Without listening to the words said with a serious face, Baek Sang-eun pressed his lips firmly on Go Seok-jun’s forehead. This time it was such an affectionate act that he really wanted to disinfect his forehead with salt water. The short kiss was more chilling than the clumsy, passionate kiss from just before.
“Uncle.”
“What.”
“You’re not scared anymore, right?”
The guy who’d only ridden boats his whole life would have clearly seen him trembling. His pounding heart was still noisy. However, he couldn’t accurately distinguish whether it was the fear of being on a boat or sexual excitement after kissing.
The man standing tall in front escorted him to sit in a chair and covered him with a blanket. After tidying the hair disheveled by the strong sea wind with his hand like a comb, he placed his hand on Go Seok-jun’s shoulder with a face full of satisfaction.
“Throw everything that upsets you onto the sea.”
“…”
“Or like, your phone or something. Even if you accidentally throw something you shouldn’t, it’s fine. I can go down and fish it out.”
He grinned while tossing out words he couldn’t tell were a joke or serious, then immediately turned around. It was as if a big deal had happened only to Go Seok-jun, and it was a leisurely attitude as if nothing had happened to Baek Sang-eun.
Do you seduce women like this every time? he almost asked. Taking them on the boat and kissing them, sitting them in a comfortable chair and covering them with a blanket.
The little guy who grew up did man things. Go Seok-jun endlessly watched Baek Sang-eun assembling the fishing rod without a sound, his broad back, and beyond that, the calm sea without any waves.
Baek Sang-eun’s hair fluttered in the wind. A yellow rubber band was precariously holding his clump of hair.
“Sang-eun-ah.”
At Go Seok-jun’s call, Baek Sang-eun immediately turned his head. When their eyes met, he even smiled brightly while holding the fishing rod in his hand.
His smiling lips are exactly the same as when he was young. After finishing the brief sentiment, he also pushed up the flesh under his eyes and smiled awkwardly. When he first kissed the women he’d dated until now, Go Seok-jun, even though it wasn’t his first time, always smiled clumsily like that. Not because he was prudish, but just because it was a habit. He’d done that same thing to Baek Sang-eun too.
His face heated up in embarrassment. His lips were still burning hot. His lips were swollen from the suction being so good. It was definitely different from a woman. Beyond inexperience and skill, there was a difference in strength itself. When he was unconsciously rubbing his lips with his thumb, Baek Sang-eun approached.
“Why did you call me?”
In his hands, having been to the wheelhouse, were two cups of steaming instant coffee. It seemed people in this neighborhood only drank instant coffee. He received the cup he handed over and drank it without thinking. The sweet taste he didn’t usually enjoy much stuck thickly to the tip of his tongue.
“When the fish come up later, we’ll slice them into sashimi and eat. I threw a trap pot too, so if we catch octopus or anything, we’ll boil ramyeon too.”
“Do you always eat like that?”
“When I come out to work, there’s almost no time to eat, so I don’t. Only after selling fish at dawn can I put rice or anything in my mouth.”
“How do you work without the fun of eating?”
“Catching fish is fun.”
