Cha Dobum knew asthma attacks as well as he did. He also knew that in that situation, there was no other method besides calming down, and that things like artificial respiration weren’t helpful at all. Thinking back to Cha Dobum’s face at that time, it seemed he was in a panic.
He could understand up to that point. Up to that point, he could fully understand. But the scene that replayed in his head all through dawn was the 10 seconds that felt like 10 minutes after that.
At that time, Cha Dobum had clearly leaned his face in even after knowing his breathing had calmed down. What was he trying to do? And why did I close my eyes then? As if he was going to kiss me again.
The moment his thoughts reached that point, Cha Ihyun unknowingly beat down the pillow he was holding.
I’m crazy. Kiss what? Lips? With Cha Dobum? Me? Why?
And if Cha Dobum ‘wasn’t trying to do that’ but was trying to check his fever with his forehead… then he felt like he would die of embarrassment.
He had even prepared about five plausible answers in case Cha Dobum asked why he closed his eyes then. He also ran all sorts of simulations on how to treat Cha Dobum when they met, but the Cha Dobum he faced the next day was exactly the same as usual. His face heated up at the fact that only he was conscious of that incident, but still, it was good as a result.
Even now, occasionally when lying in bed, that scene would replay, but the frequency gradually decreased and that incident seemed to pass buried in time.
“What’s with the 2nd movement today? It’s so different?”
At Professor Kang’s praise, Cha Ihyun was bewildered. Since he always received harsh evaluations regarding sonatas, the praise felt unfamiliar.
“Let’s go through the 2nd movement again.”
He thought he played as usual, but he couldn’t grasp what was different. So he brought back the thoughts that had passed by when he played earlier and tapped the keyboard.
Cha Dobum. Damn Cha Dobum. That damned bastard whose thoughts I can’t understand. The thoughts from that day that had circled around all night flowed onto the keyboard.
“That’s it. It’s become much more sensitive. But too much pedal. It’s good that the interpretation became richer, but if it becomes too scattered, it’s not Haydn.”
Cha Ihyun nodded and adjusted the pedal. Actually, until she pointed it out, he didn’t even know he was pressing the pedal. At the restrained performance again, Professor Kang irritably shook her head.
“No. It’s too monotonous again. Imagine it. You’re losing sleep at night over joyful yet strange emotions. For example… Right, while recalling your first kiss that came during puberty.”
His hand slipped and made a wrong note. The professor’s gaze flew over, but Cha Ihyun was more urgent about covering his mouth.
“Not concentrating? Let’s try again.”
“Yeeess…”
The melody continued elegantly again. The professor’s eyebrows hardened at the performance that became strangely stiff, but Cha Ihyun had no room to notice such things. First kiss. First. Those words kept circling in his head.
First kiss. That’s ridiculous. No, strictly speaking, that couldn’t be called a kiss. It was artificial respiration after all. Right, that’s right. That’s not my first. Filled with such thoughts, he couldn’t concentrate on the performance at all.
“Stop. That’s it for today.”
Professor Kang gave him assignments until the next lesson and then caressed Cha Ihyun’s Fazioli.
“Tsk, it’s a shame you can’t bring out this soft touch.”
Soft touch. At those words, it was when Cha Ihyun unconsciously fiddled with his lips.
“Professor.”
At the voice heard from behind, Cha Ihyun’s head whipped around. Cha Minhyun was standing leaning against the stair railing. Color came to Cha Ihyun’s face.
“Thank you always for taking your precious time.”
“Oh my, when did you arrive? You came at a good time. I had something to talk to Minhyun-gun about.”
The two adults who exchanged greetings continued the entrance exam talk. Cha Ihyun, who was standing blankly, sat back down on the piano bench and tore open a bread.
“Entrance exam aside, Ihyun needs to prepare for after that too.”
At the professor’s words, Cha Ihyun quietly rolled his eyes. Professor Kang was showing a document.
“There’s a master class opening in the spring semester, and a Juilliard professor is coming. Ihyun would definitely catch their eye, so it would be good to prepare a piece for that. You might even get an admission call.”
His ears perked up at the unfamiliar talk. Listening to the continuing conversation, it seemed they were talking about studying abroad. Cha Ihyun quickly examined his hyung’s expression. His hyung was just listening calmly without a single sign of surprise.
‘Studying abroad?’
He naturally thought he would attend a Korean university. He had imagined campus life with his hyung, but had never imagined living alone in a foreign land.
As he habitually chewed on the flesh inside his lips at the loneliness that suddenly struck, a hand that suddenly appeared wiped his lips.
“What are you getting all over yourself.”
The hand wiping his lips, and the voice that seemed reproachful. Cha Ihyun covered his mouth like a guilty thief.
“No, I didn’t get anything…!”
Only after seeing bread crumbs on his hyung’s thumb did he realize he had reacted like a fool. Cha Ihyun smiled awkwardly and bit his rolled-up lip. As if doing so would prevent the fact that they had touched with Cha Dobum from showing on the outside.
In the continuing silence, Cha Ihyun glanced around. In the meantime, his hyung seemed to have seen the professor off. But his hyung’s face wiping his fingertips with a tissue was somehow unfamiliar. As he lowered his gaze deeply feeling like he did something wrong, his hyung picked up the bread wrapper and threw it in the trash.
“You’ve been snacking more.”
“Ah…”
“Don’t eat stuff like this. You’re going to eat dinner soon anyway.”
“Mm, sorry…”
“Shall we go down?”
Cha Ihyun, who nodded, followed Cha Minhyun toward the stairs. The sounds from the first floor heard faintly were busy. It seemed they were in the midst of preparing dinner.
Cha Ihyun, who had gone down about two stairs, hesitated and grabbed Cha Minhyun’s clothes. Even at that careful contact, Cha Minhyun immediately turned around.
“Yes, Ihyun-ah.”
He was relieved at the warm voice. Cha Ihyun hesitated and asked.
“Hyung, am I going to study abroad?”
“It’s still a plan.”
“I, I don’t want to. Can’t I just stay in Korea? I’m saying I don’t want to be separated from hyung.”
At the whining mixed with aegyo, Cha Minhyun laughed quietly. At that affectionate smile, Cha Ihyun was relieved. As expected, there was no way his hyung would send him away. Professor Kang must have just been insisting unilaterally.
“We’re not separating. I’ll come see you every vacation.”
“…Huh?”
He was flustered. When he acted cute, his hyung had reluctantly nodded. Always, always. Unable to believe it, he gripped his hyung’s clothes tightly.
“You don’t like it? Then shall I come see you every weekend?”
Cha Ihyun, who became sullen, shook his head. His hyung really seemed to be planning to send him to study abroad. Then he couldn’t throw more of a tantrum here. Because that’s what being mature is.
Contrary to his resolution, Cha Ihyun’s lips drooped. As he walked down the stairs gloomily, he suddenly thought the first floor was a bit dark.
Strange, why are the lights off? As soon as that question arose, with a pop! sound from both sides, colorful petals scattered.
“Happy birthday, our youngest—!”
Cha Yunjae and Jeong Sieun greeted the two brothers with bright smiles.
“Oh my, look at Ihyun’s expression! I think this was a bit of a surprise this time?”
“The candles are going to go out. Hurry and blow them out.”
Cha Ihyun absentmindedly received the cake and blew out the candles. Because of the lessons that continued day and night, he didn’t even know his birthday had come. It was a celebration he received every year, but perhaps because he had been thinking about studying abroad until just a moment ago, he was even more moved. Cha Minhyun dotted cake whipped cream on his choking-up face.
“Congratulations. My little brother.”
Cha Yunjae and Jeong Sieun were making a fuss trying to take pictures of the choking-up Cha Ihyun. Cha Ihyun, who barely escaped them and arrived at the kitchen, looked around the dining table. On the table full of birthday food, only three sets of utensils were placed. He looked around the living room, but Cha Dobum wasn’t there.
“Uh, what about Cha Dobum?”
At that question, the eyes of the three people who had been smiling brightly focused on Cha Ihyun all at once.
It was a momentary silence of less than a second. But Cha Ihyun became puzzled at the heterogeneous air he felt on his skin. Everyone was smiling, but something was a bit…
“That Dobum kid said he ate outside. He said he’d go in because he’s a bit tired today.”
“Right. Today’s community service was a bit long.”
Soon the conversation continued as smoothly as flowing water. So Cha Ihyun passed off what he just felt as an illusion. But his gaze kept reaching Cha Dobum’s door.
“Mom will scold him tomorrow, so don’t feel hurt.”
It wasn’t hurt feelings but puzzlement. That kid who would empty several trays of school lunch isn’t eating dinner because he ate outside? That was strange too, and in over ten years, this was the first time a family member had been absent from his birthday table. Even if they lightly passed over other people’s birthdays, everyone always gathered together for Cha Ihyun’s birthday.
Cha Ihyun looked at the closed door and spoke.
“Cha Dobum is taking the GED, right?”
“Well, his own will is most important in that.”
“Yeah. We can’t tell Dobum how to live his life.”
He knew the two’s parenting style was permissive. But he didn’t know they would be this permissive even regarding this issue. Their son had ended up with a middle school education and looked like he could go astray at any time, but wasn’t this something that needed interference? If it were someone else’s child maybe, but he’s blood.
“Still, the GED…”
“Look at me, I forgot to bring the seaweed soup! Sit down quickly.”
As Cha Ihyun sat down at the dining table in a daze, Jeong Sieun brought a soup bowl. The bowl was as hot as their affection.
“We waited to keep it warm for you. Tell us if it’s not enough?”
