Cha Juheon’s touch was careful but without hesitation. Though it was clumsy skinship, there was no wavering about whether to touch or not in his actions. At that rough touch, my mood became strangely excited and my heart beat crazily. My heartbeat was so fast and loud that I worried the sound might be heard outside.
My face and body were sensitive to another person’s skin that I was feeling for the first time. At the unfamiliar sensation I was feeling for the first time, my body was ticklish and also heated up hotly. I was even afraid of this sudden change in my body.
Cha Juheon in front of me was not much different from me either. With his neck and ears flushed bright red, Cha Juheon’s eyes gazing at me were full of curiosity toward me.
Enough to look like desire at a glance. Perhaps because I stayed still, his touch that had been lingering on my hair and ears became a bit bolder. His large, hot hands had conquered even my heated cheeks.
Soon, when the hand that had been gently stroking my cheek with the back of his hand changed to his palm, my heart beat even louder. He began to touch and explore me more and more blatantly.
There was no sign of skill in his touch that clumsily and carefully touched my cheek. It was clumsy to the point it was unbelievable that it was the hand movement of a 32-year-old dominant alpha. It was so obvious even to my eyes, knowing nothing since this was my first experience. He was just clumsy like a boy who had just awakened to sexuality.
That was no different for me either. I, who had no experience in this area because I was too busy making a living, also didn’t know how to respond to his actions. Things happened too suddenly, so I didn’t have time to think about this and that. Then what should I do?
In situations like this, what do other people do? I have no idea what I should do. Should I touch his cheek too? But both of us reaching out to touch each other’s faces would be a funny picture…
I wracked my brain about what to do so Cha Juheon wouldn’t be embarrassed and I could naturally match the atmosphere. I felt like an idiot for not knowing how to react in this situation. In that short time, many thoughts mixed in my head. Then this thought suddenly occurred to me.
Why is Cha Juheon touching me like this? Why is he looking at me with those eyes and stroking me as if touching something precious? And why am I not rejecting his touch? Why am I so obediently staying still and accepting him? I thought I was quite guarded normally, but right now I was accepting Cha Juheon’s actions too easily.
Why are we doing this right now…?
Because of pheromones released more than other days? Because of pheromones that have caused problems by catching the ankles of countless alphas and omegas? Are alphas and omegas animals stimulated by pheromones, so are we also just excited by each other’s pheromones and losing our minds?
No, I don’t think so. I don’t think the rapport between us right now is that light. At the very least, I can say it’s not just because of excitement from pheromone tricks. I’m certain it’s the same for Cha Juheon. The Cha Juheon I’d observed for several months wasn’t someone who would act impulsively from momentary excitement.
Then could it be that some kind of rapport developed between us because a baby was created? Even though it was a procedure, a baby made from pheromones and genes between the two of us is connected, so it’s quite plausible. If not that, could it be because we’ve been stuck together for a long time, so we got used to each other and developed affection… Ha, I don’t know, I don’t know.
But no matter how much I didn’t know, I could be certain of this one thing. This dominant alpha touching me clumsily isn’t swept up in the atmosphere from simple pheromone tricks. I could tell that just by looking at Cha Juheon’s eyes. The sincerity contained in Cha Juheon’s eyes, which didn’t leave me for even a moment, gave me certainty.
Good feelings developed between us during the time we were together, so I think this kind of action is possible too. I still don’t know specifically what form those good feelings take or how far the scope is. Right now I didn’t want to think more complicated thoughts. No matter how much I wracked my brain alone, there’s no answer coming right now anyway.
What I need to do right now isn’t such useless thoughts but give an answer to Cha Juheon’s actions. I had to give a fitting answer to him who was diligently kneading my cheek. Right. Is there anything to think deeply about? This kind of thing is just instinct. I just need to act as my heart goes. I raised my hand and held his hot hand, rubbing my cheek.
After overlapping my hand on top of Cha Juheon’s hand and rubbing my cheek a few more times while looking at him, Cha Juheon’s face flushed bright red. He’d touched me plenty until now, so why was he surprised by something like this?
Cha Juheon, surprised at my action that seemed to permit his behavior, stared at me with wide eyes and a reddened face. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? At his surprised appearance, I felt embarrassed for no reason and slightly regretted whether I should have just stayed still.
Cha Juheon felt my cheek filling his palm and wiggled his hand slightly. And since we couldn’t stay like this forever, I said a word to the frozen Cha Juheon.
“Don’t you have to disinfect your hands again because of me, Executive Director? If you felt bad—hup!”
Before my words could even end, I felt a strong force grabbing my waist. He pulled me urgently and in an instant I was caught in Cha Juheon’s hands and ended up embraced in his arms just like that. I was held in a somewhat uncomfortable position, but I didn’t have time to care about that. Cha Juheon’s both hands wrapped around my waist and head and held me tightly without any gap.
I couldn’t move with my nose buried in his shoulder in this position. My heart beat even more crazily and I felt like vomiting. Flustered and only rolling my eyes while held in his embrace, I soon realized. That the sound of the crazily beating heart wasn’t only mine.
Cha Juheon’s heart was also beating at the same tempo as mine, and I knew he was in a tense state just like me right now. After a moment, the firm arms that had been fixing me gradually moved and began to sweep back and forth over my neck and back. As expected, it was a careful movement to the point of being clumsy. At that awkward and timid movement, my body became sensitive again.
“Feel bad? How could that be? I started it first.”
“What if your body gets bad doing this? You’ve never done this before, right?”
“Yes. I’ve never done this and never even thought about it. Not with other people. Eunwoo was different from those people. So I was unfamiliar with and even scared of the strange emotion I was feeling for the first time.”
“…Different?”
“From the moment I first saw you. In all my life until now, you were the first person who didn’t upset my stomach. This is also the first time I’ve touched someone and felt warmth like this, with Eunwoo.”
I couldn’t help but be surprised at Cha Juheon’s low confession. From the moment he first saw me? I could now understand what his request for me to take off my mask on the day we first met was about. I wonder what aspect of me made it that way.
“Why? Why me…”
“Who knows. If I knew that, I wouldn’t have spent many days agonizing.”
A voice mixed with laughter resonated through my body and reached my ears. It was like the voice I heard when I was carried on my dad’s back as a child.
“Then, Eunwoo, didn’t you feel that my behavior was different? The way I treated other people and the way I treated you must have been completely different.”
“Ah, I just thought you were enduring a lot, Executive Director. Since I was carrying a baby, I just guessed you were enduring and being considerate so I wouldn’t be uncomfortable.”
“That’s not something you can endure just by trying to endure it. It’s not something you can endure just because you want to be considerate.”
Perhaps my answer was absurd, as Cha Juheon’s laughter became a bit louder than before.
“I don’t know what the reason is, but it was like that from the beginning. Eunwoo was different from other people. The sweat flowing on your face, the teeth slightly visible when you spoke, even the skin visible on your bare face—nothing was unpleasant or upset my stomach. Even when my hand touched your body or I saw you eating food, I never felt it was dirty. There was no smell either. At first, that was so strange that after meeting you, my worries were endless. What on earth was the reason? Why only Baek Eunwoo?”
The more I heard Cha Juheon’s words, the more surprising they were. The actions I had guessed were considerate of me were neither endured out of consideration for me nor pretense. When I tried to get up because I wanted to see Cha Juheon’s face, Cha Juheon urgently put force into the arms holding my body. Thanks to that, far from separating my body, I couldn’t even lift my head.
“Wait, I know you have a lot of questions. But stay like this just a little longer.”
Cha Juheon strangely didn’t want to separate from me. It wasn’t a very difficult request, and I too decided to willingly stay embraced since his arms were warm and cozy. It was amazing that he was holding me like this even though my build wasn’t that small either. Since things had come to this anyway, I decided to continue the conversation while being held.
“Executive Director. So did you find an answer to your worries?”
“No. I still don’t know. That doesn’t mean my germaphobia got better or anything. I still have aversion to other people. I thought endlessly trying to reach an answer, but the conclusion is that I still don’t know. So I decided not to think about it anymore. I just accepted it. That Baek Eunwoo is different from other people to me.”
That I’m different from other people? Intuiting that it wasn’t a negative meaning, I raised my head and stared at Cha Juheon. With a face still flushed red, Cha Juheon faced me while showing an affectionate smile I’d never seen before.
“It’s really strange how you’re special, Eunwoo.”
At the single word that I was special, I couldn’t even think of the fact that we were bound in a contractual relationship. When was the last time someone showed me such affection? I can’t even remember when such affectionate words and expressions were directed at me. So tears came.
