“Can I really trust that?”
Kim Yeonghyo threw out his words to Kim Yeongsin, who asked again with narrowed eyes.
“Trust me. If he was with Yoo Seonjae, he would have eaten well.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Yoo Seonjae isn’t someone who would just leave Han Yeoul alone. Especially when he’s carrying his child.”
“Oh, that person has that side to him too. He was frowning so much he looked really scary.”
Kim Yeongsin put down the apple he was peeling and watched my face.
“What?”
“No, I was just wondering if you’re really okay. I’m also curious why you’re hospitalized.”
Quick-witted. Or, is it tactless? Seeing how he’s digging into what I don’t particularly want to talk about.
“I’m okay. I’m just hospitalized because I need to manage my body better from now on.”
“That’s good then…… What about him? Isn’t he coming?”
At Kim Yeongsin’s question, Kim Yeonghyo also looked at me, seemingly curious. ……I guess I have no choice.
“Actually, there’s a situation. It’s a bit awkward to talk about, but if by any chance Yoo Seonjae contacts you, could you say you don’t know where I am? Please.”
At my words, both their faces hardened.
“Did something happen with Yoo Seonjae? Do you need my help?”
Kim Yeonghyo asked urgently. I don’t know what he’s imagining, but I could feel so much hostility toward Yoo Seonjae that I had to hurriedly wave my hands saying no.
“It’s not like that. I just wanted to avoid that person until I regain my memories.”
“……Why?”
Kim Yeonghyo asked with an incomprehensible face. Well, I would too. It would be bewildering that a couple who loved each other more than anyone suddenly ended up like this, and just the fact that he held back and didn’t ask until now…… No, couldn’t he ask? Because I don’t remember anything.
“It feels like something I can’t do.”
“Something you can’t do, what?”
“I can’t remember.”
I feel like I’m going to cry.
“They say he’s someone I love, but I can’t remember at all. How do you think that person feels seeing me like this?”
“Yeoul.”
“I can’t stay by his side because I’m sorry.”
It’s a lie. But it wasn’t a complete lie either.
I ran away from Yoo Seonjae because of the fragmentary memory of him saying he would get rid of the child, but what came flooding in like a tide immediately after running away from him wasn’t fear or anxiety, but guilt.
“You know, Yeonghyo.”
“Yeah?”
“They say I’m imprinted.”
Kim Yeonghyo sighed involuntarily.
“Ah, con, congratulations.”
“Haha. Are you congratulating me?”
“Ah, right. Sorry. I was just surprised.”
Kim Yeonghyo dry-washed his face and continued.
“I expected you two would naturally be imprinted because you only have each other and love each other so much that everyone in the world knows, but with your situation like this, I can’t congratulate you wholeheartedly.”
“What’s wrong with my situation?”
Kim Yeonghyo tapped the shoulder of Kim Yeongsin, who had been blankly listening to our conversation while peeling an apple.
“Huh?”
“Sorry, Yeongsin. Could you give us some space?”
Kim Yeongsin raised his head and looked back and forth between the two of us, then stood up with an awkward smile. After Kim Yeongsin left the hospital room, Kim Yeonghyo, who had been pausing for a moment, looked at me.
“You ran away, didn’t you?”
“Huh?”
How did he know? I pretended nothing was wrong, but did being confined show? How?
“That’s right. The fact that Yoo Seonjae isn’t by your side when you’re hospitalized is too strange in itself.”
“Ah……”
“And it’s not even the hospital you originally went to.”
“……”
“I kept calling. Wondering if you met Yoo Seonjae well, how you were feeling. But you didn’t answer the phone.”
Really? I didn’t know. Because my phone was in Yoo Seonjae’s hands the whole time.
“I was really worried thinking something might have happened, but if something happened to you, Yoo Seonjae wouldn’t have just stayed still, so I decided to wait for now. Then, after a few days, you contacted me and said you were in the hospital……”
“You caught me.”
Heat rushed to my eyelids. I don’t want to cry, but I keep feeling like I’m going to cry for some reason. Even though I chose to run away myself, I don’t know why I keep thinking I’m going to regret it. Even though it’s clearly something I did well.
“Just don’t ask…… If by any chance Seonjae contacts you, pretend you don’t know.”
“Don’t ask?”
“Yeah.”
“……Okay. But you’ll tell me right away if you’re sick anywhere, okay? I’m worried.”
“Yeah.”
I smiled at Kim Yeonghyo as if it was nothing. Actually, I’m scared. I’ve continuously hurt him who loves me with all his heart, so how long will he endure me? No, can he endure? What if by any chance he gives up looking for me and just turns away like this?
The professor said listening to the voice of my heart was the right thing to do, but I honestly don’t know. If it was really the right thing to do, why does my heart feel so uncomfortable? I can’t forget Yoo Seonjae’s face the moment the elevator doors closed.
“Everything will be fine.”
I said that while looking at Kim Yeonghyo as if steeling my own heart. Yeah. It will be fine. It has to be fine. I muttered to myself while stroking my belly. As if comforting myself.
“Professor, I want to move to a different hospital instead of here—would that be possible?”
The professor looked at me with a bewildered face as I said I wanted to change hospitals after only a few days of being hospitalized.
“I just…, I want to go near the sea.”
“Near the sea?”
“Yes. Even though I don’t remember anything, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the sea, so I keep thinking of the sea.”
“Are you anxious being here?”
“Um, rather than anxious, I just don’t feel comfortable.”
I clumsily smiled and glossed over it. Wanting to go near the sea and feeling uncomfortable are all true, but the biggest reason I want to change hospitals is because of Yoo Seonjae.
After running away, I thought Yoo Seonjae would contact me at least once. Yoo Seonjae knew my cell phone number, and since I left like that, I naturally thought he would call, but there was no contact from Yoo Seonjae.
I waited every day. I thought if not a call, he would at least send a text message.
But making a mockery of my waiting, the cell phone was quiet. I…… I don’t think I can endure such a reality.
The memories with Yoo Seonjae are only those few days, yet it’s bewildering that my heart has deepened enough that it’s hard to accept the fact that he’s not looking for me. No, it’s not that it deepened—it was originally deep. I’m just gradually realizing it now, but it’s embarrassing to even think this. When I’m the one who abandoned and left.
I think I expected it without any basis. It’s funny how I didn’t have a shred of doubt that Yoo Seonjae would naturally look for me. When I don’t even know him well.
If this continues, I feel like I’ll end up calling him. I feel like I’ll walk out of the hospital myself and go to his house. Like that, I feel like I’ll go back into his house that I ran away from, no, into our house.
So I really have to run away. To a distant place where I can’t even think about going back without hardening my heart.
“Will you really be okay?”
The professor asked with a worried face. Even if I’m not okay, I have to be okay. If I don’t want to return to Yoo Seonjae, if I want to protect the child, this is the best way.
“Yes.”
“……Alright, then I’ll look for a hospital.”
“Thank you, Professor.”
“But I’m going with you too.”
At the professor’s words, my heart became complicated again. There’s no need to go that far, so why is he paying this much attention to me? Because I’m a hyper-heat omega pregnant woman? Does it make sense to care for a patient this devotedly for that reason alone?
“Why?”
At this point, I have no choice but to ask. I was really curious. I’m just a patient he met in passing, yet his intention to care for me even while changing his own residence doesn’t feel pure anymore.
From helping me escape from Yoo Seonjae without asking anything, to continuing to care for me without notifying my guardian—actually, if you think about it, it’s all strange. Yet I’ve kept deceiving myself saying I shouldn’t misinterpret his good intentions. When I’ve been continuously doubting in my unconscious whether he really has good intentions toward me.
“Professor, why are you so devoted to my affairs?”
“Han Yeoul.”
“That’s right. I’m just a patient you met in passing, so why are you so good to me? I’m grateful, but I don’t understand.”
“……”
I poured it all out to the professor like someone who can’t distinguish what to say and what not to say. While worried that the professor would be flustered, I couldn’t close my mouth once it opened.
“It was strange from the beginning.”
The professor still said nothing and just looked at me.
“Even though you were someone I was seeing for the first time, you didn’t feel unfamiliar. You were just a doctor I met by going to a nearby hospital, yet you felt like someone I’d known from before.”
“Han Yeoul.”
“So maybe that’s why I listened to everything the professor said without doubting. Even though I didn’t explain my symptoms at first, you already knew I had no memory. You say you just guessed, but even so, it’s strange.”
“……”
“I know the professor doesn’t have any ill will toward me. That’s what makes it even stranger. Without any compensation, purely helping a stranger—am I someone who deserves to receive such help? When I’m such a harsh person that I abandoned someone I love and ran away, can there be such a compassionate person who would show me such kindness? Can I really be indebted to the professor like this? I keep thinking that.”
My vision became blurry.
“And what I can’t endure even more is……”
Tears finally fell.
“I don’t know why, but my heart aches whenever I see the professor.”
“……”
“I don’t know why, but I keep feeling sorry.”
My sobbing gradually intensified. I couldn’t control myself either. After taking out the words I’d kept in my heart, it was hard to control the emotions that came flooding like a broken dam.
“Ah. Why am I like this, really—”
“Yeoul.”
The professor sat across from me and quietly called my name. Not Han Yeoul, but Yeoul.
It wasn’t awkward at all. No, rather, my heart became comfortable. As if I had always heard him call me that way.
“Professor……?”
The professor quietly embraced me. I was flustered, but soon I found peace of mind in that comfortable embrace.
“Why do you keep holding onto something in your heart when you can’t even remember what it is?”
“……”
“Let’s go together. Wherever you go, hyung will take care of you. So you can safely give birth to the child, hyung will protect you, so it’s okay.”
