The wish that I should be the only one in the world who can have Yoo Seonjae.
Yoo Seonjae probably doesn’t know. How jealous I get inside even when he just brushes past another omega. He pretends to be innocent, pretends to be an upstanding young man, but if he knew how ugly what’s inside me really is, would Yoo Seonjae be able to accept me?
If I could, I wanted to lock Yoo Seonjae up and monitor him all day. One of the reasons I got so angry at him when I caught him marking me and showering me with pheromones was actually because I saw myself in him.
It was because I was no different from him either.
I imagined it every day. I wished I could cover Yoo Seonjae with so many traces of me that wherever he went, he could feel my traces on him. When I saw the omegas clinging to his side, I wished all the omegas in his world would disappear. I wished that in his world there would only be ‘Han Yeoul.’
The only difference between him and me was that I didn’t have the power to put it into action.
Is that the difference between recessive and dominant traits?
When my anger about what he had done to me subsided, what came was relief.
He’s no different from me either. The things I couldn’t put into action and only thought about, he did. There’s no need to be impatient. Just as I want to monopolize him, he wants to monopolize me too. Using every method I can’t use, he monopolizes me.
So… I can be at ease.
As long as he’s concentrating all his attention on me, I can monopolize him.
“Perfect…”
Seonjae. We’re a perfect couple. A perfect couple who only have each other in the whole world.
“I love you… Seonjae.”
The night was growing deeper.
*
“Honey, juice.”
Yoo Seonjae blended juice and held it out as always. I took the glass of juice, drank a few sips, then stared intently at his face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Just wondering whose husband is this handsome.”
Yoo Seonjae laughed as if it was absurd.
“Yeoul, you’ve gotten bolder since you started working at the company.”
“It’s not lip service, it’s genuine though?”
As I put down the juice and kept staring, Yoo Seonjae asked as if puzzled.
“Why aren’t you drinking more?”
An alarm went off on his phone. It was an alarm set according to my commute schedule. His mornings always started with ‘getting Han Yeoul to work.’
“What are you doing? Why are you so spaced out? You need to go to work, Yeoul.”
After hesitating for a moment, Yoo Seonjae approached me and put his hand on my forehead.
“You don’t have a fever… are you sick somewhere? Did I push you too hard yesterday?”
I quietly shook my head. It’s just… there are days when you want to do that. Days when you just want to stare endlessly at your person without saying anything.
“I’m not going to work today.”
“Huh?”
“I have vacation until today.”
It was a lie.
Actually, today was quite a busy day, but I just decided. Wouldn’t it be okay to do that for one day? Since I’ve been working diligently at the company, wouldn’t it be okay to be a little undisciplined for one day? Well, of course, there were quite a few times I was unintentionally undisciplined.
“Ah, then you should have told me earlier. I have quite a lot of work today…”
Yoo Seonjae said in a flustered tone. This was rare. Usually in cases like this, Yoo Seonjae would cancel all his work or postpone his schedule. But does today mean he has work he can’t postpone?
For some reason, I got annoyed.
“Then I guess I’ll have to stay home alone and bored today.”
I mumbled while just fiddling with the edge of the juice glass with my finger. It was baseless confidence that at this point, Yoo Seonjae would choose to be with me. Because he always did.
“Ah… I’m so sorry. Next time, tell me in advance, Yeoul. Then I’ll adjust my schedule.”
What?
Is he really going to leave me alone like this?
“…What kind of work is it?”
“I’m sorry. It’s work I can’t postpone.”
Yoo Seonjae said with a genuinely troubled expression.
“Then it can’t be helped. It’s okay, go do your work well. What time are you leaving?”
“In about an hour?”
“Then you should start getting ready soon.”
Yoo Seonjae went into the dressing room with an awkward smile as if apologetic.
Sitting alone in the quiet living room, I felt strange. If I’d known this would happen, should I have just said I’d go to work?
A sigh escaped me. I was trying to be brave and do something I don’t normally do, but if it turns out like this, it’s meaningless.
“I acted a bit pitiful wanting to spend all day together, but I just became someone who skips work for no reason.”
Even I found it absurd and chuckled.
“Honey, I’m sorry. I’ll finish work and come back as quickly as possible. If you’re tired, get some sleep.”
The moment I looked up at Seonjae’s words as he came out of the dressing room, I was a bit startled. It was because Yoo Seonjae was standing before me in a three-piece suit. I hadn’t seen him wear a suit very often. For me, it was battle gear I had no choice but to wear since I worked at a company, but Seonjae was always in comfortable clothes…
“What is it?”
“Huh?”
“The suit… you don’t usually wear it.”
“Ah. I have no choice today.”
No choice… What could it be? What kind of schedule requires him to dress up and go out like that?
“Can’t you tell me where you’re going?”
“Ah… I can’t right now. Sorry, Yeoul.”
With an uncharacteristic awkward smile, Yoo Seonjae left through the entrance. After lightly kissing my cheek, putting on his shoes, and leaving, watching his retreating figure felt strange.
At our reversed positions from usual, I felt an inexplicable sense of incongruity.
…
What is this feeling?
After thinking for a moment, I grabbed my outerwear and left the house. I had something to do today.
*
“Your janchiguksu and tuna gimbap are ready.”
“Thank you.”
My heart pounded at the hot steam rising up. I picked up a chopstick of janchiguksu, blew on it with a “whoo whoo,” and sucked in the noodles. My body seemed to melt at the warm noodles filling my mouth.
“The end piece of gimbap for me.”
I also picked up a piece of tuna gimbap and put it in my mouth. Admiration poured out of me at the taste of the crunchy vegetables, soft tuna, and mayonnaise.
“Ah… happiness.”
As I muttered, I suddenly found it absurd and laughed.
What am I doing right now? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand it, wondering what this was all about, yet I was so awkward picking up another chopstick of noodles.
Actually, from the beginning, I hadn’t planned to enter Cheonguk Gimbap.
In the first place, I don’t like gimbap that much, and my stomach isn’t big enough to order both gimbap and noodles together. Besides, I’m not the type to eat so much in the morning…
At first, I was curious about where Yoo Seonjae was going without telling me.
It was because such a thing had never happened before. We shared most of our schedules. If not for very trivial matters, the more important the matter, we needed to know each other’s schedules so we could flexibly respond when problems arose later or when we urgently needed each other.
But I didn’t know about such an important schedule that required Yoo Seonjae to go out wearing a suit.
Yoo Seonjae said he’d tell me when he got back, but I didn’t have anything to do anyway since I’d taken the day off, and I was curious about what Yoo Seonjae was like when I wasn’t around… and honestly, I wanted to get a little revenge too.
I know that Yoo Seonjae used to follow me around and monitor me wherever I went.
Of course, I didn’t know at the time, but when I found out about those things later, how absurd it was. At first, I felt betrayed and resentful toward Yoo Seonjae, wondering if he didn’t trust me, but I eventually decided to believe his words that all of it was for my sake.
Anyway, he’s not someone who would do anything bad to me.
Still, just a tiny bit, just a tiny bit of resentment remained. So I thought I’d try imitating Yoo Seonjae and followed after him.
But…
Why did gimbap that I’d never even glanced at normally catch my eye? My stomach felt bloated and I’d left without even finishing the juice Seonjae had blended for me in the morning, but suddenly I felt like thunder was rumbling in my stomach. Plus that savory smell of sesame oil.
As if possessed, I went in and ordered tuna gimbap.
