The moment my struggling stopped, conversely Kang Ikwon leaped. Kang Ikwon started running as if to shake off the words already heard from his ears. I stretched out my arm, but quickly distanced from the closing emergency exit door. Before Kang Ikwon could rush into the stairway, I grabbed the protruding door frame by a hair’s breadth. No, “dug in my nails” would be the right expression. Then Kang Ikwon, who seemed like he’d never stop, stopped immediately like a lie. Instead of forcibly pulling my body, Kang Ikwon muttered.
“You’ll hurt your hand doing that.”
My fingers turned white from exerting strength, then quickly turned dark red. Even when Kang Ikwon moved one step back to try to remove my hand, I absolutely wouldn’t let go. I bared my teeth threateningly, chased away the hand approaching to directly release me, and glared at Kang Ikwon.
“What’s that bullshit?”
“……”
“What’s your relationship with that bastard? Sex?”
“That bastard is Park Jiho.”
Kang Ikwon said with an expressionless face.
“Jed Park, Park Jiho. The person you’re thinking of is correct.”
“…What?”
“He’s getting revenge for being dumped by me. Whatever he says is bullshit, so absolutely don’t listen.”
What…?
Kang Ikwon said something else earnestly after that, but it all brushed past my ears. Like before, all around became quiet as a mouse, then wooong, a vacuum sound rang. In the tinnitus like passing through a tunnel, the emergency exit door opened and J appeared again.
“You’re…”
I stared blankly and muttered.
“You’re that, Jiho?”
J took out his sunglasses again and put them on. The mischievous eyes disappeared beyond the glasses, and when the smile lifted from his lips, his face looked more unfamiliar than at the concert hall where we reunited a year ago in tailcoats. J made his fingertips into a gun shape and aimed in the direction of Kang Ikwon’s head.
“Yeah.”
Bang—at that moment, it felt like a real bullet shot out from his fingertips and grazed past my head. When strength left my hand that had been gripping the door frame like a lifeline, Kang Ikwon tightly squeezed and held my waist. Like a hook, as if to trap me so I couldn’t escape.
“Put me… put me down.”
I ordered Kang Ikwon.
“Put me down and talk to me face to face right now. Or else…”
It’s over between us—those words couldn’t come out even as a bluff. But while I was at a loss for words, Kang Ikwon slowly released me as if he’d heard my inner thoughts. Even after my feet touched the ground, I couldn’t meet Kang Ikwon’s eyes.
“Jed Park was your lover?”
I stared at my toes and muttered.
And Park Jiho was J.
‘How would you feel if breaking up with you was because of Kang Ikwon?’
Those words hit my head belatedly. J and I dated exactly one year ago. Then…
I stepped back, avoiding Kang Ikwon trying to grab my arm. Kang Ikwon approached, and I stepped back again. When I looked at Kang Ikwon with a pale face, he didn’t approach further and stopped there. Kang Ikwon, who had been looking at me, whispered.
“Please.”
Please. The moment I read the deep, stuffy plea contained in those words, I realized the focus of Kang Ikwon’s and my worries were misaligned. Kang Ikwon, who still doesn’t know our relationship, is only concerned about the fact that his lover is Jed Park being discovered and the three of us meeting face to face, but in fact he and I, Kang Ikwon’s lover and I…
I turned my head and looked at J’s mouth, which still held the last most important secret, our precarious past. But instead of detonating the bomb, J stuck his hands in his jumper pockets and sighed sweetly.
“Doesn’t it seem just like a threesome?”
Those words were the signal flare that shook the track.
I moved my feet and began to run away with all my might from my past and present.
***
What the hell is going on?
The car shot forward like a rocket launch. The bewildered valet parking attendant quickly receded outside the car window. I don’t even know with what state of mind I started the engine.
So Jed Park is Jiho, and Kang Ikwon’s open-minded—this isn’t surprising—lover.
At the same time, J was also the one who dumped me. Why did we break up then? I was actually his second, and I got dumped when my existence was discovered by the main one. And the person J was dating at that time was exactly…
Screech—the car wheels skidded and bounced.
The person J and I betrayed together was Kang Ikwon.
“This isn’t even a morning drama, does this make sense… fuck.”
It’s so absurd I want to laugh out loud, but my lips just tremble and won’t turn into laughter at all. This isn’t the time to comfortably have a mental breakdown, find some rationality, focus on essential thoughts! Ah, damn it. The more I focus, the shittier it gets.
Moreover, I’m no different from having planted a bomb next to Kang Ikwon and run away. My heart pounded anxiously at my mistake that I only realized after passing two subway stations. What an idiot. It’s not like I’m a pheasant burying only its head in the bushes—I should have taken care of him and left. If the two of them are left alone, they’ll definitely spill everything without distinguishing what to say and what not to! J even seemed to already know about Kang Ikwon’s and my relationship. When I think of the unchanged craziness of him mentioning threesomes in the midst of all that, my spirit that was returning goes out again.
The car crossed the lane precariously once more, then returned to position. Kang Ikwon’s pale face filled my empty head. An expression showing he had no idea J, Park Jiho, would appear at this place today. It’s either an amazing coincidence or the work of one of his friends. The suspect narrows down to one without even thinking. Moon Jaeyoung, who was already unpleasant within 3 minutes of meeting. The image of him opening the door and greeting someone as if he’d been waiting flashed by when I arrived. The reason he held onto me persistently to prevent me from leaving—it all fits now.
Unlike Kang Ikwon’s car, my car, light and compact, floated up a span while roughly racing over a speed bump and swerved sideways. When it bumped violently with acceleration and my shoulder hit something, I half came to my senses. The fear I’d been trying to avoid rushed in sharply at that moment. My chest tightens painfully beyond just pounding. I eventually returned again to the imagination I never wanted to make.
By now—has Kang Ikwon also learned about J’s and my relationship?
“Fuck.”
I cursed. Using profanity to put on a facade hiding my true feelings is probably the first time since my teens. I blinked my heating eyes and muttered weakly once more, fuck.
What should I do. I’m scared. I’m scared to death. If Kang Ikwon finds out the truth—and, and hates me, what should I do.
One tear I couldn’t hold back trickled out.
To realize at a moment like this.
That I like Kang Ikwon enough to be scared to death.
The road was quiet, and thanks to that, my consciousness wandered to strange places throughout the drive. And it inevitably returned to one place. Kang Ikwon’s ghost-like face looking at me through the gap of the closing elevator doors.
No, don’t follow me!
In my urgency, I raised my finger first and shouted. Then, like a loyal dog, Kang Ikwon stopped behind me again. When the elevator door opened, he said anxiously,
You must be shocked, but please listen to me—
No, no. Right now just… just don’t.
I shook my head and stepped backward into the open door. Kang Ikwon’s feet couldn’t help but reflexively move to chase me. Don’t come!! I shouted in alarm like a villain holding a hostage.
Stay right there without moving. You absolutely can’t move.
Kang Ikwon froze as if I’d pointed a gun at him. He could have just ignored it, he could have easily ignored it, but Kang Ikwon didn’t.
I took advantage of that gap like an owner afraid an abandoned dog would follow and repeatedly hit the close button. Through the door, I saw Kang Ikwon’s pale face gradually narrowing. An expression like a lost child. Pleading eyes.
Beeeep!!!
I came to my senses at the tearing horn sound. The light had already changed. Even the tears that only warmed the corners of my eyes before disappearing—still tears, a sense of powerlessness like after crying a storm came over me. The road spread before my eyes is blankly unreal like a driving game screen. When I mechanically started and looked, a fork in the road soon appeared. Which way should I go? I gripped the steering wheel tightly enough to crush it. The dizzily wandering thoughts stopped again at the same place as before.
Kang Ikwon’s face that looked like he’d cry.
“Welco—”
“I was here earlier!”
I just confirmed my face at the counter and passed through with a brisk walk. My momentum crossing the lobby and getting on the elevator was relentlessly aggressive. Before I could want to run away again, I pressed the F button.
I took a deep breath and encouraged the bravado beyond courage to show off. I had to. Because even at this moment, my legs are trembling with fear. Afraid I’ll face Kang Ikwon’s unwavering trust and pure love collapsing.
Ding—a clear sound like an ultimatum to me rang out and the door opened. I exhaled and stepped forward resolutely, then jumped back in surprise at the déjà vu-like scenery.
“Kang Ikwon??”
Black eyes looked at me quietly instead of answering. The gaze fixed in one place since the door opened was exactly the same as when I left. Even the spot where he stood was the same. As the door closed again and Kang Ikwon narrowed with it, I felt an eerie sense of déjà vu. In my haste, I grabbed the elevator door with my hand without even pressing a button and forcibly stopped it. Clatter. At the shaking sound, Kang Ikwon’s eyes finally left my face and moved to my hand. It was right at that moment. Like a lie, thick tears dropped from those pitch-black eyes.
“You… were you like that the whole time?”
“You told me not to move…”
Kang Ikwon answered obediently.
“You, told me not to move.”
Plop, pitter-patter. Every time Kang Ikwon’s lips moved, thick tears seemed to spring up like a fountain. Those tears didn’t flow down his cheeks or drip in streams. They just dropped down in beads as soon as they welled up in his eyes. This is really the first time I’ve seen a man cry like that. The fairy tale where a witch turned tears into pearls came to mind, and I became inappropriately enchanted despite the situation. Tears like jewels—this is what they meant.
“I just meant don’t follow me, who takes that literally…”
But I don’t have the magic to string Kang Ikwon’s tears into pearls, so my heart just tightens painfully. As soon as I came to my senses, I ran to Kang Ikwon and grabbed both his arms.
“That’s canceled… you’re not even an abandoned dog.”
