“You heard me and you don’t know? You really don’t know why I got upset?”
Despite my feelings, the words came out like an angry person.
“I don’t want to become nothing to you later, like your lover. I don’t want to remain as a bad memory. And honestly, yes! I’m jealous. At least that much means I like you.”
And by my standards, that much is quite sincere.
The last tunnel ended. The sound that had been scratching my eardrums dully disappeared, and my ears cleared along with my vision. In the brightened car interior, I saw his surprised face. The words that were about to follow slid down the back of my throat in front of that expression, making my throat feel blocked. What the hell. This makes it look like I’m the one who’s embarrassed.
“You don’t need to comfort me.”
Kang Ikwon said with a disbelieving face. The tension I’d been holding without realizing it burst out as a deflated sigh. Because I mumbled it, he’s really taking it as a joke.
“I’m not that nice of a person.”
“I know.”
What?
I held back from pointing that out in annoyance and continued.
“If we’d met first back in the day, that bastard wouldn’t have even gotten near you in the first place. Whether we met then or now, we would’ve ended up like this anyway.”
I interlaced my fingers with one of Kang Ikwon’s hands and squeezed tightly.
“Whenever and wherever I met you, I would’ve fallen for you the moment I saw you.”
Only as I said this did I seem to understand the point of hurt that Kang Ikwon felt. Surprisingly purely and naturally, a regret seeped in that if we were going to have this kind of relationship anyway, we should’ve met sooner. Why did this guy have to go to somewhere like America? Far, far outside my range.
“But you didn’t.”
Kang Ikwon muttered quietly. The tone was too desolate to be called moved.
“What? I can’t hear you well.”
“…It’s nothing.”
Kang Ikwon changed lanes.
“At this point, it’s a meaningless statement, like this ridiculous hypothetical we’re having.”
“Right. What matters is the present.”
“What has real power too.”
Kang Ikwon agreed quietly.
“Still, it was the past that created this moment. Thinking about it, it’s not all bad…”
“You’re not reminiscing about that bastard after saying this to me, are you?”
“I’m not.”
Kang Ikwon’s face turned serious. This was the first time I’d blatantly expressed jealousy about his lover. Whatever. It’s sincere. I really am jealous. Even I’m wondering if I had such shameless, childish thoughts inside me, but it didn’t seem to feel bad to Kang Ikwon.
“Absolutely not.”
At last, a smile spread slowly across Kang Ikwon’s lips like a sunset, dazzling. His eyes narrowed as if groping for something far away and melted into a soft light. It was a happy expression, as if dreaming.
Ah.
For no reason, I covered my mouth. I touched my lips and thought.
This is really embarrassing.
By my standards it wasn’t even a fight, but anyway, after our first argument ended, we’d already passed Dongho Bridge without realizing it.
“I got a cramp in my leg from being nervous because of you.”
When I exaggerated with some playfulness to change the atmosphere, Kang Ikwon pulled off to the right side of Olympic Boulevard and parked the car in the Han River Park parking lot.
And now I’m sitting at an angle in the car warmed by the heater and each other’s body heat, my stretched-out legs resting on Kang Ikwon’s lap, receiving service under the guise of a massage. The corners of Kang Ikwon’s mouth, which had shot up at just a few words—when before he was angry enough to chill my heart—hadn’t come down since earlier. At this rate, his gullibility was set to pierce through the car roof today, pierce through the Han River, pierce through the atmosphere, and soar far into space.
“You know.”
I wiggled my foot.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you angry.”
“I see.”
I just threw it out casually, but he nodded very seriously.
“I’m sorry.”
“What, forget it. I didn’t do anything right either.”
“But it was quite enjoyable.”
“How so…”
“It feels like we got much closer in an instant.”
Kang Ikwon playfully raised one eyebrow.
“For getting close, it’s more efficient than sex.”
“Aw… but it’s still not as good as that.”
“Is it good?”
Half-joking, half-serious, I poked his waist with my toes and my ankle was caught immediately. Kang Ikwon kissed my protruding ankle bone.
“Are you really properly satisfied with me?”
“What now? What switch got pressed?”
“You’re definitely enjoying it too, right?”
Regardless, Kang Ikwon, who was holding my ankle, pressed. The eyes that had been excited since earlier shone even more dangerously. With the momentum that if I said no, he’d immediately pounce to satisfy me, I answered quickly.
“Why would I do it with you if it wasn’t good?”
“Ah.”
Kang Ikwon made a strangely deflated expression. It’s a compliment, so why is he disappointed? Could it be he wanted an answer like I’m so good with you I could go crazy, I can’t do it with anyone else now, something like that?
“What about you then?”
“It’s good.”
Kang Ikwon answered without hesitation. His eyes deepened as if lost in thought and his hands slowly slowed down. He murmured.
“Those words aren’t enough. All my previous experiences feel like fakes. No matter how many times we do it, I turn into a novice like it’s always the first time. To the point where my memory flies away somewhere from the middle.”
It’s a waste. Kang Ikwon said in a thirsty tone.
Well, what flies away in the middle seems to be reason rather than memory…
But so he really did want that kind of answer. Then what the hell am I supposed to say in response to that? “Sex before meeting you wasn’t even sex!” I’m not some legendary sex machine…
As if my hesitation was utterly useless, the hand that had climbed to my ankle became bold on its own. The sticky touch that had already passed light caresses and approached heavy petting made my body hair stand on end. Our eyes met as if he’d been waiting. The guy who’d received the signal on his own stretched out his arm and pressed against the window sill behind my shoulder. Eyes honed cold from suppressing the heat turned outward.
“Is it possible here?”
Emergency. Emergency!
I sounded the alarm inside. That wasn’t a question about whether this Han River Park would allow our outdoor sex. It was a confirmation requiring my consent about whether I had any intention of having sex here. In other words, this guy already had 10000% motivation to do it here!!!
“Impossible! The sun hasn’t even set yet.”
“It’ll go down soon.”
He stared at the setting sun like a gun barrel aimed at a target. If he could hit and knock down the sun with his gaze, he seemed ready to do so. He couldn’t even wait for that, apparently, and attempted to negotiate on his own.
“Come to think of it, there’s no reason to wait. Let’s try it since we have the opportunity.”
“In a place this open on all sides?”
Kang Ikwon lifted his lips at an angle. When he pressed a button on the head console, the sunroof closed with a whirr. When he pressed the button again, the sunshade slid up smoothly. The large car instantly became cozy like a nest.
“Is there a problem now?”
Yes.
I’d experienced lovers who challenged various types of stimulating sex, and each time I tended to respond to those experiments with bold tolerance, but outdoor car sex—I’d had enough of that experience getting caught by the police in the middle and being utterly humiliated. Which means I’m politely declining any further accumulation of dark history. And here at Han River Park? Next to a soccer field? Those people passing by right now aren’t game NPCs…!
I gave up on coaxing nicely and held up the envelope like a shield.
“Here’s your present!”
“A present?”
The spear that had been charging without hesitation stopped. I peeked out from behind the shield to survey the situation.
“A present, for me…?”
The effect seemed to be more valid than expected. Kang Ikwon blinked slowly. His eyelashes were long and light, so every time they opened and closed heavily, his eyes deepened like a dream. Beautiful eyes that romantically neutralized his sharp, masculine features.
Without realizing it, I was staring as if entranced when I came to my senses from the force gripping the envelope and slapped the back of his hand. Kang Ikwon flinched as he’d been carefully touching it like a snowflake that would melt at contact.
“I’ll give it to you later.”
“Why?”
He instantly became dissatisfied.
“You said it’s my present?”
“It’s a surprise, so it’s a secret.”
Wow, I’m so surprised English is just coming out.
“Since the recipient should be happy, I’ll receive it now.”
But Kang Ikwon boldly held out his hand. I shamelessly held out and had a staring contest, then quickly stuffed the envelope into the console box and closed the lid.
“Haha!”
“You think I can’t get it out?”
“The source of my stamina is my thighs.”
I placed my foot on top of the console box and pressed down hard.
“I learned taekwondo too.”
“So that’s why your legs are sexy.”
