‘Perhaps now I really have to… Grandmother……’
I accepted the reality I had to acknowledge with difficulty.
Had he read my signs? The Research Director was silent for a moment, then furrowed his brows irritably.
“Fine. Let’s say the clinical experiments and your grandmother are all good. But the pair contract isn’t, is it?!”
“……What do you mean by that?”
“Don’t think I don’t know. I can access the guiding status of all Espers, and among them, Esper Do Ganghyun is a special management subject. No, I don’t even need to access it—just looking at Esper Do Ganghyun’s guiding numbers all this time tells me.”
The Research Director instantly changed his attitude.
“Other than the measurement guiding done here, you haven’t guided Esper Do Ganghyun, have you? Precisely, do you remember when the last time you did tertiary guiding was?”
At those words, my face turned ashen.
The Research Director was right. Do Ganghyun, who I thought had been receiving guiding again, hadn’t been seeking me even in moments when he needed guiding, starting from the incident where he clashed with Esper Hyun Yoonseo. I had been worrying about it all along, so there was no way I could be confused.
Moreover, the tertiary guiding the Research Director was talking about, in other words, the night I spent with Do Ganghyun……
‘Esper-nim!’
Crash, crunch! It felt like the roar from that day was echoing in my ears again.
If my memory was accurate, tertiary guiding would have stopped from that day. When I lost words and remained silently still, the Research Director poured out sharp words.
“Esper Do Ganghyun is someone with a lot to do. Even maintaining the best condition wouldn’t be enough, yet he’s always maintaining a precarious state.”
“I’m sorry…”
“But do you know this? That having guiding that was being smoothly supplied cut off is more painful than not receiving guiding at all?”
It was shocking words. I was startled and raised my head. Then I unconsciously moved close to the Research Director, and the truth that came was so shocking that I forgot whatever resolution I had made until now. Enough that all the thoughts in my head evaporated.
“What do you mean?!”
“Ha, do you finally feel like talking a bit? It’s exactly as I said. There’s research showing that the pain when an Esper loses guiding they were receiving is greater than the pain of not receiving guiding while searching for a Guide that matches them. Also the fact that the possibility of rampage is high.”
“That’s, that’s nonsense……”
“Shall I explain more easily? Because Guide Myeong Eunha hasn’t fulfilled your duty until now, Esper Do Ganghyun must have been suffering. Since if you’re C-grade, tertiary guiding would be essential.”
The Research Director’s words pierced deep into my heart. The momentum where I had so much strength in my hands that I seemed about to grab the Research Director’s collar completely crumbled in an instant. The answer I desperately wanted to hear and obtained with difficulty was only a wound.
The Research Director, who had been quietly looking down at me like this, added in a low, calm voice.
Somehow, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to refuse this secret proposal this time either.
“Sign the contract when I add even one more condition.”
‘Make sure to check carefully if there are no poison clauses this time.’ With those words, all conversation ended.
***
Time is relative. Like how Do Ganghyun, who is under disciplinary action and suffering from guiding depletion, feels a day is long, and the Research Director, who uses that time to accelerate clinical experiments, feels it’s short.
And for me, Myeong Eunha, time—.
“My puppy, it’s been a while.”
Passed so quickly that I wished this moment could be eternal.
“Grandmother!”
“You’ve lost so much weight in the meantime.”
I don’t know when exactly she regained consciousness, but Grandmother was leaning comfortably against the bed’s backrest, greeting me as I entered the hospital room.
As her condition deepened, she often fell asleep for days, so I was worried her mind might be unclear, but hearing her clearly look at me and call me ‘puppy’ and say it’s been a while, it seemed there was no need to worry.
“That’s because of you, Grandmother. You said you’d wake up right away……”
My throat naturally choked up. It was a voice I was hearing after more than a month—two months. This was the first time Grandmother had been unconscious for such a long time. I hadn’t been clinging to Grandmother’s treatment for nothing all this time.
‘I’ll come again tomorrow.’
That common greeting couldn’t become my last farewell with Grandmother, so I had been that desperate.
“Seeing you say that, I must have really slept for a long time this time.”
“Yes, very much so.”
‘Really a lot.’ I swallowed my following words and hugged Grandmother. It was a careful movement for rushing at her so intensely, but I couldn’t help it, thinking my small action might have some effect on Grandmother.
Especially since not long ago, in the deal with the Research Director, hadn’t I been trying to accept Grandmother’s end? Thinking about what would have happened if I had refused to extend the contract until the end made me shudder. It was exquisite for a coincidence, but it didn’t matter.
‘I don’t need to know the truth forever.’
I was just grateful for this moment right now when I could hear Grandmother’s voice again. That was the only way to express it. I had endured only for this time and caused so many things.
Pat pat.
Grandmother, who noticed my voice had turned to sobbing, soothed me with her rough touch. I could feel the coarse hands with deep calluses through my clothes. But that touch was gentler than any comfort or encouragement.
“Nothing happened, right?”
“……”
“Something did happen, I see. Anyway, Eunha, once you start something, you never stop in the middle.”
As expected, I couldn’t deceive Grandmother’s eyes. Even though she had been deeply ill and couldn’t stay by my side for a long time, she seemed to have penetrated many things with that brief silence.
That was partly because Grandmother had raised me with affection, feeding and clothing me, but also because of her experience and years of activity as a Guide.
Grandmother was someone who had been active as a Guide from the 1st generation. She was a figure who took the lead in providing power to Espers during a chaotic time in the world, and had participated in gate raids with a Guide’s body before order was even established. Now that the chaotic world had gradually entered a stable period and the government was functioning properly again, with Guides no longer participating in gate raids, she was also the only one among existing Guides who had a history of gate raids. Because numerous Guides had met their end inside gates.
So she had endured even after losing her husband and child. In despair, she was the one who found me left alone and had eyes that could see hope.
The fact that I manifested as a Guide at a late age and could endure so firmly despite being treated so harshly at the Center was largely thanks to Grandmother’s teachings. Even though she was looked down upon for confronting the government to inform about those who had fallen futilely, even though she was dying from losing her abilities as a Guide, her teachings, which never wavered an inch, were always right.
“You took exactly after your grandfather in that.”
Before I knew it, Grandmother had opened her mouth, immersed in reminiscence. It was as if she was drawing a longed-for face while looking at me. Keenly noticing this, I showed my tear-stained face without adding any particular words. I didn’t want to disturb Grandmother’s memory trip.
When recalling the past like this, Grandmother showed vitality with a face like a young girl. The anecdotes of family members she brought out one by one made warmth circulate in the cold hospital room. So I quite liked this time.
“He was timid beyond measure, yet couldn’t stand injustice and was someone who thought it was better to throw his own body instead.”
‘He looked at only one thing to the point of being foolish.’ Grandmother pressed down on my head firmly. That appearance seemed to recall some past incident, and also seemed to be interrogating me right in front of her.
“To the point of knowing only Grandmother?”
However, I smiled mischievously, pretending not to know.
Grandmother widened her eyes and observed me, then rarely smiled brightly like a girl from those days.
“Yes. He only knew me. Even though I thought it was frustrating, I really liked him like that.”
‘Because he never caused me trouble with guiding or women.’ I heard playful words following.
But I know. Grandmother didn’t choose Grandfather simply for such reasons. To Grandmother, Grandfather was someone who, even in the moment of looking at death from an illness of the heart, made her smile when she thought of him rather than blame him.
“Now shall I hear my puppy’s story?”
At that moment, Grandmother suddenly changed the subject.
Since I thought I had glossed over it well, I unconsciously flinched. Grandmother looked at me like that and lightly pulled my nose. Seeing her expression of ‘Gotcha, you rascal!’ I thought it would be absolutely impossible to beat Grandmother.
“Do Ganghyun, has that guy been tormenting you a lot?”
The question thrown out of the blue contained many meanings.
“……He hasn’t been tormenting me.”
“If he’s burned up my grandchild’s insides completely, that’s tormenting.”
I, who had quite a bit to feel guilty about, mumbled lowly and earnestly spoke in Do Ganghyun’s defense.
The problem was that I had considerably poor eloquence, so it had the opposite effect and Grandmother’s evaluation of Do Ganghyun fell even more. As someone so unsightly that I had to step forward and explain myself.
